But I Don’t Want to LOSE Him!
Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
We broke up almost a year ago, but every few months one of us contacts the other, we sleep together, but realize we can’t go back to the relationship we had for two years (there was a lot of fighting.)
We ended up sleeping together this last weekend. This time I instigated it. We both cried together, expressed our love and confusion. He just sent me an e-mail telling me that he has to let me go, he loves me to death, but he knows we are still the people we were when we dated and faught. He hopes that we find our way back to each other, but he’d rather take the chance, let me go, then go back to the same relationship he tried so hard to get out of.
I’m 23, he’s 26. I love this guy more than the world itself. I’m moving about an hour and a half a way with a wonderful job, so I know this is probably for the best, but I don’t want to lose him forever.
Do you truly believe if we are meant to be, we may find our way back to each other?
Thanks!
Ms. HeartBeat Responds:
I “truly believe” all that romantic talk is just drivel designed to keep you on the hook for free sex. I mean totally free with no “cost” to him at all – no obligation, no dating expense, no flowers, no gifts, no emotions.
This is a game common in our society that most men (of all races) play. They act all sad and/or confused about their feelings, some shed a tear or two and women buy it hook line and sinker. He can bone you and you go away thinking it was all romantic and heartfelt. He probably closed his door and laughed hysterically before you even made it to your car.
But the good thing here is that he has set you free to move on. You need to do it. You are using that outdated codependent phrase “I don’t want to LOSE HIM” as if he is a wallet or a puppy that you own. Women don’t LOSE men, they go of their own free will.
Your relationship with him is over. Look forward, not back. You are too young to be stuck on one fool anyway. There is a whole world of fabulous men out there, and one of them will be your Mr. Right. This ain’t that man.
MsHeartBeat
Dating expert and advice columnist since 1993, writing as Ms. HeartBeat. Author of the hilarious street smart dating guide "Sucka Free Love - How to Avoid Dating The Dumb, The Deceitful, The Dastardly, The Dysfunctional & The Deranged."
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Category: Dating Advice
Ms. Heartbeat
It takes 2 to tangle and the writer admitted instigating the last hook up so I don’t think this about him using her per se. I agree with your advice but from what I read I don’t think that this guy is type you described because if all he wanted was free sex he could obviously continue with her with no problems but he sent her an email telling her he has to let her go (not keep the free sex).
I attribute their problems more to confusion on what they want from each other and learning who they are as young adults. They are fairly young and from the mention of excessive fighting I believe they have other issues that they hadn’t grasp yet (including conflict resolution).
I especially agree with the ownership characteristics of love you highlight that people hold. People confuse each other as property sometimes and that causes many problems.
Somebody needs to suggest to her the memo: men respect/keep/marry bitches (aka any woman who does not allow a man to use her for a sexual release or any other emotional bondage). I cringed reading this, are women really this delusional or desperate to tolerate such nonsense?
Men generally will try to manipulate you, push your emotional bottom and use you for sex if you give them the chance. So, this situation has nothing to do with love.