Narcissistic Personality Disorder in the Black Community
Taking into account my two decades of work in the advice field working with single black men and women, and after listening to Donna Andersen and Dr. Fran Walfish, the two experts I had on the show tonight discussing sociopaths, I have come to the conclusion that 97% of Black men in America suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. That 3% … oooh weee that is hard to find.
Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
List from http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx36.htm
In order for a person to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) they must meet five or more of the following symptoms:
Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements).
— These are Black men that expect to get credit and a title of “good Black man” for doing the things they are SUPPOSED TO DO like work, go to school, and take care of the children they helped make. Love to remind women that there are more females than males, and that women need to get with him to “support” and “encourage” and “nurture” him to greatness. Like to refer to themselves as Black kings and Gods, though they possess no riches or fifedoms, and certainly no magical powers. Those that lie about their abilities and embellish their history and accomplishments my cousin Candace calls “Lying a$$ muhfuggas!”
Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
— Thinks they will be the next Michael Jordan, or a big time rapper, or a big time model, and are still dreaming that dream at 35. Believes they have the right to a woman’s body, love and commitment even though they are a verbally and/or emotionally abusive, arrogant asshat most of the time.
Believes that he is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).
— These are the guys that went to school and now believe themselves too good to associate with “average” Blacks, even those in their own family. They move to the suburbs and marry White women. These are the type you meet at a party and the first thing they want to do is stare down their nose and ask you pointed questions to determine your pedigree – where you go to church, who you know in Jack & Jill or the Black MBA Association, and if you ever vacation in The Vineyard where his father has an estate.
Requires excessive admiration.
— Wants you to tell him “great job” about everything he does and go out of your way to thank him for helping out with his own children and in his own household. What are you, five? If you tell him about himself, he wants to call you bitter, angry or a man hater. Some will turn around use that as justification for cheating. You don’t have the right or permission to criticize him you mere Black woman.
Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his expectations.
— This is where the whole “Black women aren’t submissive enough” thing comes in. In retaliation, they will state that they deserve a foreign woman that knows her place and her role and puts him and his needs first without question or demand. Though he keeps his options open to date outside the race, he rants like a maniac at Black women that date other races and accuses them of abandoning the Black community. May attempt to get custody of children in a divorce proceeding to retaliate against a woman that leaves him, though he has never been an involved or even a caring parent. His chief goal is to avoid “paying that woman my money” or to avoid giving her the upper hand (control of the children). The worst of this bunch are the guys that attempt to hit on a woman as she is walking down the street or in some social setting, or that refuse to let a woman leave a relationship without hurting her. In the former, should she reject his advances, he becomes enraged and strikes out with violent words or punches. Women have died from gunshot wounds and stabbings at the hands of strangers. Moreso are the spurned lovers who refuse to let a woman move on; they kill them instead.
Is exploitative of others, e.g., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends.
— In this category are liars, players, gamers, pimps, and users of women. They call it “spitting game” or “running game” and their favorite targets are women. These are the clowns that bust you upside the head and take the purse of an old woman, or the new shoes or jacket of a child. Always demanding and selfish. Even in prison, they demand that you run up your phone bill talking to them, go broke visiting them and putting money on their books. Child molesting pastors, fathers, step fathers, uncles, older brothers and trusted family friends that violate children sexually are also in this category.
Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.
— Blames a woman for being victimized by one of his male buddies or any male, period. Even if a child is hurt by a predator, its still somehow the mother’s fault for “not picking a good Black man!” instead of the male’s fault for being a predator of children. Sits by idly refusing to lift a finger to help his exhausted mate or failing children. If he sees a woman being assaulted on the street, he laughs and films it to upload on World Star Hip Hop instead of calling the cops. Intervening on her behalf will never happen. Will refuse to help young people or teach his own children anything “because nobody helped me!”
Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her.
— Have you noticed how many Black men hate on Obama or any other successful Brotha for no reason?
Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.
— They believe they are superior to women for no reason other than they have a penis. I’d say that fits in perfectly.
As with all personality disorders, the person must be at least 18 years old before they can be diagnosed with it.
