Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I have been in love with my best friend’s brother for seven years, and I’m starting to think he is what you call “emotionally unavailable”. Throughout those years, I have been there for him – but ask me if I get the same treatment back! We are at times closer than friends. I’ve even babysat for him (he has two children and two baby mommas). I have told him how I felt and what level I want to be with him. As funny as it may seem, I have told him to take his time trying to get with me, but I want to move on.
I’m a pretty female holding down a job and going to school full time, but I have no one to call my own. The problem with this is that people think I should expect more from him, but I can’t. There have been games played with my mind, and to this day I cannot believe anything he tells me. I never ask for anything, but he gets the world from me. I’m tired of giving this brother the lips, hips and topping. I get tired of being around him (or any man) that asks for the goods, but aren’t willing to pay. I want a pair of shoes, ice cream, dinner, a show, etc. Am I being too harsh?
I want to know the secret of making a man give instead of receiving all the time. I feel like a gold digger when it comes to asking for demanding a man to purchase me a gift. I don’t want to be a player, or even get played. I just want a man who wants the same things I want.
I Should Know Better
Dear Know Better:
Yes, you are right… you should know better. Since you see that he is not at all interested in you “like that,” and has demonstrated repeatedly that he is emotionally unavailable, why are you fooling around giving him anything? I swear, that fool couldn’t get the time of day from me! He doesn’t have to do anything for you because you give him all you have to give with absolutely no effort on his parts – your body, your love, and your emotions. You don’t trust him, he has babies all over the place, he’s cheap and he’s selfish.
Dang girl, what’s up with you? I don’t understand what you see in him at all. With all these negatives, I am wonder why are you wasting your time with this emotionally unavailable clown?
Demanding that a man get you a gift removes all meaning from the gift – its more like you are demanding payment for services rendered or something, so you can say “well, at least I got such and so out of him!” You are confusing material goods with a display of true affection and adoration. Getting a man to give to you involves taking care of yourself and demanding equality and fairness instead of trinkets. What you ask for could be love, intimacy, attention, conversation, or a romantic evening. You want a man to give of HIMSELF, not replace an emotional connection with a pair of shoes.
So you ask for what you want or need, and if he doesn’t want to give it to you, your next move is out the door and on to the next dude. No one is making you stick around, and no one is doing anything to you that you aren’t letting this emotionally available user do. Remember, when you lay down like a rug, you’ll get walked on.
When a man feels deeply attached and in love, he will give you everything he has in the world to give because he wants you to be happy. When a man is into you mentally and emotionally, he tells you his secrets, he trusts you, and he shares not only his bed, but his dreams. It is your responsibility though to choose a man that loves you, and who proves it though words and deeds.
This one doesn’t.
Category: Dating Advice