Rebuttal to 10 Lies Women Tell Men

| 03/20/2011 | Comments (55)

I ran across an article called 10 lies women tell men written by this guy Anslem Samuel.  He claims women are lying in the 10 statements they  make to men below.  He has a blog called Naked With Socks On.  Here is my rebuttal to his outrageous claims.

1.  “I haven’t had sex in a while, but not by choice.”

This would mean some knucklehead guy is asking a woman about her past sexual history something that is not his business in the first place. If a fool is stupid enough to ask a woman about her vjay when he wasn’t even involved in it, he deserves to be told whatever she chooses to tell him. Question,” Have you had sex before’? Answer: No I’m a virgin dummy!

2. “I’m looking for a good man.”

All women want a man who will treat them right and make them happy. The problem is men who front and pretend to be good guys who later down the line reveal themselves to be anything but. Then the so called good guys who stand on the side line hoping a woman will notice he is good without him doing anything to show that he is. Yet they want to sit in judgment of other men. No woman willfully dates a fool, but fools often come in sheeps clothing. Stop the madness! Rather than berating a woman for falling for the guy who presents himself as other than what he really is, why not tell men, to be real and stop fronting.

3. “I don’t know why I’m single.”

Sometimes women are single because they choose to be and there isn’t anything wrong with that. Men somehow think that a woman who is single automatically has issues. Men also think they are the prizes to be won with no issues. Women should stop valuing themselves based on what some guy thinks.

4. “I look good for my age.”

Again men value and judge women for superficial reasons based on outward appearances. If men showed that they appreciate a woman for who she is rather than her age, and looks, then women would not feel the need to lie about it. But men set up the dating scene where they all want the hot 25 year old woman. Therefore a 35 year old woman feels pressured that she isn’t attractive enough or she’s too old. Men set this up so stop whining when women tell you what you want to hear.

5. “I’m over my ex.”

If there is ever a gender who carries emotional sexual baggage into a new situation it is men. They constantly compare the new woman to the ex in looks and sexual prowess. My ex gf used to look like xyz, do xyz. And you go from woman to woman based on what your previous ex did/looked like and how she screwed you. No new woman starts with a clean slate with men.Do men believe the lies women tell them?

6.  “Size matters.”

Yes it does matter, no woman wants a man who isn’t at least average and who is narrow and more importantly who can’t screw worth a darn. A man with less than an average sized organ is too small and any woman who tells you differently is just saving your feelings guys. He doesn’t have to be hung like John Holmes but no woman wants a Pee Wee Herman either.

7.  “I’ll be ready in a minute.”

To avoid this men, here’s a little tip give the woman extra time. If you’re going somewhere that starts at 8 pm say it starts at 7 pm. This can be annoying, I hate waiting. I hate lateness. I’ve experienced dudes being late. If I say 8, they arrive at 8:15 or 8:30 and that’s the first and last date they get as my time is too valuable to waste with someone who can’t tell time. I’ve been known to leave the dude in the lurch if he shows up at 8:30, I’ve already gone and made other plans.

8.  “I have nothing to wear.”

Quit your whining already and be glad that a woman cares enough about going out with you that she takes pains with her appearance. If she didn’t you’d be whining that she didn’t look good enough. Get over it already!

9.  “You know I don’t normally do this sort of thing.”

Everything we’ve ever done was done the first time at some point.  Why are Black men so insecure about women they can’t believe she is that into him?  Why is it men have double standards when it comes to female sexuality? The whole madonna/whore complex. Men should appreciate a woman who knows what she likes and have confidence in bed. Black men always whine. If she is a frigid virgin, you complain that the sex is too weak. If she has sexual skills, you worry that she knows too much. Either way it’s your problem based on your own sexual insecurities and your fear of being able to satisfy her sexually.

10.  “We can have sex with no strings attached.”

I tell women if they want a FWB situation make sure it is with a dude who they know they don’t want to marry, who they aren’t that attracted to, but a dude who is an eager little puppy who would do anything just to be in their company and bend themselves into a pretzel to have that woman. That way the woman can walk away from the situation with her feelings intact. Who cares if the dude’s feelings are hurt so long as he knew going in, it was just about sex? Women should never have FWB situations with a dude they really like and could have feelings for. Have it with what I call disposable dudes (all they’re good for is boning and that’s it)…nobody you’d take anywhere.

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  1. Simon says:

    Men that inquire about womens past sexual history are stupid and insecure. As long as both parties are free of STD, hit that ass and join the list guys.

    Some women have no standards let alone high standards, regarding the pussy, Ms. Cooper. Wet pussy has conscience like hard dicks do not. Your sistren demonstrate it daily. Its all good but lets be honest.

  2. Simon Templar says:

    Dudes inquiring about a womans sexual past are stupid. As long as both parties are STD free, proceed.

    Seriously Ms Cooper, many women don’t have high or any standards for the pussy. Like many men don’t regarding their dicks. Men know it as do women. In fact, these women boast about it, and class has nothing to do with it. Wet pussy has no conscience.

    • Raz says:

      Simon what is ‘high standards’ for a woman’s pussy? Is this some sexist double standard nonsense by stupid males like you who judge a woman based on how many men she’s slept with? You would never know a number unless she told you. So get the eff out of here with this slur on women. Women just like men are free to enjoy sex with whoever they want whenever they want and do not have to give a dayum by what some insecure low class fool like you thinks. Too many ignorant men like you put too much weight on a woman’s sexuality when what you ought to be focusing on is how you treat a woman. Most stupid men like you have no clue how to treat a woman. All you think about and focus on is her body and beyond that you have no clue about connecting with a woman emotionally/mentally/spiritually. So stop! Most dumb azz fools like you have no conscious which is why so many women and kids are sexually assaulted and murdered by fools like you who focus too damn much on a woman’s pussy.

      • BlackNarcissus says:

        I think it’s women who kind of uphold the “high standard” of pussy notion, most women aren’t just giving away sex, most women are going to make a guy put in some work for sex. Some women will make a guy jump through hoops for sex. If a woman is giving up sex that easily it makes me wonder a few things about her.

  3. gavn says:

    I hope one day Debbie realizes the best way to land a man is by not hating men.

    • If “Debbie” was seeking to land a man, your comment would be important. But it’s not. And I don’t hate men, I hate control freak, woman bashing fools that are male. There is a huge difference.

