Statistics on Black Women… Don’t Believe The Hype!

| 07/24/2009 | Comments (3)

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I’ve been getting in dozens of emails from visitors to Surviving Dating with specific issues and questions they’d like my thoughts on. Though it’s certainly flattering to know so many people value the thoughts that come from my half-crazy brain, it’s been somewhat overwhelming at the same time. What I decided to do was respond to these issues in a new section that I’m going to call "Editorial Responses."  
 
This email came in from a young woman that wanted to know why Black women seem to have such a difficult time with relationships.  She writes: 
"Why does it seem that black women have such a difficult time with men? From the research that I’ve gathered, the following seems to be more true for us than other groups:
 
1. We have the highest rate of STDs and yet we seem to have the least amount of sex with a regular partner.
 
2. We are less likely to get married or be in productive long term relationships. Honestly a lot of us get used, we may not admit it, but it’s the truth.
 
3. Our children are often only "half-siblings" and spend a great deal of time without father figures of any sort, natural or otherwise.
 
4. In many ways we are the least desired, and low man on the totem pole for partner selection, so in many instances, non-black men aren’t a realistic option for us. And our men, well they would choose almost any other ethnic group over the best of black women.
 
So do you have any opinions? You may not agree with my observations, but I just wanted to get the opinion of another black woman, that has more relationship experience."
I have to begin my response by noting that there appears to be a lot of hurt and rejection behind your observations young lady. Almost 20 years in the advice industry, with the majority of that spent online, I’ve learned to tune into the emotions behind the questions that come across my monitor. Sadly, you seem to have one of the most injured spirits I’ve heard from in years.  So let me begin my response to your inquiry with a quote about statistical averages:
 
"The average human has one breast and one testicle."  ~Des McHale
 
Think about that and what truths are really exposed by an "average."  My young Sistah, be very leery of what is packaged as "statistics" when it comes to Black America. Do not put your faith in what statistics say until you have carefully considered what they do not say. 
 
Remember, all statistics are based on a very small sampling of the actual population, then factored by whatever number the author of said report wants to use to draw the conclusions he or she wishes to promote.  Each draws his or her own conclusions from their grossly exaggerated estimations, slaps their name on it, and sends out a Press Release to announce their shocking study results. 
 
"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics."  ~Mark Twain
 
Normally, in order to maximize publicity for their study of Black people and make the Fox News/CNN/Larry King rounds, a controversial or negative spin is put on their paperwork. Such negativity about Black folks ensures the report will be enthusiastically embraced and promoted by the White media. Millions of people see something in print and take it at face value without investigating other possible reasons the "numbers" are presented, who funded and is behind the research, who participated in the study, or what the reason could be that the study was done in the first place.
 
These games totally piss me off. In this case, it is my belief that Black women do NOT have the highest rate of anything except believing nonsense. Let’s assume for the sake of argument that African Americans are really less than 10% of the population. Cutting that in half to eliminate the males, that would make Black women about 5% of the population.
 
Let’s use the number 100 for some easy math. So out of our 100 people, five of those women are Black.  Even if 20% of those women have an STD of some sort, that means just 1 woman. Since non-black women are at least 40% of the population, even if just 10% of those had an STD, we’re looking at 4 women – FOUR TIMES THE RATE OF STDS THAT BLACK WOMEN HAVE. Even if just 5% of their women have a confirmed STD, we’re still looking at TWICE THE RATE OF STD’S OF BLACK WOMEN. See how that 20% number looks a lot worst than 1, and how 5% masks the reality of the actual fact that their rate of disease is at least double that of Black women? That’s how the game of statistical manipulation is played.
 
Secondly, Black women are more likely to seek public health care which tracks such statistics reasonably accurately. I say reasonably because I believe the numbers in inner city clinics are often inflated to secure more in the way of grants and funding; the more impact you appear to have in disease prevention and education, the more likely your budget is to be increased next year, or at least not cut.  
 
Whites tend to have access to health insurance, private health care providers, and the ability to pay cash for their medication, which gives them the ability to stay under the radar in the formal disease reporting/tracking and treatment structure.  
 
Since I know personally a whole buncha White women boning like there is no tomorrow, sucking boys off behind the bleachers at the age of 13, hitting the college parties drunk and hooking up with miscellaneous dudes for fun, and doing all kinds of wild things with each other and men they met 15 minutes ago, I see no way their rate of STDs or pregnancy could POSSIBLY be lower than that of Black women.  What they have though is the money to get Plan B and abortions.
 
Your second question is a humorous one.  I always laugh when young, single women mention marriage and tout it as the panacea and standard for a woman’s existence.  Who lied to you and told you that all women even WANT to get married?  For the past 25 years a growing number of women see no use for marriage, and thus it is not a goal. They WILL have sex with whomever they want, and they WILL have a child if they want one as well.  

Young women such as yourself often assume that a long-term relationship is productive. Ha! Most women stay in their long-term relationships out of sheer laziness and fear of the unknown or of being alone, not because they are happy and satisfied. Those that aren’t afraid or lazy are the ones filing for divorce. Stats compiled from courthouses across the nation indicate that most divorces (75% or more) are actually filed by fed up women. Do not assume that a woman who has sex with a man and is not with him in a committed relationship is being used; sometimes it is she that is doing the using!  

Your third issue of half-siblings generated a "so what?" Family is family, whether half, full, adopted or step-siblings. Your family is whatever you make it these days, including two Moms or two Dads and an adopted child, or one created by one of the partners with an egg or sperm donor. Who says it has to be the way you describe to be functional or "good enough?" Love is love, and children don’t care about that half stuff.  That’s adult judgmental and condemning nonsense at work. Let it go.
 
