The 70% of Black Women Are Single Lie Exposed
There is a contingent of Black men online and in print media that love to quote the statistic: “70% of Black women are single!” This statement is shouted and repeated with the utmost excitement and conviction. It is usually followed by suggestions (aka demands) that Black women change what they are doing and how they are doing it, how they dress, speak, and what they need to be like in order to remove themselves from this pool of faceless lonely and desperate women, hungering for a husband. Interestingly, not one of the guys so happy to parrot the statement can say with certainty where the statistical report originated, nor who performed the research and compiled the data that verifies their statement.
This statistic was shared by Oprah on one of her shows. I feel that the producer who provided that information should be fired. 
Knowing that the quote was wrong, I’ve called into several BlogTalkRadio shows to correct the hosts on their factual misrepresentation, and to share the source of accurate numbers. Most don’t want to hear it however; the 70% number is a much more powerful weapon in their war against Black women’s self-esteem, and provides them with more ammunition in their quest to make Black women bow down and do what they want. The accurate number of 45-49% (depending upon which U.S. Census report table is used), isn’t nearly as damning.
I find it interesting that when a Black man has a microphone in his hand or access to a computer keyboard, he claims he wants to share information and “help” Black women. He will proceed to make statements such as “women you need to listen to this, because this is HOW MEN THINK!” or “Black women, you are making mistakes with men and you need to change and this is WHAT MEN THINK about you!” or “Black women are single because Black men don’t want to marry you and THIS IS WHY ACCORDING TO HOW BLACK MEN THINK!”
It’s funny because women don’t do that, and neither do men of other races. Instead, they qualify their statements by saying “this is what I think” or “we conducted a survey of 1,000 men and this is what they said.”
Why is it that one Black man thinks his opinion is the Gospel and that he speaks for every single Black man on the planet? Even more unbelievable is that they really believe that every woman within earshot should listen to his every utterance and change themselves immediately to fit his ideal of womanhood. I roll my eyes at this egocentric behavior and silently steam, but now I have something to say to you fellows and I want you to listen carefully: you guys are full of shit and need to go sit down somewhere, because NOBODY CARES WHAT YOU THINK.
The Blame Game
It’s doubly sad that there are Black male listeners (not just hosts), that go from show to show spewing their toxic stereotypes of Black women. These guys are waging a war on Black women, designed to make Sistahs feel bad, desperate, anxious and depressed. What other reason can you think of that a group of adult men would have nothing better to do with their time than spread venomous, castigating condemning comments, and speak and type words of disrespect? Never, ever do they say one word positive about Black females. Instead we hear from our own men the sick reasons they feel explain why 70% of black women are single:
- They blame the Black man for their own faults.
- They don’t listen.
- They have too many children and need to keep their legs closed.
- They have too much attitude.
- They don’t let the Black man lead.
- They don’t know how to keep a man.
- They don’t know how to be ladies.
- They are materialistic.
These Black men prefer to make feeble excuses not to date within their race. They don’t value themselves nor women that look like them. By expressing a preference to exclusively date and marry interracially or internationally (as set out in quotes below), Black men can effectively say “accept me too White man! Although I’m Black, I don’t like them Black women either. I’ll f**k and love anything, as long as it ain’t Black!”
I Hate The Phrase “Good Black Man”
Though character in a man is certainly an important consideration, it cannot ever become the sole criteria that a woman uses to choose a man. Some guys don’t get this and say women aren’t choosing “good” men because they want a thug or a dog player, or they insist on having a man that is degreed, professional and polished. Their suggestion: a Black woman should be happy that any man wants to be with her and make her his wife, even if he is just a janitor because he feels he is a “good” man.
I really hate that phrase “good Black man” because it doesn’t mean anything really. I’ve rarely heard a man describe himself as “no good,” have you? All men think they are wonderful! But when a group of men try to dictate what a woman SHOULD choose and find worthy, they are attempting to place all women in a box without choice. They don’t realize that what other guys think is good may not meet every woman’s needs or even her wants.
The reality is that women have the right to demand to have a man that meets ALL of their needs which might include spiritual, intellectual, moral, professional, educational and financial parity. Though a great many Black women would find joy in having a loving husband and being a wife, it isn’t a desperate NEED that most would admit to having. Instead, their lives are filled with activities, travel, friends and family and learning as she enjoys her existence and waits for the RIGHT man to come along, a man of honor and conscience, faith and openness… the man she deserves to have.