    • Guapo1492 says:

      Oh, I agree.

    • Raz says:

      I hope one day gavn realizes that the best way to land a woman and KEEP her is for men to stop being trifling cheating, unreliable, lying emotionally immature little boys masquerading around in a grown man’s body. Women want and need more from a man than sex. If a woman has her own paycheck and holding things down, what do men do to get and keep a woman emotionally happy and satisfied? Most don’t have a clue, but want to whine when their sorry butts get called out on their trifling ways and the things they do that turn women off.

  4. Guapo1492 says:


    I Luv U!!(kisses two fingers and throws deuces)

  5. Guapo1492 says:

    Nevermind, Raz. I saw you mention “your guy”.

  6. Guapo1492 says:


    I see you’ve taken a liking to me. Now I hope you’re a woman! LOL! You make a lot of assumptions too. And I have been called corny. None of the other 4 though. Not to my face anyway.

    Seriously, you are a woman, right?? I still can’t tell by your comments.

  7. Mike says:

    Wow interesting article. The comments are more entertaining than the article with the focus being on the first supposed lie women tell men.

    Guys, as a happily married man of 6 years let me tell you something. You don’t ask your woman ‘how many men she’s slept with prior to you’. That’s just stupid and highly insulting to the woman you claim you’re interested in. You’ve reduced that woman to one factor in your mind, sex. I don’t blame the woman,even if she was a virgin, why would she want to date you? That’s a turn off.

    That’s like if a woman asked a man how much money he makes? If you were a guy you’d be highly offended by that question and think all this woman is interested in is your wallet. Well same difference.

    A woman would be highly offended by a guy asking her that and think all he’s interested in about her is her well…
    I don’t see why guys don’t get that. I highly doubt men ask that question in person. I met my future wife actually when I was out on a date with another woman. It was a first date for me, and she was dating a mutual acquaintance. While I wasn’t really into my date, she and I had chemistry. After that date was over and several months passed, I asked a friend of a friend about her and she told me that the girl was no longer dating that guy.

    I was free and I asked her out and the rest is history. We dated for nearly 2 years before getting engaged. In all of that time, I never once asked her how many men she slept with. She was into me and I was into her, we both were STD free and that’s all that mattered.

    These guys asking that question sound like immature high school boys still feeling insecure about their masculinity rather than grown men secure in who they are. It wouldn’t matter how many men the woman I was into dated, she hasn’t met me yet and I got it like that. I wouldn’t be surprised if most of these men asking aren’t very successful at dating women because they are turning the women off with such an insulting question. Get a clue guys.

    • elle85 says:

      “These guys asking that question sound like immature high school boys…”

      Its funny too how the “men” talking about how Grown they are, tend to be the most insecure and immature.

      Thank you for your level headed, mature comment. I wish more men like you could school these boys masquerading as men.

      • BlackNarcissus says:

        I agree it’s a big mistake to ask a woman how many sexual partners she’s had. Most men ask that question because of their own insecurities. A man wants to feel like he’s the best partner a woman has had, the more sexual partners a woman’s had the less likely it is that you’re the best she’s had. None of this should matter, but even though I don’t ask, it kind of eats at me to not know how many sexual partners a woman I’m dating has had. I don’t think there are too many men who can feel comfortable and confident, knowing the woman they’re with has had a high number of sexual partners. The root of the problem is men’s sexual insecurities not the number of sexual partners a woman has had.

        • Raz says:

          BlackNarcissus: “The root of the problem is men’s sexual insecurities not the number of sexual partners a woman has had.”

          And by continuing to focus on how many past sexual partners the woman has had before you, you continue to feed into your insecurities and project them off onto her. It’s a vicious cycle that only ‘you’ have the power to break. That which you focus on becomes powerful in your mind. Tune that energy into being the best man you can be to her in every way, not just sexual. You’re in her life at present and that is all that matters. The present, not the past.

        • Mina says:

          BlackNarcissus you said it eats at you to not know how many sexual partners a woman you’re dating has had. The same could be said for a woman.

          Don’t you think it eats at a woman to not know how many sexual partners a man has had? Does a man get a ‘pass’ for having ‘sexual experience’ and therefore should know how to please his woman, but a woman gets condemned for having sexual experience and thus knows how to please her man?

          At any rate everyone is different and what might have pleased or displeased a previous partner doesn’t apply in the current situation.

          Guys like you should just get over your egos and focus on as another poster said, being the best you can be with the woman in your life now, instead of tripping over the past.

          • BlackNarcissus says:

            Mina, I never said that I don’t think a woman ever wonders how many sexual partners a man has had. It’s true, women who have had a lot of sexual experience, will know how to better please their partner because of their experience. Sexually experienced women also usually have a better understanding of what will be personally satisfying, they know what will pleasing for themself, and what won’t.

            Unfortunately most men, including myself sometimes, don’t see it that way.

          • Raz says:

            BlackNarcissus: “Unfortunately most men, including myself sometimes, don’t see it that way.”

            You and your circle of male associates don’t count as ‘most men‘. If most men saw it the way that you did, then all of them would be single and not married. I don’t know what your status is or the success rate you have with women. But with that religious madonna/whore double standard complex you have towards women’s sexuality, you’ve self-selected yourself out of the dating pool with women. I would imagine that men like Mike’ would represent a larger number of men than men like you. Men like Mike are far more appealing to women than men like you. Women don’t have time or patience for insecure little boys masquerading as men but too hung up on ‘sex’ as the singular focus of what drives/makes/breaks a relationship. Women want a man who is past all of that and one who is emotionally mature.
            This ain’t the dark ages and you won’t find ‘virgin’s anymore. Women enjoy sex just like men and it’s not men’s business who they enjoy sex with. The man who can accept that and move past it and concentrate on making his mark with the woman in his life in the present instead of focusing on her past, is the one who gets and keeps the girl. Men who stay focused on a woman’s vjay from ‘the past’ are the ones who are insecure and jealous types. Any intelligent confident woman who is mature would not find a man of that mindset attractive.

  8. Rose Marie says:

    So Guapo 1492,So many assumptions that carry very little weight or truth, mostly generalizations and a sense of entitlement to being right and if you can’t be right, as the sisters have pointed out, you do what a lot of other brothers do, and that is to insult and/or name call, take the arugment to an ugly and/or aggressive level as in you are somehow going to check us by calling us angry or using the see that’s why we date, white, Asian and Latina women because again, given your assumptions (and you know what they say about assuming) you think those other women are less angry, more docile, submissive and/or eager to please a so-called good, black man.

