Older Woman/Younger Man… How Old is TOO Old?

| 06/19/2009 | Comments (4)

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Question: When is the age gap with an older woman and younger man, too large for it to be realistic for them to think about marriage? Are younger guys just using older women (10-20)years older as sugar Mommas or the proverbial Ms. Robinson sex teacher? What do you think of older women/younger men together (and I don’t mean sexual hookups), but in committed loving relationships that lead to marriage?   


Younger men tend get with significantly older women (5+ years) for the sake of satisfying sexual curiosity, and I think most women tend to get with significantly younger men to validate if they still have sex appeal with younger men. In other words, the woman is a temporary lover of the man.  It’s the whole Cougar phenomenon that’s going on right now, in most cases. But to say if this is your situation or not, I would need more information.

If this is one of those rare instances where a young man and older woman are getting together for a serious relationship, or marriage, the major obstacles I see between you two individuals is knowing if the level of maturity is similar. If not, you may spend time being more of a surrogate mother than anything else to this man.  
Also, the fertility factor comes into play so if you’re with a young whipper snapper thats thinking about going the distance with you, he may want to have children with you, which may become a serious issue if you had children and don’t desire to have anymore, or never really desired to have any.
Another minor issue may be dealing with others opinions. Ostracism is still quite powerful in our society. You and him have to know if you both can take the heat from family, friends, community, and haters.

Otherwise, age ain’t nuttin’ but a number, unless like you’re as old, or older than his mother. Then that’s some weird Oedipus complex stuff that requires Pepto Bismol to talk about.  



California, especially Hollywood, is setting the pace in acceptance of these non-traditional relationships. Women are now involving themselves with younger men just as older men have done with younger women for centuries.  Goldie Hawn, Susan Sarandon, Halle Berry, and Demi Moore all have younger men on their arms and in their beds.  

Sexy, confident and mature women are more suited for dating younger men.  My personal belief is that the best relationships take place between older women and mature younger men.  Women exercise, eat better, and involve themselves in a wide variety of satisfying social activities long into their senior years.  Women look better as they age, and live longer as well.   

I can’t really say that there is a definite cut-off in age when it comes to dating and marrying a younger guy, as I feel this should be judged by the two people involved.  Some young men are VERY mature for their age, having lived childhoods full of responsibility, hard work, sacrifice,  dedication and focus.  There are young men that find women in their own age group to be eye-rollingly immature and silly.  They have nothing in common with those women, and seek the company of more mature ladies, as much as 20 years older.

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A 2003 study by AARP revealed that 34 percent of all women over 40 in the survey were dating younger men, and 35 percent preferred it to dating older men. According to a recent online survey, 67 percent of women reported that they’ve dated a younger man and 49 percent of men admit to dating an older woman.  Six years later in 2009, I’m sure the numbers are even larger! 

This is what a 25 year old had to say about his 37 year old fiancee. "There was no fear in dating an older woman," he says. "I prefer to date older women, and for some reason I always have, even in high school. It seems that they are easier to get along with — there is, for the most part, no drama. Older women know what they want, they usually are in a career, are financially secure and not looking for a man to take care of them."

We also must consider the age of the couple involved.  Sure, a 19 year old male college student that constantly plays video games in his spare time, dating a 39 year old career woman and single parent of two would raise eyebrows and produce leers.  However an accomplished and professional 35 year old man with a beautiful 55 year old woman would be nothing, as they are more in tune with each other socially, mentally, sexually, and financially.

The only valid concern might be the issue of children.  If a young man truly has his heart set on babies in the future, this relationship will be enjoyable, but short-lived.  However, many couples get around that with surrogate mothers, adoption, or step-parenting the children he already has with an ex-wife or girlfriend.  There are also large numbers of young men with no interest in children anyway, so the fact that their older girlfriend or wife doesn’t want to or is unable to have anymore children is of no consequence. These two form a warm bond and loving home with just the two of them, as they travel, giggle, socialize and enjoy their lives together.

I think every woman over 35 should let her Inner Cougar out!  Do you agree?

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Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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Category: Society and Culture, Women's Issues

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  1. solely211 says:

    @guest Like myself, I’m an older woman who dates men much younger.  I had my share of old men with their failing libidos that no longer have any passion or desire.

  2. guest says:

    Great article,
    I’m interested in a guy who is 14 years younger than me, but when we’re together the sparks are off the chart. It isn’t obvious because I don’t look my age and it doesn’t bother him one bit so we’ll see if this will be another Ashton Demi thing. LOL

  3. Terrence says:

    I’ve met several really FINE smart women 5 to 10 years older than myself. I was hesitant to approach because of the age difference. Going to reconsider. Good article, thanks.

  4. Skii says:

    Nice article.I think that women over 35 should not limit the already small dating pool by worrying about age.

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