Day 12 – 40 Days of Rain on DBR Black Men: Booty Bandits Demanding Anal Sex

| 03/22/2013 | Comments (13)


Why is it that allegedly heterosexual black men are on a major hunt for anal sex these days? What is it that makes black men (who are allegedly into women), so focused on sticking their dick up someone’s ass? Booty bandits are either watching too much porn, wishing the woman’s ass was actually Malik’s, or both.

Now ladies, certainly there must be some standard for the men in our lives and how we let them treat us and our bodies. Yall think its cute and that you are “meeting my man’s needs”, and “being a freak to satisfy my man!” and all that dumb shit. But unless you are married to him, he considers you a freak ho jump off and that’s as far as you are gonna get. Allowing a man to stick his dick up your ass when you have a perfectly good vagina for sexual intercourse is crazy, and in this piece I’ll tell you why.

There are six key reasons DBR black men are all into the butt sex thang:while in prison black men may be situationally gay and into anal sex whille locked up

#1 Many young virile black men spend years locked up in prison. While in prison they are “situationally gay” though they don’t consider themselves to be homosexual. However, they are busy fucking other men in the ass or being fucked in the ass while locked up. But when they get out they try to switch back to women. They want to fuck WOMEN in the ass too since that’s what they’ve gotten used to during that 5-15 sit down they did.

#2 Too much pornography. Dudes watch porno movies and see all kinds of weird freaky non-sensical behaviors in those crazy films. They think the women moaning and groaning in “pleasure” translates into the same in real life. Their feeble little minds cannot comprehend that stuff is for entertainment purposes only and is about as realistic as Chewbacca the Wookie. For some reason they cannot differentiate between real women like girlfriends and wives, and porn actresses being paid thousands of dollars to pretend that the things happening to them on camera are “awesome” and the best feelings since sliced bread. When DBR men are turned on they think that what turns them on also turns women on. Fools should not be trying to think because they aren’t good at it.

#3 DBR men attempt to justify their request by saying they wanted to fuck a woman’s ass because it’s taboo and something different and exciting. I’m wondering why you sit around thinking about ways to do taboo things to a woman’s body, like she is a piece of meat there to satisfy your dick’s curiosity? Fools should not be trying to think because they are not good at it.many black men request anal from women -- are they secretly gay

#4 They also think (here we go again!) everyone else is doing it so they need to do it too. Monkey see, monkey do at work here. Again, because anal sex is standard issue far in porn movies, men that watch porn feel like their sex life is missing something if they aren’t stuffing it up your ass like the guy in the flick. They begin to feel that their sex life is “boring” and that it needs more “spiciness” achieved by wrecking your rectum.

#5 Some DBR men attempt to justify their request for anal sex by saying that fucking a woman in the ass is a tighter fit. This is a rather objectifying statement and fails to suggest any sort of intimacy or caring for the female partner. Apparently, for this guy anal sex is about his dick pleasure and him getting off with no concern about what it is doing to the body of the female. Which takes us to the next point…

#6 Dominance, control and humiliation. Notice that when a man rapes a woman, there is usually something inserted in her ass along with him taking over her body by force. In porn movies the viewer sees males use anal sex as a way to exert power over their female partners, or even to degrade and humiliate them while she winces in pain or cries or tells him “no!” and he does it anyway. Guys that have little to no control in the real world desire to feel dominant and powerful, and they’ll use women and their bodies to accomplish that feat.

Many men admit the feeling of power over a woman’s body achieved during anal sex turns them on like nothing else. Black men love to have power over black women, and an expectation of female “submission” is part of the patriarchal culture under which most African American youths are raised. Studies have been done that indicate the desire for anal sex by heterosexual men indicates a desire to inflict pain and control rather than receive or give pleasure.

I’m a guy and find few things more repulsive. I believe in keeping my dick away from fecal matter. A friend of mine is obsessed with it. According to him, it is the feeling of power he gets, that the girl is willing to do it to satisfy him. ~Richard T.