    Your arguments would be almost laughable if they didn’t come off with a bit of sarcasm and an intent to hurt the women on here, who have stated their thoughts and opinion, and women whom you don’t even know. Trust me my head was not bobbing and my lips were not smacking when I sat down to write this. I know how to make a point, whether folks agree with it or not and accept feedback and participate in some type of civil discourse, if and when possible, but it seems like many of the males that have come here, have come in defense mode, either to ridicule, make fun of, put down and check us because we don’t agree with you all rather than seek any type of understanding. And perhaps Lyndon is trying but not everyone agrees with Lyndon and that is okay, plain and simple, some of us don’t agree with everything he has said. Plus, sometimes being out gunned happens in life no matter what side of the issue you are on, a mature persons learns to deal with it and re-strategizes if they don’t get shot since you are using gun metaphors, which probably wasn’t necessary either, again violence and aggression.

    Furthermore, I see your strategy is, if you can’t out think, out reason or out talk them, inflame them. I could be wrong but your final comment about better yet get a Latina, as if that would hurt or offend us because as you know some black people tend to get a rise out of pointing out how much colder or more exotic somebody elses’ ice is than black women’s but of course, when those other women do African-American men wrong or set them back they come running back to our communities (some times) looking for the support, love and acceptance of black women.

    Any way enough of that. As for Video Vixens, a lot of those women are doing it for the money and the money only, that’s how they get their hustle on, they don’t like the rappers and a like a great deal of so-called hoes as you so “un-eloquently” put it, including straight out prostitutes, strippers, etc.. many of them don’t even like men and are Lesbians or they just don’t like men, why because they have either been exploited, raped or molested as a child by some man or men including their own fathers. Furthermore, some Video Vixens do it-exploit themselves by choice and haven’t been raped or anything else, they just like to make a lot of money quick. Do I condone it?, no but they-the vixens- make one good point, they are going get paid upwards to a 1,000 or more a day unlike on most 9 to 5 were they might be harrassed as well for much less. Plus, we all know sex sells, if there wasn’t such a big demand for booty poppers, which some men also can’t seem to step away from on the tube, they wouldn’t be dropping it like it’s hot because they wouldn’t have a forum in which to do it, well at least not in the Video Vixen sense of the word.

    Finally, the nympo/nympho statement was a little out of line, because nymphos aren’t predominantly the landscape of women’s sexuality even among the more sexually open and free women so I think that was a poor choice of words and you guys need to quit it with the whole I want a lady in the streets and a freak and the bedroom nonsense, especially, if you all are so afraid of nymphos.

    Also, how is someone going to be a freak in the bedroom if she has never had any experience or even pleasured herself? But I guess a man wants to be the one and the only one to teach her all of that freaky stuff, wooow. And while what people do in the bedroom is their business, at least as long as to me, it doesn’t involve children, pets, and other people, those are my deal breakers for sure. It’s their business, this whole notion of the Purity Police is what bothers me. And again, this whole antiquated notion that not only are men allowed to be sexually free and even promiscious beings(pulling numbers out the sky) and women are not even allowed to experiment, acknowledge or have the same type of equality about their own sexuality(not to be a so-calle hoe that is) but it’s like women they have to answer to men about their bodies and what they do with it is what probably grates on mine and many other women last nerves even those who don’t even anywhere identify with being a womanist or a feminist. That was a dollar’s worth but I’m sure you get the jist, HOPEFULLY, and I didn’t even roll my neck.

    • Guapo1492 says:

      I didn’t read your whole post because it’s too long. But you did say I “name-called”. Haven’t read a post here that was constructive. I give you props for being calm enough to see the sarcasm(humor) in my posts.

      If you’re curious at all, I date sisters. And none of them have issues with black men. But I will admit that’s hard to find these days. And I will admit that most black women have been scarred over and over by black men. Dammit, I been screwed over by more brothers than sisters, LOL! But you can’t blame every brother for that, can you?

      I’m sticking by the nympho statement though.

      • elle85 says:

        What is hard to find these days are Black men WITHOUT ISSUES, if it wasn’t for men like Mike-I would think they didn’t exist.

    • Guapo1492 says:

      Also, the answers to this debate are relative. Your opinion is how you feel,…nothing more. The same goes for me. Women can sleep with as many men as they choose. She will still have to deal with people’s(both women and men) perception of that. You’re attempting to 1-up my opinion with your opinion.

      You obviously think I verbalize me feelings on this issue. You don’t make a woman feel awkward and guilty if you just trying to hit it. Just have her drink some tequila and let her true self come out. Then you tell your boy what went down. And don’t act appalled by that statement because women talk to their girls about freaky sex too.

  9. Rose Marie says:

    @Jaymatic judge much?

    Furthermore, your argument sounds ridiculous, what kind of adult makes biased comments about a bunch of women he has never met, doesn’t even know, and is interacting with online, but goes as far as to accuse them all of lying, please. It’s like Deb has pointed out unless you have some type of non-forensic, super advanced “coochie kit” where you can take samples and process the results, the numbers.You don’t know who people have been with unless they are a virgin and/or if they tell you. Or as one poster pointed out someone produces pictures or worst yet, a sex tape so I’d advise you to keep those type of warped accusations and ill-informed conclusions to youself. You are just reinforcing the point that some of the women have made already. To SOME women, maybe a person’s sexual history matters but to all, maybe not.Plus, you don’t know ALL women and neither do I. And hopefully, people are asking the right type of questions to get to know each other and paying attention to the person’s overall lifestyle inside and outside of the bedroom to guage whether that person is worth investing in long-term-sexually or otherwise. As far as the question, what if he used to sleep with other men, ask him? because if a man is truly “gay” and genuinely out, he typically isn’t initiating sexual relationships with women in the first place. Finally, sexual orientation, status-positive or negative, STD’s etc.. are fair game questions and would be wise to ask when weighing whether or not to commit or run,however, numbers can be somewhat ssubjective i.e. 1 person 50 to 1,000 times. Or 50 people 1 time. 10 people 20 time, again no odometer to gauge. Also, some of us (mainly me) are sick of this notion that men are Macks, Don Juans, Lotharios, playas or just being “MEN” when they sex up nearly the whole town and cause all kind of emotional and collateral damage but woman are somehow sluts,tramps,un-marriageable, and/or whores if she has had more than one partner and heaven forbid a child or children.

