Moving Past the Fuckery of Black Women and BWE

| 12/20/2013 | Comments (29)

black women empowerment BWE
For the past few years I’ve been interacting with black women who organized to promote empowerment of black women and girls. The movement is called BWE, which is an acronym for Black Women’s Empowerment. Now those of you who have followed my writing, radio shows and read my books know that I’m all about raising awareness and educating black women and girls about their options in romance, how to protect their spirits, and how to recognize and eliminate from their lives people who display characteristics of abusers. I spend a lot of time shining the light on behaviors and attitudes which shoot black women in the foot, explaining the need to break free of traditions and cultural norms that harm black women, and why we must eliminate social conventions which limit black women’s power based on gender and race.

However, I recently had an exchange with a group of women associated with BWE that left me utterly disgusted.

BWE = Broads Who (need to fucking) Evolve?

Never in my life have I come across such a group of women who are their own worst enemies.  As I’ve written before, there are black women that seem attached to feeling pain, rejection, and hurt – so much so that they seek it out, post up graphics and links to articles seeking to make other black women feel just as hurt and rejected as they do about themselves.

Typically these conversations revolve around the very thing they are NOT supposed to be focusing on – black men. In particular, they focus on how black men date and marry white or Asian or Latina or mixed women instead of brown skinned to chocolate colored black women. To me this makes not a lick of sense.

I mean, when you are supposed to be working to empower black WOMEN, why do you instead spend hours every day discussing black men and how they don’t want women that look like you?

How is such behavior “empowering?”

What bothers me the most is that these very same black women rail on and on about how black women need to expand their options for love on a global scale. “Broaden your horizons and date out!” they say. “Black men are not trying to be husbands and fathers on any large scale!” they shout. Okay, I’m with that because love truly knows no skin color or language barrier. And it’s true that black men are the least married demographic in the country. No argument there.

So why if this is where your head is as a black woman, would you flip the fuck out if a black man does the same thing? When these BWE chicks see a black man with a non-black woman or even a light-skinned mixed woman who self-identifies as a Sistah, they lose their damn minds!

They will create or find memes, then post them up in BWE forums so they can all agonize over the famous actors or musicians who are with non-black or light skinned black women. They work themselves into a frenzy, psychologically beating themselves up over and over again, reinforcing the notion that they aren’t good enough for a black man because they are too dark skinned.

Keep in mind all this angst is over a black man on the big screen they will never meet, never touch, never talk to, never date, never work with, never marry and never have children with. A black man they claim they don’t want anyway because they don’t treat black women well which is why they choose to date men of other races.

“Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

A Woman With Low Self Esteem and a Victim Mentality Will Never Be Empowered

Most of the conversation the other day surrounded this meme:

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The BWE women were in an uproar, claiming that black men — by choosing women of other races to date and marry — are effectively “telling young black women they are nothing!”

I’m wondering how they got THAT from the women these dozen or so men choose to align themselves with. I mean, are black women so desperate for someone to define them as women that they seek validation from celebrities? I find it difficult to accept the logic behind young black women believing that who they are should be defined by what a man – a complete stranger at that – thinks or says or marries.

Believing you are a worthless person, a total piece of shit, because someone you don’t know has a wife that doesn’t look like you is not only narcissistic, it’s behavior in direct opposition to that of an empowered woman. Really, it sounds straight crazy. Caring about what other people think about you is foolhardy. People will be jealous and say things to try to hurt you. People will be envious and not want you to be better or do more than they do, so they will say things to try to hurt you. People will feel insecure about your confidence and abilities, and do or say things to try to bring you down to their level. Knowing that, why the hell would I give what some other person thinks any credence?black-and-white-michael_jordan-yvette_prieto-296x300_Naijapals[dot]com

As the frenzy of rejection gathered steam, there was a call to boycott the movies of these actors because “we should not support those who are not supporting us!”

Basically they want to see these black males with black girlfriends and wives, and if they don’t have one then they feel that man should be excluded from receiving black female dollars. Yet no mention was made of movies starring white actors and actresses that weren’t supporting them either. Nor was there any discussion of the designers whose purses, shoes and jewelry they go into debt to acquire who hire staff, models, publicists and distributors who are not black either. Nope, the focus was all on celebrity black men not wanting to be with them, and their desire to punish them for it.