The Risks and Dangers of Doing The Butt

Back in the early 1990s I had a gay male friend named Michael. I met him on a job I’d started recently, but that guy was one of the absolutely best, funniest, most have your back friends I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. He died of AIDS some years ago but I still think of him often. I remember the day he told me he was diagnosed with HIV and what his T-Cell count was. We were in a public restaurant but I didn’t give a damn and screamed and cried like I was ALREADY at somebody’s funeral.

Anyway, I bring him into this article for one key reason – the things he told me about anal sex and why I should never, ever participate in it.

See, Michael had to have a rectal repair surgery which forced him to utilize a colostomy bag temporarily while his butthole and lower intestines healed. Years of anal sex had created rips, tears and problems with his rectal muscles so that he couldn’t hold his poop in.

My cousin is a plastic surgeon and he tells me all the time about the up-shoot in rectocele (rectal prolapse repair) and more women are coming in and they are getting younger and younger. We know why… just saying. ~Almaz B.

Michael was out for a two months or so recovering from the surgery. When he came back to work he took me out to lunch. I still remember his humiliation when we went into the Chinese restaurant and his colostomy bag suddenly filled. The stench of raw, fresh shit filled the air. He was so embarrassed he didn’t know what to do. Michael turned and ran out of the restaurant with me close behind, as he had to get back to the office to clean himself up and change the bag.changing colostomy bag

That was the day he told me about the details of his surgery, the damage done to his rectum by having anal sex, and why I was to never have it myself. His words to me were “Deb, if any guy ever wants to stick something up your ass, don’t let him. He is gay and trying to fool you into thinking he is straight. He is going to destroy your ass because it feels good to him. Don’t do it Deb. You’ll end up like me.”

After the experience with the colostomy bag in the restaurant, he didn’t have to tell me twice.

The surgery and that conversation happened in 1992; Michael died of AIDS in late 1995 after fighting as hard as he could.

I’ve never tried anal because one of my homies back in high school was telling us how he fucked a chick in the butt hole and she shitted all over his blanket and sheets. I was a little traumatized. I actually might try it when I’m married because at least then, she can’t just leave the crib and have me scrub the caca stains out. ~Steelo


Why DBR Black Men Want to Jam Their Dick Up Your Ass

young black men showing butt cracks and into anal sex is a bad combination

Fast forward 10-15 years after Michael’s death. The change in sexual behavior of black men has been nothing less than astonishing (I’ll talk some more about this another day). We have black men wearing make-up, tight skinny jeans, or sagging in such a way that their entire ass covered only by thin boxer shorts is on full display like that is sexy.

Sorry ladies, that shit is gay. Showing your ass to other dudes while requesting anal sex from women…hey, 1 plus 1 equals 2 all day long in my world!

Now the issue here is the damage DBR black men callously do to women’s bodies with their demands for anal sex, which is sometimes forced on their wife whether she wants it or not. I’ve received several letters in the advice column over the years from distraught wives/girlfriends about the anal rapes their “loving” men did to them either while they were asleep or while they were having vaginal sex. Tears, bleeding, severe pain and sometimes a vaginal infection were the woman’s reward for his relentless pursuit of anal sexual satisfaction.

A man often believes it is his right to penetrate a woman in every way possible. While a lot of sex in relationships is not rape, it is not entirely consenting. How many women had a sexual experience ruined when a man jammed his fingers or anything else into her anus? ~Allison M.


Anal Sex is Not the Business for the Female Body

A medical doctor created a video that outlines the risks of anal sex for women and had this to say about anal sex and regular bowel movements. This is a partial transcript of that video, which is included below:

Why Does Anal Sex Cause Constipation?
by Konstantin Monastyrsky

Anal sex is like large hard stools, only in reverse. It also lasts longer than a bowel movement, and causes significantly more carnage: enlarged internal hemorrhoids, anal fissures, ulcers, fistulas, nerve damage, rectocele, the weakness of anal sphincters, chronic pain, fecal incontinence, and, of course, chronic constipation.