  10. Anna says:

    One of my cousins broke up with a woman he had been dating for over a year because one of his ‘boys’ told him that his girlfriend used to be an exotic dancer at a club in another state. At the time he met her, she was working in as a department store manager, I believe Macy’s.

    The time he dated her she took care of my cousins little boy, picking him up from school, because my cousin worked a 2nd shift job and he wasn’t able to do that. She had her own place. My cousin was frequently at her place. She was very good to him. She was a very attractive woman and his boys used to rag on him all the time how he was pussy whupped and didn’t hang out with them anymore.
    One day one of his boy’s had a cousin to visit from the state where my cousin’s girlfriend used to dance and he told them about her. Apparently he had pictures of her from a bachelor’s party or some such. My cousin was devastated and embarrassed especially when his friends ragged on him. He confronted her about it and broke up with her. After that relationship, he’s gone through about 4 different women, and none of them lasted more than 6 months. He’s still in love with his ex girlfriend but his pride can’t handle the fact that she used to be an exotic dancer. So he’d rather base his life on what his ‘boys think, than take into account of how happy he was with this woman.

    Men are quick to call women hos but they don’t hold themselves to the same standard. Not one of my cousin’s ‘boys’ were virgins, in fact a few were baby daddies, including my cousin and a couple of them were in trouble for owing back child support payments, one was always unemployed and had often come over to the ex girlfriend’s house for a hot meal when my cousin would visit.
    So none of them were exactly stellar characters themselves, but they were quick to pass judgment on my cousin’s girlfriend. They were jealous losers. They didn’t like seeing him happy so they set out to destroy it. Like most men, my cousin was unable to withstand the peer pressure and would rather have the approval of his boys than the love of a woman who was there for him. Too sad.

    • He was not a man Anna, he was still a boy. When men call their house a crib, and their male friends their “boys” it shows that man to have arrested development, a marked lack of maturity, and a group mentality. Like I said in my video, most men are not leaders, they are followers. This is a perfect example. Here is the video:

      • Guapo1492 says:

        Sister, are you a feminist? Just curious because the title of your blog is misleading. “Making Smarter Choices in Your Search For Love” sounds like you’re here to help both men and women. Yet, you only point out the negative in male behavior. Sup with that!?!?

        Also, are you looking for a man to lead you? What feminist wants a man to lead her? You’re either a feminist or you’re disgruntled. Which one is it? Yeah, your tone is calm but you’re spewing destructive venom.

        • First I am not your sister. Secondly, yes I am. So what? The title of the blog is about my work as an advice columnist and is about making smarter choices in love just as I said. Being pro-women means I advocate for women to make choices in their own best interest because women give too much to men. No, I don’t need nor want a man to lead me. As for my “destructive venom” that is your opinion, not a fact. You types typically don’t like a woman that stands toe to toe with you and calls you on your shit. So you want to lob what you consider to be hurtful insults like “single” and “feminist” at us.

          I point out negatives because no one else will do it. Men control most of the advice business, not women. So they won’t talk about the bullshit things men do and say and the ways men hurt women intentionally, manipulate women, abuse women. Many young women do not recognize abusive, controlling behavior. That’s where I come in.

          • Guapo1492 says:

            Wow! I can’t even call you “sister”?! We’re both black!

            Yeah, the dating game is all fucked up. But like I always tell my people, there’s enough blame to go around,…on both sides.

            Well, Deborah, I didn’t know if you were single or not. But if you are, and you are actively searching for love, I hope and pray(not to the Christian man-god) you find the man that puts all loser brothers to shame. Life is too short and too long to not fall in love with the one.

  11. Lyndon says:

    What I do with the truth is build a relationship from it. Every woman I’ve ever seriously dated in my life has eventually a story or two of serious trauma in their past. And it’s foolish to think that these events did not have long term impact. And as they get older the walls just get thicker and thicker. I empathize, but not responsible for their issues. What I am willing to do is grow with a woman that’s willing to face her demons, instead of tell lies to herself and befriend women that enable the bs that simply makes her life a living hell. I know that in many phases of my life I was the culprit…the very reason women act defensively and live in a bubble that’s their to protect her heart.

    A woman once told me, that if she had to look back at her life she would go absolutely crazy because she had two kids and a job to tend to. I get that, but this same woman has had a life filled with broken relationships and two different men that dont take care of their kids. I know it aint easy for women, and men are mainly the blame. So equipped with this knowledge I know I aint the only one with issues. I dont’ claim to be the ideal man, but who is. Where is this man. Does he even exist? If so, show him to me, and Ill salute him.

    • elle85 says:

      So what you say is all well and good but again, what does any of that have to do with the number of past sexual partners? If someone had a bad experience that impacts them sexually and they want to share that with you, that is one thing. But how many people they were with before you has nothing to do with you. Health does. Getting tested does. Discussing boundaries and what is and is not acceptable to you both does. But the number of partners do not.

  12. jaymatic says:


    I’ll say it…EVERY LAST WOMAN on this site is LYING!!!! LOL You know how I know (and every woman knows) that a womans number of sexual partners IS important?

    Well…what happens if your son (if you all have one) brings home the neighborhood hoe? OR worst, what if your daughter (if you have one) IS the neighborhood hoe? LMAO. You gonna say that that those actions arent important…or have LONGLASTING ramifications? LMAO Or are you just gonna be happy that your son is dating exclusively a chic that is loose? or are you just gonna be happy that your daughter is loose!!! LOLOLOL

    Aint know need to dodege the question. Jobs background checks on you…sooooo, dont you think that a womans sexual past(number) is important? LOL

    Its no different than a mans sexual past. What if he used to have sex with other men? Wouldnt y’all wanna know that? Or can you just look past that like you want a man to look past the the sordid pasts of ALOT of women?

    • What is a hoe? A woman that sleeps with men that SHE CHOOSES is not a ho. That is men’s definition of a woman that enjoys sex, but that does not mean women have to adopt your belief system about female sexuality. Men label women all kinds of nasty, negative names when a woman does the exact same things men do. Men cannot stand that a woman has as high of a sex drive as they do, and seeks multiple lovers and frequent sexual activity to quench the fire. Men find that very threatening, which is why they want to label it a ho, skank, skeezer, etc.

