There are 3 sides of the truth, yours, hers and what lies between. Was she on crack when you two got married? Did you know she was addicted to crack before the marriage? If you knew this, why in the world did you choose to marry someone who was addicted to drugs? If she became addicted during the course of your marriage, what brought that on? What part did you play in the demise of your marriage? People just don’t up and do drugs for no reason. That is usually a downward spiral preempted by several events beforehand.

Give it a rest, men ALWAYS post about how unattractive they find dating single mothers. In fact there is an article up on this blog with plenty of men posting about that. So give it a rest. Just like men don’t want to date baby mama’s women don’t want to date baby daddies. Nobody owes you the time of day just because you feel entitled to it. Your long azz post is just you whining because your dumb but has gotten repeatedly nignored by women you want. From your wife who had the good sense to walk away from you, to other women who picked up on your nasty attitude and wanted nothing to do with you or your kids who no doubt are growing up under your influence and will inherit the same fonky attitude that you have.

Women and men date and marry other people all the time with kids. That’s not new. But if you are fonky, then nobody wants to have anything to do with you. A sensible woman would pick up on that and certainly wouldn’t want anything to do with you or your kids. Why deal with 3 troublesome folk and their ready made family if you don’t have to.

Mission you are “The one who didn’t fly over the Cukoo’s Nest.”
Dude! go to group therapy or something and stop using this blog and cyberspace to play out your bitter angry feelings about women and the wife who left you and all of that. Nobody is going to read this long azz saga you wrote. Get busy working on yourself. Anytime a dude writes some long drawn out shyt such as this, you just know, this is a damaged male in need of some therapy and too dumb to go and get it. He’d rather stay stuck in bitter land, dictating and blaming women and fault finding instead of getting busy working on improving his inner self. A long winded rejected bitter whiny he-motional he-bitch Ain’t nothing attractive about that at all!

Secondly, this is my blog. I write what I want to write, the way I want to write it. If I read or hear some bullshit from a man and I am disgusted by it and write about it in an “angry” tone, too damn bad.

As for the podcast I heard and what I wrote about it, you don’t have to like it, and I don’t have to prove shit to you. I said it happened and it’s true – that better be good enough. If you want “proof” then YOU go use your time and prove it for yourself. It is not mandatory that I provide a link to anything I think is foolish which is exactly what I didn’t link to his garbage podcast. Plus, I refuse to give that idiot any promotion or any traffic from my website.

You do not decide anything for me, including what I write about or how I feel about my experiences in the world. I get sick of men always trying to dictate what women “should” feel and “should” do, as if we are here to satisfy your asses or meet your stupid ass standards so you feel like you are running something.

What you really need to do is think about that controlling fonky judgmental attitude you have about women, and how much it contributed to your wife walking off and leaving you and those brats you have. Women don’t leave their young children unless they have to do so to save themselves. Just this snapshot of your attitude lets me know that she left because you drove her fucking crazy.

But finally, you can post responses to articles here anytime you get ready. You just need to always remember that you don’t decide anything about me and what or how I do anything. You have no decision-making power about what goes up on this blog or how it is written. You have no influence over anything to do with me and this website. You only get to decide what works for YOU in YOUR LIFE.

Maybe more important is the fact she would write such an article with such an angry tone, and write such errors in fact and logic based one a single interview with a single man; even if that interview took place exactly as she portrays it. [However, without the subjects name, the interviewers name, or the broadcast date, we have no way to know if it even took place, much less if it took place as she describes]. If we assume she listened without bias, and it took place exactly as Cooper describes, then we must ask ourselves how much of what this one man said is actually the common view of the modern black man.

Her bias is obvious, and while I could enumerate literally dozens of such logical fallacies, let us look at just one such ad hock attack. She states that BLACK MEN are irresponsible for using crack while leaving black women to take care of the children. I have been a volunteer in a children’s shelter and I can assure you that far more often than not, when the father is a crack user, so is the woman. And while the child is living in the woman’s home, that is a point only of geography as women on crack rarely take care of their children either.

