Men, I Hear You and Imma Let You Finish, but…
Men, I hear you and Imma let you finish, but the following 5 phrases are the most asinine, contrived, psychologically projected, Jedi-mind tricked, verbally fucked phrases of ALL TIME!!!!
- “You’re too strong.” So…….does that mean I have to be weak? Oh so now you telling me how I need to be in order to be with you? Ah! Excuse me while I go talk to another man that respects my strength and is not trying to pretzel me into what he wants me to be.
- “You’re too independent.” So…….does that mean I need to be dependent? Dependent on whom? How can I be dependent on you when yo ass is consistently inconsistent!!! One day you’re Ne-Yo wanting Ms. Independent who got her own and then you’re Lil Boosie talking bout wanting an I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T broad working two jobs but then when I say I’m independent now I’m too independent! WTF YOU WANT FROM ME MAAAAAAN!!!??? lol
- “Your standards are too high.” So….does that mean I need to lower my standards for you? And if I need to lower my standards what does that say about you and how you feel about yourself? Hmm…don’t know too many women that have to do all that but–Okay. All across the globe women are encouraged to select UP not DOWN. Even at the most basic level, right now as we speak a woman in a village is being married off to the man with 8 goats not 1. Hmmm, methinks the dude with the 1 goat was talking that bullshit that her standards were too high. lol FOH!
- “Your attitude is too bad.” So….does that mean I need to change my attitude? %&$#%@& *&^%$#$$%%#$ You’d have a bad attitude too if men were constantly telling you what you need to do and how you need to be and why you don’t have xyz! ESPECIALLY when women have followed men’s instructions only to be let down time and time again by their boyfriends and husbands who had no instructions of their own to follow on what it means to be a better boyfriend/husband. FOH x2!
- “You need to let a man be a man.” So….does that mean I don’t let you be something you should already be in the first place?? O_o Hmmm…what are you the rest of the time when I’m not letting you be a man??? Scary to think about. Well, while you’re arguing with me about your fleeting manhood, I’m gonna mosey on over to the man whose manhood is never threatened nor the subject of debate. Last time I checked men don’t need permission to be men.
This shit must STOP! Stop overgeneralizing, stop misinterpreting statistics, stop taking things out of context, stop telling us what to do, stop trying to change us, and stop trying to control us.
K'Sera
Conscious sistah who expresses many of her thoughts on FaceBook, spreading her wings into the blogosphere via SurvivingDating.Com.
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Category: Date Smarter, Not Harder, Guest Posts
I’ve taken the liberty of rewriting your five “fucked phrases”. It’s obvious men and women interpret things different.
1. “Damn! You act like a dude!” I mean, why would any guy want a woman without a nurturing bone in her?!?
2. “You act like you don’t need a man!” So why am I in your life. But I’ve never used this line.
3. “Woman, the shit you want don’t even matter!” Because when you’re dead, no one will care what you lived in, what you wore, or what you drove. Who will miss you when you’re gone?
Now, I don’t totally disagree with your version. Every individual has a right to want what they want no matter how unrealistic. You may never attain it but you didn’t compromise your list! That says a lot! Means you’re rigid!! But that’s not a good quality so the guys didn’t miss out anyway.
4. “You a mean bitch!” Speaks for itself. And life for me and our children would be hell. Or maybe she just needs some love in her life to soften her up. But you won’t pull one with a jacked up attitude.
5. ????? Not sure what brothers mean by this one. Never used it. Can any brothers elaborate? I must admit, telling a woman to “Let a man be a man” does sound pretty weak. How can a woman make you feel less manly? Paying for shit?! Not me. I say pay away, my dear. LOL!!
*sigh*
I have been told that my standards are “too high” which I interpret to mean that the guy cannot or will not lower myself to date them. Oh well….
i’m so f*ccing tired of people blaming the entire race or entire sex of a person for their f*cked up relationship. the word ALL never applies to EVERYONE. why the hell do people keep doing this. it’s just making it harder and harder for us to truely fall in love with and trust one another. STOP BLAMING THE ENTIRE RACE AND SEX OF A PERSON FOR YOUR FAILED RELATIONSHIP ATTEMPTS. IT’S NOT FAIR. THERE IS NO WAY THAT EVERY BLACK MAN DOES ALL OF THESE THINGS AND VICE VERSA WITH BLACK WOMEN. WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT. PLEASE LEARN TO RESPECT THAT AND STOP JUDGING PEOPLE BASED OFF OF THERE SKIN COLOR AND GENDER.
Kemi: “STOP BLAMING THE ENTIRE RACE AND SEX OF A PERSON FOR YOUR FAILED RELATIONSHIP ATTEMPTS.”
Nobody is blaming the entire race and sex, just the knuckleheads who display the behavioral traits in this article. If that ain’t you then you have nothing to worry about, if it is you, then the shoe fits, wear it, learn from it and stop whining when the finger gets pointed at you for mistreating the women in your life.
*closes casket and floats away to heaven over point #5* bwahahahaha, tell it!