Narcissistic personality disorder is more prevalent in males than females, and is thought to occur in less than 1 percent in the general population.
— That is because none of those studies have been done on BLACK men where it would be at least 75% of the population.
Like most personality disorders, narcissistic personality disorder typically will decrease in intensity with age, with many people
experiencing few of the most extreme symptoms by the time they are in the 40s or 50s.
— Yeah, because by then they have high blood pressure, “sugah”, need Viagra and nobody wants them.
Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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gfarria Razzy dang these advanced degrees and licenseto practice law…Still means you are sexist and narcissistic. you are no better than Pookie or RayRay round the corner. You hide behind your degrees and white collar but your attitude and lack of empathy for black women, puts you right there on their level.
you are sexist narcissistic no matter how many degrees you claim to have. i don’t know why so called males like you think your ‘degree’= you are perfect. No it just means you went to school and did what you did to obtain a degree. So what shrugs. Doesn’t tell what kind of person you are, or what your attitude is towards women. jerks come in all walks of life.
Deborrah justcommenting
Thanks for setting me straight on that. I have been learning more since my last post and just read Sam Vankin’s book Malignant Self Love (Narcissism Revisited). He is a self-avowed, diagnosed psychopathic narcissist and describes his condition (and the condition of others) with NPD superbly – but even he admits he is still a Narc. I still commend the gent above for at least showing interest and trying to change even though that is no guarantee of anything. Some Narcs will not admit to it or try to develop empathy because they think they already have it – while they cut your throat out and stab you in the back. But I guess this shouldn’t make us grateful to the ones that only gently choke us now and then…Thanks for your site and your insights. Hope the guy above is not a choker. Also I wouldn’t want to vilify anyone that makes a sincere effort. The man above might be that one in one thousand that truly changes. (Or maybe I am just having what Vankin calls “malignant optimism” like many females that get run over males with NPD, until they are squashed and sticky.)
Razzy EddieJ Deborrah TrSeeker actually I disagree with the poorly written article and the fact that the author is BEING narcissistic in her approach of argumentation is what makes this ironic. lol. To take the diagnosis of something and skew it to fit your schema of how the world works seems very off to me. It’s like trying to argue that Google is God because God is portrayed as “omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent” or that a teenager is a psychopath because they are “irresponsible, overconfident, and have short attention span” (which are part of the criteria of being a psychopath).
If you WANT an ACTUAL portrayal of what narcissistic personality disorder is, go here: http://www.bpdcentral.com/narcissistic-disorder/hallmarks-of-npd/
these are from people who were (or with someone who was) actually diagnosed as NPD. There is a difference with the reality and this article. And AGAIN people have to exhibit 5 of these traits to even be diagnosed, which is the fallacy of this entire article. You don’t even give an example that encompasses five of these traits, and then connect it to a certain realistic percentage of black men (which would be done through study). The fallacy is called “hasty generalization”.
If you wanted to make this article at least partially informal, and far from laughably ignorant, why not just make a general warning for women to look out for these signs in men with accurate depictions of them? Why attack the entire race?
*gasp* The angry Black Woman DOES exist! Lol! 97% is ridiculous. Its statistically impossible for even the normality to reach 97% much less the anomaly. Citing various news clips doesn’t support the argument of 97% because news does not present an even distribution of the population. In fact news is skewed towards the abnormality, thats what makes it “news”. Additionally working with “hundreds of thousands” of Black Men over the course of 20 years doesnt constitute an acceptable statistical sample, even assuming all of the men were NPD sufferers. If the author worked with 999,999 Black Men, all of whom had NPD, that represents less than 10% of 1/3 of the 42million Black people in the US as of 2010. An anecdotal 10% is hardly a marker for the majority of a population. Not counting all of the assumptions made just to get to that less than 10%. Frankly one could argue the author displays narcissistic tendencies- hypersensitive to criticism, grandiose sense of self, exaggerated claims of success, lack of empathy for Black Men and for her own readers, unreasonable sense of entitlement, consistently displays arrogant and haughty attitudes. What kind of person, much less a professional scientist would step out on such a bold assertion about 97% of a population? With NO tangible studies or facts to support their assertion? Only retorting with insults, news clippings and challenges for people to go prove the negative.
