Cons of Marriage – Why Women Should Not Get Married

. 04/27/2010 . 87 Comments

The Fantasy of Happily Ever After is Not Reality

It always amazed me that so many women couldn’t WAIT to become part of a couple, and would whine about how lonely they were and how much they wanted to have a boyfriend. They couldn’t wait to become some man’s property and to be told what to do.

As I got older and friends started getting married, I observed an interesting pattern. Women would be envious of the one that got engaged, craving the bridal spotlight and the big fancy wedding for themselves. These young women assumed that having a husband would mean the end to loneliness, that they would have someone to love and to love them forever. They believed that through marriage and children they would finally be fulfilled as a woman.

A girl with a master’s degree studying to become a pediatrician felt that she was still not a success because she hadn’t found a husband, didn’t have any children, and was “getting old” (at 26).The desperation with which many young women in my social circle pursued a man for marriage was astonishing. Women would do what I call “audition” for a wife by cooking, cleaning, sexing and generally doing far over and above what they should do as a mere dating partner for these men.

Black women are especially guilty of this behavior and will treat some jackleg don’t wanna commit fool like he is their husband. Most of this behavior is motivated by fear and a competition for a man in what they perceive to be a shrinking pool of eligible bachelors. Black women are told repeatedly that they are supposed to “support their man” and “let him be a man” (which of course means that she must limit herself in every possible way to some rigid 1935 standard of submissive womanhood and never speak up or contradict him about anything).

In the book Wife Work- What Marriage Really Means for Women, author Susan Maushart discusses research which shows that men enjoy marriage better the more closely it resembles the traditional template, whereas wives experience the greatest levels of physical and psychological well-being in marriages that are further away from that male ideal.

In “The Consequences of Marriage for African Americans” (a comprehensive review of the subject published in 1995) there were noted economic benefits for Black couples, and the double household income was integral in keeping the income level above the poverty line. However a quote from a report published by the Institute for American Values found “our research finds that marriage brings small health benefits to Black men – and none to Black women. In fact, married Black women are significantly less likely to report having excellent health than are unmarried [single] Black women.”

Deborrah

Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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Category: Women's Issues


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