Mens Right to Choose: Opting Out of Fatherhood With a Financial Abortion
Introduction
The desire to have a voice in the decision of whether or not a child is born, and whether an unwilling father can be forced to support the child is at the forefront of debate amongst African Americans. With an estimated 50-60% of the Black children in the U.S. residing in single parent homes , the issues surrounding the rights and obligations of both parents to their unborn offspring is an important one. Emotions run high on both sides of the “right to choose” argument.
Men Are Angry: Why Should Women Have All The Power and Control?
Some men feel they are powerless in cases of unwanted pregnancy, and that women have all the control. From their perspective, women have exclusive power to decide if there is going to be a baby or not, which means if he becomes a father that it’s all HER fault. Most of these men believe that if a man doesn’t want to become a father and the woman he impregnated decides to keep the child, she should be obligated to raise the baby with no financial assistance from either him or the government.
On the other side of the fence are men that point to the power that women have to abort their child, even in the face of his stated desire to keep and raise his child.
Men and women who support financial abortions believe that there should be equality in the birthing process. They feel that a father should have an opportunity equal to that of a mother to choose to walk away from any obligations or responsibilities to a child that the father does not want, in spite of the decision the mother might make to keep the baby anyway.
Yvette Carnell Says: In Our Society Women Have the Right to Choose and Men Do Not
In spite of Ms. Carnell’s proclamations to the contrary, the reality is that men have a great deal of power and as many if not more choices than women do. Men have the choice of sleeping with a woman or not, and the choice of using a condom or not. Therefore, men have the ultimate and exclusive right to choose.
In her recent article, Ms. Carnell also stated: “I’ve always believed that the divvying up of reproductive rights, and by that I mean men having none, is the main reason that some men feel no responsibility toward their kids. In their minds, the mother chose – on her own, usually without or against his input – to have the child so she bears the sole responsibility of caring for it.”
This statement is curious to me. There has yet to be a child born on the planet (even those produced in a laboratory environment), created without spermatozoa from a male and a fertile ovum from a female. With that fact in mind, it is utterly impossible for a woman to “choose on her own, without or against his input… to have a child.”
Before a child can be conceived, some man somewhere chose to supply the requisite sperm to effect conception.
Though a man may feel resentment at being forced to take on the adult responsibilities of fathering a child after performing an adult sexual act for pleasure, I believe the two go hand in hand.
Don’t do the crime if you aren’t prepared to do the time.
Birds and the Bees 101: How Children Are Created
Perhaps we should have a short refresher course, addressing the sequence of biological events which create a child. Though I learned these facts at six years of age, it appears there are thousands of Black adults that don’t understand the basic science of human reproduction.
Men have testicles which produce sperm; that sperm is transported through the vas deferens tubes into the urethra of the penis. Sperm is mixed with seminal fluid, produced by the prostate gland. The urethra opens at the tip of the penis, and is the exit pathway through which the sperm and seminal fluid are jettisoned into the woman’s body. When a man is sexually excited for a long period of time, he will inevitably excrete sperm-laden seminal fluid even before he begins the sex act, orgasms and ejaculates.
Women have ovaries which produce millions of tiny ovum, or eggs. The ovaries are connected to a woman’s uterus via the fallopian tubes. The vagina is the entry way to the woman’s body and her uterus. Every month a woman releases one or more eggs from her ovaries, which travel down the fallopian tubes and lodge in the lining of the uterus. This process is called ovulation. Now, left alone, these unfertilized eggs wash out as part of a woman’s monthly menstrual cycle.
However, if a man has sex with a fertile, ovulating woman and her egg is fertilized by one of the millions of sperm excreted with every ejaculation a man has into her vagina, the woman may become pregnant. Once that sperm swims up into her uterus and hits pay dirt, the sperm donor is pretty much guaranteed to be looking into his child’s face nine months later. Unless the woman he impregnates has a miscarriage, the sex he so thoroughly enjoyed is going to make him somebody’s Daddy.
So when a guy says “I’m not ready to be a father!” or “I didn’t want a baby,” we must negate his assertions with a reality check by saying YES YOU DID! Why? Because even though your mouth is saying you didn’t want to be a father, sir, your behavior clearly shows otherwise. You did the one thing Mother Nature designed men and women do to create new life… which is having sex. You did what it takes for a child to get here, so obviously some part of you wanted to become a father.
