How to Date a Guy: Important Dating Questions to Ask and How to Ask Them
Why Are You Dating?
When a woman decides to accept a date, she is usually excitedly thinking one of two things: (1) this could be Mr. Right and the man I spend the rest of my life with; or (2) we are going to have such a great time tonight! If you are a young student, or recently out of a long-term relationship, you’re probably in the latter category, not looking for anything serious and just kicking up your heels.
For those single women looking for a long-term relationship of depth, it becomes important to determine if this man could be “the one.” Dating then becomes a means by which you will learn if your date now or could ever in the future meet your criteria for a husband.
Assessing his morals, values, common interests, life goals, personality, financial and emotional stability, and whatever else you want to throw on the pile becomes paramount. You’re not dating to just to have a good time; you’re dating with a specific goal in mind. But there is vital information you need to know. What is the best way to get answers to your questions?
Who is This Masked Man?
Men approach women they are physically attracted to, but the responsibility for determining if there should be a second date, how many dates, what happens on those dates, if a commitment should occur, sex, an engagement or marriage, etc. are the domains of the woman. He selects you for dating, but you choose him for more. Every woman seeking a mate should avoid spending weeks with someone having a good time without finding out who is behind the mask.
Though women love the excitement and romance of new love, you must stay focused. Do not allow yourself to be carried away on a romantic fantasy of this guy’s imagined perfection and “living happily ever after.” Instead, spend your time watching, looking and listening to acquire the information you need about your new dating partner.
Of course there is no way to know everything about someone even after being with him for years; however, there are vitally important bits of information that you must have early on to determine if THIS man is a good fit for your needs. There is a manner in which a woman should acquire information that involves skill and finesse. To encourage mutual exchanges of information in a manner that is non-threatening, I recommend guided questioning and the use of hypothetical situations.
First, How Do You Ask Questions?
Should you ask the questions you need answers to in a direct fashion? Recently several women have shared with me that they simply ask men what they need to know. I was horrified to hear that these ladies believed that a man new in their life would #1 answer such personal questions on a first or second date; #2 answer truthfully; and #3 shocked that they believed they deserved an answer to their question at all.
As a woman, I know how dangerous it is to share too much personal information with a person you have little to know personal knowledge of. He should not know where you live, where you bank, how much you earn, where you have credit, how old your children are, your exact place of employment, where your children go to school, your health issues, anything about your sex life, or any of that kind of personal information on an early date. What would you tell someone that for? Likewise, what gives you the right to ask him those questions and expect to get an answer?
#1 You Want to Know if He Has HIV/AIDS
This information is best discovered with a test and sharing of the test results, and should be done before any sexual activity occurs. However, you want to be as non-confrontational and intrusive as possible, which means this is not a question you should ask directly. What do you THINK he is going to say?
Not only do some men intentionally lie about these things, he could believe he is telling the truth because his last test four years ago was negative. Perhaps he hasn’t been tested recently enough to know his current status, or perhaps he’s never been tested at all!
Posing the question conversationally you might say “With all the diseases going around, I decided that anyone I sleep with in the future would have to go with me to get an HIV/AIDS test. I figured we’d share results and that way we’d both have peace of mind that neither one of us is going to kill the other over 20 minutes of fun! What do you think about HIV testing?”
Once you hear his answer, you will know if you can go to that level with him or not. No need to ask him directly if he has it… you’ll know as soon as he declines to take a test, or as soon as you get the test results back!
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Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Category: Women's Issues
