For more than a year I’ve watched a variety of media outlets focus on what’s wrong with Black women. We’ve been accused of having the highest incidents of new AIDS cases, being too educated and professional to be chosen as wives, being too obese, to have too many children out of wedlock, and to be the only race of women that our own men don’t want to “wife up.”
I’ve been thinking about writing on this subject for quite awhile, but was finally motivated to get off my ass after the Nightline faceoff “Why Can’t a Successful Black Woman Find a Man” aired on April 21, 2010 with Steve Harvey, Hill Harper and Sherry Shepherd. This broadcast follows the ABC December 2009 “Single Black Female – And Plenty of Company” which also featured giggle boy Steve Harvey.
Black men love to attempt to make Black women feel bad when she is winning an argument, puts him in check, or rejects his advances by saying “well, that’s why you’re single!” as if being part of a couple is a trophy to be won. Even the panelists expressed such trite beliefs to no one’s surprise. Why do Black men (and brainwashed women) feel the need to drag Black women down with statements that infer that in spite of our progress, we are still nothing and nobody because we can’t “get” a husband? Seems some people think our sassy, sexy, confident selves need to be brought down a notch or two.
Who Cares About Being Married Anyway — Marriage is for Suckas!
Marriage is basically a bullshit mind game played on women for generations. Women were trained to think that being married is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Until they are married and get first hand experience, most women do not understand that being a free maid, cook, breeding stock and social secretary is not a goal to strive for.
The oft-quoted statistics on marriage used to bash Black women with by ABC television and Black men certainly show a greater level of marriage amongst other races. However, those stats do not reflect how many of those marriages last, nor how many of those marriages are happy and fulfilling for the wife.
Isn’t that more important than just being married?
As I said, last week ABC’s Nightline presented a panel discussion which addressed the reasons why professional, educated Black women aren’t married like professional, educated White women are. The focus of the non-professional panelists were the reasons why Black men felt Black women didn’t know how to get and keep a man.
From the perspective of the panelists, Black women seemed to have a somewhat reduced value in the dating pool because (1) their expectations were too high; (2) their desires in a man unrealistic; (3) their refusal to settle for a man “with potential” the key reason for the high number of single Black professional women.The panel’s tired solution concluded that Black women must lower their expectations if they wanted to ever be married. But why aren’t White and Asian women told to lower their expectations if they want to marry? Why is it that only Black women are told to expect little to nothing from a man?
(this article is 5 pages long – see below)
Category: Women's Issues