Furthermore, when a man has sex with a woman, whether she is on birth control or not and whether he uses protection or not – once he ejaculates he transfers his sperm to her body. Since possession is 9/10ths of the law, that transference of property means that she now owns that sperm, and is free to do whatever she pleases with it. Any man that does not want to assume the risk and responsibility of the child that could be borne of the sex act should avoid transferring his sperm to a woman, as set out above.
(continued on page 2 below)
Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Category: Society and Culture
Razzy DU2 feminism is about equality…right
9/10 law is possession so of I give her my seed then I am no longer responsible based off that law of giving. You can’t have this both ways women shouldn’t open their legs if they know they are fertile. If you want to make abortion legal then men should have same rights not to financially support a kid or to not have an abortion. You complain about black lives but black women kill more blacks then anyone. So sad you wanted so badly to be white women you fell for a feminist who created abortion to get rid of blacks look it up. All in the name of your so called rights of not having to take responsibility for your body. Yet the govt spends money for clinics but no loans to creates buisnesses while are communities suffer and more kids born to broken house holds and despair. Now their are more abortion clinics in our communities then job opportunities, thanks black women all in the name of your so called right to kill.
Razzy sushilover So if I understand your reasoning correctly: If you don’t want a baby keep your legs closed ladies. Sorry I mean guys. The first is sexist but the second is okay.
sushilover Razzy “I think my main point was that women have more choice to become parents then men.”
Again more drivel and denial. You need to grow up and until you grow up and accept that only YOU control where your sperm lands, you don’t need to be having sex dude. Again, it doesn’t matter how many birth control choices a woman has.. She could have infinite choices, she still can’t make a baby without a sperm. And that sperm comes from a dude. OK, I thought you learned that in jr high school biology.
Who controls the sperm… THE MAN
Where does the sperm come from…The MAN
How does the sperm get into the vagina…THE MAN
Who chooses to ejaculate sperm into the vagina…THE MAN
How can sperm be prevented from entering the vagina…THE MAN
So you see, THE MAN controls his sperm and he makes choices over where his sperm goes. Regardless of what the woman does, it’s still your sperm and you control where it lands. Why do you keep talking about what the woman has instead of focusing on what you have… And that is control over your own sperm and where it goes.
See men have been brainwashed to think a woman is responsible for your sperm. She’s not… You are. Regardless of what that woman does… YOu control your sperm. If you don’t want a baby, then keep it out of her womb and that’s your job, not hers. This ain’t rocket science dude.
DU2 “Both of them should get themselves “fixed” before they have sex, if they want no babies messing up their sex without obligation plan.”
No dude, don’t worry about trying to control anybody but yourself. It takes two to make a baby but only one to prevent one from being made. Did you practice what you preached? Did you get yourself fixed? If you get yourself fixed, then you can bang away and never have to worry about your sperm hitting pay dirt. So worry about yourself. Be responsible for your own sperm. You don’t need ‘her’ in order to take responsibility and control of your own sperm.
DU2 Once you give up your sperm and it goes inside of a woman, you as a man have no say so over what happens to that sperm. If she chooses to have a baby, you have no say so, if she chooses to abort against your wishes, you have no say so. You freely gave your sperm away knowing there was a chance it could hit pay dirt and become a baby. If you don’t want your sperm to become a baby, exercise your ‘free will’ before you give your sperm away by keeping it to yourself. It’s as simple as that. Keep your sperm out of her womb and you don’t have to worry about abortions or child support or any of that. It’s your sperm… and your responsibility..
Last time I checked it takes a man and a woman to make a baby and both are equally responsible. On the flip side. What about in those cases when the man wants the child and she does not? No one says ish when she chooses to abort the child. She gets to choose either way. The man has little say in these scenarios. Both of them should get themselves “fixed” before they have sex if they want no babies messing up their sex without obligation plan.
sushilover Your comment about choices is the usual drivel men say when they don’t want to take responsibility for their own actions. See men have choices, but your window of choice comes BEFORE sex, not after. A woman is not responsible for where you CHOOSE to deposit your sperm, only you are. See before sex, you decide, (a), have bareback sex, (b) wear a condom, (c) don’t have sex and keep your sperm to yourself.