      I do not care what my daughter does with HER vagina. It’s HERS, not mine. I also would not care about what a son of mine brought home unless she was a drug addict, uneducated, simple minded, stupid, etc. – something that would cause my son harm. A woman that has had sex with other men does not fit that category.

      Really, if my son or daughter had not had multiple sex partners before marriage, I would tell them both to go out and get some experience so that they are not choosing a partner based on what is available, but instead based on what meshes with them and is best for the long-term.

      Normally that is a person with some or often quite extensive sexual history. They know what to do with their equipment as well as what to do with yours. That is what I would wish for my children – a partner that turns them on and then quenches the flames – dependably, reliably, completely.

      • Guapo1492 says:

        Since we’re discussing “hoes”,..what do you “strong, independent black women” think of video hoes/vixens?! Now, I know that’s a minority of black women. But my point is women objectify themselves more than men these days.

        Also, there’s a stark difference in being “pure as the driven snow” and being selective. You can’t expect a dude to wife or even respect a nymphomaniac though. That’s just absurd!!

        To Lyndon, you’re outgunned here, bro. You keep trying to get angry black women to understand the “why”. They are past the point of rational thinking. They have an “us against them” mentality now. If you have a little girl, just raise her to be different. And if you have a little boy, tell him to stay away from sisters like these. Better yet, tell him to get a Latina!

        • Raz says:

          Guapo” Better yet, tell him to get a Latina!”

          Latina and asian women all prefer white men over black men and anytime a black man makes this statement this tells me he hasn’t got any of those type of women and wish that he did. He’s just talking out of his azz wishful thinking. Most black men don’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out, and when they do date nonblack women, they usually pick those women that are low on the totem pole… the women looking for a come up, immigrant women who are doormats. Any male who want a door mat for a woman is not a man worth anything. Ming Lu and Salsa girl are welcome to his dumb ass if she thinks he’s the bomb.

        • Raz says:

          Guapo: “You can’t expect a dude to wife or even respect a nymphomaniac though. That’s just absurd!!”

          Dudes like you are lucky to even have a woman looking at your dumb double standard butt. You would be so thrilled to be getting some pussy that you wouldn’t stop to try to question where it came from in the first place. Either way, unless that woman told you how many men she slept with your dumb azz would never know so just be quiet and be glad someone is willing to sleep with your fonky attitude having no pussy getting self.

          • Guapo1492 says:

            Raz, you totally lost your cool with your post, LOL! I never said I ask about a woman’s sexual past. LOL! It’s funny because you’re saying I have a “fonky” attitude. You’re projecting, sweatheart. It’s like I can almost hear you trying to bust me out!! LOL! It’s craziness! You took that comment way too serious. Lighten up, ma’. I still believe your “logic” is flawed though.

  13. Rose Marie says:

    Woow it’s 2011 and some men are expecting the women they date or marry to be as pure as the driven snow when their snow is sullied with rocks, dog pee and all kind of debris and some of them haven’t been abstinent since they were in high school or were the biggest whoremongers in town, talk about a double-standard-that is beyond ridiculous! I agree with the ladies get tested and if you already do so periodically, whether you’re in a relationship or not, have your results ready to discuss if and when the time presents itself.

    Furthermore, Raz and Deborrah, not only have you guys hit the nail on the head but as it has been pointed out in several of your posts, this back and forward with these men on here sounds like the same old argument or standard that keeps creeping up from their posts, is based on antiquated mindsets and rituals including dowries and/or religious customs, socialization, that smacks of the notion that if I put a ring on it or worse yet pay for it, it being a virginal bride or wife, is I own it, it’s mine solely and excusively, and if the woman steps out of line or outside of what I’ve been told I’m allowed to do with her, who I see as my possession, not necessarily my partner or mate or a human being, then by customs and traditions, I have the right to stone, kill, maim and do whatever else I please to do with my property, commodity, acquistion, etc… because afterall, I’m a man, and as a man I am entitled to certain rights and privilleges and since I paid for it (you know how we capitalists are when we pay for stuff) I expect my expectations to be honored.

    It is these type of assinine and antiquated ideas that also keep women subjected to men questioning their sexual history i.e purity, and virginity as well. While the whole notion of if I pay for it, I own it, sounds more like prostitution, manipulation, and exploitation than love or like to me, leaving one (me especially) to question our models of marriage and dating in this millenium, especially for African-Americans, who at one point in our history in this country had to either gain permission to marry and/or mate. Or were denied the custom altogether, the issue or our sexuality and sexual practices get even more volatile and sticky depending on who you are talking to.

    Finally, I agree that women with truly healthy self-esteem or are self-aware and have healthier options including a strong vibrator are going to pass on being treated as a possession, sperm receptacle or sex object with the quickness. And for those who are equally open to experimenting with their sexuality and don’t want to spend their most productive years, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry or other grunt work and/or running your household in way that a maid or a personal assistant could do as well, may not want you or you to put a ring on it so it’s really not going to matter if they’ve been with 5 or 55 men before they met you.

  14. eLLe85 says:

    To further expound on Raz’s response–@ Lyndon and K.Michel–I’ll give you a real world example. On a routine maintenance call, I met a man who works in my residence. He told me to call him with any other issues. I did, however he was clearly interested in more than hearing my complaints. He called me without being prompted, and told me in a quick summary that he was in an on/off relationship, had a fresh young newborn, alluded to living with the “baby mom” but also had a lot of “friends” that he “messed with”. He asked me why I was single. Although I thought he was pushy and nosy as hell, I explained that I am single but coming out of a long relationship–still evaluating and working on me-he asked me if I still kept in touch with ex. I told him that ex still reaches out to me. This is during our FIRST conversation mind you, without me asking him a thing–he does all this talking about what he is about–basically boning with no strings attached and then started asking me if I still have sex with ex–and HOW LONG IT HAD BEEN since I did. Now, pray tell, what difference did it make if I was actively sexing others or not–he was and made no bones about it. If he just wanted a new partner, couldn’t he have just found out if I was down without getting all up in my business? It was as if he was going to decide whether or not I was worthy based on my answer. Obviously he was a loser that I had to lose with a quickness. But again, why was any of that his business? He didn’t ask about sexual history for health purposes hell we hadn’t even gotten to know each other!! Yet he wanted to know if I was fu!#$ing somebody else–even though he clearly was. I didn’t even know this dude to be asking me about what I am doing at night, NOT HIS BUSINESS.

