Mens Right to Choose: Opting Out of Fatherhood With a Financial Abortion

. 12/09/2011 . 32 Comments

 

Introduction

The desire to have a voice in the decision of whether or not a child is born, and whether an unwilling father can be forced to support the child is at the forefront of debate amongst African Americans. With an estimated 50-60% of the Black children in the U.S. residing in single parent homes , the issues surrounding the rights and obligations of both parents to their unborn offspring is an important one. Emotions run high on both sides of the “right to choose” argument.

Men Are Angry: Why Should Women Have All The Power and Control?

Some men feel they are powerless in cases of unwanted pregnancy, and that women have all the control. From their perspective, women have exclusive power to decide if there is going to be a baby or not, which means if he becomes a father that it’s all HER fault. Most of these men believe that if a man doesn’t want to become a father and the woman he impregnated decides to keep the child, she should be obligated to raise the baby with no financial assistance from either him or the government.

On the other side of the fence are men that point to the power that women have to abort their child, even in the face of his stated desire to keep and raise his child.

Men and women who support financial abortions believe that there should be equality in the birthing process. They feel that a father should have an opportunity equal to that of a mother to choose to walk away from any obligations or responsibilities to a child that the father does not want, in spite of the decision the mother might make to keep the baby anyway.

Yvette Carnell Says: In Our Society Women Have the Right to Choose and Men Do Not

In spite of Ms. Carnell’s proclamations to the contrary, the reality is that men have a great deal of power and as many if not more choices than women do. Men have the choice of sleeping with a woman or not, and the choice of using a condom or not. Therefore, men have the ultimate and exclusive right to choose.

In her recent article, Ms. Carnell also stated: “I’ve always believed that the divvying up of reproductive rights, and by that I mean men having none, is the main reason that some men feel no responsibility toward their kids. In their minds, the mother chose – on her own, usually without or against his input – to have the child so she bears the sole responsibility of caring for it.”

This statement is curious to me. There has yet to be a child born on the planet (even those produced in a laboratory environment), created without spermatozoa from a male and a fertile ovum from a female. With that fact in mind, it is utterly impossible for a woman to “choose on her own, without or against his input… to have a child.”

Before a child can be conceived, some man somewhere chose to supply the requisite sperm to effect conception.

Though a man may feel resentment at being forced to take on the adult responsibilities of fathering a child after performing an adult sexual act for pleasure, I believe the two go hand in hand.

Don’t do the crime if you aren’t prepared to do the time.

Birds and the Bees 101: How Children Are Created

Perhaps we should have a short refresher course, addressing the sequence of biological events which create a child. Though I learned these facts at six years of age, it appears there are thousands of Black adults that don’t understand the basic science of human reproduction.

Men have testicles which produce sperm; that sperm is transported through the vas deferens tubes into the urethra of the penis. Sperm is mixed with seminal fluid, produced by the prostate gland. The urethra opens at the tip of the penis, and is the exit pathway through which the sperm and seminal fluid are jettisoned into the woman’s body. When a man is sexually excited for a long period of time, he will inevitably excrete sperm-laden seminal fluid even before he begins the sex act, orgasms and ejaculates.

Women have ovaries which produce millions of tiny ovum, or eggs. The ovaries are connected to a woman’s uterus via the fallopian tubes. The vagina is the entry way to the woman’s body and her uterus. Every month a woman releases one or more eggs from her ovaries, which travel down the fallopian tubes and lodge in the lining of the uterus. This process is called ovulation. Now, left alone, these unfertilized eggs wash out as part of a woman’s monthly menstrual cycle.

However, if a man has sex with a fertile, ovulating woman and her egg is fertilized by one of the millions of sperm excreted with every ejaculation a man has into her vagina, the woman may become pregnant. Once that sperm swims up into her uterus and hits pay dirt, the sperm donor is pretty much guaranteed to be looking into his child’s face nine months later. Unless the woman he impregnates has a miscarriage, the sex he so thoroughly enjoyed is going to make him somebody’s Daddy.

So when a guy says “I’m not ready to be a father!” or “I didn’t want a baby,” we must negate his assertions with a reality check by saying YES YOU DID! Why? Because even though your mouth is saying you didn’t want to be a father, sir, your behavior clearly shows otherwise. You did the one thing Mother Nature designed men and women do to create new life… which is having sex. You did what it takes for a child to get here, so obviously some part of you wanted to become a father.

Furthermore, when a man has sex with a woman, whether she is on birth control or not and whether he uses protection or not – once he ejaculates he transfers his sperm to her body. Since possession is 9/10ths of the law, that transference of property means that she now owns that sperm, and is free to do whatever she pleases with it. Any man that does not want to assume the risk and responsibility of the child that could be borne of the sex act should avoid transferring his sperm to a woman, as set out above.

 

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Deborrah

Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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