An “on point” man has his shit together and doesn’t care about your investment portfolio, your education or your resume – he wants only to know if you are willing to pick up a bat and play on his team. Can a professional, educated Black female ever trust a man to lead?
Some men are hesitant to date a woman with children, and have a long list of reasons they feel such a relationship is more trouble than it’s worth. Recognizing their fears though, single Moms can approach the dating arena armed with knowledge and ready to deal with male fears head on!
Though somewhat surprised by the intensity of the debate on my article on The Black Church, I am not at all shocked at the shake up the article has caused. Always a maverick and unafraid of either contentious criticism or debate, who but Deb Cooper would have the gumption to question the motives of an institution held so dear by millions of Black people across the nation? After all, if one is an avid church-goer, how likely are you to question your church on your own?
Black women have an inordinate amount of faith in both Black men and Black churches. My position is that such blind and unwavering faith in either is misplaced. It is my belief that the Black church, structured around traditional gender roles which makes women submissive to and inferior to men, greatly limits females. Single Black women sitting in church every Sunday are being subtly brainwashed, soothed and placated into waiting without demand for what they want to magically come to them. The true reason that there are so many single, never married Black women in the United States is Black churches. Black women should abandon Black churches and focus more on themselves, their needs and those of their children than those of Black men or a religion which Black men use to castigate and control an entire race of women!
There are seven primary behavioral patterns which dictate the success or failure of a romantic partnership. To encourage honest communication, respectful treatment and unyielding commitment to your relationship, try following these seven suggestions.
I think it is important to note that statistics I am going to present apply only to those who self-identified in the last Census as just Black – not Black and Native American, not bi-racial, not a blend of three or more races like Tiger Woods with his Cablasian self. The “single never married” group of African Americans is close to 50% of the African American population. However, this statistical grouping also includes men. It also includes people that are gay or lesbian, that don’t want to get married EVER, those incarcerated that are not allowed to marry until their release, as well as those involved in a relationship that is not yet at the altar (engaged or living together).
Black women are tired of hearing Black men say that we are bitter, unhappy, or that we alone are responsible for the high numbers of single family homes and fatherless children. We’re not. Black women are tired of the bullshit, the blaming, the failure of men to step up to take responsibility for the mistakes they’ve made. We, just like women of other races, deserve to have a decent, loving, committed and honorable man in our arms. We deserve wonderful fathers for our children. We deserve to have respectful Black men be our husbands as well our lovers. Where are these men?
There are two kinds of women in this world – those that love to shop, and those that don’t. I have a friend (let’s call her Della which I borrowed from my Dell monitor), that loves shopping… the excitement of going from store to store, haggling for the best price at flea markets and outlet [...]
Women with low self-esteem make poor choices in men out of fearful desperation. Positive relationships with men begin with establishing positive relationships with ourselves. Women must stop allowing men to impact or control in any way their self image, and thereby damage or control their SELF esteem.
Can exes be friends? Sure they CAN, but what would be the point? Someone is just going to try to cock-block or get back in where you don’t want them to be, flip out with jealousy, or be all up in your business. When its over, let it be over and move on.
Though somewhat surprised by the intensity of the debate on my article on The Black Church, I am not at all shocked at the shake up the article has caused. Always a maverick and unafraid of either contentious criticism or debate, who but Deb Cooper would have the gumption to question the motives of an institution held so dear by millions of Black people across the nation? After all, if one is an avid church-goer, how likely are you to question your church on your own?
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An “on point” man has his shit together and doesn’t care about your investment portfolio, your education or your resume – he wants only to know if you are willing to pick up a bat and play on his team. Can a professional, educated Black female ever trust a man to lead?
Some men are hesitant to date a woman with children, and have a long list of reasons they feel such a relationship is more trouble than it’s worth. Recognizing their fears though, single Moms can approach the dating arena armed with knowledge and ready to deal with male fears head on!
Ladies, watch out for men that present themselves as saviors and advisors for Black women. They blame the black woman for the demise of the black community, sexual promiscuity, single parent homes, fatherless children and for everything negative they can think of when it comes to the breakdown in relations between black women and men without assigning any accountability to the black man.
Women write the “Dear Ms. HeartBeat” advice column frequently, seeking help understanding why their latest “relationship” went sour. Most times after digesting the facts, it’s clear as the nose on your face that there WAS no relationship at all. Therefore, the writer’s expectations of fidelity, commitment or involvement were totally misplaced. In other words, don’t get [...]