Anal sex causes constipation for the exact same reasons that large stools cause it — the diameter of even a small erect penis is as large or larger than the maximum aperture of the anal canal. And if the penis is large and long, it also damages the rectum, which is quite small…

And lubrication isn‘t much of a help, because it isn‘t just the friction that does the carnage, but the pressure inside the anal canal that affects anal sphincters, enlarges internal hemorrhoids, tears apart the delicate lining, and damages or desensitizes the super-sensitive nerve endings of the anal plexus.

In turn, these factors cause pain during defecation and result in an incomplete emptying of the bowels. This, in turn, enlarges stools even more, and causes even more pain, and often bleeding. From this point on, these problems turn into a pain in the ‘ass,‘ literally…

There is really no good way to address this situation except to abstain from anal sex.

What should you do and what can you do to remedy anorectal damage caused by anal sex?

Well, first consider switching to a less destructive form of sexual intercourse. If you still prefer it that way, at least find a partner with as small a penis as possible, though it isn‘t going to help much, because in this situation even a large finger will eventually cause damage.

Obviously, you can always have plastic surgery done to remove scar tissue and enlarged hemorrhoidal pads. But the surgery isn‘t going to solve the problem with constipation, because mending the anus with a lancet usually kills anorectal sensitivity altogether, so you no longer experience the urge to move your bowels naturally. Even worse, you may lose your ability to control your anal sphincters and end up wearing pampers for the rest of your life!

To learn how to make stools small, soft, and regular, and to enjoy reasonable health and quality of life regardless of your adventuresome sex life, start reading from here: No Downsize, Just Upside-down.

If you can‘t say ‘no‘ to your partner forcefully enough, just show him the video above and these illustrations: The primer on fecal engineering.

If he still insists on having anal sex, measure up his implement, get a cucumber or carrot of a similar size and shape, put a condom on, and ask him to take it first. Maybe that will reduce his eagerness to cause you similar harm.

The issue here is that DBR men believe their sexual desires must be fulfilled while the woman sacrifices her body to do it. They don’t care that she doesn’t want to do it. They demand satisfaction. They threaten to leave her if she doesn’t comply to their demands. They cheat and do whatever they want since they feel ENTITLED to the sexual satisfaction they want, whether it is satisfying to the woman or not.

Tactics used to make women give them what they want boil down to coercion, threats and relentless unyielding pressure using statements such as:

  • “What a woman (and your man) in this situation needs to decide is, is having a happy sex life worth it. If you are happy keeping him frustrated and denying what he wants, and he is not happy, than you are headed for lots of trouble or a break up.”
  • “Your wife should be able to fulfill every desire you have. You know the saying, ‘Lady in the streets, but a freak in the bed.’ Your wife has to be a freak. You can trust wifey, not a jump-off. Any chick still holding out on given head in 2013 is fronting. If a woman is that into you, she’ll do whatever it takes to keep you from finding pleasure elsewhere.”
  • “I would like my wife to save anal for married. But if we are going to be married I definitely want her doing ALL the freaky sh*t possible. Keeps me home. Besides you don’t want your sex life to get stale.”
  • “Not all men, but a lot do like it. Every woman I have ever been with has let me do this. Sometimes it takes some convincing but it eventually does happen. Maybe I am a little old fashioned but I still believe in women doing whatever it takes to please their man. Even if it means some anal sex that she might not really like all that much. I am always very gentle about it but it still gives me that feeling of taboo and complete control over a women. Rather they admit it or not that feeling of control is what men are really after. I’m not trying to say this is something you have to do, you just need to decide how far you are willing to go to please your man. Just think of it this way, even if you don’t enjoy it, it would probably amount to 15 or 20 minutes once in a while. As long as he is gentle you might experience some discomfort but no real pain.”

Did you catch that?just say not to anal sex

He has placed himself in the position of deciding if the pain you feel is merely discomfort or “real pain.” He has also placed himself in the position of dominant control over you and your body in that you are obligated to allow him to hurt you for 15-20 minutes every now and then to please him. FOH! If pleasing a man takes that much work and self-sacrifice, no woman needs a man.