@Bruce- I don’t 100% disagree with you. It is my observation as well that several black women do not have the tools and/or are simply ignorant to the proper way of ensuring a healthy response from a relatively positive, deserving, and engaging black male. I re-iterate, engaging. If we delve into that topic we will then be..off-topic. More so, you will then get even more in a tailspin because answers to your and mine observation are once again rooted in perceived black male apathy.
However, I do think you went below the belt referring to “WHOREDOM.” You and I both know that particular state of living has no assigned demographic. Both genders and all ethnicities are possess offenders of that selected lifestyle choice. So lets try to rise above that. Based off of what you wrote what I think you are misunderstanding or just not FULLY processing is the numbers involved in your mud-slinging. There is a SIGNIFICANT discrepancy in the amount of AVAILABLE, deserving, positive and engaging single bw than bm..period. Therefore, I take issue with your theory ending with the word equal. We all know the reasons bm lack AVAILBILIY (yawn). As black women, we are now just simply use to it. As a result, being tauntingly bombarded with statements 1-5 and enduring its inaccuracy from bm becomes momentarily irritating and downright mundane. NEXT. Elevate the conversation and take your direct/indirect responsibility for the failure of black relationships. Without the latter, I will continue to doze while bm give a transparent rant about who’s “at fault.” come on Gentleman…really?
Deep. It would be great if these articles were written either stating different instances, or the man and I use the term loosely were described in this role on why this was written. All men just like all women ain’t and can’t be held responsible for bad relationships, that’s the overgeneralization right there! Men need to stop doin’ and sayin’this, that and the other.No!!!! the Men that do those those things need to stop sayin’ this that and the other . Not all men can be blamed for this, and not all women either. Men and Women as a whole need to look at self and see what they attracting to themselves, and to pay attention and get to know the person as they are around you, and not around you. don’t go deep into a relationship then finding out after the fact that something wasn’t right. This goes for Both.
And Independent I hear that so much that when most women and men that make songs say that don’t know the meaning of the word. Which really means doing for yourself and able to help others without causing a strain on yourself, or doing for others while stuff ain’t going well for you, or stuff is going well for you and you give back meaning generous another word that people don’t know the meaning to and I heard many women when addressing a man using it the wrong way. Women inturn need to quit trying to Mold a Man as well, Like they say you can’t turn a Hoe into a Housewife unless she squares up, You can’t turn a Thug into a Thorobred. Know what you getting into on both sides and use responsibility. bitterness from being around and with many men or women does not justify People’s generalization of a gender. All the women who will try to go in on me after this post. Read that Article again, then read what I wrote you know it is help and not point blame.
Thank you and let’s have more working together.
Dude, if you are so narcissistic that you think every single thing you read on the Internet, which is a vast, worldwide medium, that refers to a male or a man is directed at your goofy ass, then you are crazy. There is no need for anyone to take the time to be specific and add words or take words out of their piece to suit your ass. You read it and take what you can from it, or you don’t. Your choice.
It’s soooooooo stupid when BLACK MEN LIKE YOU take the time to go on message boards and compose diatribes specifying how you want women to write their articles so that you don’t have you use your own brain and figure out if the material therin applies to you or not.
Like I said, you don’t hear niggas complaining and jumping up and down whining about ALL if a woman writes about how Black men are fine, or Black men are superior athlethes, or Black men have the biggest Johnsons, or Black men are the sexiest. No, you don’t say anything about that and certainly don’t try to eliminate yourself from THAT pool of “gender generalizations.”
That is why I say yall full of shit. Full of it!
You don’t want to apply the article to you, then don’t. But you do not have the right to come on any site and attempt to dictate to women how they “should” write an article. Kiss ass Danta.
Lastly, let the thug word go. Niggas and that crazy mentality just kill me. Yall act like there are only two kinds of black men in the world – gang bangers and PhDs. WTF kind of sense does that make? Soooooooo stupid.
Since 90% of Black men are just regular guys with at most an undergrad degree, that means most Black men are middle managers, blue collar workers, small business owners, etc. Not thugs. And these middle of the road guys are the ones that women are dating and marrying, and they are also the ones lying and cheating and being abusive and being stupid like you.