Wow.

I pointed out that their emotion was overruling logical thinking in three ways:

(a) black women are not the only fan base these guys have, nor are black women their largest fan base. Black Americans in total constitute 13.1% of the national population; black females slightly more than half of that. Statistics include those women in prison, seniors in nursing homes, and children too young to see a movie like this. So we’re looking at about 5% of the population and believing that alone supports black movies? FOH! These Sistahs are totally unrealistic. For example, I live in an area that has a 97% white population. We couldn’t get in to see Best Man Holiday showing out here three different times because of all the white women there on girls night out in groups of 4-10 women, all in a thither over Morris Chestnut and Taye Diggs;

(b) the BWE chicks seemed to forget that white actors are not “checking for” or “supporting” them either, but the rants advocating financial boycotts had no mention of this demographic. Once again I was left to wonder why women who are supposed to be focused on self empowerment were expending so much energy and effort lamenting attention not given to them by black men they CLAIM they aren’t interested in anyway; and

(c) their attitude was short sighted, and that they should consider the fact that every one of those guys stars in movies with black actresses, and if they don’t see the movies to keep black actresses working, then all the work we’ve done to have ourselves represented in media would come to naught. Advertisers and producers invest in projects to MAKE MONEY. And without making money, they will soon see no value in making movies that have black actors and actresses in them.

In other words, their focus on trying to get back at these men on the big screen they will never meet, never touch, never talk to, never date, never work with, never marry and never have children with will hurt black women as much or more. The BWE chicks were feeling crushed and rejected because black men they claimed they don’t want anyway (due to the fact that they don’t treat black women well), shrugged and moved on to women of other races.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

The 12 Commandments of Black Women’s Empowerment

Facebook poster L. Young summed things up quite nicely:

I feel you make valid points. The problem is: for most black women BWE is only theoretical, most have not changed their minds, emotions or actions to any appreciable degree. Most are STILL deeply attached to the ashy foreskins of black men, therefore they are deeply offended and hurt by black male rejection. Most are NOT ACTIVELY dating and mating with men of other races. They are too afraid, too down on themselves so they operate out of a profound belief in scarcity and BLACK MEN KNOW THIS!!! This is a form of insanity that is extremely contagious. I call it Lassie loyalty; it will only get you a dog biscuit at best!! The really sad thing is THIS INSANITY is what is really off putting to men of other races. Not our hair, not our skin color, not our bodies!! But our mass abuse victim behavior of Lassie loyalty to those who have hated us for generations. Black women must CHANGE THEIR MINDS ABOUT THEMSELVES AND THEN ACT ACCORDINGLY.”

Bam! There it is.

The question must be asked: Is there anything we can do to turn these Sistah’s minds around? I’m on the fence about that. From what I’ve been reading for the past few years, it seems most of them need serious therapy because of their overwhelming feelings of worthlessness and deep childhood wounds suffered because of their skin color. This is something I am not equipped to do — I am not a psychotherapist.

However, I do believe that with some guidelines in place, and a true understanding of what behaviors, attitudes, words and actions constitute empowerment (and which don’t), positive growth and change can be effected by black women stuck on a treadmill of imagined rejection and self loathing.

The relentless replaying of old childhood tapes of rejection, and the never-ending belief they are less because of what some black male stranger does with his penis must stop; this mass attachment to rejection and abandonment by complete strangers must stop; this idea that white men are inherently better just because they have white skin must also stop.

Instead black women must turn their focus from outward to themselves. Only then will the empowerment begin. As long as one seeks validation, acknowledgement and approval from others, one will never feel whole.  Other people cannot GIVE you happiness, confidence or self-esteem – those are things you must provide for and to yourself. Here are my 12 suggestions for positive change.