Another problem I have with this mindset is that DBR black men put the responsibility for keeping their sex life from being stale on black women and her asshole. In other words, her anus has the onus.

This is an interesting dilemma for the woman that is against anal sex, but wants to be married. I can only suggest ladies that if you ain’t about serving up the A to any man that you vet every dude you meet real tough and stick to your guns on this. Ask lots of questions about what he likes in bed, and where he draws the line in his experimentation. If he shows too much interest in your asshole and you don’t get down like that, its best to get rid of Mr. Booty Bandit sooner rather than later.

The rectum you save may be your own.


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Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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  1. N9NJA says:

    Deborrah MelissaAlbee Real talk from Deborrah on this one. As a white man who’s dated women of many different races, some of the most loyal women I’ve ever dated have been sistahs. Shit, to this day, I’m still friends with a higher percentage of my black exes when compared with my white/Asian/Latina exes. Yes, some women are less sexually adventurous than others, but so are some men less adventurous than other men. Basically if someone tries to coerce or force you to take part in a sex act that you’re not comfortable with, they’re a shit person, male or female; black, white, or any other race. Sexual compatibility is a large part of general compatibility. If you’re not on the same level sexually, regardless of any other compatibility, you’re in a relationship that ultimately won’t work.

  2. NaronMccormick says:

    I am a black man who has only done this once, because my partner
    requested it. I will not say that I did not enjoy myself, because hey
    it’s consenting sex. I have never requested it of any other partner,
    because I’m just not really all that into it.
    Thing is, I
    was never what you’d call “cool”. I don’t care about trends and fashion
    and I’m not particularly interested in any of the trappings of “hip hop
    culture”, or “thug life”. It’s just always seemed like nonsense to me. I
    don’t even watch television. The result of that? 
    I’m a 41 year old man who has never been with a black woman. Not even a hook up. Why? 
    They Are Not Interested In Me.
    I am not visually impressive enough, I didn’t get all that workout time in prison, 
    because I didn’t go.(Guess I didn’t acquire a taste for butt sex either. Go Figure)

    I don’t have enough, or the correct quality of Material Possessions, nor do I care for flashy things anyway.

    I do not speak as if I stepped out of a rap music video. 
    I am not so prone to violence that I attack people for words or looking at me funny. 
    In short, I don’t have enough Abuser Potential.

    think whether they admit it or not, women Seek Out these toxic
    qualities in men, probably due to the propaganda pressed forth by the
    entertainment industry about what “real men” are supposed to be like. 
    If this is not the case, then I have some Questions.

    How can you not see this type of man coming a mile off?
    do you ignore your own warning signs and pursue relations with someone
    you even Suspect of being as bad as what you describe?

    Why do you not put the brakes on the action the minute a request you’re uncomfortable with comes up? 
    Why do you not shut things down cold when it becomes obvious the male intends to insist 
    despite your feelings?

    Why do you stay with someone who values you so little and demands so much?

    Why do so many of you Do Something You Don’t Want To Do?
    And particularly, after having made the choice to do it anyway, 
    Why do you complain about it afterward, when the choice was ultimately YOURS?
    Yes it was, from the minute you saw what he was about, and chose to Continue pursuing him, or encouraging his pursuit of you.
    I’m honestly not tryna be a troll. 
    These are questions I’ve
    had for a long time and never gotten a straight answer to. 
    Not from my
    sisters, the most level-headed of whom is currently slogging through a bitter divorce. 
    Not from my sisters’s girlfriends, who just joked me off anyway, 
    from my mother, whose choices in men throughout my life have made me
    somewhat glad I don’t know my father. Not From Anyone have I gotten straight answers about this.
    The argument that they’re not like that at first only sort of holds up, and then only temporarily.
    The signs of who people really are will always be present, no matter how they try to hide them, 
    if a person chooses to look at a situation honestly.
    understand and have myself fallen victim to the Jekyll/Hyde thing.
    Every bad relationship I’ve ever been in popped red flags from the very
    beginning and I will freely admit to having ignored them, because I was
    young, stupid, and starving for female attention, but after being badly
    burned, I Wised Up and became a lot more choosy and a lot more critical
    in my relationships with people in general. I don’t keep choosing the
    same types over and over, hoping for a different result, and I Did Not
    Stay in a bad situation, ever.