Men that don’t measure up to her standards are certainly tired of being alone and want a nice woman. But they are angry at being deemed not good enough by these strong-minded, independent women. The true goal of these fellows is to bring about a change in attitude which would make them more attractive to the women that don’t want them. That, I believe, is the reason so many are quick to spout statistics such as “there are 10 Black women for every 7 Black men” or “70% of Black women are single!” The implication here is that these Black women are not just single, but unmarriageable due to faulty behavior, poor judgment, a lackluster appearance, or lack of knowledge about what men need in a relationship. In other words, there are things single women need to change about themselves to get men’s approval and be considered good enough to marry.
See how that works? Mental manipulation and the “flip the script” game.
The Rage Black Men Express Towards Black Women is Almost Palpable
Black men are confused about their role today because Black women don’t really NEED them anymore. A large percentage of Black women are growing away from Black men educationally, emotionally and socially. Black men frequently express resentment towards women for this self-enriching growth, demanding a “suitable wife” straight out of 1840 that submits to and caters to him like he is an infant. Here are a few quotes sent to me by people over the past few weeks that I saved for this article:
“It is very sad that some black women find that they are not marriage material, because mama taught them how to get their B.S. and not how to also get an MRS. Half of these ladies can’t cook, don’t know how to cater to anyone but themselves….they want to come and go as they please and MANY black men have said ‘Hey why bother with them?'”
“I am a White guy that likes Black women and have been in a long-term relationship with two of them in the past. These comments I’ve seen on the web in forums about black women being mean, having attitude, etc. – I haven’t seen that. In fact, one of the black women I dated did so much for me all the time that I got a little embarrassed and had to tell her to ease up a little bit, that I was a full-grown man, and that I didn’t mind cooking my own meals once in awhile or picking up the dry cleaning myself. So, I just never saw any of this bad behavior from them that’s described by Black men. In fact, it was just the opposite – they were very giving women, and quite appreciative of whatever I gave them or did for them – whether that was going out dinner and a movie, or getting a birthday gift or getting flowers at their office. It’s puzzling to me to see all these complaints about Black women by Black men, because my experience with them has been completely opposite.”
“Sistahs just are too much trouble in almost every way. Their mean, they nag, if their not fat they get fat, they say stupid stuff, and their always trying to get you to do stuff they want to do. They need attention all the time, 24/7, every day. I keep one on the side for some freaky stuff, but my main girl is Asian. So sweet, don’t bother me about nothing, always smiling. Black women complain about the brothers, but nobody wants to date the black bitches, nobody white, Asian, Spanish, black, so why is that? Why is it everbody wants to go out with a Spanish or Asian girl. Maybe the black bitches should ask them selves that and look in the mirror. Sistah, look in the mirror and see what the brothers see, see what White guys and Spanish guys and Asian guys see, someone that just ain’t worth it.”
“I’m a White man who occasionally dates black women here in CA – I don’t seek out black women, but I don’t shy away from them, either. I also have a couple of friends that are black guys, which sometimes brings up an interesting difference in perspective. Many times what my black male friends see as “attitude” from the black women I’ve dated is pretty innocuous stuff, it’s nothing! But they perceive it as a bad attitude. I’ll give you an example: There are six of us at a cafe, having dinner and drinks, when my black date calls the waitress over and asks for another glass of water because her glass has got something on it (looked like the remains of lipstick the dishwasher didn’t get). The waitress brings out another glass. Later, my friend (black guy) who was there having dinner mentions to me that the “sistah” always had to make all this “drama” out of everything, that she had to show how important she was and order people around. I replied that she just wanted a new glass, one without lipstick on it, and what was the big deal? “I would have done the same thing, and so would you”, I said “well, it’s just the way she did it”, he said. I responded that there was nothing wrong with the way she did it, you are reading something into it that wasn’t there. He said, “I know what I know. I’ve been around black women my whole life and you haven’t”. What can you say to that? So, I just let it slide, and he feels like he made his point, but, of course, it didn’t change my mind about what happened at the cafe – it was nothing. But he saw it as something, something he took personally, almost. There sometimes seems to be a level of mistrust or suspicion about each other’s intentions between black women and black men – it’s a weird dynamic that surfaces at moments like the one I described. These little things get blown up into some level of importance that doesn’t fit the situation. I can’t pretend to know why, or what the answer is, but I’ve seen it over and over.”
“Sure there are successful Black men out there. The problem is that many of them know it and use it to play women. I am a successful sister, educated, athletic, very attractive, own home, great corporate career and God-fearing. It seems as though every time I meet a successful Black man, he has a list of successful Black women that he’s dating at the same time. The worst thing about it is that many of the women know it and still accept the behavior because they are so desperate, which puts women like me who have standards at a disadvantage. I refuse to be played on a string along with a number of other women. It’s to much emotional stress. I’d rather be single. Our men need stop being players and stand up. Our women need to stop being so desperate and set standards for themselves. And married women (White & Black), watch your man. I can’t count how many times a married man has hit on me or asked me out. It’s disgusting and makes me lose faith in marriage altogether. It also made me realize that the grass is not always greener.”