Fathers not being in the home is also a non-issue as far as I am concerned. There are fathers, there are sperm donors, and there are Daddies. Every father ain’t a good father anyway, ya know? Realistically, most women are single parents even when married because men do not see child rearing as "man’s work."  When they do something with the kids they are "helping Mom," not parenting! Millions of children whose fathers DO reside right in the home with them have no real relationship with their Dads.  He is instead a shadowy figure that they see going to work and coming home to sit on the couch or occasionally take the family out to eat. 

Remember, many fathers, though divorced or estranged from their child’s mother, are still very active in their children’s lives. They see their children much more than agreed upon by Court order, and they provide financial support far over and above that ordered as well. Just because Dad doesn’t live with his child every day doesn’t mean he is not an influential, positive and involved father.
 
Children do need a positive male role model in their lives, but those shoes can be filled by an older sibling, an Uncle, a youth pastor, a Grandfather, a Scout Master, a coach, a Big Brother of America volunteer or an active involved father. Some women are lucky enough to have boyfriends that pick up his kids for a day of fun, and will take his girlfriends children along too.
 
Your last statement hits me the hardest and makes me the most sad. The rejection and feelings of "not being good enough" shines through. Undeniably, Black women have not been promoted as the standard of beauty in the United States established by White advertisers. Do you know why? Because White women would lose their minds and become even MORE insecure and jealous of us than they already are!  
 
Look at how much they try to emulate Black women if you don’t believe me. Starting back in the 1970s they would put their hair in corn rows with shells and beads, and try to dread their hair. They get butt pads and do exercises to try to grow an ass. They get fat injected into their buttocks to fluff and soften them. They get injections so their lips will be fuller. They go to tanning salons so they won’t look white and pasty. Who are they trying to look like girl? YOU!  
 
Sure, there are many Black men that may think having a White woman somehow makes them better and reduces their "blackness." They might even imagine that they are more acceptable to White people with a White woman on their arm.  These fellas haven’t yet realized that being with a White woman does not give them an Honorary White Person Pass. Sadly, they’ll experience what I call their "Nigga Moment" soon enough. They’re always shocked when it happens, too.
 
As for you, there are TONS of men of all races that would LOVE to have an intelligent, educated, sexy Sistah in their life to love and cherish. But they settle for the woman their friends and family would approve of instead. It takes a lot of courage to step outside our own culture or race for everyone, and especially a professional level White guy.  Though most don’t seem to have that courage, the tide is turning in our favor as men around the globe begin to openly express their appreciation for women of color. Those White American guys that have Black wives and girlfriends tend to be rebels. I’ve observed many here in the Bay Area proudly telling people that look aghast to kiss their ass! They have the woman that turns them on, excites them with her smooth brown skin, and who loves and appreciates them like there is no tomorrow. These couples move forward to have milk chocolate with cream babies and life is good.
 
So please cease with the negative comparisons about your beauty and desirability. Don’t embrace and accept as undeniable fact the negative statistics presented by the U.S. media to discredit, shame and denigrate Black Americans with the goal of making White Americans feel even more superior to us. What a joke!  
 
I want you and everyone reading this blog to immediately stop paying attention to the negative things you see in the media about African Americans!  Stop passing that shit around in forwarded emails. Don’t you dare send yet another one of those toxic links to your friends so they can read the bullshit and feel bad about themselves too. Stop making nasty jokes about your people – Barack Obama, Michael Vick, Michael Jackson, Rihanna and Chris Brown. Raise your consciousness and stop helping racist idiots promote their agenda!   
 
Are you surprised that none the hundreds of thousands of positive members of our community, and the thoughtful wonderful deeds done by its citizens are promoted with the vigilance and urgency of the negative?  If a silly little teenaged gang banger shoots up a park, it’s all over the front page of every White newspaper in the nation within hours! Yet, if a community of lower income but concerned folks chips in and saves the home of a widowed senior tricked into signing crooked loan papers, you conveniently don’t hear a peep about that!
 
Instead of believing the nonsense you read or see on television, hold your head high and look others in the eye with a challenge to prove themselves worthy of your attentions. You are the descendant of warriors and survivors, which means you have the inner strength to overcome absolutely anything you put your mind to.  Remind yourself that you are a Queen with generations of cumulative personal power in your soul. You must guard and protect your spirit by keeping your mind focused on positive uplifting things, and refusing to accept nonsense as facts. Keep your goals clear, and settle for nothing less than a King by your side, no matter what color he is.
 
Until next time.  

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Deborrah

Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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Comments (3)

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  1. Rose M. says:

    Powerful post. I am going to add it to my collection of articles that I find positive and/or inspiring. Well done as usual, Deborrah.
    Rose M.

  2. Guest says:

    Great uplifting article, especially the last part. White women would lose their damn minds if they realized that their white man actually does find the black woman desirable. If they didn’t, we’d all be black as the africans round here. White men have been desiring black women forever and white women know it. Remember that ABC show Bigshots? They up and cancelled it when the character of Nia Long’s katie graham and James got too popular. This was an interracial couple where a CEO of a fortune 500 company fell in love with his smart beautiful and intelligent best friend black woman colleague. ABC couldn’t handle that.

  3. dropjack.com says:

    Statistics on Black Women… Don’t Believe The Hype!…

    Analysis of negative stereotyping of African American women in the U.S. media. How “statistics” and “studies” are inaccurate and regularly used to manipulate the mindset of millions of people against Black American women….

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