Comments on: If You Didn’t Provide it For Yourself, It’s Not SELF Esteem!

By: Patricia

Patricia — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 04:12:22 +0000

The idea that your self esteem is influenced by others is true, esp. when you are a kid. But if you were beat down by your family as a kid and ended up with low self esteem, know that that is not a permanent, fixed state.

You need to own your feelings as an adult and begin building the inner knowledge that you are worthwhile. Otherwise, yes, you will attract people who are as sick as you are, think you are not worthy of esteem, and they will take advantage of you or worse. Relying on others for your own feeling of self-worth is useless in the long run.

By: D`Marie

D`Marie — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 17:14:04 +0000

Thanks so much for this article. I’m giving it to my daughter. She only 15 years old (way too young to date but nevertheless…) and i am trying my best to drill these values into her right now.

By: Deborrah Cooper

Deborrah Cooper — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 16:58:23 +0000

You misunderstand what the word “self” means then. It is VERY true. Self-esteem cannot come from outside sources, it comes from within. If you believe in yourself and your talents, abilities and intelligence, it doesn’t matter what other people say. You blow it off! You ignore them! Only people that have low self esteem care what naysayers say and take their thoughts and criticisms to be meaningful. If you really had high self esteem, no one could crack your belief in yourself and what they say or thought about you would not matter in the least. You would still do what you do, and congratulate YOURSELF when you meet the goals and tally up the achievements you have set for YOURSELF.

There are people that are other oriented, and there are people that are self oriented. The self oriented people have high self esteem and the other oriented are batted about like tumbleweeds in the wind, totally dependent upon getting the acknowledgement, recognition and approval of other people. To me that is dumb and you set yourself up to have your feelings crushed.

Caring about what other people think about you is foolhardy. People will be jealous and say things to try to hurt you. People will be envious and not want you to be better or do more than they do, so they will say things to try to hurt you. People will feel insecure about your confidence and abilities, and do or say things to try to bring you down to their level. Knowing that, why the hell would I give what some other person thinks any credence? That would make me as stupid as they are. One thing Deb is not is stupid.

By: Raz

Raz — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 20:18:37 +0000

Kiesha: “As social creatures the bulk of self esteem comes from outward sources for both men and women. It’s in how people treat/have treated you starting from your parents and everyone else throughout your life. It is hard to build self esteem if people around you don’t think you are worth much, especially people you admire, love, and trust. It’s human nature, basic psychology.”

You make some very valid points. Positive or negative reinforcement by the people we care about makes a huge difference in how we view ourselves. If we are broken by our parents as children, during the formative years, it is hard to recover from that. That said, there comes a time in someone’s life where they have to wake up and not continue to play the victim and allow how ‘others think of them’ keep them making unhealthy choices. Women especially have to be careful of this as we’ve been socialized to value our self worth through what a man ‘thinks of us’.

By: Keisha

Keisha — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 19:47:28 +0000

Well, this article is intersting but I never understood why people think that true self-esteem comes from within, I’m sorry but I don’t think that is true. As social creatures the bulk of self esteem comes from outward sources for both men and women. It’s in how people treat/have treated you starting from your parents and everyone else throughout your life. It is hard to build self esteem if people around you don’t think you are worth much, especially people you admire, love, and trust. It’s human nature, basic psychology.

By: Deborrah Cooper

Deborrah Cooper — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 00:24:10 +0000

Girl, we need to talk. Try to find me on the MEEBO one day. I usually hang out here and make myself available at least 2 hours per day.

By: Lana

Lana — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 20:47:57 +0000

I hope to reach even 40% of your confidence one day, Ms. Cooper. After 8 years without so much as a date, I am about ready to settle for any man who doesn’t pose a physical threat. Disgusting, I know. But I am a size 10 in a 0-6 land and, though I AM dieting and exercising and very healthy medically, I am constantly overlooked while guys ask me for my “cute” friends’ numbers.

Anyway, that’s my problem and no one else’s.

Thanks for inspiring me to try and find some self-created happiness.

By: Mace

Mace — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 03:05:42 +0000

The author makes an excellent point. Maybe this is why men take rejection so hard. They stake their confidence on whether a woman likes them or not so if they take a chance and approach a woman and she turns them down, for a guy that’s a death blow.

They take it so personally because they base ‘who’ they are on whether a woman likes them or not.

I think this hinders guys from approaching women because they are so afraid of rejection. For a guy saying no, to a dance, or a date to him means you are saying no to his manhood to who he is as a man. That’s a tough pill for men to swallow.