Every man screwing knows how a baby is made, and when you willingly engage in consensual sex, you decide to play Russian Roulette with your sperm. That’s the chance you make. Same as when you ‘drive a car, you take risks. Well sex comes with risk, the risks of possible transmitting disease, the possibility of a baby coming 9 months down the line. If you want to insure that you don’t be exposed to those risks,, then keep your sperm to yourself and only ejaculate it into the woman you are READY to make a baby with. This calls for self control and will power.
Yall men want to be the man, but you are too weak to say no to the vjay, vjay. Well stop whining when a baby comes. Because you are doing everything to make one, so don’t act surprised when one gets here. I don’t care if a woman has 1000s of choices, that doesn’t change the bottom line which is you and only YOU are responsible for where your sperm goes. That’s your choice, your responsibility to control where you sperm ends up, not hers, only yours.
Razzy sushilover Yea, I agree about mens choice/responsibility and thought I expressed that. I think my main point was that women have more choice to become parents then men. That’s great news for women but “could be” a reason men freak out when a baby comes. Because its a bit ludicrous to assume people have sex for the sole purpose of procreation…I think it’s for pleasure most of the time.
Thanks for replying Razzy. You’ve made me think twice.
Your article has more than one issues in my opinion.
1. You assert that men have as many reproductive choices if not more than women. Men have two choices…to abstain from sex or wear a condom both of which are choices a woman can make as well. Women have many more non-permanent reproductive choices including hormones via pill, patch, vaginal ring, implant or shot, a spermicidal sponge, cervical cap, diaphragm, female condom, iud and spermicides.
2. While it may be true that the only way to fertilize an ovum is with sperm, neither the act of ovulating or ejaculating need have the intent of fertilization or parenthood. That’s why there are so many different choices for women to have control over reproduction.
3. Once conception has occurred women have three choices, to abort, to adopt or to become a parent. Men have no choices but to comply with a woman’s decision. Meaning that once again, women have more choices than men.
4. Your assertion that possession is 9/10th of the law in regards to sperm doesn’t hold up. Possession, legally implies a property, a physical item such as land not a human life and I assume you don’t advocate possessing (owning by law) human life.
So, while men do need to be responsible for their children I’d say women have a lot more choice pre and post conception whether to be a parent or not. Once conception has occurred men have no choice which is why men get upset. And Women shouldn’t be surprised if their choice to make a life long decision on their own for men to become a parent upsets men.
After reading your article I’m sure you’ll totally disagree with my viewpoint but thought I’d share anyway.
Well Trixie, I would say it is a smart man who knows that he doesn’t want to be bothered with the emotional entanglement and complications of a relationship that pays for the services of a prostitute. My point is that it’s a lot cheaper to pay for NSA (No strings attached sex) with a prostitute than child support in the long run. You write that you find it disconcerting that some men view some women as worthy of adoration and respect and not others… well, be disconcerted, because that’s the way it is. Also, it’s really just about options, so that the physical desire of sex is met, that men have, but without the financial entanglement that unwanted pregnancies can cause. Prostitutes are simply one option. So, is abstinence and masturbating for that matter. My points about birth control were muddy. I should have limited to abortion and the morning after pill A.K.A. RU-486 pill as examples of women being able to “have their cake and DO IT TO”, as you put it. The problem with a lot of you women is that you don’t want to acknowledge the validity of men having the same kinds of options. I propose prostitution as such an option and you swat it down. I propose abstinence, vasectomy, etc…. But my point is that your living in a dream world if you think only women can have their cake and do it too, and men are just going to tow-the-line with respect to whatever decision about the pregnancy a woman decides to make. You can live in the world of make-believe if you want, but men do have options (although financial abortion after the child is already born should not be one of them for moral reasons). Prostitution is a necessary evil. A lesser of evils, as compared to financial abortions.
Short of your advocacy for prostitution, we seem to share the same opinion. Men do have options –so, your post confirms my initial response to this article.
However, many don’t exercise them BEFORE a child is conceived, then whine and complain about their responsibility after all the fun. Claiming that they only wanted to relieve their manly urges — not become a father. So, if a man needs to whine, complain, yell, cartoon, cuss, cry….they have a right to do all those things — all while getting their checkbook out to support their child(ren). Financial abortion once the child is here is wrong.
So, I’ll agree with you on that point too. Cheers!