  1. Though others are important to me, I will give myself permission to be selfish and take care of myself first. My spirit, mind and body are precious things that I will protect from negative images and thoughts that make me feel badly about myself as a black woman. I will reject all words, writings, media and music which attempts to discount, shame or humiliate me as a black woman. Instead, I will focus only on the persons, places and things that bring me joy and happiness.
  2. I will center my efforts around improving my life and the lives of my Sistahs by focusing on artistic and professional achievements, establishing financial stability for myself and my offspring, and the acquisition of education and skills in demand.
  3. I will expand my horizons with travel. I will acquire a passport and use it. In preparation for this trip, I will learn at least one foreign language well enough to use it to communicate with the natives when I go abroad.
  4. I will take back the power I have given to men to judge, validate or condemn me as a black woman. I will not ask for their cooperation or permission; I will take it because it is mine to take. [“Power can be taken, but not given. The process of the taking is empowerment in itself.”~ Gloria Steinem]
  5. I will reject all cultural norms which limit my equity in society, and the status quo attitudes which place women, especially black women, in a position of inferiority to men.
  6. I will help and support my fellow black women, striving to uplift, advance, encourage, enhance the lives of, and look out for the well being of one another. I will lovingly help guide those who have taken missteps back to the correct path, because I seek the best for her as I do myself.
  7. I will eliminate any and all attitudes which prohibit sharing of information or assistance to fellow Sistahs by only speaking positive things into the lives of others. When my Sistahs are successful, so am I.
  8. I will care for the precious gift I have been given of a healthy body by eating well, resting, exercising, and selectively sharing my sexuality and fertility only with men that meet my moral standards and values, and for whom reciprocity is a mandatory.
  9. I will embrace, educate and protect young black girls from predators or detractors, helping them to develop to the maximum of their ability with high self esteem and the confidence that they can be and do anything they imagine.
  10. I will join forces with other black women to fight racist and sexist stereotypes which in any way denigrate or disrespect black womanhood. I will take responsibility for leading this fight and avoid sharing, duplicating, or spreading images or messages which will unnecessarily injure the spirits of my Sistahs.
  11. I will validate other black women for their achievements, beauty, skills and goals. I will also validate myself daily, and immediately turn off the negative voices in my head that tell me I am not enough.
  12. I will do these things as a teacher/sister/friend with and for any black woman willing to listen and learn, regardless of her religious beliefs, socioeconomic status, educational level, or cultural background.

The only way out of the mental and emotional hole black women are in is to join hands and pull each other up. I think this list is a great starting point, certainly not meant to be all inclusive of the mindset which would promote true empowerment of black women… it’s just a starting point.

Your thoughts and ideas are welcome.

PDF Download “The 12 Commandments for Sistahood” by Deborrah Cooper

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Deborrah

Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," and "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on Examiner.Com, SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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Category: Women's Issues

27 comments
itsmeak
itsmeak

Is it really wise to give hard earned cash to white, black, brown, yellow or red people who never reciprocate towards black women as group though images, advertising or the things that they have said? Is it wise to keep giving hard earned cash to famous black men who have white wives if they never reciprocate towards black women because that money would be given to possibly white in-laws.

OJ Simpson was known to have bought Nicole Brown Simpson's parents some property and to have paid the tuition towards Nicole's sister's Masters degree. This is sadly why Nicole Brown Simpson's family encouraged her to stay in the abusive marriage with OJ for a bit longer! In the early 90s Dr Dre beat up a black woman TV show host who hosted a show where she interviewed rappers and she was hospitalized. Should I be buying those Beats by Dr Dre headphones? I don't know about that! If I want some good quality noise-cancelling headphones then I think I'd rather give my money to the white Bose company until I hear that they've stopped hiring blacks! LOL

itsmeak
itsmeak

Watch out and monitor any non-black people that you may think of giving your money to because black people in the past up until recently automatically thought that any non-blacks who are not white are their allies or friends. In the UK six or seven years ago a man from India who had a gas station with a shop in it with some black employees slowly let go of his black employees one by one and replaced them with employees from the home town of his country. When the man was about to fire his last black employee, the black employee protested because use he worked for that shop for years before its management changed hands. The black employee took the South Asian man to court and the South Asian employer was ordered to reinstate the black employee or to pay a fine of £1,000 Sterling. The employer preferred to pay the fine because he refused to have black people or anyone else working in his shop except for those who came from where he came from and he was interviewed on TV openly stating this. In September 2013, it was reported that a black woman in Queens, NY was refused a job as a cashier in a small bakery/pastry shop because she was black because the owner of that establishment, a Sri Lankan man, didn't want customers to see black people "working at the front" but possibly "working in the back in the kitchen" which is not what the job vacancy was for and that black woman took that shop owner to court and won $25,000. Yet many black people in the UK, US, the Caribbean and more than likely Canada support many non-black businesses owned and run by people who do not like or respect them and do not reciprocate towards them just because those businesses are owned and run by people who are not white. Weird.

