My Man and I Haven’t Had Sex in Over Six Months!

| 01/05/2011 | Comments (1)

Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I am frustrated, lonely and confused. My husband and I haven’t had sex in over six months! During intercourse he has a complex of not wanting to ejaculate too quickly and not being able to satisfy me during intercourse. But it has gotten out of hand!

I am a vibrant young woman who needs to be loved but not receiving from the man who is supposed to give it to me. I have tried several times to talk to him about my frustration but nothing seems to work. It’s just not a sexual problem – it’s a intimacy problem.

I would love to be held sometimes. I feel some times that if my husband of eight years doesn’t know how to handle it someone else will. What should I do? I don’t want to result in creeping but I need love also.

Please Help Me!
Confused & Lonely

Dear Confused & Lonely:
(1) Go to marriage counseling before you do something reactionary and counterproductive. These statements you make sound like threats. You don’t throw a tantrum and threaten your husband! Instead, you maturely and compassionately work with him to create the marriage you want if at all possible.  True commitment is about staying even through the times that are uncomfortable, inconvenient and sometimes confusing. If you are committed to your marriage, you will do whatever it takes to either make it a success or make sure that splitting is really the best option;

(2) If he refuses to go to counseling, or you discover in counseling that the love you thought was there has left your marriage, then you get a divorce;

(3) The other, very uncomfortable possibility is that your husband got turned out by some other guy and is no longer interested in females sexually, he’s into dudes. This is my top choice, though I know its the one you most hate to consider as a possibility.

No matter which may be the answer, jumping up and down doing mattress aerobics with some other man while still married is not the answer you are looking for. Why complicate matters more than they are? Just do what you can to either fix it or clear the path for you to move on from this marriage knowing you gave it your best shot.

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Dating expert and advice columnist since 1993, writing as Ms. HeartBeat. Author of the hilarious street smart dating guide "Sucka Free Love - How to Avoid Dating The Dumb, The Deceitful, The Dastardly, The Dysfunctional & The Deranged."

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  1. SilentBro says:

    From the tone of her last paragraph I think that there are more issues between them than just intimacy.

    I think you offered her excellent solutions the only thing I could add is for #3 I would add it also could be another woman.

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