Match.Com’s Singles Survey Means Nothing for Black Women
Match.Com Study Result #2
58% of men are likely to believe in love at first sight.
When I was growing up my own father told me he fell in love with my mother the first time he laid eyes on her. My father claimed he knew in an instant that my 16 year old mother would be his wife someday. I’ve heard similar stories from other Black men. However, this admission of romantic love creates conflict and is not likely to result in marriage in the Black community. Why? Because when a Black man admits he wants to be with the woman he loves, he knows he will be taunted and ridiculed by his peers for settling down and agreeing to have sex with just with one woman for the rest of his life.
Match.Com Study Result #3
Interest in marriage was equal, with 33% of both men and women wanting to marry.
Marriage is not a popular concept amongst Black men, which has resulted in a shameful out of wedlock birth statistic. Census reports state that 72% of Black children are now being born to unwed mothers vs. just 29% of Whites. A female poster shared her opinion on the matter: “People that don’t want commitment should not be making children which is most black men’s problem; they don’t want to commit or be married but they are leaving babies everywhere.”
Match.Com Study Result #4
31% of men are willing to commit to a woman that has everything they want on paper, even if they aren’t in love with her. Slightly less (26%) are willing to settle for a woman that has what they want on paper, even if they don’t find her to be sexually attractive.
Black men keep very tight reigns on their emotions. Extolling logic over emotion, a Black man would “choose” a woman that meets a certain set of criteria – figure, education, social contacts, money, or family. If he believes this woman somehow raises his stock by impressing other men in his circle, he will choose her. He pretends to feel more for her than he does and essentially fakes a relationship entered into solely for his convenience. If this survey were done exclusively on Black men, more like 65% of the men would have answered affirmatively to this question.
Match.Com Study Result #5
Almost half the men surveyed (46%) have no problem moving in with a woman in less than a year of dating.
In the Black community, there are many men that make it their business to move in with one woman after another, capitalizing on her love for them. Utilizing the technique in Result #4 above, their “everything” is an apartment or home of her own that he is not obligated to pay a dime for. Moving in with a woman gives an opportunistic or lazy man the benefits of a marriage without any of the legal ties and obligations.
Match.Com Study Result #6
Seniors are sexy beasts… respondents over the age of 60 were more likely to require their partner to be romantic and sexually attractive. Plus, the senior set were the most orgasmic, making the magic happen 91-100% of the time.
Hypertension, high cholesterol, diabetes, kidney and heart disease are epidemic in the Black community, affecting the health and libido of millions of Black men as early as their mid-40s. A healthy body can experience a quality sexual response. However, circulatory and respiratory diseases take their toll on the bodies of Black men. Impotence and medical restrictions on sexual activity are often the end result.
Match.Com Study Result #7
Between the ages of 21 and 34, men were more likely to want children than women – 51% of guys wanted babies, compared with just 46% of women.
With Black women graduating college at a rate of 4:1 over Black men, many single Sistah’s with goals for themselves are postponing marriage and family until they are solidly established in a career. Successful Black women, moreso than any other demographic, may represent first generation college graduates in their family. College loans and a sense of responsibility for setting a good example, many of these young women feel they are carrying the torch of higher educational achievement for younger siblings. Having a baby and all the responsibility THAT entails can wait.
However, for males the responsibility for children is not as great. Even when men are married and live in the home with their family, mothers carry the load of day to day caretaking for the children – not the father. He rolls in after work, plays with the kids a few minutes, and may help with homework or read a story. However MOM has carted them around, made sure they got to and from day care, tutor, dance lessons, Little League practice, Bobby’s birthday party, and the orthodontist. Plus she stopped at the grocery store, cooked dinner, made lunches for the next day, did a load or two or laundry, cleaned the kitchen, gave baths and finally plopped down to rest a few minutes before falling into bed.
Parenting for women is more than a notion, while for men it’s not such a major life changer. Division of labor with regards to children and housework is battle common amongst couples of all races.
Dependent Men / Independent Women
Dr. Helen Fisher (Match’s Chief Scientific Advisor) noted that once happily ensconced in a committed relationship “…men are less likely to say they need personal space (58% vs. 77% of women); less likely to want nights out with friends (23% vs. 35% of women); less eager to own their own bank account (47% vs. 66% of women); and less likely to want to take a vacation on their own (8% vs. 12%).”
What we see in this survey are many examples of the modern man’s desire to be taken care of by his new Mommy. Cooking for him, paying his bills and providing sex for a man that doesn’t love her or find her sexually attractive with sex, the “wife” these men envision provide their men with the fiefdom he dreams of. Men want to be taken care of like babies, but made to feel they are Kings and ruler of all he surveys.
It’s no wonder that women are hesitant to sign on as part of this vision. Most women understand that having both young children and a 40 year old man-child to take care of can be taxing and unrewarding.
Summary
Though the Match.Com 2012 Singles Survey is an impressive undertaking, I would caution Black women to avoid viewing the findings as anything more than humorous entertainment. This is a study primarily of White people for White people, and therefore it has little to do with the very real cultural differences in values and socialization of African Americans.
Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Category: Society and Culture
This was good. Many of these surveys do not apply to black women. The white majority is who it’s meant for.