A black woman commentor on another website run by a black woman claimed that Vera Wang openly said that she did not want to use any black models on the catwalk for her shows nor in the print ads of her products and the commentor went on to say that even Vogue supposedly had a talk with Wang about her attitude towards opposing the use of black models. Then the commentor said that Vera Wang said that she may use a mixed race model and after that then she decided to hire Lenny Kravitz's daughter Zoe for one of her perfumes' ads. And it's true that too many black celebs and probably other black women with money have been stupidly lining Wang's pockets for one of her wedding dresses and some everyday black women may have been buying her perfumes frequently. Wang's ornate wedding dresses only seem to suit the tall and lanky frames of her models anyway. But on the Etsy website under their 'Wedding' tab there's a lovely Etsy shop called 'DreamLoversLA' run by a black woman who said she used to be a manager in a Chanel boutique. This particular black woman works from Los Angeles making lovely looking wedding dresses most of which have this relaxed, boho 'Lisa Bonet' vibe to them in a hippie late 60s way. Very beach wedding-y. I love the look of DreamLoversLA's wedding dresses and on Etsy you can find some other black women shop owners. Again thank goodness for the internet for bridging some wide gaps.

itsmeak
itsmeak

Black women should vet everyone who they give their money too before they give their money to them. This includes white and other non-black businesses and entertainers as well as sadly some black businesses and entertainers. Lining anyone com Hollywood's pockets right now, why? Hollywood is churning out quite a lot of stale and overly cooked material right now, white or black, and Hollywood was made BY white people FOR white people. The art forms that they come up with out there were never meant to affirm black people anyway. The same goes for Vogue, Elle, Cosmo, Glamour and the BBC. For the past few decades black people should have been creating many different streams of media that portrayed the images they want and used the voices they want thereby showing a variety of images instead one large ghetto-rific monolith found in only one black TV channel or found in a few stereotypical black movies here and a couple of stagnant black magazines there and of course in turn other black people would need to support those streams of media. But I don't blame black women for taking away their cash from those who appear not to be supportive of them in reciprocity or who feel entitled to black women's time and everything such as Nelly when he wanted a blood drive in Spelman for his sister.

Thank goodness for the democratization and ease that the internet gives people through websites such as YouTube, WordPress, etc. so that black women can create media that affirms and supports their beauty, health, well being and general dignity because now is the time to create that and in turn support that instead of waiting for white Hollywood to do so or relying on the few blacks in Hollywood to do so and then bemoan their hideous monolithic stereotypes without replacing them yourselves.

itsmeak
itsmeak

I remember back in the 90s seeing a TV talk show called Rolonda when they were discussing interracial dating and a black man in a nice suit who looked the epitome of a well educated yuppie went up to the mic and said "Here's what black women need to understand: Black men don't belong to you at all" and all the black men in the audience started clapping and cheering. I agreed with that man then and I agree with him now. Black men have every right to date, marry and have kids with whomever they please and so-called BWE websites need to move past this and focus solely on the black women and girls who they claim to be concerned about.

But do I believe that black women, and even black people overall, need to consider whose pockets they continue to line and whether or not they should continue to line whover's pockets? Heck yes! We are a long way away from the days of men like Quincy Jones back in the 60s and 70s who only dated and married white women yet never seemed to show himself up or any other black people up by publicly stating any anti-black slogans to black women or black men and appeared to be on black people's sides in front of white people at least and may have reciprocated to other black people through the Civil Rights movement or someone like Sidney Poitier. Nowadays you see black male celebrities shouting aloud what they find so appalling about black women for all to hear in raps, songs, stand up acts and movies and have even supported a certain white radio talk show host when he had an ugly slogan to direct at a bunch of black women. And the rest of them do not reciprocate. Do all of these people really need a lot of money from a mere 5% of the US population then if they're not going to miss it?

If black women from at least 25 years ago vetted and monitored the black comedians, rappers, singers and actors who they were giving money to from the time they said anything disrespectful, misogynistic or were sent to court for sexual harassment or abuse against black women and girls (R. Kelly), they wouldn't have to worry about any effect or lack thereof on their withdrawal of money towards these entertainers. This should have been spearheaded from back in the days when the major black Hollywood actors of today could only get work from Spike Lee or from Quincy Jones's production company because white Hollywood still refused to give black actors a look in.

