Dating Tips and Advice: The Go-Nowhere Relationship

| 04/24/2011 | Comments (2)

When I was young (long before I became dating age), my Aunt Helen gave me some important advice about men. “Deb, never get rid of your boat until your yacht comes in!” What she meant was, hold onto the man you have, no matter how make-shift and raggedy he was, until the man you truly wanted came into view.

I filed that advice away to use when I became dating age. After a few dates with “boats” I shared my experiences with her. “Aunty, the yacht can’t get to port if the boat is in the way!”

I remember her looking at me like I was crazy but we both had a good laugh. Since then I’ve realized there are women like my Aunt that make do with small, slow boats (sometimes for decades). There are always women that enjoy the fast exciting ride of speedboats! Then there are women that wait patiently on shore for a yacht to come to port. And finally, there are also women that latch onto anything that floats and CALL it a boat.

Let’s discuss each in turn.

The Speed Boatcrashed speed boat

Women that seek out speed boat men look for a relationship that moves quickly. Skimming at top speed over the water of “take your time and get to know this person intimately,” these women focus on getting to the destination as quickly as possible.  Stylish, sleek, smooth, speed boats have a short lifespan. In many cases the engine blows up and they get you stuck in the middle of nowhere.

In many other cases, the combination of high speeds and inexperience behind the wheel guarantees the speedboat will spin out of control, crash into something, and sink like a rock.

The Motorized Boat

Motor boats don’t tend to be very glam or fancy, but once you start the engine they go forever. These are functional craft, designed for a specific job. They tend to carry no more than a few passengers that are expected to do their fair share on the trips. Fill up the engine with gas and they’ll provide hours of enjoyment, steadily putt-putting along.

Dependable low maintenance motor boat

These boats are also used for participation in hobbies (like fishing), as well as for family fun on small bodies of water.

Motor boats are often seen as boring though because they don’t make rapid changes in direction and aren’t suitable for high speeds and wild excitement. Instead, motor boats go at much gentler speeds, but they slowly and steadily move in a forward direction.

Sometimes they look kinda beat up, so they’re often not much to look at. But motorized boats are usually very dependable. Take care of the hull and tune the engine every so often, you’ll have a boat that will service your needs for many, many years.

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Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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Category: Women's Issues

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  1. Raz says:

    Unfortunately in the black community, we have a whole helluva lot of black men sitting there spinning like the bump on the logs they are, and very yachts. And a lot of black men because of religion can’t even be wind powered sailboats either because they don’t know how to work ‘together’ and cooperate with their women to get somewhere in life. They want to be the leaders when they have no idea where they’re going.

  2. Awesome advice, Deb! I know too many women who need to jump off the logs. 😉

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