The True Path to a Man’s Heart
People say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Others say it is through his penis. However both are wrong. You must capture a man’s imagination and taunt him with possibilities while frustrating him and denying him satisfaction at the same time. Getting and keeping a man’s attention requires a complete change in thought processes for women.
What is the Way to a Man’s Heart?
The real way to a man’s heart is to be a total bitch. Men secretly love women that challenge them in every way imaginable and don’t really pay them much mind. They like that “fight for it” feeling… where they have to do work to “win her over.” Men enjoy having to prove themselves worthy of your time and attention. If it comes too easy, to them it has no value. Put them off, don’t be the least bit bothered until you feel like it. Then when you give him some small pittance of recognition, he will be ecstatic with joy at having “succeeded.”
Sadly, most women roll over and give up a smile, their heart and everything else they have to give at the drop of a dime. You worry about whether or not he likes you and wants to be with you, instead of thinking about how he needs to be showing you something before you consent to even go out with him. You all that are no challenge at all are totally boring to men within a few months.
Don’t you all notice how the drama causing females have men falling all over them? That is because most men are boring and do the same damn things in and out every day. Especially during basketball and football season, OMG! Men generally live boring, mundane lives of quiet desperation, and they look for the woman in their life to provide them with mental, physical and emotional stimulation.
Baking their favorite cookies, buying lingerie, learning new sex positions every damn week and listening to him whine about his job does not count.
Be a bitch instead!
Tell men “no!” at every possible opportunity. Say “no!” sometimes just because its sunny outside – you don’t need a reason! And conjugate the verb with “HELL” and “FUCK” and “HELLTOTHE” and “MUTHAFUCKA I SAID” and “YOU MUST BE OUT YO RABID ASS MIND” etc. for extra emphasis and stimulating romantic entertainment value.
When he wants you to do him a favor, look at him crazy and tell him to get it or do it his damn self since he posed to be THE MAN and all. Tell him to bring you something back too.
When he complains that he is hungry ask him “WTF YOU THINK I AM GONNA DO ABOUT IT, I AIN’T YA MAMA!”
If he wants you to fix him a plate, tell him that he has it twisted and neither Betty Crocker nor Mabel lives here. Fix your own plate and sit down and start eating. Remind him that since you were nice enough to cook, he is on trash, dishes and sweeping and mopping duty cause you like your kitchen cleaned every night.
If he starts whining about sex, ask him when he is going to learn some new tricks. Tell him he really ought to read some books and learn a few new bedroom tricks because his shit is getting boring. Tell him when he has something exciting to do that you will be happy to join him in bed.
And if he says “why don’t you love me?” Tell him “I do, you just don’t appreciate my style of loving because you are too emotional. Why can’t you be logical and reasonable about our relationship like I am!”
He will complain but secretly he’ll love it because you talk shit to him and he finds it to be wildly stimulating. When a woman talks shit to a man, it makes his dick hard. All of the above behaviors will make him crazy with passion for you. He will chase you to the ends of the earth and never want to leave your side.
Originally published Sept 8, 2010
Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Category: Dating Advice, Women's Issues
@What A Black Man Thinks that was extremely rude! as far as I’m concerned, she meant not being a pushover and taking crap from a guy just because you love/care for him. You don’t have to act like a hood-rat to get your point across, but obviously women’s attitudes can’t be in-between to you. The world isn’t black and white, with extreme absolutes. Having a backbone doesn’t make you attract thugs, you have to actually go for them.
My opinion to the true path to a man’s heart is a consistent balance of being nice nasty.
Well you’re opinion is wrong! That is not the path to a man’s heart, that is how you end up getting fucked over by a thug.
This is complete nonsense. I would quickly dismiss any notion of any relationship notion with a woman acting like this! All you will get is an argumentative drama filled relationship. I have NEVER seen one successful relationship operating like this, and I know a lot of them.
That is what YOU think. In reality men act like this with women all the time, and you all consider that to be a great relationship! You may not say the words, but your BEHAVIORS show that you are doing the exact same things that you call “complete nonsense.” In essence, a woman is taking care of herself, demanding that the man be a fair and equal participant in the relationship, not giving him outs or filling in the blanks for him, and she is not gonna take his simple shit either. Now if you feel that is complete nonsense, good for you. I know a lot of successful relationships too, and the women put those niggas in check and keep them there and the men respect and admire their women for doing it. Since I see a lot more relationships than you do, and plenty of them that DO fit this bill, we will just acknowledge that your experience with the inner workings of intimate relationships is less than adequate while mine is vastly superior to most mere humans.
Deborrah,
I don’t know how much of your article is tongue in cheek, but at the end of the day, you are right. Women need to know their own worth. We are so quick to give a man everything he wants because we have been taught “if you don’t do it, he’ll find someone who will”. I’ve always felt, if my not cooking would send him into the arms of another woman, he wasn’t ‘mine’ anyway!