    • Raz says:

      Elle85: “Now, pray tell, what difference did it make if I was actively sexing others or not–he was and made no bones about it. If he just wanted a new partner, couldn’t he have just found out if I was down without getting all up in my business?”

      Tell it! Exactly girl! See this male, just like most men have a double standard view towards women and sex. If you had told him that you were behaving sexually just like he was, he would be quickly calling you names and negatively judging you for behaving in the exact same way as he is. He wanted to know if you were boning your ex, not for ‘health reason’s but for possession reasons. He didn’t want to possibly be up in your vjay if some other jikka was up in it too. Males like him want to collect a harem of pussy and mark it exclusively for their personal use and said pussy can’t have anybody else. Yet they can bone whomever they want whenever they want. Men want pussy on ‘their terms’.

      Don’t be fooled by the okey doke, a dude asking a woman about her sexual history’ is not thinking about preventing STD’s. (We’ve got far too many black men skeeting and running making babies all over creation for them to be worried about that, as this man you mentioned being a baby daddy can attest to). He’s just thinking about possibly sexing you up and adding you to his harem of women and want you to put yourself on hold for his exclusive use.’

      When my guy and I decided to become sexually intimate, we both went and took tests. He didn’t sit me down and drill me about who I screwed before I met him. He fell for the woman he interacted with and got to know in the present, not something in my past history which he didn’t even know about and didn’t affect him in any way. See a dude from the jump asking a woman about her ‘sexual history‘ is really man code for ‘I am thinking of boning you and want to know if anybody else is up in your vjay because I want exclusive access’.

      A man who is truly into a woman, falls for the woman as he interacts with in the present while getting to know her and not based on her past when he wasn’t even in her life. He falls for her smile, the way she holds her pen when she writes, her quirks, the way she makes him feel, the million and one things that he notices and likes about her, what she does to show him she cares for him, what he does to show her he cares for her; the platonic, warm, romantic caring nurturing, bonding ‘things’, that create and nurture closeness between two people that do not have to always revolve around sex. He wants to know about her interests, her goals and how he wants to help her achieve them. He wants to be a part of her life, and does not view her as simply a receptacle for his sperm deposit. A guy solely focused on a woman’s VJ and her ‘sexual history’ is not interested in a potential fulfilling relationship with her, he just wants a jump off.

      Any dude who doesn’t know the difference, needs to go back to dating 101, romancing women 101, and get a different yardstick to use to vet women. Stop using the ol ‘how many niggas you fucked’ yardstick‘. If that’s all you’re using, that tells me you are lacking in your dating skills and aren’t interacting with that potential woman on a level that is beyond sexual. You’re not spending enough ‘quality time’ with her in different situations that allows for both of you to get to know each other better.

      Most men think a date is about dinner and a movie a few times, then laying up in each other’s places on the couch making out and that’s it. By date 3 or 6, they are already boning WRONG! It is really sad that men don’t have a clue about women and how to court and get to know them. (They think they do, but they really don’t. All men know and care about when it comes to women, is what suits the man and how the woman can fit into his mindset, and what ‘he wants’ and how quickly he can get to her vjay. (usually expending the least amount of effort).

      Intelligent women like Elle and others see through the game and put men like that on nignore. There is a difference in wanting the woman, and just wanting ‘sex from the woman and that’s it. Far too many men treat and approach women as potential ‘jump offs’ (hence the focus on her vjay and what she’s done with it), rather than as potential long term relationship partners.

      • eLLe85 says:

        EXACTLY RAZ! Ninja had the nerve to be interested in the parts of me that he could see but wanted it to come easy. I mean at least act like you want to take me out first! Give me a break. Men definitely don’t have a clue about women and its about damned time they learn to get one or 300!!! Its a new day and they will be left behind. Quality women ain’t studyin’ no worthless, same ol same nigguhs in 2011. Bring something new to the table.

  15. K. Michel says:

    I like this response, but something doesn’t sit quite right with me.

    “If a fool is stupid enough to ask a woman about her vjay when he wasn’t even involved in it, he deserves to be told whatever she chooses to tell him.” (Raz)

    This is a very unfair statement and I’ll tell you why.

    I feel that there’s nothing wrong with a man inquiring about a woman’s sexual history if the two plan on having sex together. It helps everyone stay healthy. Am I supposed to wait until after I get Herpes to ask? Of course not.

    Just the same, I expect to get questions about my past sexual history. If I were to ask a woman about her sexual history and she even hesitates in telling me, or she lies to me outright… how does that help anyone?

    • Raz says:

      K. Michel: “I feel that there’s nothing wrong with a man inquiring about a woman’s sexual history if the two plan on having sex together. It helps everyone stay healthy.”

      Nope. All men need to know about the woman he is currently contemplating becoming sexually intimate with is if that woman is STD free. You both take the tests to see, and as a man you should be having protected sex with any woman you ain’t married to anyway so you can avoid accidental pregnancies which men tend to whine about later on when they have bareback sex relying solely on the woman to protect them from making a baby then a baby comes and they cry about it, when they were the ones having bareback sex and skeeting sperm inside the fertile woman in the first place.

      So use a condom, both partners have responsible sex with each other, both partners get tested for STD’s together and share the results with one another, both partners sit down and talk about their expectations towards each other sexually… i.e. Are we screwing exclusively or what? That’s all a man needs to know and be worried about with the woman he is involved with. Her present situation as it pertains to him. He doesn’t need to know anything about what she did with her vjay when he wasn’t involved in it.

      Men tend to have a use the ‘asking about someone’s sexual history’ as an excuse to be nosy and base the success of their relationship solely on what a women has done with her vjay in the past. A relationship is more than about screwing/sex. You are more than who you screwed around with. People aren’t one dimensional. All a man is doing when he wants to know about a woman’s ‘sexual history’ is making judgements and attempting to control her vjay when he wasn’t even up in it.

      • Lyndon says:

        I dont know bout that one… A woman’s sexual history says alot about who she is and even SHE knows it, which is why most are reluctant to share. We all know it’s very easy for a woman to find a sex buddy- very easy. The more she’s had says plenty about how she views herself and her body. And you also have women that take great pride in their number as a normal person would brag about winning the special olympics. It’s not that hard.

