In a few weeks I'm slated to be the keynote speaker at an interracial dating conference
here in the San Francisco Bay Area. To prepare for my presentation, I visited various websites and forums to get a feel for the concerns and issues that singles interested in interracial romance might be facing. I also joined and participated in several Facebook groups that focused on Black women in partnership with White men.
However, I came away shaking my head in disgust at what I perceived to be a very serious problem with these interracial groups. The young Black women posting there are, for the most part, very confused about how to conduct themselves; hundreds of Black females are falling prey to the sexual fetish games White guys play, getting their Black freak on.
The tasteless photographs of young Black females posed in a manner more suitable for Black Tail or some porn site than to meet men of quality were common. The overt discussions about sex were shocking. White men threw out questions such as:
- Does talking dirty in bed turn you on?
- Are you dominant in bed or submissive?
- How do you feel about mens cum? Where do you want it? Where wouldn't you want it?
- How many of you ladies wanna be my 'lil porn star?
- Why do so many women see giving head as a nasty thing to do?
- Who likes to wake their significant other up by giving some head?
To no surprise, the women responded eagerly to these perverse questions, their profile pictures displayed prominently right alongside. Why would young Black women put themselves on blast in this manner for the pleasure and enjoyment of White males? What is the mentality that would motivate such behavior? Are these women really that desperate for recognition and compliments? Do these women really think that is the only way to catch a White man's eye and have him pay attention to them?
Black Women Looking For Love in All The Wrong Places and Faces
From the profiles, it appears the majority of the females in these groups want to have a serious relationship, and they want to have it with a White male. This was evidenced in frequent posts made by Black women which contained questions such as "Where is my Prince? Why is he taking so long to come?" The motivation of the guys however, was not so clear.
When I voiced my concerns and suggested the young women examine how they were being treated, these White men attempted to shut me down. Few acknowledged the truth of their behavior, instead openly encouraging the women to be "sexually free" and to "let go of hang-ups" since "we are all adults here." The ratio of Black women to White men in all of these groups is at least 5:1, which gives the White males a great advantage and power. They didn't want me to do or say anything that would upset the balance of power from being in their favor or prevent them from getting their freak on with the Black women. I found the whole thing to be extremely distasteful. Each exchange was flavored with racist stereotyping of Black women as good for nothing but sex.
Do young women understand that men of all races judge women by how they present themselves? Apparently not. My grandfather always told us girls "if you don't have nothing to sell, don't advertise." How can you allow a man to see your breasts and ass in all kinds of suggestive poses, then get upset when he thinks that you will be down for sex as soon as you meet? If you always present yourself like a street walking 'ho online, how can you expect that a man would treat you like someone precious and special on an offline date?
Bottom line for me: any Black female that thinks its appropriate to post ass shots, tit shots, crotch shots, to talk about sexual positions, blowjobs, sexual experiences, etc. online with complete strangers has both a mental and self-esteem problem. Your behavior needs to change immediately.
Stop it, right now.
The Past Will Follow You Into the Future
Are these women aware of the fact that whatever you post on Facebook or out on the web stays there forever? Even if a page is deleted from that site, there may be an archive of the page in Google or in the Internet Archives affectionately known as The Wayback Machine
. This means evidence of what you do and say on the web won't necessarily disappear without a trace, no matter how many years ago you did something stupid online. Your name and your face will be associated with your forum posts, personal pages, web pages and blogs for decades.
Your sexually suggestive posts could become an issue which will affect your future income, employment and relationships.
Young Black women need to be aware of the fact that employers and prospective employers are utilizing searches through social media pages more and more frequently. With so many people out of work, employers can afford to be picky. By taking the time to do background checks which include posts and pages on the web, employers can get a better idea of the character, values, morals and behavior of their current and future staff.
Which means that your sexually oriented posts and photographs present you in a way that would make you undesirable for hiring. Unless you are going to work in the adult entertainment business, that is.
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Category: Women's Issues