Knife carrying girlfriend sends chills through his heart
Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
So the other day I went to pick up my girlfriend so we could go to this party off campus (we are both college students 20 and 21 years old). She wasn’t quite ready so I watched as she put on her jewelery, coat, and then PUT A KNIFE IN HER POCKET!
I was astounded and was like WTF ARE YOU DOING? And she was like what, like she hadn’t done nothing strange, and then told me she takes her knife nearly everywhere besides school and work, I was like WTF WHY? She then she said it was for her protection. I am like what kind of crazy bitch carrys a knife around?
I told her I would not go to the party with her if she tool the knife, she said that I was being an ass! Really?? Me?? I haven’t talked to her since Wednesday. She came over twice but I didn’t answer the door. Who knows what that crazy physcho will do next!
The thought that when I have been out with her and she had been carrying a knife just makes me sick, and she is not carrying around just for a conversation piece either. She said “I would use it if I had to!” WHAT IN GODS NAME?? So I am really confused as to what to do right now. I thought I loved her but this is like the surprise of a lifetime. What should I do?
Signed,
Afraid of Pointy Things
Dear Afraid:
I’d like you to log onto the FBI and Department of Justice (DOJ) websites and review the latest stats on crimes against women, paying special attention to the rising numbers of crimes taking place on college campuses across the nation. You are living in a fantasy world if you think a woman doesn’t NEED some sort of protective device. Rapes, gang rapes, abduction, violent physical assaults, sexual harassment, and murder are common crimes against women in workplaces, their homes, at parties and on the street.
Women are smaller than men, have less upper body strength, and may not feel safe unless they have some sort of equalizer … something to use to even ATTEMPT to protect themselves from harm.
Your reaction was over the top inappropriate and selfish. Nowhere in your letter did you express the least bit of concern about why she was so worried. Nowhere in your letter did you attempt to support her and calm her fears by telling her that she doesn’t have to worry when she is with you, and that you will do everything in your power to protect her from harm. Why didn’t you ask questions? Why didn’t you talk to her and find out why she felt more secure with a weapon than she does without one? Has she been attacked in the past by a man? Is she fearful of being that vulnerable and unprepared to defend herself again?
You didn’t even bother to find out what motivated her to start carrying a knife – you just started calling her names and condemning her. What kind of boyfriend doesn’t ask questions and find out what his woman is afraid of? What kind of boyfriend would call his fearful woman “a crazy psycho” instead of identifying with how scared she must be to leave her house without her weapon?
What should you do? GROW THE HELL UP!
If this is representative of the best you can do with communicating with your girlfriend, and the epitome of your understanding and empathy, you don’t need a girlfriend. You don’t have the maturity for a relationship, the caring for her, nor the decency to worry about and support the woman you claim to love. You are more focused on the fact that she had a knife than you are her fears and the reason she has one. You’ve shown yourself to have a marked lack of character. I give you a big FAIL as a boyfriend.
MsHeartBeat
Dating expert and advice columnist since 1993, writing as Ms. HeartBeat. Author of the hilarious street smart dating guide "Sucka Free Love - How to Avoid Dating The Dumb, The Deceitful, The Dastardly, The Dysfunctional & The Deranged."
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Category: Dating Advice
“The thought that when I have been out with her and she had been carrying a knife just makes me sick, and she is not carrying around just for a conversation piece either.”
I thought it was funny how scared this guy felt after he found out his gf was carrying a weapon. How threatened he felt. He started whining like a little punk. I wonder why he felt so threatened? Is he doing something to provoke her to have to break out the knife? Obviously he wasn’t or he would have taken it in stride. But perhaps he thought back on the times he probably acted a fool and all the times he could have gotten his throat cut. Maybe he’s a lucky guy. If he isn’t planning on acting a fool and threatening her, he need never feel the knife.
Strange. I know when I voiced that some strange folks were hanging around my supposedly secure apartment (you need a key or code to get in) the guy I was dating immediately bought me mace for my keychain as well as offered to come over if anything was out of the normal. You would think this guy would want to protect his girl and be a bit more understanding. Why is it that some men tend to go crazy when a women needs to protect herself and she is categorized as physco or crazy. I could understand if he had a bad experience in the past with a not so forthcoming lady but this is someone totally different. Like others have said I wonder if he has given a female a reason to have to be crazy by protecting herself.
Just wow at this fool. A common clueless, sexist, idiot jerk. Co-sign the response and comments from everyone!
I think he is out of touch with the realities of safety and he needs to read up on the statistics for violent crimes on campus and off. He seems to have overreacted and he didn’t use choice words to describe her though I don’t think it is about him being a control freak or abuser just probably because of his younger age and lack of maturity. I would hate to have printed what I said or did when I was 20 years old, wisdom and experience has also changed my habits and vocabulary.
He wasn’t completely out of line with being concerned about the knife because in many areas it is considered a dangerous weapon especially on college campuses, I would also suggest Mase or a stun gun for her.
Peoples background influence their thinking and behavior. Some people grow up in areas where the front door is unlocked while others have 5 locks, burglar bars, house alarm, a dog and a few guns. I would suggest they he communicate his concerns with her and listen and empathize with her position and maybe they can work things out.
Dude,
Your lady simply has a more realistic understanding of life as women have to live it in our society. A woman out in public in an urban environment is at about the same level of risk minute by minute as a man in a medium security prison. Think about that for a few seconds.
She might be better off with mace or a stunner though.
Yep a big F for FAIL, but also a C for CONTROL FREAK. HE is all whiney and upset now because he isn’t controlling the relationship. But if HE carried the weapon -it would be ok. O Brotha puleeez.
Makes me wonder if boyfriend hasn’t threatened a woman in the past because he reacted so defensively and as you said so over the top and negatively towards his girlfriend for taking a stance in protecting herself.
I smell a rat here and I wouldn’t be surprised if this dude has given a woman cause to protect herself against HIM! A mature man would not have acted that way and indeed they would have understood. Most fathers/brothers/uncles etc… who care about the welfare of the females in their family would make sure they had some form of protection, mace/pepper spray or something and would not think that a woman was crazed for carrying a knife. Especially given that some men are ‘packing’.
He sounds fearful, judgmental and sexist. She needs to dump him. His dumb butt is trying to make her feel less about herself when he really is the silly immature guy. Great advice.