Fascinating Deborrah, very fascinating. Seems I touched a Red Button. Again I speak on all you things, conveinent how you just left out the part about us working together, I thought stupid meant knowing better but doing it anyway, thanks for clearing that up. And you would hear Dudes not Niggas speaking on all of this if you would listen, or better yet post their frustrations and concerns on this site but they can’t! because you won’t allow it!!!! but as soon as men do complain they get alot of lashing out as you just displayed. I ain’t tellin’ nobody how to write anything but if it ain’t looked at from all areas then it has no merit. I didn’t make the distinction of males, You did, I show how totally wrong you are and you can’t handle it. I know it ain’t two black men in this world but on these posts describing Black men you see the words Player (incorrectly used I might add.), Niggas, Nuthin’ Ass, Punks etc. But in these blogs you act like the men you claim to be looking for don’t exist it’s a personality thing not gender, remember I said character? So again that article was generalized by saying men, instead of a man or men in particular guilty of doing these things you claim you so sick and tired of. And always comming up with these ridiculous expectations of what a man needs to be to a woman, but you never say that you will be the same for him and expect to be either carried, or Independent again you can’t have it both ways. And I state again find out about these men, people can only hide who they are for so long, but just like you claim men do, look for what a woman physically has to offer mainly looks and sex, but women such as yourself Go for the physical, the superficial and also the financial. And I know who I am. never said I was the sexiest eventhough I condsider myself to be sexy, that’s for the women to decide because being sexy comes from different levels too, never said anything about Athletes except pointing out knuckleheads I grew up with (see I didn’t use thug)being good ones, you did about How a Woman can tell all the attributes about a man with 100% accuracy without knowing anything of what that man is capable of or finding out for yourself. you go of sight, not actual experience. The Big Johnson thing you said nice guys don’t know how to screw, I ain’t in that category, and I never said I had a big one, Only the women that want me like that, will know that. Glad you used regular. I say this of politics as well Republican, Democrat etc. if you an asshole, you an asshole period. You told me to get rid of Thug, I know the actual meaning you don’t. I use it in the same context you use it in the wrong one, and that seems to be what y’all claim to relate to. I’ll let thug go, when you let Player go if The men you describe ain’t named Bill Gates, Donald Trump, etc. then he is not a player. Women are players too Like Oprah, Martha Stewart, etc. Lastly what’s with all the Hostility? Deborrah???? Raz???? again not all men are responsible for what be written or has been done you have Dudes out there that give Dudes like myself and others a bad name so that’s when you need to use that intuition like you said Deborrah about being able to figure a man out. Or Nignoring men skill you have, remember that? I’ve been called so many things on here when I come with what I come with, a few times I wrote something on here as I always do with knowledge and I don’t get a response back? Why? Forget that I was right, but you know it’s true from y’all either hearing about it or experiencing it. Just as you said take what you want from it, I wrote back and it’s alot of insults anything about working together, and and using sense was ignored. Deep Deborrah, Deep. On that note Do what you do, it’s your site, Raz as well, And I don’t kiss Ass, Don’t feel like it, and Don’t feel like kissin’ yours, or Raz’s either neither one of y’all is my woman.
You are not the decider of what I think or do or my interpretation of a word as a female or an author dude, I am. Just me. You can take things to mean whatever pleases you, but it does not change the reality that there is a certain segment of dumb Black men that lobby together and whine about women dating “thugs” when in reality there is no such thing. Thugs are dead, and thugs are in prison. But you all call any man with more swagger and more women that isn’t corny and square like you are “a thug.” It’s sad to see the mentality of Black men like you that think you all are so superior to other brothas. It’s sad that you all insist on presenting yourself as elite and put down other Black men to elevate yourselves up – just another sign of low self esteem like I said in my article.
I wish you would put in paragraphs and break that stuff up so people can read it. Its too long, too clumped together and too hard to follow in one big block.
And I decide how people can address me and if they can post here. Once they violate the posting guidelines, which are prominently on display and easily read by anyone, they get bounced out of here. At that point their opinions and thoughts are not important at all.
Danta’ Shut the fug up!!
Raz, Get you hearing checked because I didn’t say anything.
@Bruce. Yes, unfortunately we have, but I think it’s a function of adjusting to the sad reality of the black male pool. Ladies, PLEASE start thinking beyond black american men. There’s too much hype behind them. Your husband is probably some beautiful African man who’s living a fabulous, multi-lingual and cultured life in Paris
At what point do Black women factor out Black men with the equation of womanhood?
At what point do Black women just deal with each other as it relates to the governance of Black womanhood?
Black women demand that Black men take responsibility for their actions. Black women must do so. Standards and expectations and character are equal opportunity(and lack thereof). If a Black man has no substance, that’s his individual issue and failure. Black women are quick to say so as well. Therefore, Black women can’t blame their whoredom and lack of standards on Black men. Just admit many Black women have no substance or character. Sad reality of black women and black men pools is equal.
Just admit many Black women have no standards or substance, Black men aside.
good points
Eh hem! I love this site!!!! I really need to tune in on Blogtalk b/c you are a trip…Loves her!
You are so right!! If I hear someone say my standards are too high I will scream. I offer everyone of the things that I require from a man…I REFUSE to settle. ugh!
Any male that says such things are punks. Bottom line. Weak, childlike, silly, punkasses. They do not qualify to be men, and it shocks me that so many women pay attention to what comes out of the mouths of such males as if it is important. Thanks KSera for allowing me to post this excellent piece on SurvivingDating.Com
Gotta co-sign to this article 1000% ENOUGH already, men need to start paying attention to their own statistics and learn how to BE the men they proclaim to be. They need to start living up to their own standards for themselves for a change.
Awesome article. I LOVE #3!!
POW! KAZAAM! BANG!
Take that all these trifling fools who generally say any one of these things. You are bottom dwellers. You should be nignored.
Good article.
Standards are lacking by many black women.
Do ya thang, good stuff.