        One response I’ve always respected was “I’m not proud of my past and would rather not share”. I honor that type of honesty. But to say history has no impact on the current lady is not practical.

        • Raz says:

          Men like you Lyndon and K. Michel who judge a woman solely on what she has done sexually are the main reasons why so many marriages fail, and so many women continue to view themselves based on what some man thinks. The old double standard is alive and well. A man has always been lauded for ‘sewing his seed’ and when he sexes up as many women as he can, he is simply ‘being a man’ and the ‘right woman hasn’t come around to ‘tame him yet’. It is never viewed negatively.

          Yet a woman who freely enjoys sex is viewed negatively according to you two and a whole host of other men who think as you do. What you don’t realize is that you are socialized to think this way. This has no bearing on a woman’s worth and how she would be as a partner. It is said that most marriages break up over sex and finances and what men like you fail to realize is that a woman is much more than a body for you to stick your penis in when you get horny. But the fact that you base the entire character of a woman into one box marked ‘sex’ tells more about what you DON’T know about what it takes for a successful relationship to work than it says about any woman who is sexually experienced.

          Because men lump women into sexual boxes, they fail to connect with them emotionally and over a period of time women get tired of being simply relegated to being baby bearer, and having sex with a man who doesn’t connect with her in any other way. A lot of men don’t even know the simplest things about their women, like what makes her happy, things she finds enjoyable, her favorite color, perfume, etc.. All they think about is, if some other man has been in her pussy before he has. The fact of the matter is, YES most likely he has, but so what. You haven’t and if you choose to determine the success of your relationship based solely on what she did with other men when she wasn’t involved with you, you are dooming any potential relationship to fail.

          Even if you met a virgin and married her, if you only connect with her sexually, continue to view her as ‘Your pussy’ you own it’, and relegate her into this one box and base your relationship from a sexual standpoint, that woman will grow tired of that funky judgmental attitude that comes out, and guess what, she will meet someone who connects with her in a way that you don’t and she will start boning him.

          Men like you totally don’t get what makes and keeps a woman happy and glad to be with you and stay with you. You’re too caught up in ‘your simple minded religious based negative sexual judgments, which of course don’t apply to your own sexual behavior. You’re too insecure about your own ability to sexually please your woman and you base that on what she has done before you. Men really need to stop operating from a standpoint of fear and insecurity. It is downright unattractive.

          If ya’ll men are so worried about women having so much sexual experience, then stop screwing so many women outside of marriage. You meet a woman, you want to screw her, then propose marriage to her and then you get the privilege of having sex with her. Since you want to be all traditional and religious when it comes to judging a woman’s vjay when it’s not yours, then apply some of that traditional mindset to your own behavior and attitudes towards women in how you deal with them. Curtail your own sexual behavior. No sex before marriage. How many of ya’ll men can say you adhere to that behavior while you judging women?

          Deborrah Cooper talked about this very thing in her article:

          The Male Struggle for Control of Female Sexuality

          Article quote: “A woman’s VALUE is in how she loves you, relates to you, supports and encourages you, shares her life with you, and partners with you on the journey of life. Her intelligence, wit, ambition, devotion, the way she handles the household’s financial affairs, and the way she handles her children should all be much more important to you than what she has done with HER PUSSY.
          Your view of women ensures that young females will continue to view themselves as people, defined only in relation to their body. These impressionable young women will continue to feel insecure about their looks, and will always seek male approval about their bodies. Most will believe that their value as a good and worthy person is totally dependent on toeing the line and behaving in ways that men list as approved sexual behaviors for females. I really wonder who you guys think you are and why you believe you have the right to dictate and regulate what women do with their own pussy? “

          • Lyndon says:

            I would agree partly that the way I view a woman’s sexual nature is old-school. But here’s why it would be hard for me to ever change…

            How do I (as a man), separate a woman’s actions (intentions even) from a role? Out ten women I may date, nine of the ten do and say the same things. At times it seems they read the same manual. ANd honestly, the only thing I have at my disposal to distinguish the real from the posers IS her past. Most women will wash, clean, laugh at your jokes (even when theyre not funny), go anywhere you ask and have sex at the drop of a hat. So what are men to do… What measuring stick do we use to determine who’s real from career “yes” women until “we’re married” women. I honestly find the women that have shown restraint and can NOT give in to impulses to be more appealing. The problem is Ive only met one- The one Im with. And yes it has much to do with insecurity, but that’s as much a part of a man’s nature as women with emotional issues. Cant we (men) have something that women just have to accept, or at least allow us to work through?lol

          • Raz says:

            Lyndon: “And yes it has much to do with insecurity,but that’s as much a part of a man’s nature as women with emotional issues…Cant we (men) have something that women just have to accept, or at least allow us to work through?lol.”

            Lyndon you do realize that men have emotional issues so stop with the stereotypes. Plenty men in fact 99.9% of them have emotional issues when it comes to dating and relating to women, in fact that insecurity you mentioned is an ’emotional issue’. Plenty of men have left over childhood angst that they project onto their dating partners. Hating mama issues abandonment issues, low self esteem issues, that all come under the umbrella of ,emotional issues. Men can be ‘He-motional he bitches’.

            If men were so free from having emotional issues as you’d like to think, then there would be less women murdered at the hands of ex husbands and boyfriends, less children getting raped and molested by men, less women getting assaulted on the street. Men like you need to stop fooling yourself that you’re these logical cool calm and collected beings. You’re not. Most men are messed up on the inside, an emotional wreck. It’s worse with men, because you have no coping skills, only defense mechanisms. The only way you handle emotion is through anger and/or suppression and denial of your emotion and that’s not healthy. That’s why when something happens that disturbs that tight lid you keep on your emotions, you erupt like a volcano and lash out against anything that you feel threatens that control. You fear the emotions that you have.

            Yet you condemn women for showing their emotions. IMO men are jealous because society has denied them the right to experience the emotions that they feel in a healthy way. So they have to ridicule women who have that luxury. Yet you want women to ‘accept your ‘insecurities‘ as you styled it, (man code for) emotions, low self esteem and everything else you don’t want to admit you guys suffer with.

          • Lyndon, I expected more from you. This is terribly disappointing. By continuing to hold onto ancient judgments of women’s past and using a different scale to measure than you men use to judge yourselves, you are showing your sexist nature and its not attractive at all.

