Single Women: Satisfy Your Horniness Without Being a ‘Ho

| 06/02/2009 | Comments (0)

There are typically two types of women in man-sharing relationships: those who know they are sharing, and those who don’t.  

Whether the man you consider to be yours is open and honest about his other involvements, or prefers to sneak around with other women, the bottom line is that you are not the only female in his bed.  Do you stay or do you leave? 

If you decide to stay, get very clear on what your reasons are for doing so and your expectations from the situation.  These factors will dictate whether you get your needs met with decisive control or not.

The Games Women Play With Themselves

We all know at least ONE female that loudly declares that SHE will NEVER share her man! 

 All too often when these same women discover that their guy is involved with another woman, they cry and fuss about it but don’t go anywhere.  Desperate, fearful of being alone, they pit perceived love for a man against their value system, and slowly rip their self-esteem to shreds.


Other women assume they are “the only one,” without discussing the matter with the male in question.  Once they learn there are other women in his life, they present a face of cool acceptance.  Don’t be fooled by the face of calm; she merely takes her agenda underground!

This type gives lip service to being open and sexually carefree, but sets up a competition between herself and the other women.  She makes herself available to him, demands little to nothing, and pulls out all the stops to prove that her love, her body, her wifely services, her freakiness are more than enough.  

Girl, don’t you know those tired games never work?

Making The Choice to Play the Game – Or Not

My guess is that less than half the men seeking multiple relationships will be totally open and honest about their status.  After asking a man if he is single, most women will hear mumbly peg double-talk which vaguely references “female friends.” 

Few women are bold enough to ask for clarification about just how friendly these friends are, and how many “benefits” are provided to them!  Fewer women still will directly ask a man if he is married or living with a woman either, which is a huge mistake.  

Men tend to operate on a “don’t ask, don’t tell platform.”  He may not lie outright, but he will avoid voluntary disclosure of all the facts which can be misleading.  Without asking pointed questions, most women jump to conclusions and assume that they are exclusive couple.  

So if you really want to know his status, you need to ask some hard questions.  You can then decide if you want to play the game with him or not. 

In spite of stereotypes to the contrary, not every unmarried woman is looking for a meaningful relationship.  There are many women that have no desire to share their residence with a man, be part of a couple, or marry and have children.  With her personal goals at the forefront of her mind, more and more single women are discovering that having a man around for a few minutes of fun here and there is the ideal situation.  For these women, the concept of man-sharing is extremely attractive. 

Keeping It Real!

The key to success for women in a man-sharing relationship is to be very clear on what your goals are for yourself – both now and in the future.  Perhaps such an alliance meets your needs for the moment, and that’s fine! 

Many women opt for this choice as they get their sexual and companionship needs met by a Mr. Right Now that may single, or even some other woman’s husband or boyfriend. 

However, these ladies are very clear that there are no ties, expectations or obligations on either side.  Their lovers know that these women will move on immediately when they meet an eligible bachelor who fits the bill as Mr. Right. 

These women demand respect, are treated well by their lovers, and positively absolutely refuse to be regarded as a “drive by booty call” by anyone. It’s always best to let a man know right off the bat that you have the right to do exactly as he does and will should the opportunity present itself.  Neither party should expect to receive anything (such as exclusive access), that they are unprepared to give. 

Man sharing is absolutely, positively a personal choice. Contrary to popular belief, not every relationship is meant to be a long-term romance, or one that calls for love and commitment.  If you are a strong, determined woman very focused on your own feelings and fixed on your own needs, such an arrangement may be a viable option for you.

Man-sharing relationships are not automatically destructive or damaging if handled responsibly with an eye to protecting your fertility and health.  Just make sure you are woman enough not to get caught up.


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Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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Category: Date Smarter, Not Harder, Women's Issues

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