When Fun Turns into Sexual Assault a Good Time is Not Had by All

| 07/25/2012 | Comments (0)

 

To have a more complete picture of this case, it makes sense to read more than one article on the story. From following the case the past year, I am convinced that a sexual assault did occur on the night in question in spite of the flat denials of many African Americans. I’m suspicious because I can see no other reason for Yayi Janneh the other guy the victims accused in the attack, to flee investigation and possible prosecution for the past two years.

Despite his denials of guilt, I’m also sure that the two girls picked the right guy from the photo line-up. They recognized him from the bar where he spoke to them and invited them to the party. They recognized him again when they arrived at the party, since he’d invited them. There is evidence that he texted one of the girls after the party.  It is totally believable that after interacting with him numerous times that evening that the two girls would be able to recognize his face with their eyes and his voice with their ears, even if they couldn’t see him. There is no doubt in my mind that he is guilty of the behavior he is charged with.

Men need to learn when a girl says no that is what she means.  Women will communicate “no!” in many ways that might include

  • Turning her head when you try to kiss her
  • Moving away from you when you try to touch her
  • Pushing your hand off her when you grab her
  • Frowning when you talk about sex
  • Frowning when you try to touch her
  • Moving to the other side of the room away from you
  • Looking around for an escape route scared of you
  • Walking or running away from you
  • Too drunk to walk or run away from you
  • When she is confused or passed out from the drugs you slipped her
  • Crying
  • Putting her head down and not looking at you
  • Trembling and shaking
  • Refusing to take off her clothes
  • Saying “NO!”
  • Shaking her head “no!”
  • Saying “STOP!”
  • Saying “LEAVE ME ALONE!”
  • Saying “I DON’T WANT TO!”
  • Trying to push you off her
  • Saying “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
  • Saying “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?”
  • Saying “YOU’RE HURTING ME!”
  • Locking herself in the bathroom to get away from you
  • Screaming
  • Saying “HELP! SOMEBODY HELP ME!”
  • Just lying there like a dead fish showing total disinterest and lack of consent

When a woman says “NO!” or does anything that indicates she is not receptive to what you are doing to her or want to do to her, that means get your ass up and get on. Anything you do of a sexual nature after she says the word “NO!” or exhibits “NO!” behaviour means you are sexually assaulting her. 

“No!” does not mean “yes” in any language but Stupidmanese.

Don’t try to convince her, pressure her, beg or whine or “get her in the mood” by pawing on her and kissing her.  Don’t try to get her to “have a drink and relax!” Don’t slip drugs into her food or drinks. Don’t threaten her with what she better do or else. She said no the first time, asshole! That’s the end of it. Anything else is termed “coercion” (which is rape), or out and out felony sexual battery and assault.

Remember fellas, if a woman gives in to you and has sex due to pressure or fear that you will hurt her, kill her, or won’t let her go if she doesn’t do what you want, you have still raped her.

Even if her clothes aren’t torn and she isn’t bleeding, you have still raped her.

If you block her path and won’t let her out of a room, even though you haven’t touched her, and she lays down and has sex so she can leave, you have still raped her.

no means no dammit no is a complete sentence no assaultsNo means no. Nada. Niet. Non. Nein. Nope.

The deal is that many black men and women don’t want to hear the realities of rape until it’s THEIR DAUGHTER, oh then folks get a whole new unnastandin’!

Well, every female is some man’s daughter and deserves the same consideration as you would want some chump to give your kid. Or your momma. Or your aunty. Or your niece. Or your granddaughter.

That he groped and manhandled these women is not surprising to me. Black males do this stuff to black females all the time. Yes, it’s sexual assault. No, it should not be tolerated or excused.

The problem is that black women are so used to being groped, felt up surreptitiously, talked to like they have tails, called profane names, insulted, sexually harassed, demeaned, slapped, punched, cussed out, molested and raped by black men that when a woman has the nerve to stand up to the mess, many of you think something is wrong with HER!!!!

In reality any woman that would defend these types of actions needs to have her head examined. I’ve seen this type of behavior on the street, in nightclubs, at parties and on campus.  Many of the girls just cried because they didn’t know what to do. Athletes are the worst because they think they can do whatever they want on campus and it won’t get prosecuted. Sadly that has been the case, with thousands of sexual assaults occurring on our nation’s college campuses every year, not including things like this which are usually not reported.

I suggest that instead of blaming the girl, you women that think the girls in this case and others are automatically wrong get a clue. Focus on your past and reflect on the abuses you have suffered at the hands of men to understand how your psyche is damaged. You have normalized abusive, aggressive male behaviors and no longer even understand which behaviors constitute abuse.

These male behaviors hurt women. They disrespect women’s boundaries. They hurt women’s self-esteem. They violate the sanctity of a woman’s body.

No man has the right to touch a woman if she did not give him express permission to do so. A female going to a party, drinking, dancing, even getting pissy drunk or sky high – none of that gives a male the right to touch her, to put his hands down her pants or up her skirt, to snatch off her clothes, or to throw her anywhere.

Instead of focusing on where women should or should not go, or what women should or should not wear, or what women should or should not do to protect themselves from predatory rapists, let’s make sure to tell young males not to rape women and children! Black men and women need to stop making females responsible for the criminal, antisocial acts of black males and place responsibility where it belongs – solely on the shoulders of the attacker.

Sounds like a plan to me.

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Deborrah

Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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