Men Never Miss Their Water ‘Til the Well Has Run Dry!

| 08/05/2011 | Comments (1)

He digs into his back of Trick Games and dials you up. He softly reminisces about the good old days for a few minutes to mess with your head before he jumps up to go out with LaQuisha. You always hear from him if he has seen you out on the town having a good time with some other attractive man, asking if you have a new man yet – if he has been replaced. He feels good when you say how much you miss him and that you are sorry about the breakup and that you think about him a lot.

This is the beginning of the games men play when the well has run dry after a breakup.

There are four primary reasons why a guy will pick up the phone and call your name with a catch in his throat, or show up at your door whining and pitiful after you break off a relationship. Typically when the “well has run dry” a guy doesn’t want to go, but he’s already proven that he can’t stay either!

We’ve all been there, both males and females. When the well has run dry, most men realize they messed up and come crawling back begging for a second chance

But this article is about MEN, and addresses one of the really funny things that MEN do when you break off a relationship and presents possible reasons why they do it. Repeatedly, women raise the question of why men break it off, or do something really dumb to cause a self-respecting woman to give him the boot, only to see him turn around, whine and beg to come back.

Now there are many reasons the relationship might end. Sometimes you ladies end it when the Commitment Issue comes up and your man fails to come forth with anything concrete – something you can hold onto.

A woman with good sense will cut her losses and opt to search for her pot of gold at the end of some other guy’s rainbow.

Sometimes though, a man may feel that he likes you, but something just isn’t working for him – you bug him in some undefinable way. Your man notices that he feels stifled and bored. Maybe he decides that he really does love you, but isn’t IN LOVE with you.

Whatever is the reason, at some point our phantom guy of this article realizes this situation is never going to give him the satisfaction he needs, or he is afraid of commitment, so everything comes to a screeching halt. He needs some space to figure out just what he wants to do.

Angry, upset and tearful, you give it to him. Four months later, just as you are really starting to get over him, lo and behold! Here he is back at your door or on your phone, begging your forgiveness and asking if he can come back.

What gives here?

Yes, there are many reasons why a guy might pick up that phone and call your name with a catch in his throat, or show up at your door with flowers looking pitiful after several months apart. To him this is perfectly logical behavior. Remember that guys think differently than women do.

Women, however, don’t understand this kind of thinking. If being with her was so God-awful that you had to leave, why you turn around and want to come back? Nothing has changed.

She was a cackling harpy straight from Oz not two months ago! She’s still the same (okay, so she lost 10 pounds). Everything you complained about is right there, waiting to pounce on you the moment you walk back in the door. And you know this!

So why go?

This is where it gets interesting. Allow me to share with you the four most popular reasons I’ve observed that men will leave a relationship then turn right around and come creeping back.

He Misses The Lovin’

Hey, he’s a man and he has needs! He wants his usual and customary style of lovin’ with a partner he is familiar with. He feels safe with you and comfortable because you know what he likes. Many women have this type of relationship, sometimes with ex-husbands! But we all know by now that sex is not enough to keep a man, never has been and never will be.

He may come with some rap that he thinks you want to hear, but if you do get back together with him, you will quickly find that things deteriorate right back to where they were because he is not there for the long haul, only a quick fix. He feels justified in his actions and loves to quote research statistics reporting the shortage of available black men to instill fear and desperation in your heart. He feels that while he is still searching for Ms. Right, you (as Ms. Right Now), will certainly do to fill in.

He Is Testing To See If He Still Got It Like That and if You Still Care

When the well has run dry, he digs into his back of Trick Games and dials you up. He softly reminisces about the good old days for a few minutes to mess with your head before he jumps up to go out with LaQuisha. You always hear from him if he has seen you out on the town having a good time with some other attractive man, asking if you have a new man yet – if he has been replaced. He feels good when you say how much you miss him and that you are sorry about the breakup and that you think about him a lot.When the well has run dry, men realize they made a mistake in breaking up and come running back

Oh, and if you start crying or say you still love him, his head gets about as big as Jack’s (of In-The-Box). The fact that you broke up with him because of his doggish behavior and lack of solid commitment to you doesn’t phase him — not really. His goal is to keep in contact with you, keep you focused on him just enough to keep the door open IN CASE he decides later that he wants to come back.

He Doesn’t Want to Start Over

Thinking about the time he will spend trying to find someone to replace you is overwhelming. He thinks about the energy he will spend attempting to establish a foundation and framework for this new relationship and he gets a headache. He would rather apologize, give you what you want, and just move on down the road with the familiar woman that understands him – that he had a history with.

It’s just plain easier, and this guy would rather expend his energy in other things like working, making money, and building a future than chasing around trying to find a mate. Basically he is lazy and would rather fight than switch.

He Realizes He Messed Up – Bad

After the well has run dry, he developed a bad case of guilt. Now that he has had time away from you and the situation, he’s come to the shocking realizing that he truly cares for you (more than he realized). Gosh! It may- could it be – the dreaded “L” word at work here! He has gone out, dated other women, hung out with his boys, and realized he ain’t having the big fun he thought he would.

The idea of dating endlessly (and spending all his money) sends him to the television and remote control for the day. No other woman means as much. His life is empty and meaningless without you in it. He is depressed, unmotivated, moody and very unhappy. He comes to you to get back together when he is willing to make the adjustments and apologies and changes needed to return the relationship to its former level of focus and commitment, and move forward in love.

To demonstrate his seriousness he may even make promises of a future and offer homes, cars, trips and wedding rings.

So those are my responses to the question of the motivating factors behind why men leave, then come crawling back.

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Deborrah

Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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Category: Men's Issues

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  1. Tiffany says:

    I went through the situation where the man realized too long too late that he f**ked up. I decided to move on and not look back. I don’t understand the reasons men do things like this. At this point in time, I really don’t care. And I care not to over analyze it when it is not my problem.

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