We talked about some of these issues in Day 14′s piece where we discussed how black men will kill a woman’s children as revenge…to get back at her for leaving them. Click the link above to read it.
But today I want to address the men who have the attitude “if I can’t have you, nobody will!” Though most of what you will read below refers to black men and their actions towards black women, I included two non-black men in the mix for a reason. And that reason is that I want Sistahs to understand that ALL MEN have the potential to express negative attitudes about control and ownership of you and your body. Don’t think that just because a guy isn’t black that he won’t act stupid and violent if you try to leave him.
After all, hundreds of stories about the violence of rejected males towards the women that don’t want them dot social media and news outlets across the globe! But I didn’t have to look far to find horrific tales of crimes committed by black and brown males, furious that a woman they “loved” had the nerve to end their relationship.
Earlier this year, a San Francisco man was charged with 11 felony counts for setting his girlfriend on fire. Dexter Oliver, 22, was raised by his grandmother who calls him “a good kid with a bit of a temper.” Ya think?
As the story goes, Oliver got into an argument with his girlfriend at a neighborhood laundry mat then left, came back with gasoline, tossed it on her and lit a match. The 25 year old victim, the mother of three children, was burned beyond recognition.
A few years ago 49 year old Nathan Burris shot and killed his former girlfriend and a male passenger in her car. In a scene eerily reminiscent of The Godfather, Burris gunned them down at the Richmond-San Rafael Bridge toll plaza during peak commute hours. Why? Because he believed they were romantically involved and he was jealous.
Last year a 15 year old San Leandro, California girl was stabbed to death by her estranged 19 year old boyfriend only nine months after giving birth to his daughter.
One of the most egregious murders took place in Oakland, California in August of 2012. A three-time felon, 27 year old Dominic Daniel admitted to killing his girlfriend by bashing her head in, and leaving her body beside Lake Merritt for the world to see.
A 35 year old chump named Darius McCrary was found guilty of six charges including first-degree murder, felony murder, first-degree home invasion and three counts of possession of a firearm in the commission of a felony for the Thanksgiving Day 2010 murder of his ex-girlfriend. McCrary kicked in the door of Fredericka Dixon’s home and immediately started firing shots, hitting her multiple times in the chest. He then chased her 18-year-old son downstairs and fired a few rounds at the kid, but the 18 year old was too fast and all the shots missed. McCrary took off running; it took seven months for police to find him.
Their story: They’d lived together for several years, breaking things off in 2010. McCrary wanted to get things going again but Ms. Dixon didn’t want no parts of dude. And when McCrary found out she’d found a new man, he started calling her and making threats which he ultimately carried out.
A man used an oncoming train to murder his ex-girlfriend and four other passengers in her car because he was angry she didn’t want him anymore. Carlos Angel Diaz was found guilty of four counts of third-degree murder in the deaths of his ex-girlfriend, Candace Wertz, another woman and their two toddlers. Though his mother and sisters staunchly defended him saying “we know he didn’t do that!”, a witness who was in the car with Diaz said he intentionally rammed Wertz’s car after chasing her at speeds of up to 60 mph.
The witness also testified that Diaz purposely pushed the accelerator on his car as the 8,000-ton train approached, ramming his car into the victim’s automobile. The witness also said “He was really angry, his face was red, his veins were bulging.” The witness quoted Diaz as saying “Where you going to go, you bitch? The train’s coming. You can’t do nothing now!” A one-year protection-from-abuse order that Wertz obtained against Diaz expired 20 days before her death. He waited until it expired to go after her.
And though she didn’t die, it was certainly a sad thing to watch an 18 year old girl beaten, dragged around by the hair, and kicked in the head by her ex-boyfriend. Remember the case of Ohio’s Garfield Heights High School basketball star Tony Farmer? He’d been one of the most highly sought after players in the country until he decided to attack his ex-girlfriend in the lobby of her apartment building, unaware that his actions were being caught on a security camera.