Men like the chase, if you are ready and available every time he wants to see you, it won’t take long for the thrill to be gone. Allow a man to MISS you for a minute. Stop being so willing to drop everything you are doing just because a man finally decides to call you. Stop accepting calls and visits after a decent hour (for me, it’s ten pm). Have standards and a good man will meet them.
I hate to see women who will drop her friends as soon as they hook up with a guy. That friend will be the one you will need to bitch to when he’s done with you, so keep her close. All that said, I don’t think that you have to be abrasive or be a bitch on wheels to get your point across. You can still be that magnificent black woman who earns respect because she gives it. I don’t like to resort to stereotypical, neck ringing black woman antics because that’s not me. I use language to convey my thoughts and I’m confident that he understands the situation once we are done.
If women will learn how to be by themselves, to enjoy their own company, to be brave and tenacious, then they will learn that men are just desserts, not the whole meal. We can live without them if a push came to a shove. It’s lovely to live with them when we are honored and treasured, but we have to demand and command that respect.
Nowhere did I say you had to work your neck or be a bitch on wheels. And what women have been trained to see as abrasive, men view as everyday communication style. So again, your reservations are all about female socialization to be sweet and gentle and kind and ladylike and to talk to men in a way that shows respect then you will get respect.
Ha!
That is the biggest fantasy in the world that women have been taught. Women that show men respect for no reason other than he is a male will ALWAYS be the ones that get dogged out in the end. Men need to prove themselves worthy of your respect. Sure you can be generally courteous to old people, men and strangers, but RESPECT that a woman gives her man must always be earned.
Using language is exactly what I am saying a woman should do. But women need to use different WORDS. Men understand what you say, but 99% of communication with men is how you say it. Tossing in a few muthafuckas here and there gets their attention and you can then be confident he understands the situation once you are done. You being all nice and sweetie pie all the time won’t get it. What you say will go in one ear and out the other.
Wow, you read a lot into what I was saying. Stop being so reactionary and thinking everyone is against you….because guess what? We’re not. Well, I can only speak for myself. I don’t disagree with your points. I disagree with how one gets their point across. I am not going to burst a blood vessel to get my point across. If I have to get that worked up to get my man straight, he is NOT the man for me.
That was my point. So, please do not get it twisted. You have a right to your opinion and so do I. We can both want the same thing, but we have a different way of achieving it. It doesn’t make you right or me wrong and vice versa. I respect everyone’s method of getting the job done. And please do not presume to think that you know me or my stance on feminism. I have been a feminist for 41 years, since the age of 12 and I have gone through the angry feminist phase. It’s all hype and unnecessary and only serves to raise your blood pressure.
There are men out there who will listen. You don’t have to clown and act up in order for them to do what is right. If you can’t find a man like that, then it’s time to look elsewhere. However, I do not believe I have to curse someone out to get my point across. That is not communication to me and like I said before if it comes down to my having to blow up to get a man to do right…who’s the fool?
I wish women would stop being so quick to try to pigeonhole other women who have a different method of achieving a goal. The world is big enough for more than one opinion. And though we may disagree with each other’s technique, I will never disrespect you.
Amen. Thanks Ms. King! I totally agree. Mutual respect runs the distance. Reminds me, my mother has that type of quiet strength and poise (like water but still a rock). She and my father have been married 40 years. Whenever they disagreed or she was upset about something she didn’t curse or “get crazy” but still got her point across to him or us for that matter. With poise she said what she had to say and that’s that and we all knew she was not playing.
Unfortunately, humility gets confused as being a passive or weak woman. Yet, it’s one of the most difficult virtues to discipline. Anyone can get belligerent. I strive to be a lady about mines too and convey this attitude in my personal relationships and business dealings b/c there is a marked difference between demanding respect and commanding it. Besides, I think men who like being talked down to are those lacking a healthy self-esteem.
I hope you have the same positive views on men who make women wait, demand and command respect, see you as just desserts, not the whole meal and have the mentality that we can live without you. Otherwise, you are a hypocrite. And the last thing women need is to bitch at other single women about their relationships. What the fuck kind of logic is that?
@What A Black Man Thinks My job is to bitch at other women about their relationships. You don’t like it, then stay out of it. You are not a woman and therefore need to see your way out of the conversation I have with OTHER WOMEN. No one cares what you think.
Wow! I think this is completely true. I hear too, too many complaining about the woman in their lives – unsupportive, argumentative, confrontational, etc. There are TOO many of them complaining for this to be a coincidence there is some definite logic in what you are saying.
Deb, I am definitely going to try this. I have been the sweet and supportive girlfriend for way to long and I’m tired. HELL TO THE FUCK NO! Not anymore. Deb, loved the article. Thanks so much.
And it’s going to fail! No real man will tolerate that shit.
@What A Black Man Thinks When males think their opinion applies to every single male in the world they always preface it with what a “real” man will do. Chile please. You don’t know what a real man would or would not do, since you don’t date men. Women do. What men show other men and tell other men about what they will and will not take is not what is done behind closed doors. You don’t have the faintest idea what you are talking about.