This is exactly what I wanted to point out to women that choose to listen to nasty men with a toxic attitude! Always consider the source of the information you are being given and the reason you are being criticized… what is the person’s true motivation?
Black men covet power and control, both of which they historically have been denied. Have you ever considered that Black women are the only segment of the population that Black man can inflict discretionary choice or exercise power over? Black men resent the challenges imposed by racism and the perceived denial of the benefits that accompany manhood. To feel more powerful, many Black men opt to do all they can to make Black women feel less confident, independent and powerful.
Ladies, protect your spirit by monitoring what you listen to. And always consider the speaker’s true goal and reasons for saying what they are saying to you. Most of the time their statements are designed to do nothing but make you feel bad, anxious, insecure, depressed or to hate yourself, just as these Black men hate themselves.
The Unmarried Black Woman and Statistical Reality
Now, let’s talk about those oft-quoted statistics. We’ll begin with the 1 year numbers published in the 2008 American Community Survey, which provides statistics just for the year 2008. Each set of numbers applies to the population 15 years of age and over, and both genders.
I think it is important to note that the numbers below apply only to those who self-identified as just Black – not Black and Native American, not bi-racial, not a blend of three or more races like Tiger Woods with his Cablasian self. This is very important, as including the group “black and…” would have a significant impact on the numbers below. Think of all the African Americans that are “color struck” and you will understand that many Blacks place a higher value in a mate that has light skin and “good” hair. Any person that fit this description for a color struck individual would be perceived as “better” and definitely more marriageable.
Finally, since we know very few people that will marry in the 15-19 year old age group, I’m of the mind that this group should be eliminated from the calculations as they greatly skew the numbers (with almost 100% in that age group being single). The statistics also include in the group of “single” those women that are widows, divorced, engaged to be married, living with their significant other, those that are not married but definitely not single as they have a serious boyfriend or girlfriend, as well as those that don’t want to marry for whatever reason they have.
Anyway, going by what was published in the American Community report for 2008, this is what we have in the U.S.:
Total U.S. Population 15 years and over 304,059,728
Total Females 50.7% (154,158,282)
Total Males 49.3% (144,901,446)
Total Black/African-Americans 37,586,050 (+/-49,798)
Now Married (including separated) 34.6%
Widowed 6.1%
Divorced 11.7%
Single Never Married 47.6%
In my opinion, we really cannot place widows and widowers in the unmarriageable category as the “70 Percenters” love to do, as these individuals would most likely still be married if it were not for the untimely death of their spouse. Likewise with divorced singles, who were at one time very happily married. With women filing a minimum of 75% of the nation’s divorces, there is a high probability that the wife got fed up with something her husband was doing (or not doing); she CHOSE to become single rather than to continue putting up with his nonsense. So we really can’t count those women in the “70 Percent” category either.
That leaves the “single never married” group of African Americans which is close to 50% of the African American population. This statistical grouping also includes men. It also includes people that are gay or lesbian, that don’t want to get married EVER, those incarcerated that are not allowed to marry until their release, as well as those involved in a relationship that is not yet at the altar (engaged or living together).
Looking deeper into the report under the category “Marital Status” (still reflecting the population 15 years of age and over), we find the following information on African Americans of both genders:
|
Black Males
|
Black Females
|
||
|
13,536,163 (+/-24,174)
|
15,467,480 (+/-24,862)
|
||
|
Now Married, including separated
|
38.0%
|
Now Married, including separated
|
31.5%
|
|
Widowers
|
2.6%
|
Widows
|
9.3%
|
|
Divorced
|
9.9%
|
Divorced
|
13.4%
|
|
Single, Never Married
|
49.6%
|
Single, Never Married
|
45.8%
|
|
% of Black Males Divorced/Never Married:
|
59.5%
|
% of Black Females Divorced/Never Married
|
59.2%
|
Nowhere does this statistical report reflect that 70% of BLACK WOMEN are single and that no one wants to marry them.
And if these guys really believe that nonsense, then they have to accept that fact that the percentage of the African American population that are single never married and divorced is actually LESS for Black women than it is for Black men! Which means if ain’t nobody lining up to marry us, obviously nobody is in a big hurry to marry your funky, bad-attitude havin’ asses either.
Listen to The 70% of Black Women are Single discussed on Date Smarter Not Harder Internet Radio Talk Show on Monday, December 21, 2009.
Read my Examiner.Com article entitled:
“Angry Black Single Women? Strong, Successful and Independent Black Women Deserve Love Too!”