It should come as no surprise that the black community and coaching staff at his high school rallied for Farmer not to go to prison. Luckily the judge didn’t care. The 6’7” 220 lb Farmer had no concern about his future while he was beating on that young woman and he was subsequently sentenced to three years behind bars.
A Texas ex-boyfriend was so disgustingly bitter that he killed his ex-girlfriend and their one year old baby boy, burning him alive in the house with his dead mother. He was angry because she’d filed for child support. Thomas Olivas, 29, was arrested a few days after the fire chilling at a sports bar like nothing was wrong.
What is it about a woman breaking off a relationship that brings out the complete fool in some men? In Queens, New York a man stabbed his ex-girlfriend to death, then went into a convenience store covered in her blood to buy himself some brewskys. I guess all stabbing someone to death and killing ex-girlfriends is hard work… makes a nigga work up a thirst for some Coors!
Just this week in Jennings, Missouri, a man killed his pregnant ex-girlfriend while five children were in the house. Several of the children are his, two others by other men and one was a visiting relative. But he didn’t care about that because he was angry she was having a baby by some other man. Two of her children ran across the street to the Jennings police station to tell officers their mother had been shot, but by the time they got there, Ms. Davis was already dead.
A Camden County jury convicted Troy Whye, 39, of first-degree murder in the slaying of his estranged girlfriend, Krystal Skinner, a 23 year old Rutgers-Camden honors student who had tried desperately to end their relationship. He stabbed her repeatedly in front of their 2 year old son. When police entered the apartment they found the baby on the floor stroking his mommy’s hair. “Troy hit Mom-Mom” he said, and made stabbing motions with an ink pen, acting out the crime he’d witnessed. Whye showed no emotion after receiving the verdict.
This mental state where killing ex-girlfriends makes sense starts young. Brett A. Emery, 18, beat his minor ex-girlfriend then forced her to go with him to his house, where he beat on her some more. A witness intervened and the girl was able to escape to safety. He was arrested and charged with aggravated kidnapping, kidnapping, unlawful restraint, aggravated battery, domestic battery, aggravated assault and criminal damage to property.
St. Louis is another spot where men seem to have lost their minds (I’m referring to Chicago, New York and Detroit). A fool named Lecourtney Luckett was released from jail on January 25, 2013. He made a beeline for his ex-girlfriend’s home where he beat and raped her.
And just today, a news report from New Jersey tells a disturbing tale of a divorced woman who allowed her ex-husband to stay with her and the children because he had nowhere else to go and she felt sorry for him. However, that pity did not extend to sleeping with him. Furious that she wouldn’t give him no poontang, her ex went into the kitchen, filled a pot with water and oil, heated it to boiling, then carried it into his ex-wife’s bedroom where she was asleep and poured it on her. Then he locked the door so no one could get in and left.
Despite her injuries, Terri Thompson crawled to a neighbors for help. She’s in serious condition and police are looking for the 5’6” 200 lb, 47 year old Byron Stokeley. Charges against him are for “aggravated assault” which is a joke. He beat her, boiled her and locked her in the apartment leaving her to die. There is no way that charge should be anything less than attempted premeditated first degree murder.
And just moments ago while writing this piece, Bristol Connecticut police arrested Mario Rivera, 24, for the murder of a woman that didn’t want to be with him anymore. Her family says she called her grandmother’s house looking for help. The victims mother says: “He started going off on my mother first, then he went off and told my daughter, ‘Hang up the phone before I kill you,’ and then my daughter said, ‘Hurry up. Hurry up,’ so when my mother got there, it was too late. She was dead.”
Twenty-nine year old Shenia Walker was the mother of four with two children by Rivera. With police reporting having been called to the residence several times before on domestic disputes, those children have now seen and heard it all.
