Men Want to Know: What Do Women Want?
A reader wrote in recently to ask for guidance and an answer to his question: "what do women want?" He, like many men, initially felt confident about their belief that they had what women SHOULD want. However, after a few months or years went by with no success, these fellas gradually came to the realization that they didn’t understand beans about women or what we want!
In response to his inquiry, I’ve created a list of the top seven things that a woman looks for her man to consistently be or provide her in a long-term relationship:
1) Women want a man that is confident and strong. Of course your woman wants you to be a considerate and thoughtful nice guy, but this must be balanced with a steely determination, a sharp focus on the future, and resilience. We call this collection of traits "strength." Your woman is looking for you to go after your dreams, to be assertive and speak up when opportunities present themselves. She is looking for you to stand up for yourself when your rights are infringed upon, and for you to take the lead and MAKE THINGS HAPPEN. If life throws you a curve ball, she wants to see you feint left and keep movin’. She wants you to prove yourself capable so she can have confidence in you. If you never voice your opinions or desires, and are overly accommodating, women don’t see you as NICE, they see you as WEAK. A woman can never truly love a man she doesn’t respect.
2) Women want a man that is masculine. That repetitive, nerve wracking, endless complaining, pouting or acting a fool when you don’t get your way is out. May have worked with Mom when you were 5, but a wife or girlfriend will be nothing but disgusted. A few other guidelines on this point: Masculine men are not metro sexual, bisexual or on the down low. You do not wear more jewelry than your woman, nor is your hair longer than hers. You must have some sort of physique which differentiates you from a female. Usually this means you have muscles and facial hair. Man-boobs and pregnant-looking bellies are not masculine; neither is makeup, especially eyeliner and nail polish. You treat women like ladies, and are courteous and gentlemanly at all times. You open doors, you pull out chairs, you hold her hand. You are all man, which provides her with the refreshing opportunity to relax into her femininity and be all woman.
3) Women want a man they can respect. It’s important for women to have a man that she admires as a person… that she can be proud of and brag to her coworkers, friends and family about. That means you are honorable, sincere, trustworthy, and a person her father and brothers admire. You work hard at being a success in whatever field you choose. Women want to think that our guy is the greatest guy in the world. Because when a woman is in love, she longs to feel that no other man can hold a candle to her man. She doesn’t need you to tell her what to do like her father might, but she still looks up to you in many ways like she did Dad, and she respects your opinions, values, behavior and thought processes.
4) Women want a man they can trust. This is tricky for some men. In a misguided attempt to protect their woman from painful reality, they either lie by omission, or flat out create a fable. Please don’t do that. No matter how badly the truth may initially sting, a woman needs to count on you to always tell her the unadulterated and complete truth. About everything. She will see how you go through great pains to avoid saying cruel words to her, while at the same time you express yourself with sincerity. You prove to be a man of your word. When you are consistent in word and deed, your woman can feel totally confident that when you tell her something, that is how it is or how it will be. That trust in you is KEY to maintaining your woman’s high regard and love. Once you slip up and behave in a selfish way or intentionally do anything to damage trust, the 100% open hearted, no holds barred love your woman has will also be damaged. Sometimes the damage a loss of trust creates is irreparable. Should that happen and you lose not only your woman’s trust, but the entire relationship.
5) Women want a man that is a true partner – a man who possesses a sense of fun and romance. Some men feel if they go to work and come home, don’t cheat and don’t beat their wives, that they have done something special. Though that’s a good start, you cannot stop there. Your woman is looking for you to provide your energy and presence to your children, to your marriage, and to your extended family and community as well. She wants you to really talk to her, about things that matter. Notice things about her – things she does and says and wears and wants. Compliment her regularly… a 5 to one ratio of compliments vs. complaints will work wonders for your love life. Boost her confidence with your belief in her abilities and show pride in her achievements. Encourage her light to shine.Give her some free time just to be herself. Why not take the kids for pizza and a movie so she can have a bath, do her hair, or read a book in peace? She wants romance with you Lover Boy! Why not hire a sitter and surprise your wife with a dinner date and club dancing like you did when you first met? How about a couples massage and spa treatment one weekend? Partners work hard together, but they also play together. A woman loves a man that can be silly and make her laugh with engaging jokes and witty banter… a man that is full of surprises. When things are awful her man can find the humor in the situation and make everyone around him relax and laugh.
6) Women want a hero that takes care of business. No woman wants her man to sit around whining, complaining or making excuses for his failures or lack of achievements. No woman wants a man that sets a goal or dreams a dream, then throws his hands up at the first sign of frustration. No woman wants a man to sit on his ass and do nothing to improve his household or family, yet who finds plenty of time to complain about what SHE does that doesn’t meet His Royal Standards! What your woman does want is for you to take the reins and lead your household, your family and your woman by example. Be a DOER. If you see something that needs to be done, DO IT. If you see something that needs to be fixed, FIX IT. If you see something that needs replacing, REPLACE IT. And don’t ask her for help or instructions, just handle it. Taking care of your woman means you meet her needs emotionally, mentally, sexually, psychologically and perhaps financially at times too (like if she is on maternity leave and cannot work while her body heals from childbirth). Take care of business like a hero and your woman will wake up with a smile every morning.7) Every woman wants a man SHE thinks is attractive and sexy. This standard varies totally from woman to woman, so I can’t really provide you with strict guidelines here. However, if you are clean, dressed appropriately for your age and physique, well groomed, and present yourself with confidence, most women will view you as an attractive guy. If you are HOT, SEXY, DA BOMB, BEEFCAKE, etc. well, that is just icing on the cake. Everyone should do whatever they can to look their best for their age and social group, and stay in good physical shape (height and weight proportionate). And since sex is an integral component of any adult relationship, do all you can to make your woman feel comfortable and secure in your love. That way she can feel free to be open, experimental and creative in bed. Avoid being judgmental or critical of her body or sexual abilities. You want to avoid EVER giving her a reason to feel fearful, sexually insecure or embarrassed.
You have the power to make her childhood fairy tale fantasies of a hero come true. Incorporate these seven points into your dating bag of tricks and do all you can to become the man a woman is looking for. You can easily inspire women’s respect, passion, and love – and your single days will be over!
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