Black Women: Shedding Light on the 70% of Black Women are Single Stats
Criticisms of Black Men: 70% of Black Women are Single and They Have Too Many Kids!
Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
Follow Me:
Category: Society and Culture
like the songstress MILLIE JACKSON once said in one of her HIT ALBUMS: if i was a man i’ll just get me a sissy and call it a day
I am going to finally let it all hang out on this post, of how I really feel about most black men in this day and age. They are getting away with way too much — as if we’re the ones in the wrong.
A) The real reason why any percentage of black women are single is because 85% of black men in 2010 are pieces of shyt. There — I said it. I’d say about 15% of black men are taking care of their families, working or working toward something positive and treat black women with respect. The vast majority of 2010 black men (the other 85%) don’t want to take care of their kids, they don’t want to get married b/c like scare slaves they don’t want someone to take their pittances, a large majority don’t work and don’t bring in income, and finally they worship at the altar of anything non-black. Their minds are twisted and spoiled due to their own self-hatred — they are weak and that’s been true since slavery. Black women were ALWAYS the ones to uphold their communities and families.
B) Black women are thankfully waking up. There is still a small faction of black women who will “ride or die” for this 90% low-life population of black men. But most of my black female friends (we’re all college educated and ambitious) have long moved on. Just this past month I was hit on by about 5 different black men while out and about (there goes that idea that bw aren’t attractive enough) — I actively choose to say NO now. Now they want to come out of the woodwork b/c they are slowly starting to see that nobody values them the way that bw did. So being single has little to do with something that’s wrong with me — I actively choose it. I do not want to waste anymore time. I have that 85% statistics in the back of my mind at all times now. And be clear, I have no problem dating non-black men, preferably from other countries, as long as they are respectable and ambitious like myself. I will not accept anything from a non-black man that I wouldn’t accept from a black man.
C) Everyone but you can see this, black man. They laugh at you as you quote these 70% statistics and bash your own women, because you’re only exposing your own weakness more and more every day. I read a forum where several non-black women were telling black men to leave them alone–they don’t want a man who downgrades his own women either. They don’t want black men moving in on their stable communities and f-ing shyt up either.
That is the truth and I don’t care who doesn’t like it. So you can quote that statistic from now on — 85% of black men need some serious help. Black women stop focusing your life around a losing proposition — move on already.
ABC: “I read a forum where several non-black women were telling black men to leave them alone–they don’t want a man who downgrades his own women either. They don’t want black men moving in on their stable communities and f-ing shyt up either.”
Wow ABC very insightful comment! Where is this forum of nonblack women saying these things? Can you post the link?
I am going to finally let it all hang out on this post, of how I really feel about most black men in this day and age. They are getting away with way too much — as if we’re the ones in the wrong.
A) The real reason why any percentage of black women are single is because 85% of black men in 2010 are pieces of shyt. There — I said it. I’d say about 15% of black men are taking care of their families, working or working toward something positive and treat black women with respect. The vast majority of 2010 black men (the other 85%) don’t want to take care of their kids, they don’t want to get married b/c like scare slaves they don’t want someone to take their pittances, a large majority don’t work and don’t bring in income, and finally they worship at the altar of anything non-black. Their minds are twisted and spoiled due to their own self-hatred — they are weak and that’s been true since slavery. Black women were ALWAYS the ones to uphold their communities and families.
B) Black women are thankfully waking up. There is still a small faction of black women who will “ride or die” for this 90% low-life population of black men. But most of my black female friends (we’re all college educated and ambitious) have long moved on. Just this past month I was hit on by about 5 different black men while out and about (there goes that idea that bw aren’t attractive enough) — I actively choose to say NO now. Now they want to come out of the woodwork b/c they are slowly starting to see that nobody values them the way that bw did. So being single has little to do with something that’s wrong with me — I actively choose it. I do not want to waste anymore time. I have that 85% statistics in the back of my mind at all times now. And be clear, I have no problem dating non-black men, preferably from other countries, as long as they are respectable and ambitious like myself. I will not accept anything from a non-black man that I wouldn’t accept from a black man.
C) Everyone but you can see this, black man. They laugh at you as you quote these 70% statistics and bash your own women, because you’re only exposing your own weakness more and more every day. I read a forum where several non-black women were telling black men to leave them alone–they don’t want a man who downgrades his own women either. They don’t want black men moving in on their stable communities and f-ing shyt up either.
That is the truth and I don’t care who doesn’t like it. So you can quote that statistic from now on — 85% of black men need some serious help. Black women stop focusing your life around a losing proposition — move on already!
I will “cut to the chase”.
I really dislike the “quote” section of your article and it reeks of having a divisive agenda.