Take a really good look at what is written above and understand that every time you go out with a new man, you have assumed a huge risk for what can happen when the relationship ends. You must listen carefully to the things he says and if possible take a peek at his Facebook page and the posts he makes. Get into his head so you can find out if he is someone you should involve yourself with or not.
Watch for these red flag phrases and behaviors:
- Women should KNOW THEIR ROLES
- Women should KNOW THEIR PLACE
- Women CAN’T DO EVERYTHING MEN DO
- Women ARE TOO EMOTIONAL
- Women WITHHOLD SEX AS A GAME
- Some woman WON’T LET ME SEE MY KIDS
- Some woman WON’T LET ME BE A MAN
- What you want is DENIED OR IGNORED OR PUT DOWN OR DISLIKED
- Believes that HIS WOMAN MUST ASK HIS PERMISSION
- Believes that YOUR BODY BECOMES HIS ONCE YOU ARE A COUPLE
- Believes that HIS WOMAN MUST HAVE NO PERSONAL TIME OR SPACE away from him
- Believes that HIS OPINIONS AND THOUGHTS ARE RIGHT and yours and those of any female are wrong
- He EXPECTS WOMEN TO BE SUBSERVIENT TO MEN
- He DENIES YOU CHOICES AND OPTIONS deciding everything FOR YOU
- He BELIEVES MEN ARE INNATELY SUPERIOR TO WOMEN
- If you say that he hurt you emotionally or physically, HE SAYS IT’S NOT THAT BAD
- If you say that he hurt your feelings or hurt you physically, HE SAYS NO I DIDN’T
- He says that you two will ALWAYS BE TOGETHER
- He says that he IS NOTHING WITHOUT YOU
- He RUSHES THINGS AT BREAKNECK SPEED so you are living together and practically engaged in a few weeks
- Refers to any woman as THAT BITCH or THAT WHORE
- Refers to any women as YOU BITCHES or YOU WHORES
- Thinks adult males beating on female children is the way to get them to behave
- Thinks adult males beating on adult females is the way to get them to behave
- Says anything about women being TOO INDEPENDENT
- Says anything about women being TOO REBELLIOUS
- Says anything about women HAVING A NASTY ATTITUDE
- Says anything about women being TOO CONFRONTATIONAL
- Says anything about RAPE IN A JOKING MANNER
This is a short list, certainly not fully inclusive. I plan to add to it as things come to mind. If you have suggestions for the list, feel free to write them in the comments section below.
And understand, these stories represent American men - a variety of ages, races, and geographic locations are included. Not one of them is highly educated. Several worked as security guards or other low-paying jobs, and others were not employed at all. But in each case these guys are murdering women they claim to “love” and can’t live without.
What kind of love is it when you cannot trust the man who claims to care for you to treat you with dignity and respect? What is is about some men that makes them feel a sense of ownership over a woman, as if she is nothing more than prized livestock?
Understand this: women almost never kill men, and when they do 99% of the time it is either in self defense, defense of their children, or it occurs AFTER he has beat, abused and threatened her many times, even going so far as to violate restraining orders to get to her.
When there is a “domestic dispute” headlined in the media and someone dies, the deceased is guaranteed to be a female. And where there is a murder-suicide, look for a man who has killed a woman for no reason other than she won’t give him what he wants – access to her body when and how he wants it. When you hear about a man murdering his ex-girlfriend, look for a man who has no problem with killing ex-girlfriends for no reason other than she won’t let him have his way with her, with the children, with her money, with her life.
Remember, abuse and violence in relationships is never about love, its about CONTROL. And when a man with low self esteem and no confidence feels he is losing control, he becomes a dangerous animal.
Use these resources if you need help getting out. Don’t take his threats lightly and don’t ignore them.
A fool stupid enough to tell you he aims to kill you is stupid enough to do it. Men are busy killing ex-girlfriends all the time.
Leaving Abusive Relationships
Helping a Friend for Family Member in an Abusive Relationship
Red Flags for Abusive Relationships
Category: Society and Culture