My advice to women is if you are with men who come from the intellectual ivory tower, mentality you may find someone who lacks feelings/emotions and ability to make emotional connections. They are emotionally walled off (to varying degrees some more than others). Depending on the severity of their emotional disconnect, they can break your heart as they never put the emotion into the relationship that you do. Women often feel drained dry.
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Males wondering why women don’t give them “the eye” or respond with interest to their presence might want to review their social skills and interactions with females. If you regularly start conversations with “Why aren’t you married?” or “So where is your husband tonight?” or “When’s the last time you had sex?” you probably won’t receive much positive attention from women. Dork.
Men with low self esteem can frequently be heard blaming other people (typically women), for their failures and shortcomings, refusing to take responsibility for their negative behaviors or lack of action. These Black men blame the demise of the Black family on Black women instead of themselves for leaving their children behind. This is why Black men blame pregnancies on Black women instead of themselves for not maintaining strict control over their sperm. This is why uneducated Black men are angry at educated Black women for having standards and expectations in a man that excludes them, as they don’t measure up.
The fathers’ rights movement focuses on trying to re-establish fathers’ authority and control over their children’s and ex-partners’ lives, on gaining an equality concerned with fathers’ ‘rights’ and status rather than the actual care of children, and on winding back legal and cultural changes which have lessened gender inequalities. Fathers’ rights groups are well-organised advocates for changes in family law, and vocal opponents of feminist perspectives and achievements on interpersonal violence.
So you meet a Black man that has good credit, an education, owns a home, and has a viable and legal source of income. He hasn’t been in prison and he is looking for a wife. Perfect, right? Well… he considers himself to be “on point” and therefore, superior to other men. Part of his belief [...]
Following on the heels of recent interviews with CNN, The Tom Joyner Morning Show, Michael Eric Dyson, Inner Light Radio, and a dozen other media outlets, Cooper asks again: Is the church truly meeting the needs of Black women or is it a drain on female energy and resources? Why are so many church going Black women on their knees for years and years, praying and waiting for a husband that never comes?
Love and females – how women deal with love, what love means to women, and the trouble women get into when they put their love of someone else in front of their love for themselves. Some women will go to any lengths to “protect” their man. Fighting, lying, criminal acts are included in some of [...]
Some singles are so anxious for love they rush into commitments with people they really don’t know much about. The older and wiser I get, the more I’ve come to realize the importance of taking the time to assess the personality, health history and attitudes of potential mates with a critical eye to their genetics. Why? Because stupidity is carried in the genes!
My working definition of codependency is anyone involved with someone else that worries more in a role where they take care of that person and worry more about that person’s needs, wants, feelings and actions than they do their own. Aren’t women deemed to be better wives, mothers and human beings when they behave in a codependent manner and condemned as selfish bitches when they have firm boundaries?
Jealousy is considered to a normal reaction to a perceived threat. The problem is that some see a threat where none exists. Is your reaction to jealousy normal or out of control?
Last week ABC’s Nightline presented a panel discussion which addressed the reasons why professional, educated Black women aren’t married like White women are. The focus of the non-professional panelists were the reasons why Black men felt Black women didn’t know how to get and keep a man. Marriage is basically a bullshit mind game played on women for generations. Until a woman is married and gets first hand experience, most women do not understand that being a free maid, cook, breeding stock and social secretary is not a goal to strive to achieve. Marriage is for suckas!
I saw the most beautiful thing on my way home today. I was walking in the village and I passed by three young caucasian ladies walking and one was pushing a baby carriage, I briefly glanced inside the carriage as I passed them and saw a little brown baby boy kicking and laughing. The baby [...]
Nice guys don’t understand that emotions and relationships are not about logic, reason and what makes sense! Relationships are about what you do and what you say, and how what you do and what you say MAKES WOMEN FEEL.
Guest contributor Robert Monroe and columnist Deborrah Cooper debate the issue of women approaching and asking out a man that may not have noticed her or that may be too shy or afraid to take the first step. Though society has changed in many ways, what makes women feel loved and female expectations of male assertiveness remain unchanged. With that in mind, should women approach and ask men out on dates?
When you’ve invested time, energy and emotions into a relationship, it can be quite a challenge to let it go even when its not working. Avoid unnecessary heartbreak and stop wasting time in dead-end relationships. Here are advice columnist Deborrah Cooper’s top 10 warning signs which indicate a “crash and burn” may be in your future!
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