EbonyCali
EbonyCali

Exellent exellent article and beautifully written.i was already feeling empowered but this article made me want to get up and yell but in a good way.

Expresso24
Expresso24

I agree with several points made in this article. I could less about who Michael Jordan or these other athletes are with. Those other women can deal with their ish.

So what do you suggest black women do when people like Kanye West, Kevin Hart, Tyrese and countless others who have made disgusting remarks about dark skinned women? Or promote the "have to get a redbone" mentality? I think black men like this need to be held accountable.

BWE isn't about turning a total blind eye to what black men do or don't in regards to black women. It's also not like a lot of black men like Taye Diggs don't make remarks about their black female fans or lack of fans. I think it's fine to not support anything Taye Diggs does because he stays stuck on his sorry story about how none of his projects work out because black women are mad that he has a white wife. It's funny because I love his wife and think she is very talented but I don't hold those same feelings for Diggs.

itsmeak
itsmeak

The same weird way that black people liked to (and sadly still like to) put all poor working class black people altogether in the same "box" no matter what their personalities, inclinations and actions was distressfully and ridiculously applied to black men also. The hard working, the never working, the well educated, the dropout, the ethical, the depraved. Just as long as one was black and a man at the same time then they were also made a sacred cow and given a pedestal all of their own by black people and black people even got the white liberals and liberal media to do the same. No vetting, no proving of worth, no positive proof of actions needed and all bad behavior excused away just because slavery, racism, lynching and police brutality as if "Mammy" was ever on the same social level as Scarlett and only the black men had troubles and strife. Over time, an accumulation of black men with all of the depraved elements will become very visible and audible and may even outnumber the black men who are not like that. What can one humanly expect to see if nobody ever reels the depraved ones in, force or threaten them to change up and mend their ways or call the police on them when necessary? The situation will grow into a hot mess naturally. Even the goody two-shoes black men have been known not to do anything about the depraved ones because they're more more worried about their own necks more than likely.

All of this was done simultaneously with leaving the black women, the physically weaker gender, out in the cold on every level by a lot of black people as if black women were the alley cats with the nine lives or the wild animals on National Geographic shows who are well-equipped with claws, large teeth and large powerful bodies for survival in harsh climates even to the point where black mere GIRLS are treated in the same way. A lot of hatred and great impatience was shown to black women and girls and any concerns and stories they tried to voice by black people and then white liberals including some feminists soon followed suit. Sadly and crazily even black women themselves were and are stoking the fire built for them to burn in because they prioritized prostrating themselves and their lives before every black men instead of prioritizing themselves, their sanity, their safety nor those of their daughters and granddaughters. Supporting every rapper no matter what they say or show on TV, every black actor and comedian no matter what they say or whether they reciprocate or not. This will of course lead to a lot of trauma among black women in their psyches.

itsmeak
itsmeak

That's the thing about the recommendation of therapy. I highly recommend that too but a lot of black people know that black people have been discouraging therapy for other black people for a very long time now because it's only for the "weak", the whites and that one should "only turn to God". Psychotherapy is something that a lot of black people should start to prioritize but many will not. But I hope that at least many more black women will change their minds about that. One can still go to church or to a mosque and still make room for one hour per week with a licensed and clinical therapist. This shouldn't interfere with work hours really either.

Vetting all men and all people who may enter a black woman's personal space is really the key. Among a lot of black spaces or constructs, there have been over the past four to five decades a lot of black people (and ridiculous black media adding fuel to the fire) piling together the poor and half-way decent to fully decent black people with the poor and depraved and even criminal black people and piling them ALL together on to some kind of pedestal in order to make some kind of sacred cow out of those black people just because they're poor because of "what the Bible says" about money not buying anyone any morality or superiority basically. But this putting every person into the same boat without vetting them just because they were poor and black at the same time led to black neighborhoods that may have been liveable and comfortable back in the 60s and possibly the 70s into hellholes particularly for black women and children eventually like free fall. What also led to this was a huge refusal to call the cops on the black, depraved and criminal people just because of the living existence of white racists and white racist cops as if black depraved criminals (some of who may be narcissists and/or sociopaths) actually love or respect the half-way decent to fully decent black people who are law-abiding. Ridiculous and another reason why a lot of black people should prioritize the study of psychology.