First of all, your ignorance is shocking. You actually should pick your child up and comfort them when they cry! Comforting a chipd will not spoil them, it will actually have the opposite effect. If you show your child concern, affection and love by picking them up, then most likely they won’t become sociopaths. Yes, they just might develop something called compassion which is something you seem to lack. As for the stinking diaper, I have only seen crack head bishes do that! Why because they are smoking weed or meth and honestly I have seen more white women than Mexican or black women do that! Most Black women are conditioned to take care of everyone, so your statement makes no sense!? I mean I’m confused? Are we the somcalled myth of the “strong black woman” or just hoochies who neglect our responsibilities? Make up your mind? And at least the mom is around! You sound like a typical mammy so go on and put black men on a throne for NOT being there! You do realize that, you are actually bashing black women for being there, while praising mediocrity in black men? You actually JUST praised these black men who abandon their kids? A mother can’t father a male child, so the biggest problem is people like you supporting ignorance and just plain old stupidity. That’s why people like you actually harm the black community, because you sure aren’t helping it!
How can you call it “sour grapes” when black women are being beat and killed, abandoned,used, cursed out, called nappy headed and then abused ? Wow some of you truly do need help and are beyond deranged? What you are witnessing is rage, not “sour grapes” this is more like shock and outrage! What do you expect?People NEED to talk about this…This should be a required course in middke school if you ask me! No, don’t just teach black girls how to use birth control, but also how to use their head in order to recognize sick, deranged sociopaths! I am glad she is helping black women to see the reality of the bs that goes on. Some of do need guidance, and there is nothing shameful ir wrong with that. No we are not all born, just instantly knowing how NOT ATO CHOOSE A GOOD MAN! So we need some reprogramming and a bit of education in order to make better choices. The number she pointed out, that 95% I would have gone higher,with no apology. But yes, ok we do know there are SOME good black men, but there are not many. It is not my fault most of you exhibit pig like animal behaviour. So how can you truthfully reduce someone’s observation to “sour grapes” Especially if you are black nd have seen first hand? You are in denial and with all due respect, GET HELP! THANKS!
Hahaha so now black men are sexually weak? Oh and the poor, poor black man is being taken advantage of now? You nut jobs crack me up! And you’re statements are hypocritical. If you say black women take advantage of “sexually weak black men” then where is your scientific proof? Yes, yes you are being taken advantage of sexually! Hahaha! It sounds like someone took out a lawsuit on you to get back child support! Go home spend your trailor trash white girls EBT card and buy yourself a Happy Meal ding dong! I don’t wear weaves btw my hair is natural and down my back. I do agree that black women need to learn to stick together against losers like you, who think with anger and emotions instead of your brain. Thinking with your emotions all the time is why Watermelaneque is suing you for child support! 🙂
Yes of course there are female sociopaths DUH no one is disputing that. However female sociopaths are few and far between.
Yes! Just like when you have a child Psychologist write a book about how to raise children, YET they NEVER! EVER raised a child!? That always bothered me too. If you lived it and then went to school and learned child psychology and then afterwards raised a few children, then I would read a book by an experienced Psychologist who ALSO raised some children successfully. Other than that I prefer to listen to people who actually lived and observed real life situations. No one is impressed with your degree because we all can observe and go to the library to learn pretty much what you have learned through books.
I don’t get men like you? You are foolish enough to comment on an article before you do any actual research on the topic. There ARE studies and statistics that actually do support this article in one way or another. If you bothered to do the research and think critically for once in your life you just might learn to react with your brain, instead of just irrational angry emotions. It’s clear that you fit the discription of at least a few of the articles examples of a sociopath. You are ignorant if you really believe a sociopath can’t be a “Lawyer”, Doctor or authoratative figure. Many world leaders and dictators are sociopaths or narcissists? Christopher Columbus was a sociopath! YET we are brainwashed enough as a country to actually name a holiday after him? All you did was come out the wood work with a lame argument. You seem to be the angry one and obviously can’t deal with the truth. If this does not apply to YOU then why even respond?