            It isn’t that women don’t tell men what they’ve done because they are ashamed! They don’t tell what they’ve done because they know Black men are stuck on stupid when it comes to a woman’s pussy and what she’s done with it in the past. A woman that knows that about Black men’s mentality will NEVER tell them anything. All women should really shut up about their past. It’s none of his business at all. Whether you’ve had one man, 10 men or 100 men in your bed, it is none of his business. Women that tell it are fools. Men that ask how many men she’s been with are fools too.

        • Any woman that would say she isn’t proud of her past is a male dominated fool. She is judging herself based on men’s tired perceptions of vaginal purity being the value of the woman. A woman that enjoys sex is entitled to share her sexuality and get as many orgasms from as many different sources as she feels comfortable.

          And you all make it sound like all a woman has to do is walk down the street and find some man to fuck. Jeezus! Like we have no discretion at all? We don’t want every jackleg, toothless, lying, gaming, no job having, thinks he is all that, married or living with some broad mofo to screw us! Most women have high standards. But that does not mean she is going to keep her legs closed while you screw whatever you want, just so when she finally meets you, you will feel good about how few men have been up in it.


          • Guapo1492 says:

            Maybe she’s ashamed of all the meaningless sex in her past? Can’t blame men for that, can you??? But if she’s fine with that, so be it. But she must be willing to accept what comes with that territory. She will be judged by both men and women. And we all know how catty sisters can be with one another. I’ve witnessed many “hoes” call other women “hoes”.

            If a brother has dealt with different types of women, he knows what he’s getting. Doesn’t have to ask her a thing. But if he genuinely cares for this woman, what’s wrong with him wanting to know what makes her who she is?

          • Raz says:

            Men who worry about how many men another woman has slept with are
            1. weak in the sex skills with little dycks
            2. Probably corny as hell
            3. domineering, overly religious
            4. Losers not fun to be around
            5. Don’t know what it takes to get and keep and please a woman long term

            If a man is overly focused on how many lovers a woman has had, that should be a big red flag to that woman to kick up her heels and run as fast as she can. If she stays, she will be unhappy, this man will make her life miserable, he will be both terrible in bed and out with his fonky attitude and weak azz sex skills.

    • You don’t inquire about a number. You go and you both get tested. Talking about sexual history means nothing. People have gotten AIDS that were virgins from their first sexual experience. Other women were living with long-term boyfriends or married and never had sex with anyone but him for 10 years or more, but still turned up with diseases because HIS ASS was creeping. The best approach is to not ask questions that you won’t know if the answer you got was truthful or not. Why waste your time? Men kill me with that shit. Like they can check some sort of pussy odometer or something. LOLOL! Just get your butt up and go get tested. She’s healthy, you’re healthy. That’s all you need to know.

      • Lyndon says:

        I dont know where to start…at all. I will say this. The one reason I’m passionate about this site is because it’s for GROWN folk only who are ready and willing to deal with facts (period)

        I am not the dude who does not know his flaws. I am well-aware of my issues and like Raz mentioned, I know they (my issues) are deeply rooted. But if we are going to lay it all out let’s do it completely. MOST…not some black folk are seriously incapable of finding and managing a relationship. And for many it’s rooted in childhood issues (again Raz). THe father left, the father cheated, the father failed to communicate and/or relate to his child. This has been a “Black” problem historically. I know this…You know this. And in many cases for us to point fingers and address the symptoms of a much larger issue is in many ways useless. Women who have suffered at the hands of men from youth are doomed in many cases to EVER find a relationship. This truth is very hard to swallow, but it’s real. Men, like me, who had a watched his mother endure BS will be scarred in other ways. So if the worst of my symptoms from a troubled life that went untreated (professionally) is a sense of entitlement and faux confidence, my redemtion is the fact that I have a healthy appreciation for a woman who’s willing to build on the truth. Not just about the present but also her past. I love you Deborah

        • Raz says:

          Lyndon: “I have a healthy appreciation for a woman who’s willing to build on the truth…And in many cases for us to point fingers and address the symptoms of a much larger issue is in many ways useless.

          What do you do with that ‘truth’ once you have it? How does it help you? What is benefit of this ‘truth’? (This truth being her sexual history). What is the reason her sexual history is so important to you? Why are you putting so much focus on her sexual history and making judgments about her entire character solely based on sex? These are the questions you should ask yourself Lyndon, because once you start to reflect on it, you’ll see that your issues, (not her sexual history) is the roadblock to a healthy relationship.

          It’s not ‘the truth‘, it’s your morals and values which you are attempting to project onto her. You erroneously believe a woman’s character is solely based on her vagina. That’s backwards and sexist thinking, meanwhile would you say your entire character/personality,and every single thing about you is totally based on what you’ve done with your penis? Do you hold yourself to the same standards by which you judge women?

          This type of bigotry thinking is no different than a racist redneck judging someone’s entire character based solely on the color of their skin. This is what you Lyndon and other men who think like you are doing, you’re no different than the KKK; just substitute ‘race’ for sex’ and it’s the same thing.

          You know, Lyndon, you like most men who stay stuck in sexist mode, don’t want to hear other viewpoints from women. You make excuses for yourselves, expect women to be accepting of all of your flaws, yet you hold women to a higher standard one that you yourself couldn’t meet. One rule for you, another rule for them.

          You refuse to get professional treatment for your issues, even though you recognize that you need it to be a better man for yourself and future women you might meet. That’s too much work, instead, you want women to accept you flaws and all, yet you judge a woman solely based on her sexual history. (not fair).

          This is why I tell women not to give a crap about what men say and think. I tell women to stop judging and valuing themselves based on what some man says about them. Most men, just like you are messed up emotionally and have no room to judge and talk about how women ‘should’ be in order to meet their sexist double standards. You call it ‘pointing fingers‘ when women like Deborrah and me and Elle and others recognize and see through the ‘jedi mind tricks’ men run on women by demanding their ‘sexual history’ and women like us call you on that crap.

          We let you know it’s not about the woman’s sexual history but about your emotional insecurities about women and sexuality and your need to control her vjay. But you get defensive and whine that we are ‘pointing fingers‘ rather than accept that what was said is valid, and perhaps you need to reflect, get some help, and stop expecting women to ‘accept the sexist attitude’ and improve yourself.
          You keep talking about the ‘truth’ then recognize ‘the truth as it applies to your sexist attitude and behavior against women. You’ve been given ‘The truth’ by women but you don’t want to hear it.

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