The Black Church: How Black Churches Keep African American Women Single and Lonely
Black women have an inordinate amount of faith in both Black men and Black churches. My position is that such blind and unwavering faith in either is misplaced. It is my belief that the Black church, structured around traditional gender roles which makes women submissive to and inferior to men, greatly limits females. Single Black women sitting in church every Sunday are being subtly brainwashed, soothed and placated into waiting without demand for what they want to magically come to them. Who is doing this to Black women? The male standing at the front of the Church in the role of spiritual leader, that’s who!
This man is a prime example of the true reason that there are so many single, never married Black women in the United States – Black churches. Black women should abandon Black churches and focus more on themselves, their needs and those of their children than those of Black men or a religion which Black men use to castigate and control an entire race of women.
Single Black Females in Church
Black females have long been considered the backbone of the Black community and the cornerstone of their families and churches. But what is the real price Black women have paid to wear this crown of fool’s gold?
An examination of any congregation of the average Black church shows that single Black females fill the pews. Results of a recent study “African Americans and Religion” by the PEW Research Center’s Forum on Religion and Public Life found that “African Americans are markedly more religious on a variety of measures than the U.S. population as a whole.”
Almost 90% of Black Americans express “absolutely certain belief in God” compared to just over 70% of the total U.S. population. Two other important statistics gleaned from this survey: (1) 80% of Black Americans report that religion is “very important” in their lives as compared to 57% of the general U.S. population; and (2) 55% of Black Americans report that they “interpret scripture literally” as compared to 32% of the general U.S. population.
The PEW study also reported that “Men are significantly more likely than women to claim no religious affiliation. Nearly one-in-five men say they have no formal religious affiliation, compared with roughly 13% of women.”
The survey shows a distinct correlation between religion and social attitudes amongst African Americans. “African Americans who are more religiously observant (as defined by frequency of worship service attendance and the importance of religion in their lives), are more likely to oppose abortion and homosexuality, and more likely to report higher levels of conservative ideology.”
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This article is SOOOOOOOOO on time!!! You are the first person I’ve ever known of (especially a black female) that has the strength or nerve to speak out against the Black church. I commend you Deborrah. Why Black women don’t understand their history or know that Christianity is the slave master religion we were taught to keep us under control is amazing to me.
This article disturbs me because there are so many misperceptions that are presented as truth.
1) “A church is nothing but a building…” Throughout the New Testament in the Bible, God refers to the church as a body of believers; those who have accepted Christ and are now willing to fulfill the Great Commission while here on earth.
2) “Going to church is a waste of time…” and “…women that remain single are deemed to have some major flaw in attitude or ability…” You make the assumption that the only reason a single, black woman goes to church is to find a man. While this may be true for some misguided women out there, many of us attend worship services (not, “go to church”) for the purposes of worship and fellowship. In fact, in 1 Corinthians 7:8-10, Paul encourages Christians to stay single since so much more can be accomplished within ministry. If single women are deemed flawed, this a worldly standard, not a biblical one.
3) “…if a young, handsome, strapping man is in church every Sunday, there is something wrong with him…” This just sounds like bitterness being taken out on our black men. While there is some truth to there being all types of men attending church, I find it disheartening that a woman who seems set on advancing the power of black women, would take it upon herself to totally strip our black men of their pride and dignity. This statement is a disgrace to those black men who have chosen to follow Christ for the sake of their own salvation. When was the last time you actually attended a worship service to see these men for yourself? Secondary research can only tell you so much…
4) Equating submissiveness with passivity – You assume that submission means that all Christian wives will be barefoot and pregnant, without a mind of their own. Let me just list a few of the women in the Bible who were anything but:
Deborah (your namesake) – prophetess and only female judge of Old Testament Israel. Her name means “fiery spirit,” and it was ONLY after Deborah agreed to accompany him, did Barak agree to battle the Canaan leader’s army.
Esther – queen of Persia who singlehandedly saved her people from genocide through wisdom and courage.
Ruth – chose to honor her mother-in-law by staying with her, and because of her actions, eventually became the great-grandmother of King David, whose genealogical line is directly related to Christ
Proverbs 31 woman – the standard many Christian women wish to uphold. Yes, she takes care of her family, but she is also a businesswoman, a woman of social responsibility, and a respected woman of society. It is because of her that her husband is recognized within the city, not the other way around.
I know that I’ve used scripture to back me up, and I don’t expect you to lend much credibility to that; but you have your research, and I have mine. After reading this article, my prayer is that you don’t discourage too many women out there who are striving to live a life for Christ with such a close-minded point of view. The next time such a general assumption is made about black women and the church, try talking to those of us who are actually single, black, female, and living our lives for Christ and not for those in the world who think they know what we need.
Reading comprehension problems abound here as well.
#1 I said “a church is nothing but a building; what makes it a place of spiritual growth are the people that come into the building.” So why even bring that up when you agree with me? You’re confused about what you read.