Also sold some items from my mother’s house when she was out of town on vacation, and hasn’t given her the money for them or replaced them. Now he has the nerve to say he wants to start dating non-black women because they “know how to take care of him”.
I have a brother with children he never paid child support for and didn’t speak to THEIR ENTIRE CHILDHOOD now getting angry that they won’t braid his hair for free or loan him money. I keep reminding him YOU’RE LUCKY THEY TALK TO YOU AT ALL. 42 years old and owes my mother THOUSANDS of dollars and now won’t speak to her because she wouldn’t be a co-signer for him to get a car AGAIN (he didn’t pay the last one and she was stuck with the payments). BTW, his hair still looks fly because since his daughters refuse to braid his hair he has to be in the salon every weekend. And he does refer to himself as “a good black man”. WTF?
Wow Deborrah such powerful labels in this article. I would
add that YES some men may exhibit those traits you mentioned but it is maybe
something plaguing the black community as a whole. My inbox is just as full with both men and women complaining about the same things. “Can’t find a quality man/woman.” Both lacking relationship skills.
In addition, I have so many relationship tragedy
links of both men and women that implements violence to their ex or current husband
or boyfriends in a non-self-defense matter. Some for not doing what they asked
them to do. I’ve learned that there is an up tick of Black women that committing domestic related crimes against men
and family members for stupid reasons and plain disagreements. Men do commit
more crimes against women however when it comes to matters of the heart, women, especially
black women are climbing this ladder fast.
We have created a culture of hate between the sexes and its
growing. I feel that there are so much pain in our community and love skills
takes a back seat. This is destroying the fabric of our community. I am just
simply concern and do my part to teach. However, I do know that it is just as
important to call these things out as they occur. Here are just a few links of women causing pain and it is NOT to say them too, but to say it should concern our community.
http://www.nbcmiami.com/news/Woman-Stabs-Boyfriend-In-Eye-After-He-Refuses-to-Have–Sex-Deputies–227065371.html
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-57600248-504083/jetaun-wheeler-minn-woman-charged-after-allegedly-killing-boyfriend-and-hiding-body-in-freezer/
http://www.wesh.com/news/central-florida/Woman-shoots-ex-boyfriend-as-he-clings-to-car-police-say/-/11788162/18297890/-/l21mexz/-/index.html
http://www.walb.com/story/23622199/update-police-release-name-of-woman-who-stabbed-ex-boyfriend-in-the-back
Here is a perfect example (which just happened) of the sociopathic nature of black males when it comes to how they view and treat black women. Few here seem to want to believe it, but the evidence, like I said several times, is easily available. NINETY-SEVEN PERCENT OF BLACK MEN ARE SOCIOPATHS.
http://www.crunkfeministcollective.com/2013/10/25/on-black-men-showing-up-for-black-women-at-the-scene-of-the-crime/
Deborrah I forgot to mention this, but it’s not that we don’t want to believe or understand it. It’s the way you wrote this article. It wasn’t written in a “This is an issue we should be worried about, here is why, and here is a solution”. It was written as “This black men are so crazy because they sick. Stay away from them gurrrl.” It wasn’t written in a worrying tone, but a really negative one that is just offensive, especially with the type of language you use. It distracts from what you imply is a serious problem. I think this is also one of the many reasons why some of us are upset. But take it as you will, just providing constructive criticism. Have a bless day.
Thats fine Meghan. I am not here to offer solutions to the mental states of mentally ill people. That is for medical PROFESSIONALS to do! They are doctors and therapists for that honey. That’s not my role. In California if you do that, its called “practicing medicine without a license” and is punishable by fines and prison time. So your expectation of that for me in this case is rather misplaced.
Secondly, my role is to warn women. That’s it! Warn them about what red flags to look for and to stay away from men that are dangerous, mentally ill, or social misfits. Stay away from them. Period. Keep your kids away from them. Keep yourself away from them.
Sorry if the language offends you but that is how I write and talk. Another site might be more to your liking and I am not the least bit upset by that. There are millions of websites just like there are hundreds of models of cars… we all like different things for different reasons.