The 13 Types of Men a Woman Should Never Marry

| 06/22/2015 | Comments (1)

love of my life marryFor females, the socialization to seek out love, to marry, and to have babies begins in childhood. Fairy stories and tales of happily ever after, along with romantic tales of angst filled love overcoming all obstacles often form the foundation upon which our dream of the perfect man are built.

Unfortunately, as we move through our teens and beyond, women are faced with the reality that most men aren’t dreamlike, and many are downright nightmarish.

Seeing the “potential” in a man is great – if you’re 16. As an adult, what you see is what you get, and no amount of loving support or encouragement will change a man from the man he is to the man you’d like to imagine he can be. If you’re a single woman of the mind that you want a marriage to a great husband, be sure to keep an eye out for these 13 types of high risk dating partners who should NEVER advance to become husbands.

  1. The Insecure Dude.
    Needy, clingy and constantly seeking reassurance of your love, these are the guys who seek validation of their manhood from women. Lots of them are on social media, and feel positively defined when a complete stranger says anything good about men – though the woman is not talking about them at all. Relationships with these guys is very one-sided, as they demand a lot of propping up, empty flattery and strokes to feel good about themselves. They don’t want you to go anywhere that other men will be and tend to be very jealous and possessive, and may call or text you incessantly under the guise of “missing you.” They don’t take criticism well, so relationship problems will be met with defensiveness, and tend to be ignored and fester, which ultimately leads to the end of the relationship. Reality is you can never give enough to fill the void in their spirit, and should not waste your time trying.
  2. The Angry, Physically, Emotionally, or Verbally Abusive Asshat.the law of attraction and domestic violence against black women
    They normally hide this behavior and are the perfect gentlemen as they play the role to get a woman emotionally attached. Then the assault on your self esteem begins with little digs, often disguised as “jokes”. He calls you names like stupid, bitch, fat, or ugly. He turns his anger on and off like a switch, which keeps you walking on eggshells never knowing what is okay to say to him. I’ve found that many of these guys are ex-cons and learned how to manipulate women with words and anger while locked up, ensuring their survival when released from prison. He may get in your face yelling to scare you, or slam his fist through a wall, or kick your dog. He may choke you “for fun”, punch you “playfully”, or twist your arm “just to get your attention.” He may demand that you cook him something else because what you cooked is “nasty and not worth eating.”
  3. The Baby Daddy.
    If you are not a mother yourself, you have every right to avoid getting involved with a guy who has children out of wedlock, especially if he has more than one. One might be okay, especially if he became a father in his teens when we ALL make less than intelligent decisions, and he has a great relationship with his child and the child’s mom. However, if you meet a guy in his 20s or 30s and he has multiple baby mommas, or multiple children and has never been married to any of the mothers, you have someone who plays fast and loose with his DNA and his body. Positively avoid the man who doesn’t interact with his children at all, who lies about having children, or who has baby momma drama by steering clear of this guy.
  4. The Unsure/Distancing Player.young black man questions
    He isn’t sure he wants to get married now or ever, but he likes you and wants to “see where it goes” and believes you should not “put pressure” on him to move forward into something long lasting and binding. He is content to date you and whoever else comes along, making demands that you jump through hoops and prove your worth as a future wife. He sets things up so that he has all the advantages of having a mate (or two or three), but without any of the commitments or legal obligations to anyone. You could propose marriage to him, and he might even say yes, but you need to understand that unless a man feels that you and only you are the one for him, you won’t have his full 100% emotional involvement even if you are his Mrs. If you at any time feel you are blocked from being in every part of his life; that he has other women in his life after months of dating that you are competing with; or that he is putting off being one-on-one or marriage with one excuse after another, next him and move on.
  5. The Judgmental/Critical Man.
    In the beginning he put you on a pedestal, and was full of flattery and compliments. But slowly you begin to notice that his words and expressions are full of disdain. No longer focusing on your wonderfulness, he slowly begins to say and do things that pick you apart. He discounts your ideas and goals as stupid; you’re incompetent and even a kid knows how to do it better; you don’t know as much as you think you do because you aren’t that smart. What you wear, how you speak, your hobbies and interests, your hairstyle, your figure, your job… nothing you do is good enough, and nothing you have is as good or better than what HE has. You feel pressure to maintain your pedestal positioning by doing more, being better, trying harder to please him. The stress of trying to be perfect for him is exhausting mentally and emotionally. You also feel like you’re always under a microscope when around him, and believe me you are. This is a guy who has to always position himself to win at any cost, and he doesn’t care if you’re the crushed loser.
  6. The Control Freak.wolf in sheeps clothing
    He starts off as a gentle lamb, but his vile wolf side is slowly exposed. He believes that you have no identity of your own, and therefore reflect him everywhere you go.  This is his justification for slowly moving in with “suggestions” which is nothing but his sly attempt to maneuver himself into the role of power. His ultimate goal is to dictate and control every aspect of your life. From what you wear, to when you come home, to whether you hang out with your friends or family – these guys truly believe that women were created to do men’s bidding with no autonomy of their own once in a relationship. Often you will hear veiled or overt threats that if you don’t do as he wishes, there are plenty of women out there who will. Women who believe in female submission often fall prey to this kind of guy, with sad results long-term. I suggest if you hear this type of conversation, you help him pack his things and go find one of those thirsty desperadoes who will do his bidding without question.
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    Deborrah

    Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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    Category: Women's Issues

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  1. GiftofGodsFavor says:

    I agree with all of it, but #4 is spot on and I’ve been noticing it a lot lately.

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