itsmeak
itsmeak

Yes this is what the newer BWE websites that seem to be more like BWE-lite or sugar free BWE have become if that's not the way they've started sadly. The websites that are much older than the newer ones are better BWE websites that gave it to black women straight and told them to move on from any men and so-called friends who are toxic as well as ruined toxic neighborhoods that are damaged beyond repair in order to move into better neighborhoods and to surround themselves with supportive and reciprocating people in their lives instead of obsessing about the toxic people who will never change until they want to.

Proverbs31Sista
Proverbs31Sista

STANDING OVATION. I have long seen this pattern in some BWE bloggers. While I still watch the BWE blogs, they need to really QUIT focusing on the damaged males who make these statements and I have said as much on their posts. They claim that they HAVE TO make their voices heard on these issues, but AT THE SAME TIME you are bringing attention to the same losers we should be PUTTING ON NIGNORE? (I still love that word from you!)

How can you be for the EMPOWERMENT of Black women when you keep reminding us of the very folks who want to TAKE POWER FROM US? It makes no sense! The best thing is to LIVE YOUR LIFE for you, and in the process prove folks wrong. It is emotionally taxing to continue to focus on all the Bitter Bobby's and mammies out there who have something to say about OUR LIVES and how we CHOOSE to live them.

You should have absolutely NO PROBLEM with seeing a Black male with any race of woman if you are TRULY PAST that foolery and are doing YOU! Like you said some are still stuck in their pain and need to heal. In 2014 I shant not be that woman. I'm loving the WOMAN God has made me and I am not going to be focused so much on what others do.

tbiga
tbiga

Damn, this article is just what I needed.  I've been tired of so much of the negative emphasis on brothers and their misdeeds by the BWE websites that I got discouraged too.  Definitely didn't feel empowered.  And the glorification of white dudes was sickening. Thanks for shedding some light on this topic and hope it leads to some introspection for us as women, because when you constantly focus on someone's shortcomings, you totally overlook your own.

DanieHolmes
DanieHolmes

This is an excellent article! Another thing black woman need to understand is that these men aren't magical, perfect princes with these woman of other races. Somebody is dealing with their bullsh!t! ALL MEN HAVE BULLSHIT THAT SOMEONE HAS TO DEAL WITH! It's rumored that Terence Howard is a BIG asshole and oh, Michael Jordan, too. There's also a rumor that Taye Diggs is divorcing his wife. Contrary to what society wants everyone to believe, men aren't gods!

LatonyaDRhodes
LatonyaDRhodes

I read this article with an open mind and acceptance because I was and am still to a certain point guilty of said behavior, although after reading the commandments I fully understand now, but I will say this...alot of my peers and friends feel this way because after awhile if that is all you see and no one is bucking the trend, you do start to wonder things like "are we good enough", I live in a small city in Illinois, where racism is rampant, but we have the highest percentage of mixed couples ( black men, white women)...I know for me, it started to take a toll on my self-worth because my dating pool was perceived as decreasing by the minute, but some of my friends and I began to grow tired of thinking like that and did began to make it about becoming better versions of ourselves, taking the focus off of finding mates and complaining about white women...we began to explore the beauty of black women, relishing in our variety...then we began to learn how to heal our pain...we haven't arrived all the way yet, but we're getting there...thank you for this article, I will definitely be sharing it....

ssb812
ssb812

THIS ARTICLE IS AWESOME!!! Thank you so much not only for the information about the group but also for the inspiration. For some unknown reason I woke up today thinking about an insignificant ex's negative comments and even prayer wouldn't take the thoughts away. It's like his poison was replaying over and over in my mind. I decided to check my email and I'm so glad I did. THANK YOU FOR THE EMPOWERMENT. Your words were so on point. I could not copy your 12 suggestions for positive change but I retyped them so I could print and hang it up and also to keep a copy in my daily notebook. Thanks again.

 

Brenda55
Brenda55

Thanks for posting this. Bookmarking this post and copying these twelve  commandments onto my hard drive. 


I have been seeing a shift towards useless cosmetic battles while ignoring ones of substance. I have also been seeing an increasing focus on turf, tribute and a lack of cooperation among women who identified and articulated problems that black women experience. This has all been troubling to say the least.