    I have ended up spending a LOT more time alone because of my decision to value myself, 
    but I consider the peace of mind Worth It.

    If that means that I too qualify for the label of damaged beyond repair, well, our entire society is broken, from top to bottom. 
    Who am I to claim to stand above it all?

  3. LoveToLiveLife says:

    You forgot one more reason, alot of them do it so they don’t risk getting the girl pregnant, because many of them don’t want to use condoms. Regardless of the reason, it’s vile to force anyone to do something sexually they don’t want to do. Great article as always.

  4. mlee says:

    Just seeing that picture of that guy emptying his colotosomy bag into the toilet is enough to turn me off from anal sex.  That’s a graphic image I’ll never get out of my mind **shudder***

  5. GG123 says:

    Thank you soo much Deborrah for all your articles. I so did not know the health problems associated with doing this act. Thank you.

  6. happilydivorced says:

    ” . . . and THIS ONE is about black men pressuring black women for butt sex before they even know her middle name.” 
    Now this is the truth!  As I learned many years ago while on a popular online black dating site, some black men have no shame in asking a woman during their initial phone conversation if she gets down with anal sex.  Really.  My immediate and resounding “HELL NO!” was met with, “Well sistah, I had to ask because I don’t want to invest time in getting to know a woman who won’t give it to me the way I want it.” SMH

  7. MonicaBackest says:

    Ms. D. I found your web-sites last night. Bravo, me lady! What a gift you are to all the people that will be helped & saved because of your care, concern & hard working effort to educate & inform them of all of these dangerous issues in all the post I have read. From the psychological & relationship facts you have posted to the medical, sexual & Domestic Violence facts you have posted. Surely you will spare some our children they lives & thus in doing so, they babies & kids lives. HPV is already invaded 90% of the USA population & the CDC estimates by the year 2016 most everyone in our Nation will have been exposed at some time in their life. The CDC has reported that there are so far as they know as of today two strains of the HPV that causes anal cancer. I also read that HPV has become such a pandemic because it is spread by simple skin to skin contact. It not even necessarly venerally spread, but surely is & can be. It is *extremely* contagious. That is how & why it has seemed to just sneak right into most of the population before the higher ups at the CDC barely realized it.

  8. MelissaAlbee says:

    I underpants your concerns Deborah.Belive me,I do.But the lack of sexual experimentation on women’s part doesn’t just stop with anal sex.It’s other sex acts too.I hear men say that black women are the most sexually uptight of all races.Black women don’t do this,Black women don’t do that.Debbroah in some of your articles you talk about sex and certain men and their lack of bedroom abilities,but what about the sexually uptight mindsets of some women?I know you probably think I’m some young, naive girl,but none of what I’m saying is my opinion.It’s all fact.Again this doesn’t apply simply to anal sex.It’s other things that involve no pain at all

    • Deborrah says:

      Black men that tell you that are lying their asses off. Black women have worldwide reputations for being “sex freaks” whether deserved or not, the reputation and association is there. The only reason a man would tell you that shit is to get you to do what he wanted you to do. You would think that you were being special, unique and different than “other” black women or than black women period (since I don’t know what race you are). Its a tool of manipulation. Same way black men tell white chicks that black women don’t support their man, aren’t down for a brotha, don’t support a brotha, blah blah blah. All lies. Black women are hands down the most loyal group of females I’ve ever seen, sticking by losers, jailbirds and fools trying their hardest to bring him up.