You know what I don’t get about all these men who are so resentful of having to pay child support is why they don’t use condoms, instead of barebacking it. I also don’t understand why these women have these children either. But so many men would serve themselves well by paying for the services of a prostitute. With prostitutes you get the release you want, without all the headaches (like unwanted children and everything that comes along with that). Or, why don’t these men get a vasectomy? The Black community can ill afford procreation. We really need to lobby for vasectomies and tubal ligations in our communities that are covered by medicaid.
Use the services of a prostitute? Wow, I hope you were kidding because I am laughing. This will not decrease the number of unwanted children.
Now, what this may do is make you a man who gets a prostitute a/k/a ho pregnant who you truly, truly gave a rat’s tail about.
MEN still need to own up to who they are screwing and what the consequences may be after they screw. But, based upon your comment, it just shows me that many men don’t want to do that and want to have their cake and “do” it too. LOL!
No, I wasn’t kidding. Prostitution is an unsavory perhaps, but real outlet for the sexual compulsions of men. Professional prostitutes are less likely to spread STD’s than regular women, and also less likely to have unwanted pregnancies carried out to term. They make it their business to not get pregnant and not get diseases. Now, I’m not talking about crack head street walkers. A lot of men don’t want anything but sex from a woman, and so those men should go to those women who don’t mind that arrangement. It really is far less expensive than pretending to court a woman or date her. Black women want to “have their cake and DO it too!” Black women I’ve read get a disproportionately high percentage of the abortions in this country for their numbers. I’m totally pro-life, so that’s good as far as I’m concerned. The “morning-after-pill”, uh, Trixie, that’s for women who want to play but not own up to the consequences of their actions. In fact, you women with the oral contraception, IUD, diaphragm are the MAIN ones who want to NOT own up to the consequences of having your fun!
Blackcaesar, you are AMAZING. LOL! Are you kidding me? If a man is too cheap to pay for a box of diapers for his own child, then how the heck is he going to pay for a professional prostitute? If some fool doesn’t want to pay for a nice dinner or coffee with a woman to court her, what makes you think his azz is going to pay for someone who isn’t just a “crack head street walker”? In my opinion, there’s something very disconcerting about a man who categorizes women in his mind as “worthy” or “unworthy” of true adoration and respect.
Next, your dig at women on birth control was simple. On one hand you are advocating for prostitution, but criticizing women that exercise their birth control options to avoid having a child before they are ready. Like I said you are AMAZING…and full of contradictions to boot!
Now, what was the title of this article again?
I definitely agree that a men cannot blame anyone, or demand anything regarding a woman’s pregnancy. Sex is a gamble, there’s a chance of pregnancy every time. Even a condom isn’t 100% unless you see the woman taking birth control getting the shot or whatever else, you can’t be sure about that either.
All that said, I don’t think most men truly want to be absentee fathers, even if they do blame the woman, or believe she should’ve got an abortion. I think that the major problem is that for men living in poverty it’s extremely hard to be a father, I’d even go as far as to say men in poverty are punished by the system for having children.
Mothers without means are given all kinds of government assistance. I’m definitely not saying mothers shouldn’t be able to get government assistance, however if a woman gets married, or in some states is living with a man for a certain amount of time, most of her assistance is cut. With black male unemployment at an all time high, even higher than black female unemployment, I can see why the OOW birth rate for black children is so high.
Most women feel they are better off getting government assistance, in addition to whatever child support the man is giving them, than getting married. I think this is unfair, I think children need a father in their life regardless of his income.
Children do need a healthy relationship with a healthy father. However, children must eat first and foremost, and they need a place to sleep, do homework and feel safe.
And if one parent is unwilling or unable to provide that food and shelter for his offspring, the other must step in and find a way to do it alone. ANY single parent, male or female, qualifies for assistance with their children based on household income. Some get less, some get more. But if a child does get assistance and the father pays child support, a portion of his money goes to the county to repay the services they are rendering on his behalf for his children. Any amount the father pays is deducted from the amount provided by the state or county. So you see, there is no double dipping as you portray. And if the father is paying cash support to the mother here and there, he is still getting the best end of the deal. Because if he were to be on child support, they would not care that you don’t have a job. While unemployed you are racking up “arrearages” and will owe them to the county/state even after that child is 18.