I hope this post is given the consideration that is should and that a women check their egos at the door and honestly reflect on just what is at stake for black women and girls.  We need to get about fighting the battles that improve individual women's and girl's lives directly and kill the cat fighting, celebrity focus, loyalty litmus test that all to often breaks out in black women's spaces. Our collective talents can be put to better use.

Raz zy
Raz zy

Wow!!!!  This should be the 12 Commandments!

Raz zy
Raz zy

@itsmeak  "s it really wise to give hard earned cash to white, black, brown, yellow or red people who never reciprocate towards black women as group though images, advertising or the things that they have said? Is it wise to keep giving hard earned cash to famous black men who have white wives if they never reciprocate towards black women because that money would be given to possibly white in-laws.

OJ Simpson was known to have bought Nicole Brown Simpson's parents some property and to have paid the tuition towards Nicole's sister's Masters degree."


What is sad is that even after reading this article and the 12 commandments of Black Women's empowerment, you are still focused on punishing black men for choosing non black women as their wives and girfriends.  You still don't get and your comments prove it.  I suggest you get some help with your self esteem, because you tie what you think about yourself to who black strangers you don't even know choose to date and  marry.  Why, oh Why can't you get past that?  Who gives a crap who OJ married or what he did with Nicole Simpson, that broad is dead and gone!  And why do you think who a black man screws, dates and marry is in anyway a reflection on you?  When I go to a movie, I pay money to see the movie to be entertained.  My mind is not on who that black man is banging.  It's on the quality of the movie and if I enjoy it.  

Miles Davis encountered this same BS attitude  when black musicians were mad with him for hiring all 'them white musicians over black ones'  He said, I don't care if a dude has blue skin with red breath as long as he plays the music I want on MY band.

You need help, you are obviously suffering from low self esteem because you continue to focus on who some black dude is screwing and you want to hit back at them for freely choosing a white woman, when you probably feel you can freely choose to date/screw and marry a nonblack man.  Wow,  

Raz zy
Raz zy

@itsmeak  "We are a long way away from the days of men like Quincy Jones back in the 60s and 70s who only dated and married white women yet never seemed to show himself up or any other black people up by publicly stating any anti-black slogans to black women or black men and appeared to be on black people's sides in front of white people at least and may have reciprocated to other black people through the Civil Rights movement or someone like Sidney Poitier."


You don' t know what Quincy Jones did.  Just because he wasn't public about it.  Again you are using who he married and screwed as a benchmark to measure whether he was supportive to black women.  You need help, you really do.  Your self esteem is in the toilet because you continually tie it to who black men you've never met screwed or married and you are mad when they screw, date, or marry nonblack women.  Why should that matter to you?  Get some self empowerment and stop worrying about who black men are sleeping with, none of that directly affects you.

Raz zy
Raz zy

@Expresso24  "So what do you suggest black women do when people like Kanye West, Kevin Hart, Tyrese and countless others who have made disgusting remarks about dark skinned women? Or promote the "have to get a redbone" mentality? I think black men like this need to be held accountable."


Why use your energy and time dealing with what some fool like Kaye West and these other males say about black women being dark skinned?That which you focus on you give power too. The best revenge for black women is to keep on climbing and moving forward.  Why let these fools push one's buttons like that.  I wouldn't waste my time.  I'm not a fan of any of those fools.  These remarks are nothing new and colorism  go back a long ways historically.  Those women who will succeed won't let that judge how they view themselves or get in the way of their success, because they have high self esteem.  Those women who are personally affected by it because of their poor self image will.  But women need to have a strong self image and love themselves, and nothing anybody can say will change that.  If dark skinned black women fought every time some stupid rapper opened his piehole to try to put them down, they wouldn't get anything done and would stay mired down in the quagmire of negative thinking and that is not empowering. 

Deborrah
Deborrah moderator

@Brenda55Feel free to send the link out to your friends and family, or to repost the link on your social media pages. Spread the word and the power.

