My Boyfriend Cheated and Got Another Woman Pregnant
Dear Deborrah:
I have known this guy for the past 7 and half years but we started dating 3 n half years ago. Last year, I traveled outside the country for 5 months due to studies and I guess our relationship suffered a bit due to the less communication and also due to the fact that I got carried away a bit in the new country. I was outside the country from Jan till May. On coming back, I had the plan of moving in with him, but he kept saying that I ignored him whilst I was away so we decided to take things slow.
Me not knowing what he had been up to, thought it was a way to find each other back again. During the period from June till November, we kept seeing each other, going out for diner, movies and all the nice things couples do. Then in December, he told me that we couldn’t have a relationship anymore because he feels I am not serious.
I was very upset due to the fact that I have put lots of time in this relationship and also because I love him very much. I was very devastated and therefore decided to travel to Germany in January to spend some time alone. Upon coming back in February, he was insisting to see me so we could talk but that was the last on my list.
Then on Good Friday last week, I decided to have a look at his ex-girlfriend’s Facebook, only to see that she is 7 months pregnant and he was named as the father. I was heart broken again, but I confronted him because I deserved an answer. He said he has been trying to tell me but didn’t know how and that was why we couldn’t have a relationship but he still loves me.
I told him I’ll contact the girl, and he threatened that should anything happen to the girl or the baby, I will see the other side of him. I was just in shock that he kept seeing me whilst hiding such a big secret. I am still in shock and I am the biggest loser. He came to my door several times the day after, but I didn’t let him in nor opened my window.
He said he wanted us to talk like adults and find a solution to the problem because he is not ready to let me go and has a plan on how to work it out.
Look at this guy!!! He even comes middle in the night to my door, but I have told him he will never set eyes on me again. He calls, text and all kinds of things, but how can talking resolve this?
He says part of it is my fault he cheated cuz I ignored him for 2 months. I’m soo hurt and wish he could also feel this pain he has caused me, but there is nothing I can do to him than trying to move on. How can you forgive someone for such a thing? well I can’t. How can I get over the pain of a good love ended in such a terrible way?
I’m in lots of pain and can’t tell people around me cuz I’m even ashamed and embarrassed to talk about it.
Signed,
Hurting in NY
Dear Hurting:
There is no need for you to be ashamed. You haven’t done anything wrong.
Secondly, that guy is an asshat of immense proportions. Nothing here is your fault. He is trying to make you feel guilty like he does, and you are unfortunately falling for it. Remember, you weren’t the one responsible for him sleeping with that girl and not using protection! You weren’t the one responsible for making him a baby daddy. You weren’t the one that lied and pretended and attempted to manipulate two women so he could have his cake and eat it too! You aren’t the one that cheated.
ALL OF THAT IS HIM.
Anyone should be able to go to school, go to work, and attend to the complexities and necessities of life without their partner dipping out and involving himself with another woman. There has to be an element of trust, and confidence in the relationship whether you are near or far from each other. Without that trust and without commitment to the relationship, you have nothing.
Lastly, you need to either block him from calling you or move. Probably both. This guy sounds like a nut case. For him to be saying he is “not ready to let you go” is a threat, and you need to take it very seriously. Many women end up dead messing around with idiots like this. You were travelling out of the country and that might be a good place for you to go again. Immediately. You need to be somewhere he can’t get to you.
This is not about him “letting” you do anything! You are a grown woman entitled to do whatever you please. Remember that. Then act in your own best interest and do it as far away from him as you can.
Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Category: Dating Advice