If there is a case where either the man or the woman is not on crack while the other is, then the non-user must be viewed in the most suspect perspective. What kind of fool would have sexual relations with a drug addict? Therefore, I give no quarter to either party in such circumstances. I have looked many parents in the face as they complain about the behavior of the child’s other parent and said, “You chose to get into a relationship with such a person, you chose to have sex with such a person, you chose not to use condoms or birth control with such a person. Unfortunately it is YOUR poor choices that your child must now pay for.”

The 17 comments that I read are equally disappointing.

To Blackinjun (8/22/2010)
African women were just as oppressed – or even more so in many cases – than European women – or Asian women for that matter, or natives from the Americas. One can also cite some exceptions on almost every continent as well, though those exceptions are painfully rare. And while the gender hierarchy usually placed men “above” women, this was largely a survival advantage for women until the industrial revolution. So, most likely, the hierarchy was largely advantageous to women – especially women not of nobility – until the industrial revolution.

To Renee Moore (9/24/2010)
You should not feel singled out because you had a child and were rejected for it. It is a survival instinct that often keeps people from wanting to date people with children. After all, dating leads to marriage which means that person will be supporting someone else’s child. And while we all like to think of ourselves as progressive and talk about how noble it is to take on children that are not ours, many people will not actually live up to those ideals when it is their time and money that they have to take from their own children [or future children] to support someone else’s.

My wife left me when my children were 6 months and 2 years old. I raised them. I cannot tell you how many women were interested in me, even stating why they could not understand how such a man could be single. When I told them I had children, no problem. When I told them I was the custodial parent, the date was often finished within FIVE MINUTES. When calling these ladies later on, the same women who called me “wonderful” five minutes before a date ended, could not find the time to even catch a lunch date later.

You just have to realize that it is not you, but instinct and realize you need to find someone that rises above that instinct. It is simply one of the conditions you have to accept when you become a single parent.

To Anwar Amir Isreal (12/20/2010) [Isreal = Is Real or Israel?]
“The reason being is the Black Man [is,] by nature[,] biologically the most dominant being genetically [sic] on the planet”.

Anwar, I don’t know where you get this idea – or maybe I don’t understand your concept of “dominant”. ‘Dependency theory’ claims that Europeans have dominated Africans from the dawn of colonialism to this day. Others would argue that the Mongol hoards that came west to dominate most of Asia and parts of Europe [including Russia and Ukraine] would trump that. So then how do you support such a claim? Do you think black men dominate their wives more so than other races? I doubt it. But if you think so then you should tell us why you think so.

Also, even if you think that is true, does that justify the injustice done to women who are dominated by these men? The Japanese used that same argument to justify their atrocities against the Chinese in World War II and the white slave owners used it to justify the enslavements of blacks in North America. Maybe you should reconsider your comments.

To Raz (12/20/2010)
Who says “Biology has nothing to do with it”.

Oh on the contrary! You’re probably enjoined with Cooper as she states, “ …no reason other than men have a clitoris a little bigger than ours, and ovaries on the outside of their body [sic]”.

First, if something that is well over 300 times by weight larger than the other is “a little”, then we certainly have a good gage on one’s perspective here. But there is much more to the difference than size and location. The ovaries and testes produce mood and behavior altering hormones of different types and quantities. The method of gamete (sex cell) reproduction is dramatically different. For one, the ovaries do not produce any gametes after the female is born, it only releases the cells produced before a woman is born. The testes produce sperm all during life and for about 30 hours after the end of life. The gamete production number difference is astonishing. The testes will produce more sperm in a few minutes than the ovaries will produce in the entire life of a woman. Even that location difference is done for a biological purpose. (To reduce heat in order to increase production).
But, that is just the reproductive aspect. Sexual differences alter the way men and women process thoughts, how their bodies handle movement and balance, and a myriad of other things.

