If You Didn’t Provide it For Yourself, It’s Not SELF Esteem!

I don’t look for recognition or approval from a man to make me feel better about myself. Neither do I seek such recognition or approval from women.  I allow no one to define me, and neither should you!  I do what I want to do, and be who I want to be.  If anyone tells me that I “can’t” do something because I am a woman, or because I am Black, or because I’m short or anything else, that thing moves to the top of my “goals to achieve” list! Then I make sure that I not only meet, but exceed the goal expeditiously!

Men with a fragile sense of their own masculinity often choose to tell women that there is a man shortage and that they best take the crumbs he is offering, or risk being alone forever.  The goal of these guys is to instill fear in the hearts and minds of women and create anxiety and desperation. Remember, study after study proves that fearful people are the easiest to manipulate and control.

Women need to stop being fearful.  Please understand that men who choose to play these games do not run anything but their mouths. Their penis and testicles provide them with no inalienable rights or privileges, nor does it bestow any superiority or special powers that you do not have in equal amounts.  Remember, they can’t even create a child without you!  Men have over women only the power and control that we give them. 

Please recognize that!

My self esteem is invincible because it is SELF ESTEEM. I create it for myself.  I set goals for myself, I achieve goals for myself.  I look in the mirror and love what I see staring back, even on bad hair days! LOL!  I accept the things about myself that I know I can change and make better, but I don’t focus on them to the exclusion of the positive, wonderful things I really admire about who and what I am

Women who do allow themselves be put in the position of questioning themselves have adopted the negative comments and criticisms received from men or media images as facts.  Instead of being down on yourself, say “well yeah, I probably could do XYZ more or better, but I’m still a great and wonderful person that does ZYX like a champ!”  I NEVER compare myself negatively to anyone.  Instead I say “hey, if they can do it, I can do it too, and probably better!”

And that is the key to maintaining a strong belief in and sense of pride about yourself.  It’s very, very important as we move through the issues of dating to get this out of the way for both genders.

A man with low self esteem won’t like himself much, and he won’t understand why you like him either.  Such guys are often resentful about the rejection they’ve received at the hands of women. You may notice him making snide comments about your happiness, success or achievements as he bursts your bubble and tries to bring you down a peg.

Due to the differences in gender socialization, women tend to be a bit different in relationships.  Females aren’t socialized to have the upper hand, so their self-esteem most often plays out with poor choices in men and hanging onto a painful relationship out of fearful desperation.

Positive relationships with the opposite sex begin with establishing positive relationships with ourselves. Women must stop allowing men to impact or control in any way their self image, and thereby their SELF esteem. Men must stop expecting that a woman or many women is going to give them confidence and SELF esteem.

Anyone that tries to put you down with snide critical remarks that make you question yourself or your abilities, who tries to make you jump through hoops to gain his/her approval, or who in any way tries to remove the smile from your face or the light from your eyes is no one that you should EVER bother with.

Wave bye-bye to all the haters in your world!