Honestly, a black man has never sent you an article uplifting black women?
From the quotes that you chose, I see 2 black men (assumption), 2 white men, and one black woman.
The 2 black men give negative accounts of black women.
The 2 white men give positive accounts of black women.
The 1 black woman gives negative accounts of black men.
You are just as guilty as the producer of “70% single stat”, because you are using the same method of picking and choosing ideas to inform your readers.
The only difference is that your method is qualitative while the other method was quantitative.
I deplore misinformation and how people use it to miseducate.
And for the record I am a black man who was engaged to a black woman, but I was eventually dumped.
Fortunately, unlike so many in “despair” today, I did not quit my race over a single person.
Now, I am involved with an astounding black woman who I plan on proposing to by the end of this year.
In closing, black people need each other, and finding a manner to make our genders love one another should be our only goal.
Spreading half truths, whether they are from narratives or stats, are still half-truths in the end.
I also agree with SKA. I am glad you wrote the article attacking the 70% statistic. However, I’m equally saddened that you failed to see SKA’s points. This finger pointing has to stop.
Black people are not a monolithic group. Some things don’t require explanation. Honestly, when I see a Black man with a woman of another race, I feel no anger. There is no law that we as Black people have to date and marry each other. I think that at times we as Black men and women have an unhealthy attachment to each other. It’s like its own form of slavery, and the Emancipation Proclamation set us free. Let go and let God!
No Black man has ever sent ANYTHING positive to me in the form of an article. So your question is answered with a profound NO. If you were concerned about that lacking, why did you not send one yourself instead of attacking me for what Black men have not done?
If you think they were so wrong, why did you not attack them for their negativity? Why did you not check them fools for what they had to say about the Black women you claim to love so much? Instead, you point the finger of blame at ME for sharing the statements they made on this public forum. SMH. Typical Black male, you won’t take responsibility for anything you and other men do — you never fail in your attempts to make your failures, lackings and shortcomings the fault of a Black woman.
You and the women that think as you do both need to get a clue about personal responsibility and blame those that have the hatred they do about Sistahs, not me for posting it.
If you want to see anything different, post an article glorifying the Black woman on your site and feel free to link to this article.
THANK YOU!!! FOR FINALLY WRITING THE TRUTH!!!
I am a white man, but I have a preference for black women, so the hostility a noisy handful of black men show towards their women infuriates me. I’m glad someone challenged this myth that has been used to slander black women and declare them inferior to other women.
Well, I certainly commed the sister for having a point of view and expressing it in the most articulate manner possible. Obviously this is a conversation in our community that we’ve been having for a long time, and everyone seems to have their opinions. However, the thing that bugs me the most is that most of the time when people present their sides or their opinions they always seem to present it from the meanest and nastiest spirit that one can conjure up. I’ve got one question; where’s the love? I’m not surprised that the black community and black relationships have and are falling apart at the seems. With so much anger/venom flying back and forth it’s no wonder that our families and community are in completely disarray. I’ve got news for you people we can talk about whose fault it is all day and we can make suggestions for the brothers and the sisters. However, you can never encourage or inspire people to be better by telling them off or being nasty. I’m not getting IN TO WHO’S @ FAULT AND WHO’S NOT. All I’m saying is WE WON’T BE ABLE TO HAVE A PRODUCTIVE DIALOGUE AS LONG AS WE’RE SPEAKING TO EACH OTHER IN SUCH A NASTY WAY. If you think I’m wrong then just think about where we are now. Sistas say brothers need to shut up and brothers say nasty things about sisters and NOBODY’S APPROACHING ANYBODY WITH KINDNESS AND PATIENCE. Just a different point of view.
Peace and Love
Cocobrotha wrote: “I think sistas out there have there expectations too high when comes to psychological aspects of a relationship. They want to be treated like a queen rather than like an equal.”
You men are the ones that want to be treated like damn kings on a throne! You want women to cowtow (aka submit) to you, give you her power, “make” you feel like a man, cook for you, fix and bring you a plate, have your babies, take care of them, keep up your house without bothering you about the details, shut up because you don’t want to hear any problems, give you sex however and whenever you want it, and go to work 10 hours a day just like you do. WTF are you talking about?
Cocobrotha wrote: “This queen/ diva attitude stops many brothas out there from even pursuing and approaching some sistas that hold that belief. You can have self respect without acting like royalty. Other women, don’t hold any illusion about there status in life, and they don’t proclaim to be part of monarchy.”
So other women have low self esteem and don’t think much of themselves. This is a scientifically proven fact – Black women have the highest self esteem of all females in the country. We ARE descendants of monarchy which makes us monarchy as well. That is a fact that Black men seem to be too willing to forget, conveniently.