#2 How you interpreted those two things to mean that is the only reason women go to church defies logic or reason. When women stay single (as has been frequently reported in the media), the implication is that more Black women are single (than White women) because black men prefer other races, or that black men feel we are too angry, bitter, gold diggers, baby’s mommas, etc. In other words, something is wrong with a woman that is still single. Black men love to throw that in women’s faces too “that’s why YOU’RE SINGLE!” Like I said, women get mixed messages and on one hand told to be married and to pray for a husband, then now you say told to be single and serve some fonky church.
And I hate how you Christian women want to hold yourself up as something better than other women. Calling a woman “misguided” because she wants a husband in her faith is twisted and judgmental.
#3 If a man is not one of the 4 types I described, then he falls into the 2% of guys that are at church, completely hetereosexual, not weird, and looking for a wife. Those men are in the minority which is why when one walks through the doors of any church, women pounce on him like raw meat in a lion’s den!
#4 You read a lot into things that are not there which again makes me question your reading skills. I never said anything about a woman being barefoot and pregnant. I am relating my submissiveness strictly to the single women in churches following their pastor’s mandate re: staying there to look for a man, praying on it, and giving all their money and free time to his ass.
Although I agree with a lot of what you have said here, my issue is that many – both men and women – can’t afford to blindly follow anything, including church of any color or denomination. Black churches alone are not to blame for this but laziness! Many go to church and depend on the “men” behind the pulpit to give them step by step directions to every aspect of their life. That is NOT how God intended it. When we go to church, we are to trust the man/woman of God to guide and direct them to scriptures, teach us how to pray, develop a relationship with God for ourselves, etc. Even Jesus said that man cannot live by bread alone, but from every word out of the mouth of God. If you have a relationship with God for yourself, then you know how to eat the meat and throw away the bones.
You might be called a rebel, you might be seen as a loner, or whatever but God should be the leading and guiding force behind all of us who consider ourselves people of faith. Men/women have faults just like we do and if you solely relay on their understanding of what they have read and studied, then you are in trouble from the beginning.
There are a lot of reasons that so many black women have never been married, and the church may be one of the ingredents, however our attitude, willingness to compromise, maturity, willingness to deal and create unnecessary drama, the what about me issues, and on and on. It’s easy to blame the church, but the church can only teach what it knows! What about the other aspects of the woman’s life?
The Bible says “study to shew THYSELF approved unto GOD!” Before we start blaming the church, spend some quiet time with God so that HE can mold, shape, and instruct us on the women that we were called to be in HIM, not who our girlfriends, mother, father, or even our pastor thinks we ought to be!
Peace!.
I read the article, and was a little overwhelmed. I believe to solely pin an article siting the Black Church exclusively involves an improper stereotype since we have not been privy to all Black churches.
Properly taught husbands and wives accomplish an extraordinary amount together by submitting and serving one another. And because we are spirit beings, we serve God!!!! Serving is a sign of strength, not weakness.
While I understand that my head is not in the sand and I acknowledge that there is manipulation that goes on in churches, it also goes on in every facet of life that you find human beings. I am a father of a young adult who serves and loves God, my wife and I encourage her to be well rounded in every area of her life. Having a proper balance. I believe that the article should have the same tone; (Proper Balance). The black church is filled with save brothers who honor woman and are extremely successful and are awesome fathers. There is always two sides to every story.
For every sister that agrees with your article, there is another sister that disagrees. The objective to life is love and serve each other and we won’t need room for selfless or selfishness.
The church that I attend is running over with single black females who are desiring a mate some day. and because these women out number the men in my church to the 3rd power they sometimes find themselves cheating with the married men in the church. I don’t think that Ms. Cooper is sayin forget GOD and the Church. She is clearly stating that women in the church often find themselves waiting for 10 to 20 years waiting on Mr. Right to come through the church doors and their Mr. Right my never come through the church doors.
As a faithful church goer, I agree with your article. As a younger member of a church my odds of finding someone to marry and mate with are slim in that setting. 50 women to 1 man does not work for me. And yes, many, not all, but many of the faithful attending men have issues or wives that bring them. We must go beyond the walls of the church to allow that man to find us and make a connection. And you are correct in saying, what healthy, stable, and emotionally healthy man is going to be beat down verbally by a book and a pastor each week?! I love my church and love going but I am not too blind to realize that I need to look beyond it to find my mate! Thanks for the article!
You are a perfect example of the balanced thinking I promoted for Black women on the Tom Joyner show. Smart young lady with a brain that she is using. YOU GO!
I agree with most parts of the article. I love God but I don’t regularly attend church. I think too that most people put waaayy too much on emphasis on going to church but God is and lives within us. My wife goes every Sunday and gets mad when I don’t then she comes home and tries to make me feel bad because I didn’t go, says that I am going to hell,etc.. I am happy everyday but my wife is most always tense or in a bad mood. I always ask the Sunday morning Christians how they think God felt about the way the lived the other 6 days of the week. People quote recite scripture well but can’t tell you what the scripture meant. Organized religion really keeps people mostly confused. My wife and I often argue about church, I believe the basis of religion is one having a personal relationship with the Lord, not your pastor or church members. My wife and others tell me that just because they to they get a blessing or they are more spiritually connected than I am and that’s not true, I know where I stand with Him, they think they know where they stand but they really are not sure!!