Friends with Benefits, Booty Calls and Bed Buddy Dating Relationships

| 07/06/2012 | Comments (4)

What do you think of friends with benefits dating relationships?

A 35 year old female reader of this blog weights in on friends with benefits relationships:

I am not ashamed to say that I recently participated in a friends with benefits (FWB) relationship. The guy didn’t want a serious relationship. I believe that he just didn’t want a serious relationship with me. He was fun and we had similar backgrounds and he pretty much treated me like a girlfriend. I met someone else and decided to pursue something with someone who possibly wants to take me seriously. female sexuality black women sexuality

Now, the friends with benefits dude says I tried to hurt him by pursuing the new guy and doesn’t want to speak to me..ever…not even cordially. This guy didn’t want anything serious with me..and believed that I didn’t have my sh&t together & even stated that I wasn’t conventionally pretty(something that I know)..but I supposedly tried to hurt HIS feelings.

I am okay with never speaking to him again because it needed to end it, but I now see how these friends with benefits sorts of things end on a sour note, especially for the over 30 crowd. I realize that I was too old to participate in something like that.


Friends with Benefits Discussion Questions

  • Have you ever been involved in a friends with benefits relationship (and we use that term “relationship” very loosely)?
  • Why do singles enter into FWB/friends with benefits relationships?
  • Do FWB types of situations always end badly from your experience?
  • Have you ever seen a friends with benefits relationship blossom into love and commitment?
  • Are friends with benefits pairings different for women than they are for men? Does this vary by age group or life experience?
  • Is there any time in a person’s life when he or she should definitely NOT consider a friends with benefits pairing?


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Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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Category: Date Smarter, Not Harder

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Comments (4)

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  1. browniegirl360 says:

    Funny how he is mad that SHE TOOK HERSELF SERIOUSLY and moved on…what happened here is that she took his COOKIE!

  2. TrixieM says:

    Funny! I am cracking up on how Homegirl flipped stuff on her “fwb” partner. Normally, it’s the woman stuck on stupid and holding the bag in these types of situations. Because when a man engages in this type of behavior, then moves on, it was exactly what it was. And, that was about the SEX! Women, generally, want more. However, in this case, it was the female that moved on.

    So, how can this man be mad? He’s the one that told her that HE didn’t want a relationship. He’s the one that agreed to this arrangement. And, he had the nerve to be mad that she moved on? In my opinion, she is better off without this selfish, immature fool in her life. The only reason he had a tantrum was because things didn’t remain on his terms. He got pissy because clearly he wasn’t running $&@!

    I’m just glad that she had enough sense to pursue time, commitment, and adoration from a man that wanted to honor her….outside the bedroom. Good for her! Too many women stay in “fwb” situations hoping that the man will change their mind.

  3. Razzy says:

    Friend with benefit ‘situation can work out ok if it is with some one else’s man (or someone else’s woman). But if both people are single and available, they generally don’t work out too well.  I would say FWB works OK if you’re down with OPP lolol

  4. sista42 says:

    Definitely a topic on my radar lately and it’s certainly a subject I’d like to hear some different views on. I believe this FWB may work for some but not many in my opinion or perhaps a younger age group. Like the article for the 30 and above it’s not that simple because I feel as we mature we become more driven by our emotions and take things more seriously or more settled and seek more stability. Having something of substance and potential would be ideal for me in the 40 something group.  Honestly speaking I truly cannot recall ever being an advocate or a member of this population (once in the past). Having been in long term relationships for the most part I guess it’s just never been an option to entertain until now.  Recently I found myself in this situation going in with an open mind and making a choice to go with the flow and see what happens.  Now it appears emotions are in question on both ends but no one is really saying it??? I won’t say I regret anything about it and most of my closest friends will say I’m crazy not to have fun with it based on my reports. I have to say it’s been along time having this much fun and enjoyment on all fronts, the wining, dining and attention has been awesome not mention the obvious, lol.  My problem is what now, do you walk away now that the conscience is buzzing or do you express the emotions and have the conversation???  I’ve even said on more than one occasion I’m not that chick but clearly I’ve become that chick for the 2nd time, Oh did I mention it’s that same FWB from my past? So I can definitely relate and would love to hear some feedback. 

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