The Case for Male Virginity

| 11/28/2011 | Comments (2)

I cannot speak for other cultures but I do know that in black culture, there is a lot of pressure on young men to be ladies men with several women scattered in every zip and area code. From the time they are five-years-old, young black boys are asked this question by various male relatives and friends: “Do you have a girlfriend?” Not about what career or college they are interested in but how many hoes they have.  Because of this mentality, it is no wonder why our community is plagued with fatherlessness since young black boys are socialized to be pimps, not husbands and fathers.

It is amazing to me that in almost all cultures, there is intense pressure on females to remain chaste and pure but men are encouraged to spread their seed with as many women as possible without any ramifications and this paradigm of thinking is dangerous.  Particularly in the black community. During a time when black marriage is considered outdated and on any inner-city street one can see a parade of young mothers on the “Carriage Stroll”, I think it needs to be a movement towards embracing the idea of male virginity in the black community. Too many of our brothers are walking away from their responsibilities as men and placing the bulk of birth control and child-rearing on women and it is not working. It disgusts me to listen to grown ass men over forty still bragging about their bitches. Not about their stock options or the new property they just purchased but about some random chick.

I came to this conclusion a couple of months ago when my son and his cousin spent the night with their uncle.  He had found them a possible job in New Jersey doing disaster aid after Hurricane Irene and they needed to spend the night at his house in order to go to the office. While at his house, he verbally harassed these young brothers about the fact that “They don’t have no hoes and that they are some pussies”.

My son came home pissed off as hell. For one the job did not pane out and about the verbal assault he received. He said, “He has two children he does not want by two women he does not like. He has a lot of nerve trying to give me some advice”.

I thought his words were so profound for a nineteen-year-old. At his young age, he is bright enough to understand the pitfalls of having sexing with any chick with a willing hole unprotected unlike his fertile as hell thirty-seven-year-old uncle: Unwanted pregnancy =  years of child support. At this time, my son is an unemployed college student and it is my opinion that unemployed men do not need girlfriends because they need to be trying to make a dollar. He has no money and he is living off my largesse.  If he should get some young ninny pregnant, she would be burnt up because he does not have shit and neither do I. No diapers and milk coming from this quarter.

We need to teach our young brothers that all that looks good is not good and just because she has a nice body does not mean her wig is on tight. In the area where I live at, it is quite obvious that these young women are not using any method of birth control because I see too many damn babies and I would hate for my son to get caught up with some young, trifling hood-rat with no ambition who happens to be fertile as hell. Virginity is the most priceless gift that God gave us and most men give it away quickly, trying to live up to tired, played out stereotypes about what a man is. A real man is one who can live up to the responsibilities he created, not by the number of dizzy broads he is currently sexing.  As desperate as women are these days, if I wanted to switch sides, I could have a harem of females. But that is too much drama for me.

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Kathy Henry

Creator & Freelance Writer for The Black Feminista ( Frequently contributes blog posts and writings to SurvivingDating.Com.

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Category: Guest Posts, Men's Issues

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  1. Trixie says:

    “And, can the Church say A-MEN!”

    This article is on point! It infuriates me that in our black community we are preaching, “close your legs” to young girls, but encouraging our young black men to go sow their wild oats. While this scenario isn’t just in the black community, it IS glaringly obvious that something needs to change within the black community when the birth rate of black children to single parent homes exceeds that of those born into homes with two actively engaged parents — preferably married. These young girls are not getting pregnant by themselves.

    Additionally, the whole blame game of “that girl tricked my son” or “she wanted to get pregnant” is so played O-U-T!!! It takes two people to make a baby. And, if that young man laid down with what he describes as a “ho” and got her pregnant, that’s too bad. That’s HIS child and he should pay for the baby. He can cartoon all he wants and deem her a a “ho”, “trick”, “slut”, etc…. but that still doesn’t absolve him of impregnating her. What that does make him now is a “baby daddy” and also a selfish “ho” himself. He chose to lay down to satisfy a need not having any foresight to look into his future or respect himself or that young lady.

    Young black men need to understand that there is nothing wrong with waiting until they are stable financially, established, out of the house and/or married to engage in sexual activity. It doesn’t make them any less of a man. Matter of fact, it may show that they are more mature than others. Mature enough to think about how that 5 minutes of pleasure may negatively affect the rest of their lives. Sleeping with as many females as they can has some serious consequences. Aside from the broken hearts, it could lead to multiple children out of wedlock, or disease. These consequences are nothing cute and male virginity should be encouraged just as much as female chastity. His future wife and children will thank him.

  2. blackcaesar says:

    I’m glad you wrote this article about Black males and virginity Kathy. I can distinctly remember older males and my Uncles asking me how many girlfriends I had growing up. Black men, probably more than any other kind of men, stake their manhood on their sexual prowess. Well, we see where that attitude has the Black community: at the bottom of the country’s socioeconomic barrel. I really think Black men need to focus on being economically-viable and necessary in this economy, instead of being studs. Black people for the most part can ill-afford to even procreate anyway. Our energy needs to be put somewhere else.

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