Don’t Be Dumb by Falling for the Baby Momma Okey Doke

. 09/22/2010 . 35 Comments

What is it that makes young Black women so eager to become a baby momma, sacrificing their freedom, opportunities, education and life goals to have babies for fools?  Why do so many Black females think having a baby out of wedlock is cute and something they need to do?

Yeah, I know 75% or more of Black children are being raised in single parent homes. And lots of the young women having babies now are represented in that sad statistic. So you might think that since everyone else is doing it, it’s okay for you to do, too.  One thing I learned from my parents is to never ever do anything just because other people are doing it. Why? Because most people are stupid, and if you follow blindly after them, you’ll end up being stupid too.

Young women get caught up in the fantasy fairy tale of family life as they see it on television – two parents living happily with their children all under one roof.  Many of the female children growing up today did so without knowing or having a close relationship with their fathers; these teen girls are hungry for male attention, recognition, and of course, love.

So the first male that comes into their life and promises to fulfill that void is met with open arms.  If he says the magic words “I love you” followed by “Have my baby so we can be a family” sandwiched with “I’ll take care of you I promise” you think you have finally met the man that will make your sitcom dreams come true.

In reality if he really wanted to be with you, and have a child, and take care of both you and his child as a family man should, he would be doing things an entirely different way.  A man that loves and respects you does not play the Desperately Dumb Baby Momma Okey Doke game.  You’ll know you’re in the game when your man does any of the following:

The Desperately Dumb
Baby Momma Okey Doke Game

Argues for sex without a condom though neither of you has been HIV tested and he knows you aren’t on birth control pills or the patch.
Repeatedly badgers you to “have my baby!”  When you say “no, I want to be married before I have children,” he replies: “we don’t need to be married… marriage is just a piece of paper anyway!”  He wants what he wants and completely ignores your morals and values.
Tells you that a baby is a blessing from God and that since he is a Christian man he does not believe in abortion, but totally ignores the fact that he is fornicating with a female that is not his wife and whom he has no intention of marrying.
Tries to be slick and get you into sexual positions where you don’t notice that he has taken off the condom, focusing on his goal to get you pregnant no matter what you want.
Insists that if you loved him, you would prove it by having his baby. May wonder aloud about how a baby created by the two of you would look to see if he can get you caught up in the fantasy.
Tells you that things will be different with you vs. his other baby’s momma and child (that he makes no effort to see or support) because “that bitch is crazy!”
Threatens to leave you if you don’t agree to bareback (sex without a condom) “because I can’t feel it” or “it doesn’t feel right with a condom on” or “let me just put it in for awhile then I’ll put the condom on”.  Then the pressure begins to “have a baby for me” claiming that is the only way for you to show him that your love is real.  May tell you that if you don’t do it, others will.

What many of you just don’t seem to get is that there is a certain segment of the male population that doesn’t care about you in the least. They are full of trickery and game, much of which is focused on manipulating women into giving them what they want. These guys are some of the world’s best liars. To this type you are nothing but the means to an end – something to be used to gain the upper hand… the advantage.  Your comfort, security or health are not of the least concern.

Many of these guys will intentionally go after the female that has the best and brightest future – the 4.0 GPA student, the hottest girl with the banging body that all the guys want to get at, the spunky leader of some civic organization, the sheltered square on the fast track to graduate school and “a gang of money” in the future. If your family has a bit of change, you are probably on the hit list of many opportunists.  This type of  guy will try his hardest to get his hooks into you by making you pregnant with his baby.

(continued on page 2)

Deborrah

Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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