Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
My elderly MIL moved in with us after suffering chronic health problems. Since she came to live with us, I noticed she treats me with hostility every time I am intimate with my husband.
Each “morning after” she will either refuse to look at me, make unnecessarily biting comments, or just glare at me when she thinks I’m not looking. I thought I was imagining it but after several months of living together, this is definitely the reason why. I’ve become paranoid about making love and we are very careful about being quiet — almost to the point of silence — but it hasn’t helped.
I feel terrible asking my sick MIL to move out because of this, and I’m too embarrassed to have a discussion with her. Is there any solution to our problem?
Screaming in Silence
The solution here is for your husband to handle HIS MOMMA, not you. It’s not something you should even have to worry about. HE needs to step up and handle it, not you. If HE wants to keep getting booty without drama, he needs to assure that you are in a mental space where that can happen. Regularly. Freely.
Sadly, your mother in law probably envious (maybe even outright jealous), because she’s from the old school where women didn’t get to enjoy their sexuality, sex was instead viewed as the male domain. Only men were “entitled” to sexual pleasure, enjoyable sex, and orgasms. Women were shamed out of enjoying their bodies and sex by being called names like sluts, hookers, whores, huzzys, nasty bishes, etc. These judgmental and condemning attitudes prevail even today about female sexuality, especially amongst the highly religious.
So HE should sit down with his mother and tell her she is there so he can keep an eye over her with your help, but that the behavior she exhibits towards his wife has to stop. That he cannot have his wife feeling uncomfortable in her own home. He has to remind her ass that she is a GUEST in his home. He needs to assure her that both he and his wife love her, so the attitude and shade she is throwing is totally inappropriate, uncalled for and unnecessarily hurtful to the woman he has chosen to be his partner in life and in love.
Then just so momma understand how quickly she needs to get it together, he should close by saying: “Momma, don’t put me in the position of having to choose between my wife and my mother, because I will choose my wife.”
Category: Women's Issues