Are Black Women Too Fat for Dating and Marriage?

. 08/21/2011 . 18 Comments

 
As if it weren’t bad enough that Black women and their bodies are under attack by mainstream White media and Republican conservatives, now Black actors are getting in on the action.

The weekend of August 12, 2011, actor Boris Kodjoe took to Twitter to share his opinions about the statistical obesity rates of Black females in the U.S. His statements followed sharing of a nightmare he had: a 300 pound woman wearing a thong was grinding on him while eating a fried chicken leg.

Really, Boris?

My grandfather always told us “it is better to be silent and thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” Too bad those words of wisdom didn’t reach Boris’ ears.

Anyway, after going back and forth with female followers and apologetically stating that he loves all women, Boris summed up his thoughts by telling Black women that they need to stop making excuses for being overweight and not exercising:

Here are his Tweets so you can review them for yourself:

 

I will concede that the essence of what he is saying is correct – portion control and exercising wherever you can make it happen 3-5 days per week is a great way to manage your weight. However, the chief issue I have with his Tweets is the Fat Excuse #2 that associates a larger body frame with poor health and undesirability as a romantic partner.

As a personal trainer and author of a soon to be published book on fitness for thick women, I was disgusted by Boris’ Tweets. He needs to stay in his acting envelope. I feel that taking the time out from his busy acting schedule and role as a husband and father to criticize Black women was just plain foul. He comes across as just another black man trying to tell Black women how we don’t measure up to the standards of Black men.

One time I would like to see Black women rise up en masse and stop living their lives to please and gain the attention of Black men. Every man of every race for some reason believes that the way HE thinks is the way that all men think. Thus, a man such as Boris Kodjoe flatly telling women that all men want their woman to be slim is untrue. It is difficult for men to accept that the way they think applies only to them. Really, if it were true that thin women are more always deemed by men to be most attractive, more desirable and most marriageable, then every thin woman would be snatched up and involved in a happy relationship or married!

I don’t know about you, but I see a lot more plain Jane’s and heavy women in happy relationships with loving men than I do thin women, which means his thinking is rather silly.

In addition to my work in the relationships industry, I have been involved in the health/fitness field in the San Francisco Bay Area for more than 10 years. I know FOR A FACT that a woman being overweight does not equate to her being unhealthy, nor does it mean that no one wants to love her!

Unless a woman is naturally thin, it means she has probably eaten a nutritionally barren diet her entire life, terrified of gaining a pound lest she become “undesirable” to men.  Other women have wasted away all their lean tissue (including organ and connective tissue like ligaments and tendons) by skipping meals and crash dieting. Some women are so anxious and psycho their nervous and digestive systems are in a shambles.

But they don’t care about that because they are thin!

Thin women also have diabetes, cancer, hypertension, strokes and heart attacks as much or even more than heavy people. I see this first hand. So the popular mentality that American men have that because a woman is heavy she is automatically unhealthy needs to go.

Lastly, if Mr. Kodjoe were truly so concerned about weight, exercise and its benefits to health he might have tried directing his comments to Black MEN, not Black women.

Black men are keeling over dying of heart attacks, having strokes, and suffering loss of sexual ability due to drugs, alcohol, lack of exercise, smoking, poor nutrition, drugs and cigarettes. Why not focus on making men healthier so they would be here to raise their children and love their wives?

I think its sad how Americans have bought into the mass media diet industry marketing campaign, and automatically associate large body size with health issues and thin body size with health. I mean AUTOMATICALLY. I keep wondering when people understand that the diet and diet drug pharmaceutical industry and everything associated with them is a multi-billion dollar money making machine? If you notice, smoking as a cancer related death has not gotten even HALF the promotion as that of fat = health failure.

Boris Kodjoe is an actor, husband and father. He makes his money by pretending to be something and someone else. His profession requires him to look a certain way to present an image and secure roles. But he has no expertise in the health or fitness field. He is neither a physician, nurse, physical therapist nor even a trainer. He has no authority to make any statements about anyone’s weight being anything and have it be viewed as credible. But if a Black man says “jump!” then five million Black women leap up in the air just because a Black man told them to. At some point Black women need to wake up and smell the funk!

What is considered “fat” is cultural and it is certainly individual. And I am also saying that what is deemed healthy should not be automatically associated with weight; heaviness and health can go hand in hand. All that being considered clinically obese does is reportedly increase RISKS, but it does not mean you are unhealthy nor does it guarantee that you will succumb to any medical affliction. Likewise, being thin and considered at LESS RISK does not mean you have a pass to a long life and no health problems. People really need to let go of their assumptions and prejudices about weight.

Understand the true issue here: Black women are under attack. Boris’ Tweets and dozens of other articles by Black men talk about Black women and their weight, using weight and dress size to determine a woman’s value as a mate and worthiness of love.  Black men have deemed us to be unmarriageable, too fat, too loud, too materialistic, too picky, too educated, too into thugs… too everything – for Black men’s tastes.  It’s time to let those criticisms and judgments go.

Stop worrying about what Black men think and certainly do not structure your existence or choices in life to please them. Do you. Be proud of and love yourself no matter what your physical body size.

Even if you are heavier than a height/weight chart says you should be, it doesn’t mean you are unhealthy. Just exercise, because the best thing for the human body and heart is movement no matter what your size. Enjoy your life and the people that you share it with and you’ll be just fine!

Deborrah

Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookPinterestGoogle PlusFlickrYouTubeReddit

Tags: , , , , ,

Category: Looking Your Best


Fatal error: Uncaught Exception: 190: Error validating application. Application has been deleted. (190) thrown in /home/askhtcom/public_html/survivingdating.com/wp-content/plugins/seo-facebook-comments/facebook/base_facebook.php on line 1273
WordPress › Error

There has been a critical error on your website.

Learn more about debugging in WordPress.