#1 I said “a church is nothing but a building; what makes it a place of spiritual growth are the people that come into the building.” So why even bring that up when you agree with me? You’re confused about what you read.

#2 How you interpreted those two things to mean that is the only reason women go to church defies logic or reason. When women stay single (as has been frequently reported in the media), the implication is that more Black women are single (than White women) because black men prefer other races, or that black men feel we are too angry, bitter, gold diggers, baby’s mommas, etc. In other words, something is wrong with a woman that is still single. Black men love to throw that in women’s faces too “that’s why YOU’RE SINGLE!” Like I said, women get mixed messages and on one hand told to be married and to pray for a husband, then now you say told to be single and serve some fonky church.

And I hate how you Christian women want to hold yourself up as something better than other women. Calling a woman “misguided” because she wants a husband in her faith is twisted and judgmental.

#3 If a man is not one of the 4 types I described, then he falls into the 2% of guys that are at church, completely hetereosexual, not weird, and looking for a wife. Those men are in the minority which is why when one walks through the doors of any church, women pounce on him like raw meat in a lion’s den!

#4 You read a lot into things that are not there which again makes me question your reading skills. I never said anything about a woman being barefoot and pregnant. I am relating my submissiveness strictly to the single women in churches following their pastor’s mandate re: staying there to look for a man, praying on it, and giving all their money and free time to his ass.

1) “A church is nothing but a building…” Throughout the New Testament in the Bible, God refers to the church as a body of believers; those who have accepted Christ and are now willing to fulfill the Great Commission while here on earth.

2) “Going to church is a waste of time…” and “…women that remain single are deemed to have some major flaw in attitude or ability…” You make the assumption that the only reason a single, black woman goes to church is to find a man. While this may be true for some misguided women out there, many of us attend worship services (not, “go to church”) for the purposes of worship and fellowship. In fact, in 1 Corinthians 7:8-10, Paul encourages Christians to stay single since so much more can be accomplished within ministry. If single women are deemed flawed, this a worldly standard, not a biblical one.

3) “…if a young, handsome, strapping man is in church every Sunday, there is something wrong with him…” This just sounds like bitterness being taken out on our black men. While there is some truth to there being all types of men attending church, I find it disheartening that a woman who seems set on advancing the power of black women, would take it upon herself to totally strip our black men of their pride and dignity. This statement is a disgrace to those black men who have chosen to follow Christ for the sake of their own salvation. When was the last time you actually attended a worship service to see these men for yourself? Secondary research can only tell you so much…

4) Equating submissiveness with passivity – You assume that submission means that all Christian wives will be barefoot and pregnant, without a mind of their own. Let me just list a few of the women in the Bible who were anything but:

Deborah (your namesake) – prophetess and only female judge of Old Testament Israel. Her name means “fiery spirit,” and it was ONLY after Deborah agreed to accompany him, did Barak agree to battle the Canaan leader’s army.

Esther – queen of Persia who singlehandedly saved her people from genocide through wisdom and courage.

Ruth – chose to honor her mother-in-law by staying with her, and because of her actions, eventually became the great-grandmother of King David, whose genealogical line is directly related to Christ

Proverbs 31 woman – the standard many Christian women wish to uphold. Yes, she takes care of her family, but she is also a businesswoman, a woman of social responsibility, and a respected woman of society. It is because of her that her husband is recognized within the city, not the other way around.

I know that I’ve used scripture to back me up, and I don’t expect you to lend much credibility to that; but you have your research, and I have mine. After reading this article, my prayer is that you don’t discourage too many women out there who are striving to live a life for Christ with such a close-minded point of view. The next time such a general assumption is made about black women and the church, try talking to those of us who are actually single, black, female, and living our lives for Christ and not for those in the world who think they know what we need.

You might be called a rebel, you might be seen as a loner, or whatever but God should be the leading and guiding force behind all of us who consider ourselves people of faith. Men/women have faults just like we do and if you solely relay on their understanding of what they have read and studied, then you are in trouble from the beginning.

There are a lot of reasons that so many black women have never been married, and the church may be one of the ingredents, however our attitude, willingness to compromise, maturity, willingness to deal and create unnecessary drama, the what about me issues, and on and on. It’s easy to blame the church, but the church can only teach what it knows! What about the other aspects of the woman’s life?

The Bible says “study to shew THYSELF approved unto GOD!” Before we start blaming the church, spend some quiet time with God so that HE can mold, shape, and instruct us on the women that we were called to be in HIM, not who our girlfriends, mother, father, or even our pastor thinks we ought to be!

Peace!.

Properly taught husbands and wives accomplish an extraordinary amount together by submitting and serving one another. And because we are spirit beings, we serve God!!!! Serving is a sign of strength, not weakness.

While I understand that my head is not in the sand and I acknowledge that there is manipulation that goes on in churches, it also goes on in every facet of life that you find human beings. I am a father of a young adult who serves and loves God, my wife and I encourage her to be well rounded in every area of her life. Having a proper balance. I believe that the article should have the same tone; (Proper Balance). The black church is filled with save brothers who honor woman and are extremely successful and are awesome fathers. There is always two sides to every story.

For every sister that agrees with your article, there is another sister that disagrees. The objective to life is love and serve each other and we won’t need room for selfless or selfishness.