      But see, all women must have standards for what they will and will not do. Women are not here to please men sexually at their expense. Some of the things black men insist on that black women tell them “no!” about are things they NEED to be told no about. Butt fucking, threesomes, wife swapping, making movies or taking pictures of themselves in compromising positions, looking at porno movies of freaky thigns if it makes her uncomfortable, etc. No woman need say “okay” to some shit that turns her off or makes her sick to her stomach, or that makes her feel bad about herself afterwards.

    • Deborrah says:

      Black men that tell you that are lying their asses off. Black women
      have worldwide reputations for being “sex freaks” whether deserved or
      not, the reputation and association is there. The only reason a man
      would tell you that shit is to get you to do what he wanted you to do.
      You would think that you were being special, unique and different than
      “other” black women or than black women period (since I don’t know what
      race you are). 
      Its a tool of manipulation. Same way black men tell white
      chicks that black women don’t support their man, aren’t down for a
      brotha, don’t support a brotha, blah blah blah. All lies. Black women
      are hands down the most loyal group of females I’ve ever seen, sticking
      by losers, jailbirds and fools trying their hardest to bring him up.
      But see, all women must have standards for what they will and will
      not do. Women are not here to please men sexually at their expense. Some
      of the things black men insist on that black women tell them “no!”
      about are things they NEED to be told no about. Butt fucking,
      threesomes, wife swapping, making movies or taking pictures of
      themselves in compromising positions, looking at porno movies of freaky
      thigns if it makes her uncomfortable, etc. No woman need say “okay” to
      some shit that turns her off or makes her sick to her stomach, or that
      makes her feel bad about herself afterwards.

  9. CurliLoxx says:

    Yes Ms Cooper so En Point as usual!  I’ve been there and done that and will never be going there again!  In all the serious relationships I’ve been in I’ve ALWAYS been asked to indulge.  It starts subtly, gentle encouragement on why you’ll like it too, then stronger bullying tactics are employed and in the end I felt I had to go along with it just to get them off my case and perhaps convinced myself that I enjoyed it too but deep down I knew I didn’t.  So now being single since Nov last year I am evaluating my worth and have decided I’m never ever going to even get into that situation.  I feel if you make it point blank clear t hat you will never ever intend to do it in the first instance they won’t bother to hassle you.  And if they don’t like it or feel they need to go to someone else more obliging then f**k them and step off!!  As far as I’m concerned it is a subconsious homosexual tendency…  seriously they can give all the excuses about it being tight blah blah blah but I say if me and another man bend over what’s the difference in the hole which is also on par with them wanting to always ride backways the majority of the time.  Thank you for the education and the medical info as I wasn;t even aware of the long term problems it causes.

  10. MelissaAlbee says:

    I agree 100 percent that men shouldn’t force women into having anal sex
    if they don’t want to.But to insinuate that they may be gay because of
    they want to have anal sex with a WOMAN?Thats too much.And there are
    plenty of men who want anal sex,not just black men.And yes, there are
    women who enjoy anal sex,something not mentioned at all in this article.Anal
    sex feels different than vaginal sex, thats why men,and some women want
    to try it.It’s something different,not the same old same old.Which is why men,and some women,want to try it.Debbrah you may be behind the times a bit on this issue.

    • Deborrah says:

      MelissaAlbee I realize it feels different, but I don’t give a shit!  Your defensiveness about your desire for anal sex and your excuse making is irrelevant here.
      “I dream of a romantic relationship and making love to my man by having him stick his dick up my ass” said No Woman Ever. Women get that idea from stupid men or from porn movies. If I were behind the times on this, I would not have received dozens of replies from women sharing that the men they met pressured them for anal sex and they didn’t want to, or that they did it because they were afraid that the man would leave them so they gave in.
      Young women need to understand that boundaries must be established and maintained with regards to their mental, physical and emotional health. Just because you are curious about it or think its something you want to try, you should think about the bigger picture here.
      Now if you or any other woman foolishly decide you really really want to try it, do it. That is your decision. But we are not talking about YOU here, nor are we talking about white or any other race of men. This series of articles is exclusively about black men pressuring black women for butt sex before they even know her middle name.

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