Cocobrotha wrote: “Actually, it might be said that alot of the women who are doing well out there tend to be the worst networks and really don’t get out of the circle of the old neighborhood bar or 100 member church even though they moved to the suburbs.”
What are you smoking? The ones stuck in the old neighborhood and doing the same thing they’ve been doing forever are BLACK MEN. They cannot let go of their boyz and move on to have higher aspirations. They want so badly to be approved of and to hang onto the past. Look at what happened to Michael Vick for an example. Most of those that cannot move past the neighborhood knuckleheads are in prison right alongside their knucklehead friends. And there is nothing wrong with going to the same church with the same people you have established relationships with since childhood. Your approach is that since you are on the come-up, you should seek God in the suburbs where the White folks and beaugois Blacks are. Wow.
Cocobrotha wrote: “Brothas who don’t date sistas, do it not because the dislike sistas but because other women like them and pursue them. Some sistas need to learn how to date, sistas don’t introduce themselves, but when they do they tend to do more talking than listening.”
If you had something important to say, then you would say it. If you sit there like a bump on a log, and the woman is filling in the space, that means you need to say something. Black men are lazy and want women to do all the work – to chase them down, pay for dates, propose, take care of them in every way, make their life easy, submit to them so they can feel like the big cheese, etc. Black women know if a man has to be chased, he is not that interested. Black women also know if a man is that spineless and scared that he won’t go after what he wants, she has no use for him because he is weak. Black women do not appreciate weak men.
Cocobrotha wrote: “The case could be made that what sistas deem as weak is actually a strength. Hence, other women who appear weak have a higher marriage rate and tend to be married at a younger age.”
Weakness and fearfulness are NEVER strengths my brotha. NEVER. Don’t fool yourself. Women that NEED to be married and chase men ARE weak. They need a man to define themselves as people. They don’t feel like they are anyone unless they have a man. This is especially prevalent for young women that have no higher aspirations for themselves than to be someone’s washerwoman, cook and baby maker. THOSE are the women you see chasing marriage. Women that want to have something of their own are in no hurry to be married. Being married at a young age is not anything to be proud of, as most of those marriages end in divorce anyway when the couple finally “grow up.”
Cocobrotha wrote: “I think the “strong black woman” term actually empowers sistas to bash brothas. As if brothas are NOT NEEDED as stated in the article, or are beneath the sistas in social status. To be cynical how strong are black women? Sistas overalll, make less money than brothas; and sistas make less money than all other women (i.e. whites and asians) and graduate with lower frequency from high school and college and with lower GPA, as a whole.”
You want to talk about someone bashing someone? I laughed at how you conveniently left out the stats which put 25% of young black men in prison. They sure aren’t graduating from college with a high GPA from behind bars, now are they? You aren’t making ANY money in prison, are you? And Black men have a lower GPA than Whites and Asian as well. I love how you slanted your stats to bash Black women, even as you proclaim that your type is being bashed.
In conclusion, no one is BLAMING Black men for black women being single. Too many Black men are not marriage material anyway. You lack the skill sets, you lack the dating skills, and your relationship resume is terrible.
Similarly, Black women don’t want to date some Black men because of their lack of character and fonky personality, and that’s the bottom line.
OMG this was perfect. Thank you! I love how he tried to down black women when it was said countless times that there are more black women than black men in college and in higher careers. In terms of money, Hilary Clinton did state that women as a whole make only $0.79 for every $1.00 a man makes.
I agree that the statistics are off and skewed against black women. The point of the article is a good one although the content of the article is exactly what black men complain about when talking about black women.
I disagree that anyone, male or female can fulfill ALL of anyone’s needs male or female – only God can do that! I will say, two people having a meeting of the minds is a good start. I think sistas out there have there expectations too high when comes to psychological aspects of a relationship. They want to be treated like a queen rather than like an equal. This queen/ diva attitude stops many brothas out there from even pursuing and approaching some sistas that hold that belief. You can have self respect without acting like royalty. Other women, don’t hold any illusion about there status in life, and they don’t proclaim to be part of monarchy.
I’m married to a very intelligent black woman and I agree there are alot of sistas that are pursuing promising careers and “gettin’ it done”. Even though this is a reality, it is not the only reality out there. There are alot of brothas doing the same thing, I remember in grad school brothas out number the sistas 10 to 1, its even worse in the finance world. Actually, it might be said that alot of the women who are doing well out there tend to be the worst networks and really don’t get out of the circle of the old neighborhood bar or 100 member church even though they moved to the suburbs.
