Better Dating Relationships: Before You Ask the Question, The Answer is NO!

| 01/01/2012 | Comments (0)

Dating has taken a very strange turn the last 15 or so years. People are confused not only about dating terminology, but the intentions of the individuals they meet. I mean, how do you know if someone is really interested in getting to know you when they call and say “let’s hang out!”

Does that mean we are going on a special date that has romantic overtones and hopes for more in the future, or does that mean two buddies getting together to play video games? What does that really mean? And what about “let’s hook up!” Do you mean get together and have fun, or do you mean hook up and have uncommitted recreational sex?

Dating in 2012 can be very confusing, but the games men play with women’s heads haven’t changed in 5000 years. To escape the dating maze, I suggest that you tell all men early on “before you even get your lips fixed to ask that stupid question, the answer is “no!”

 

Indecipherable Communication

To add to the confusion, men avoid direct and clear communication by sending mixed messages. He says he wants to get to know you better and is looking for a serious relationship. But he calls you only after 11:00 p.m. He wants you to stay on the phone with him for hours when you need to get rest because your alarm goes off at 6:15. A tired woman is a vulnerable woman.

It starts with vague answers to direct questions. He uses lots of words, but never really provides you with concrete information. For instance, you ask if he is single – a question that really only has two answer yes or no. Instead he begins a monologue about why do we have to have titles, labels… why can’t there be freedom… marriage is nothing but a piece of paper anyway. At the end of his song and dance, you still don’t know if he is single. This is a very common game that Black men play all the time.

Usually, they are charming, witty, fun guys that find a way to sexualize everything you say with jokes and innuendo. Others are bold enough to come right out and ask you what kind of underwear and lingerie you like to wear and what your favorite sexual positions are.


 

If you express distaste, he will justify his errant miscreant behavior by challenging you to grow up. Typical lines are “baby we’re both adults here, we know what this is all about!” or “I’m not about games and I thought you were past playing like a child.” In other words, he flips things around so that you feel responsible for not being comfortable answering his inappropriate questions. In reality you should be digging directly and deeply in his ass for even talking to you that way.

He may text frequently and calls a lot to keep your mind focused on him. As a matter of fact, he texts and calls all of his woman a lot to keep them focused on him. He is running the “date by phone” game, which establishes in women a false sense of security and a belief that you know him better than you actually do. Though he hasn’t gotten off his ass to take you out on a date yet, he has no problem hinting around about coming over to “hang out” at your place and “chill out” watching movies on your cable television and eating up your food. Lots of women say “okay” because they feel that they’ve spent time with him that they’ve never actually spent.

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Deborrah

Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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Category: Date Smarter, Not Harder

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