How Dating is a Sport… Just Like Fishing!

| 07/15/2011 | Comments (0)

Some women don’t understand that dating is a sport.

These are the women at home alone weekend after weekend, fearful of flirting with a guy or taking the initiative to engage him in some way. And asking a man out on a date is unimaginable! Feeling that they are “too shy” or “too afraid of rejection” these ladies don’t understand that flirting and simple conversation such as “hi, my name is Deborrah, what’s yours?” is pretty much all they need to do to get things rolling.

Fearful people want guarantees that if they work up the nerve to flirt or converse with an attractive man they will have something to show for it at the end of the exchange. Doesn’t work that way folks. There are no guarantees in life, nor in dating, and there are certainly no guarantees in fishing!

Have any of you ladies ever gone hunting or fishing? You should try it sometimes. It is a study in patience, planning and understanding the male mind.

See, we can go to the grocery store and buy perfectly acceptable fish for $7.95 a pound that is already cleaned, boned and ready to eat. Women like things to be easy and predictable. But men don’t operate on that dynamic! Men want excitement, challenge, the thrill of winning and conquering and the memories and stories of the battle.

True fisherman will freeze in the cold, get up at 3:00 a.m., and spend HOURS and HUNDREDS of dollars on bait and tackle and special fishing chairs, clothes, rubber hip boots to wade into the water with. They expend all this effort and money just to bag a stinky fish or a dead animal with bullet holes in it that they can boast endlessly about. Should he be successful, a man will find great enjoyment in telling the story of that battle over and over again for years.

Fishermen use strategy and they use patience. They also dress appropriately for the environment in which they will be working, and they use the right bait. They may practice their craft in their back yard – throwing out their line until satisfied they can hit the mark and get their bait within 1 foot of the spot aimed for.

Fishermen will then travel miles and miles (sometimes hundreds) to get to an area where the “fish are biting” or where it is rumored that the “biggest fish are.”

These guys aren’t there because they are guaranteed they will get a fish at all, especially the size or quantity of fish they hope to catch! Nope. They are out there trying to catch a fish, and eagerly anticipating having a good time while doing it. They’ll sometimes be there from the crack of dawn until late in the night, focused intently on catching that one fish.

The determination and fixed focus is amazing to behold. And if a lucky fisherman should catch more than one fish, then it’s REALLY a good day!

This is the approach women need to have about dating.

Let’s say you decide to give fishing a try. There are three things that will happen when you finally arrive at the fishing spot and bait your hook:

(1) The man (fish) will swim up to the bait, look at it (maybe take a sample nibble). But then he decides that what is on your hook is not to his liking and he swims away. No problem. Re-bait and throw the line out again.

(2) He may take the bait, but only a little bit. He hook is merely caught a bit in his lip. When you try to reel him in and land him, he wiggles around and jumps off the hook. Hitting the water with a splash, he swims quickly away and disappears into the depths. It’s almost as if he weren’t there, he is gone so swiftly. Your bait and your fish are gone. You are disappointed… you almost had him! When this happens it means you were too aggressive, tried to rush the process, and forgot to use finesse when handling your fish. You didn’t let the fish hook HIMSELF.

(3) The fish will look at the bait, take a nibble, decide it’s yummy and with a big gulp, swallows the hook. When you jerk that pole to set the hook and reel him in, there is no way in hell he is getting away! The bait and the hook are firmly imbedded, and that fish is yours for the taking. Reel him in at a leisurely pace and enjoy his useless fighting to get away!

Admittedly, there will be occasions when you hook a fish that you discover later isn’t what quite what you were hoping to catch. However, some women are so desperate for a fish that they will keep it. Any fish is better than no fish in their book! But more discerning women will examine and subsequently throw back a fish that is by law too small, inedible, defective, or a different species than they were fishing for. Those reject fish will end up right on back in the water for other women to bother with because the fish is not what we wanted.

Sure, you invested time, energy and bait, and maybe even lost some tackle along the way, but so what? There are many more fish out there bigger and better and more to your liking.

On the flip side of the coin, sometimes you will throw your baited line out there and nothing will bite. Sometimes you throw your hook out there and get caught on an old tire, or hook nothing but seaweed, and you’ll loose your bait and hook when you have to cut the line to get free. That’s all right too. Do fishermen quit just because of one little episode like that? NO! They dig into that tackle box, set the line up again and throw it back in the water.

Choosing your fishing spot is very important. Perhaps you’ve discovered that the area in which you are fishing is rocky or choking with debris. Good fishermen know when to cut their losses! They pack up and move to another area where the water is clearer, the fishing is better, and with smiles and laughs they start all over again!

Live bait is gross and wiggly, and dead bait might not be your flava either. But you know what? You aren’t a fish!

If you want a prize fish, you give the fish what the fish wants! You also go fishing in the spot where you can catch the kind of fish you want to take home. Do you want wild river fish, a calm lake fish, or a stock pond farm raised variety? You don’t go fishing for catfish (bottom feeders) if you want a lively trout, and you don’t fish in a calm lake waters for a sturgeon.

“The ‘fish’ are biting, and I know this really great spot…”

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Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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Category: Date Smarter, Not Harder

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