Brothas who don’t date sistas, do it not because the dislike sistas but because other women like them and pursue them. Some sistas need to learn how to date, sistas don’t introduce themselves, but when they do they tend to do more talking than listening. When I was single I’ve met many women who talked themselve out of a relationship that I was trying to pursue. Sistas try to paint brothas who date other women as haters and men who like weak women. It tends to be not the case for the fact that it happens so often.
The case could be made that what sistas deem as weak is actually a strength. Hence, other women who appear weak have a higher marriage rate and tend to be married at a younger age. I think many sistas believe in the cliche “a strong black woman” which is similar to the term “a Good Black man”, neither are correct because all women and men are strong and good, at times.
I think the “strong black woman” term actually empowers sistas to bash brothas. As if brothas are NOT NEEDED as stated in the article, or are beneath the sistas in social status. To be cynical how strong are black women? Sistas overalll, make less money than brothas; and sistas make less money than all other women (i.e. whites and asians) and graduate with lower frequency from high school and college and with lower GPA, as a whole.
In conclusion, shouldn’t we say “strong asian women” or “strong white women”. No its all wrong, all people are strong and weak, at times. I think some sistas should get off there high horse and stop blaming brothas for their singleness, which is like blaming a company for not hiring you. In reality, you weren’t hired because of your resume terrible, you lack the skill level, and interview skills.
Similarly brothas don’t want to date some sistas because of their character and personality, and that’s the bottomline.
This article was great. The BM and BW data presented side-by-side brings truth to light.
Goodness Ms. Deborrah C… Imma just call you the Terminator sista! You have absolutely TORN DOWN, bulldozed, blown apart and squashed the 70 Pecenters “agenda”. Bravo, sista. . Ms. Deborrah, the mis-information, the flatout lying on and character assasination of black women has just been snowballing at 100+ mph, I know you KNOW this. I’m sooooo happy that an intelligent sista has stepped forward and CORRECTED the twisted & intentionally doctored up stats that our detractors have been using to slam black women against the wall. I thank you, and support you. Keep it 100 sista!
With love, SisterSallieWalker.
THANK YOU.
I love black women, I see a black woman I am looking at a Black African Queen. The first woman on earth was a black woman, and she will be the last woman on earth when all the rest are gone.
If god made any thing better than a black woman He kept it for Him self.
I love all women but a black woman is closer to my heart.
thank you
“In reality, women have the right to demand to have a man that meets ALL of their needs which might include spiritual, intellectual, moral, professional, educational and financial parity. Though a great many Black women would find joy in having a loving husband and being a wife, it isn’t a desperate NEED that most would admit to having. Instead, their lives are filled with activities, travel, friends and family and learning as she enjoys her existence and waits for the RIGHT man to come along, a man of honor and conscience, faith and openness… the man she wants and deserves to have.
Men that don’t measure up to her standards are certainly tired of being alone and want a nice woman. But they are angry at being deemed not good enough for these independent women, and desire to bring about a change in her attitude which would make them more attractive to her. That I believe is the reason so many are quick to spout statistics such as “there are 10 Black women for every 7 Black men” or “70% of Black women are single!” implying that these women are not just single, but unmarriageable due to some fault in their behavior, appearance, knowledge about what men need in a relationship, or that needs to change to meet men’s approval. “
************************************************************************************************
Wow, this article is off the charts!! But it is so timely. Stats came out recently that show for the first time there are more women in the work place than men. With the fall out of the financial markets, many men have found themselves out of work and having to redefine their roles. Many men are left floundering as women have gained strides in the work place, in politics, in many areas!
Black men especially have a difficult time keeping up. Black men want to complain about women because it diverts the attention away from their insecurities and inadequacies. Black men want it both ways. A woman who can hold together a family, but those same traits that kept his behind fed, clothed and safe when his absentee father was nowhere to be found, he holds the black woman in contempt for being what she is.
What I’ve found is that the more someone accomplishes on their own, the more people try to put them down for it. If you’re a single educated successful attractive woman, men will talk negative about you, and women who have been trained to think in the same vein will as well. Note that the naysayers wouldn’t have accomplished nearly as much.
It is a shame that in society we live in, no matter how accomplished a woman is, she is still judged by being somebody’s wife/girlfriend/fiancé/mother. She isn’t respected simply by being a WOMAN!!
Thank you Deborrah for this article that say, women have the right to DEMAND that a man meets ALL of their needs! So many women ‘settle’ in their romantic lives, whereas they wouldn’t settle for less than what they want in any other aspect of their lives. So why is it do they feel that it is better to have a piece of a man rather than no man at all? If one settles for a piece of a man, that’s all they’ll ever get ‘a piece. She’ll get her piece and someone else will get a piece and so on and so forth. She’ll never get the whole man.