OhJustStfuPLEASE
OhJustStfuPLEASE

@Raz zy  wow! that was a great article! I too was deeply annoyed by the outrage over who celebrities marry, as if that is supposed to support and validate that we are not wanted- and even then, what exactly is the point in DWELLING on who doesn't want us? Another huge issue I have with BWE is all these memes that state love knows no color and yet...pretty much all they support and PUSH is relationships with white men. lol Don't say love knows no color if it upsets you to see a black man with a white woman and don't say love knows no color if you're not open to being with a black man, rather than writing their mere existence off as perpetuating your childhood trauma. I agree with the ideals of black womanism, that we must uplift ourselves unapologetically, OWN our sexuality and love ourselves despite who acknowledges our beauty. There's a way to reinforce meaningful positivity and affirmation without blaming others. And news flash: you can be abused and unhappy in an interracial marriage with a white man as well! I am a living testimony of that.

itsmeak
itsmeak

You haven't understood a thing I've typed. I am not caring about or thinking about well known black men's private lives, I'm caring about the way black women's have been dragged through the mud publicly and vocally today! I also care whose pockets that I line today. I support black shops and companies with my money currently and I try as much as I can to support them before I support the white companies. But lining black entertainers' pockets who have white wives means you are helping their wife out very much but is there any positive receipt in return of any kind or any positive action that helps black women or do the entertainers keep themselves circumspect without running their mouths against black women? If there is and they do keep themselves circumspect that's fine then and you can spend away but otherwise 'I can't go for that'. No, noooo. No can do.

How is it a 'punishment' to withhold my money? Black women are the ones now obviously who need to come up with the positive and affirming media that displays all variety of beauty, personalities and complexities anyway but regarding everyone else in Hollywood black or white, if I only represent a measly 5% of the people who could potentially line their pockets then maybe they wouldn't miss my money or be so-called punished then? I'm sure there will still be plenty of Rodeo Drive boutiques for them to run through still so they don't need my help. But I as a black woman after the recession can't watch where my money goes to or where it hoes to? Whatever.

I don't like black women's images or names going down the tubes, I don't know about you. But lining the pockets of white, black yellow, brown or red companies or people who are behind any of that is not MY bag! But you do what you want to do with your money. LOL

itsmeak
itsmeak

No Razzy I don't think so. I don't know where you saw that. As I've written earlier I am not concerned with who. Lack men choose to make their life partner or whatever they want to do. And withholding my money from anyone? How is THAT a punishment?

Everybody after the recession has to be wise about where their money is going and who their money is going to. If giving money to a white, black, brown, yellow or red person or company is too frivolous to do especially if you have thriving, life-changing plans that you need to save money for then sending money to whoever's way is NOT the thing to do. But how is that a punishment??

A lot of media made in Hollywood by whites AND blacks do not exactly lift up the image of black women or their dignity and some black entertainers who are married and/or living with white or other black people have been responsible for this. I don't have to give my money to someone's cause that just drags MY image in the dirt and if I just represent a measly 5% that any entertainer can ignore then so be it.

I don't care who anybody's with I just care where my money goes! I support black shops and companies currently and

I try as much as I can to support them before I support the white companies. I can't be lining everybody's pockets all the time without seeing so e kind of positive return for myself. I've made that kind of stupid choice in the past where I wasn't wise with my cash but I won't any longer. But you can do what you want though but I hope you're making the right choice. LOL

itsmeak
itsmeak

You haven't understood a thing I've typed. I am not caring about or thinking about their private lives, I'm caring about the way black women's have been dragged through the mud publicly and vocally today! Quincy Jones and Sidney Poitier regardless of their private lives never seemed to do that 'dragging through the mud' business and that's what I typed! Where are you NOT reading this or seeing this?

I don't like black women's images or names going down the tubes, I don't know about you. But lining the pockets of white, black yellow, brown or red companies or people who are behind that is not my bag! But you do what you want to do with your money. LOL

Serenity101
Serenity101

Black women suffer from low selfesteem at young ages. The doll test was proof the imagery and racism in this country goes hand and hand. I care about stuff like this because things are only going to get worst for blacks as a group in this country. The dehumnization of black women is causing so much harm to those of us in the black community. Black women are human and the world knows black women are the rejects all women. I don't care how much black women claim Iam with this and that guy .Together we stand divided we fall. Because of the disrespect black women receive on a daily basis how is this going to improve the lives of our daughters. Lets be honest here nonblack men are not knocking down their doors to get with black women many of them are with women who look like and resemble them.

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