Almost all of one sex’s advantages are offset by an associated disadvantage. For example it is a well known fact that, pound for pound, men can lift more weight than women. The price is flexibility. There are positions women can take and moves they can perform that are impossible even for the most flexible man. In fact, that is the very reason they are not as “strong”. The bones and muscular connections give one sex leverage while giving the other articulation.

The same is true for thought processes. As a group women are verbally more articulate and tend to be better writers, men are stronger with math. Also notice how a typical man reads a map oriented in one direction while women tend to turn maps oriented in the direction of travel. These differences do not demonstrate a difference in intelligence but a difference in the way information is processed.

The point is people do not need to be the same to be equal. Our differences are what give us our value and thus equality does not demand homogeneity, in fact the reverse seems to be true. [Yet another area where Cooper seems to resent any claim that women may enjoy certain advantages both in modern and traditional society].

To Anwar Amir Isreal (12/20/2010)
“Why is it that all cultures of every race have always had a king having multiple wives[,] but no culture ever had legal societal accepted [sic] females marrying multiple males at the same time”?

Anwar, you could not be more wrong. When men have multiple wives it is called polygamy. When women marry multiple husbands it is called polyandry. While polygamy is much more common than polyandry, there are many societies across several continents that accepted polyandry. To name just a few: some cultures in Tibet [Asia], some of the native cultures in the arctic regions of North America, (in fact courts in Saskatchewan recognize them), the Maasai people of Kenya [Africa], are just a sample.

These are the types of claims that drive me nuts. If someone has not heard of it then it could not have happened. All of these comments and yet it seems few have even bother do a simple Google search to see if these ideas have any basis in fact whatsoever.

This long comment only scratch the surface of the factual errors and false assumptions throughout the Cooper essay and the subsequent comments.

We should remember men and women bring a different set of abilities and skills to the table. We should celebrate the differences not separate ourselves by them, nor convince ourselves there are no differences between us at all beyond the “size of our clitoris” [Cooper].

Was I a great mother to my children? NO! At best I was a mediocre mother but possibly a great father to my son and daughter. Sure they had great grades and got scholarships to some of the nations best universities. Sure they did not get into trouble with the law. But I can see the price they paid for not having a mother. I see the longing for that feminine touch, just as I see that longing for the masculine touch in homes that have no man in it.

My ex-wife was a woman who abandoned her own children, yet I do not tell my children it was her fault. I chose to have a relationship with her. As such I am as much to blame as Cooper’s woman who had kids with the crack addict. It seems the only thing that separates me from her (the crack mom) is that I accept my responsibility for it [and thus empower myself to change the course of my destiny and that of my children] while that woman blames only that addicted man for her problems and thus is highly likely to repeat her mistake.

We seek to have others understand us, but what chance do we have of it if we can’t start to understand our own race, our own sex, or even our own selves? What hope do we have to improve our lives if we can’t take any responsibility for our own decisions? What good is it to react emotionally to the unnamed radio interview subject, no matter how Neanderthal he may be, if all we do is justify our own failings in the process?

Secondly, there is no arguing here. You make your comment, others make theirs, then we go on. We are sharing our thoughts and opinions, but back and forthing is not going to change anyone’s opinions on the issues. I prefer not to have my server clogged up with unnecessary comments that add no value to the thread.

I don’t know how much education you have, from what you’ve written, academically very little. But it’s not about biology. The human baby is born a blank slate. They don’t even know they are male or female. But what happens from birth is gender socialization. The world is set up by men for men and that is why men have been in charge. Men aren’t ‘more of anything’. (except in brute strength). And these days with machines designed to do the heavy lifting, that isn’t such an advantage.

Socialization is ingrained and started from birth and gender roles are played out. This is why society the world over is set up the way it is. Has nothing to do with biology and everything to do with how the genders are socialized. I’d suggest you do research about gender socialization and read some professional journals and stop talking out of your azz.