Why do women feel they are less than whole without a man? Why do men feel that ‘they’ are the prize to be won? As one person wrote in an article, even the so called ‘good men’ become playas when they know they are in demand. I say to women hold your head up and don’t settle for settling’. Don’t let anyone put you down and make you feel you are something you aren’t just because you want more than a male walking around scratching his dyck farting, eating, and the only thing he really has to offer is a phyuck every now and then. Heck you can buy yourself a toy and save yourself the drama if you’re with a man for that reason.
And the woman who commented about married men hitting on women correct! I can’t tell you how many married men hit on me. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. There are many married women who would rather be single. I hear them comment to me about it all the time. They say, “Chile, you don’t know how good you have it. You can do whatever you want, when you want to do it, you don’t have to answer to anyone’. One of my married friends who used to hang out with me on occasion would always worry about what her hubby would think and her hubby would call her constantly when we hung out. He told her, Raz is single, you’re married, so you need to watch yourself.’. Turns out, Hubby was doing less than respectful things on his own time, so his suspisions about what his wife might be doing was him projecting his own behavior of what he was ‘actually’ doing onto her.
Black women don’t limit yourself to dating black men either. Black men are always talking noise about black women are too this and too that, to give them an excuse to date women of other races, but you see (looking at Tiger Woods) even the whitest of the white woman won’t stop a dog from acting like a dog, and even the whitest of white woman will go upside your head, once you dog her out.
Too many black men are medicre in many ways that count, education, being viably employed, responsible, etc.. Far too many are behind bars so in sheer numbers along, black women should date other races so they can meet up with men who are on their level because limiting oneself to dating black men only just won’t cut it. That’s not to say there aren’t jerks in other races, I’m simply saying black women should open their dating options.
Great article Deborrah! That old 70% myth needs to be turned around and let’s talk about the percentage of black men behind bars, uneducated, strung out on drugs, working menial jobs. while turning their noses up and holding independent educated single women in contempt. Let’s talk about those black men that can’t keep up with the sistahs. Let’s talk about their shortcomings. Sistahs don’t just want a male they want a mate, someone who meets their standards! Sadly far too many men just can’t cut it. And what’s more they know they can’t cut it either so they blame the woman. It’s called deflection. Let’s deflect the attention away from the sorry black men out there who aren’t on level with the independent successful black women of today and talk about how desperate and lonely these women are. (nice try).
I have friends who are in dead-end relationships with brothas who want to keep things at the status quo because it is working for them. These men won’t step up to marry these women but they want to reap the benefits of being in a long term relationship with these women. They spend the night in their homes, eating their food, using their resources, sleeping with the woman and the women allow it. Then when she asked when are they going to get married, the brotha says he’s not ready yet. I had one woman crying on my shoulder about her situation that’s been going on for 3 years. I told her to kick the dude to the curb, if he isn’t ready to marry you, then he shouldn’t be getting wifey benefits. My friend won’t do it. She’s more afraid of being single than of laying up with some dude who wont’ marry her but is with her on ‘his terms’. This is a microchasm of what is out there in the dating world. Women afraid of standing up for what they want, even if it means them standing alone. Is a dyck really worth your self respect? Sometimes sleeping single in a double bed means you have standards on who you share your body and your home with. I wish more women would realize that and raise the bar as a whole and stop letting these black men get away with behavior like this guy.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I’m surely a single, attractive, cultured, educated young woman who sleeps single in a double bed because I don’t allow ANY OLD NEGRO to come up in my house and into my life just because I don’t want to be alone.
I have standards, maintain them, and are quick to express them to Black men and men of other races alike. However, it seems the Black men are more than willing to “get in where they fit it,” and will surely milk the cow without ever considering buying it.
I have kicked many Black men to the curb who just wanna lay up and do what married folks do, but is also afraid of committment. Thanks so much for your honesty!
I’m so sick of the drama of dating, but I’d rather be single than deal or settle for a trifeling ass man, Black or otherwise. I AM WORTH MORE THAN THAT, AND ANY MAN WHO CAN’T SEE IT IS NOT FOR ME. POINT BLANK.
I rejoice in the fact that there is another person in our community that would break apart myths based on research, specifically the ACS/CENUSU data. Couple of points when I researched (the 69.7% is actually true but there are cuts they made which are right in your graph)
1) nobody gets married at 15 (18 is generally accepted age of consent)
2) BW have the second highest college enrollment rate outside Asian Women, again skewing data set (culturally a college enrolled person is not marrying)
3) BM die earlier (so widow rates are higher)
4) there is a 2.7 million BM shortage (there are more BW also affect single rates)
Bravo in doing your research! and watch my film What Black Men Think…I break this myth in to tiny little pieces, as well as several others that pit BM against BW.