As for the first paragraph, at least you get the concept of responsibility. However you lost me on the “punishment” part. No man was feeling punished when he was enjoying that sexual release, now was he. He was thinking how wonderful it felt, how he couldn’t wait to bust one, how happy he was he didn’t have to pay and is getting “free booty”. That is what most men are thinking about, not the child he is about to create.
And you should really look at the child support cases filed. You can see them online. These men are doctors, attorneys, police officers, sherriff deputies, teachers, CEO’s, etc. They have money. They just don’t want to spend it on a child, feeling resentful of giving what they consider to be THEIR MONEY to anyone to take care of a child they claim they don’t want.
“I think the major problem is that for men living poverty it’s extremely hard to be a father”.
. Women are so tired of excuses. In 2011, I don’t even want to see a man fix his mouth to say that he’s too poor to take care of his child(ren)and that’s why he doesn’t. Yes, poverty exists, but there are many, many, TOO MANY women that take care of their kids and live way, way, WAY beneath the poverty level. The last time I checked, giving unconditional love, consistent presence, and direction to a child is free. Yep…you read that right, it’s FREE. So, miss me with with making excuses for deadbeat daddies.
And, since far too many men have this rationale, I guess they should think twice about laying down if they are afraid of losing their last pot to piss in because it will be needed to provide for their child.
Come to think about it, calling all Ladies, read the fine print of a man’s life. If a man doesn’t have a pot to piss in and NO window to throw it out of….R-U-N!!!!!! You are setting yourself up for heartbreak and years of excuses on how the dog ate his last paper dollar. LOL!
So when a Black woman has 3 different Baby daddies. Is she still allowed to Blame the men? Or when a Black women gets pregnant by a man. That is either married or has multiple baby mommas. Is he still at fault?
Curious.
Ummm….this article is talking about a MAN’s right to financially abort if a woman gets pregnant and whether that makes sense or not. It is not directly addressing a woman’s potential poor decision-making and then ending up with a baby daddy or two or three –which admittedly is not a good look.
However, in my opinion, this article swings back to a man making better choices before getting freaky. If more men took it upon themselves to think with their rational minds before having sex, then this whole financial abortion thing would be a non-issue. If men don’t like a woman holding all the cards if she gets pregnant, then HE not she, need to move on.
It takes both sperm and an egg to create a baby, Men and women bear equal responsibility, but many men always want to point the finger at the woman without realizing they contributed 50%. NEWSFLASH….”50%!”
With the OOW birth rate for black children at about 70%, clearly some people–men AND women need to go back and take a refresher course on Biology 101 from 7th grade. Because with those statistics, it’s clear alot of folks didn’t get a passing grade. Just sayin’……
Yes, let me tell you why.
#1 He saw that she already had a child by someone else. You can tell if you are a brain having man, that this is not a woman that believes in abortions. So if you don’t want to be the next baby daddy, get up and get out of her life.
#2 He saw that she already had two or three children by two or three different guys. You can tell, if you are a brain having man, that this is not a woman that believes in birth control or abortion. So if you don’t want to be baby daddy #4, you get up and get out of her life.
#3 Unless a man has custody of his children, there is no way for a woman to know that in his history are different children with different mothers. Most of the men I’ve met that have children OOW lie and say they don’t have any, or they say they have just one. They have no photos in their wallets or even at their homes, so there is no way a woman that recently met this guy would know all this about his past. Now if he tells her the whole truth about his multiple momma situation, and she gets pregnant by him, and decides to be baby momma #3 or #4 or #5 then yes, that is her decision. But he is still stupid for contributing his sperm yet again to another situation where he is gonna have to pay even MORE child support.
Yes. Each one of those babydaddies are responsible for where he deposits his sperm.
Yes. He is to blame. If the man is married and getting outside trim without protection, then he is a damned fool and he gets what he gets.
Yes, if a man already has multiple babymommas and he is STILL barebacking it with still another woman, he gets what he gets.
Deborrah: This article is on point!
Men have a ton of choice BEFORE a woman gets pregnant, but choose not to exercise their options. They are so fixated on getting their rocks off that they don’t realize the consequences of their decisions. And when a man is aggravated about the amount of child support they have to pay, I almost always think to myself, “too bad”. What about sex and how babies are made, don’t you understand?