The Commitment Avoider – Commitment Phobic Men That Won’t Commit

| 01/02/2013 | Comments (1)

The following points excerpted from the article above emphasize the mentality young men have towards commitment:

#1 Males account for approximately 70 percent of all Ds and Fs in U.S. public schools.

#5 One study discovered that 88 percent of all Americans between the ages of 8 and 18 play video games, and that video game addiction is approximately four times as common among boys as it is among girls.

#7 In 2011, SAT scores for young men were the worst that they had been in 40 years.

#9 According to the New York Times, approximately 57 percent of all young people enrolled at U.S. colleges are women.

#10 It is being projected that women will earn 60 percent of all Bachelor’s degrees from U.S. universities by the year 2016.

#14 The United States has the highest teen pregnancy rate on the entire planet. If our young men behaved differently this would not be happening.

#15 In the United States today, one out of every four teen girls has at least one sexually transmitted disease. If our young men were not sex-obsessed idiots running around constantly looking to “score” these diseases would not be spreading like this.

#16 Right now, approximately 53 percent of all Americans in the 18 to 24 year old age bracket are living at home with their parents.

#17 According to one survey, 29 percent of all Americans in the 25 to 34 year old age bracket are still living with their parents.

#18 Young men are nearly twice as likely to live with their parents as young women the same age are.

#20 Today, an all-time low 44.2% of Americans between the ages of 25 and 34 are married.

#21 Back in 1950, 78 percent of all households in the United States contained a married couple. Today, that number has declined to 48 percent.

Perhaps in some instances, men aren’t really afraid of commitment, they just see no need for it. After all, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Why pay the bills when Mom and Dad will pay them for you?

What Causes Commitment Phobia?

There are dozens of theories floating around, but after reviewing several research papers on the psychology of commitment avoidance, it appears there are about a dozen primary reasons for consistent avoidance of commitment. (These are not related to incompatibility with a particular individual.)

  • Childhood associated emotional/mental trauma
  • Suffering losses such as parental divorce, death and associated grief
  • Parental separation resulting in alienation or abandonment
  • Victim of domestic violence and/or abusive relationships
  • Poor childhood role models for gender identification or intimacy
  • Extreme fear of loss and rejection
  • Desire to avoid pain or be controlled by others or one’s own emotions
  • Threat of being trapped or “stuck” in an unhappy relationship
  • Fear of feeling out of control due to past experiences
  • Anxiety about changes and the unknown
  • Refusal to deal with reality and make plans for the future

Dealing With the Commitment Phobic Man

If you find yourself involved in any way with a commitment phobic man, your best bet is to kick him out of your bed and stop spending all your emotional energy on him immediately. His behavior is telling you as bluntly as he can without speaking that you are not the one.

Some women are afraid to assertively bring these issues to the table, but you should never be shy about your future (or lack thereof) with any man you are spending time with and allowing access to your body.

Be bold enough to ASK him how he feels and make sure that you hear words that are backing up his behavior. If there is a discrepancy, understand that he is hanging with you until something better comes along.

As long as you are willing to waste your dating time, waste your emotions, and give up the booty, the non-committal male will take whatever gifts you are willing to bestow. The best way to not to get a serious relationship with the possibility of marriage is to keep giving your all to a commitment phobic commitment avoider, spinning your wheels as a place holder.


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Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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Category: Women's Issues

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  1. Razzy says:

    Another great article.  Unfortunately in the dating cesspool, there abounds commitment phobic fish in far greater numbers than the prize catches. Women spend far more time throwing back the bottom dwellers instead of taking home the top prize catch.  
    Another noticeable observance is men expect women to do a lot of things for them. women have to ‘show’ they are worthy for wife and men don’t have to show anything.  Men are a lot more trouble than they’re worth most of the time. When women do finally land one, she has worked herself to death before and after the marriage to keep him.

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