The “Stupid Muthafucka!” Gene
Here are a few examples of tell-tale behaviors exhibited by stupid muthafuckas:
- Check The Medicine Cabinet. If your honey or anyone in his or her family is taking Zoloft, Paxil, Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Cymbalta, Effexor, Haldol, Clozaril, Zyprexa, Thorazine, Lithium or Geodon, watch out! You are dealing with depression, schizophrenia and/or bipolar disorder – none of which are desirable ailments to pass on. If you don’t want kooky children, run, do not walk in the opposite direction!
- Abusive Criminal – Convicted or Not.
There are only certain personality types that believe they are justified in robbing, beating, slapping, molesting, stabbing, or in any way harming other people. A man that frequently talks about getting “revenge” on an ex is one best avoided, because if you decide to break up with him, you could be next on his “get her back” list. Power tripping, a God complex, a sense of entitlement and/or an outlook on life which only a sociopath could identify with are your big clues here. - Totally or Even Partially Useless. Be concerned if you meet a man who is living with Mom or one of his baby’s mommas, has no job and doesn’t seem to be terribly bothered about getting one. It’s not a good sign that his mother comes over to do his laundry and clean his apartment at 35 years of age either. Or perhaps you are dating a woman that has started and dropped out of college, interior design school, a dental assisting program, and beauty college. Shocked, you realize that this woman has never finished anything she started in her entire life. If you have a man that is dependent upon the women in his life for food, clothing, and shelter, why would you want him? These are totally useless people, looking for a meal ticket and someone to take care of them. This is a harsh world we live in. Grown folks need to carry their own weight, be responsible and strive for success in life like mature adults, not living like a dependent child.
- Nothing Anyone Does or Says is Good Enough. If a parent’s messages are repeatedly harsh, critical, and negative, a child’s image of herself is that of a bad person, unworthy and incompetent. As an adult this child will be faced with challenges and will most likely say to herself, ”Why bother, I am just going to mess it up anyway!” Dorothy Law’s poem Children Learn What They Live contains a line that reads “the child that lives with criticism learns to condemn.” How true that is. A family that is constantly criticizing and fault finding teaches it’s young to doubt their judgment and to be suspicious of other people and their intentions. Very often the children of these families grow up believing that they cannot manage, cannot ever be successful… that they are stupid. They feel low, but attempt to build themselves up by putting others down and saying hurtfully critical words. Without intervention and psychotherapy, this is a losing battle of low self esteem and self-hatred.
- The Family is a Bit TOO Close. Does your man have an Aunt that is strangely sexual with her nephews? Does your woman seem uncomfortably nervous and jumpy when her father stands a little too close? Does the entire family demand
to be consulted before you make a decision about YOUR life? These personalities get upset if a member of the clan tries to have friends or a life that doesn’t include them. Normal boundaries of separation and independence are blurred and merged in some families. You may notice jealous, controlling and manipulative behavior from people that present themselves as sweet and caring. - Things that Make You Go “Huh?” In this category are major personality flaws, weakness, hypocritical belief systems and double standards. You will find yourself feeling frustrated, angry and sometimes even disgusted. He has plenty of female friends, but flips out in a rage if one of YOUR male friends calls. She can flirt “innocently” with strange guys online but goes crazy with accusations if a family friend that just happens to be female sends you an email to say hello.
In college I dated a guy that often failed to study for midterms, finals and other tests, yet he always blamed the professor for his failing grades! Nothing he ever did was his fault. Failure to take responsibility for his choices and actions, and a preference for blaming others was a major personality flaw I noticed in his mother as well.
I met a guy that sang in the choir, went to Bible study twice a week, participated in the men’s group, and volunteered to fellowship through the neighborhood. One day he bitterly complained to me about a homeless man coming to the door of the church kitchen after Sunday services, asking for food. He told me that he sent the hungry man away and how tired he was of bums coming to the church “looking for help” and “eating up our food.” Wow, what a Christian.
- Addictions and Dependencies. Not every addict in the family is going to display the exact same addictive response. Some may be alcoholics or drug abusers, porn addicts, or chain smokers. Yet others may display their addictions in a manner deemed to be more socially acceptable, i.e., workaholism, exercise or religious fanaticism, shopping addictions, or sexual addiction. Scientists have proven that children of addicts and alcoholics grow up to either become addicts and alcoholics themselves, or enter into dysfunctional, codependent relationships with addicts and alcoholics.
Closing Words on Stupid Muthafuckas
For those of you dating with an eye to the future, I suggest you do all you can to slow down the pace of your relationships. Do not rush into any heavy emotional involvements until you’ve had a good length of time to listen, look, ask questions, and observe closely.
Avoid The Stupid Muthafucka Syndrome by any means necessary. Do all the research you can to find out about birth defects, insanity, personality traits and criminal behavior in the family line of your romantic interests. Check out the family dynamics and interactions to ferret out major dysfunctions in how these people relate to each other.
You want to avoid having to disgustedly say in 20 years “I can’t believe it! You’re a stupid muthafucka…just like your father!”
©2010 and Beyond. By Deborrah Cooper and Living the Single Life – Surviving Dating at www.survivingdating.com. None of the content of this website may be duplicated or reposted without the express written permission of the copyright holder with the exception of no more than one paragraph used in reviews and associated with a link back to this article at http://survivingdating.com/?p=1270.
Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Category: Date Smarter, Not Harder
So true, looks are not the only thing you inherit from your parents.
As I read this post I thought about the Biography program my husband and I watched on Conrad Hilton. He spent most of his life unmarried because (1) his first wife left him because he was too busy launching businesses to nurture his family and (2) he was Catholic and they did not recognize marriages unless the previous spouse was dead. You have probably heard of how he danced and partied the nights away for decades. His son Nicky Hilton was a playboy party animal. He married Elizabeth Taylor. The marriage lasted two years. He died of a massive heart attack at 42 from hard party living. His brother is the grandfather of Paris Hilton. She went to jail once or twice. I don’t know what kind of lives her father and grandfather lived. You just wonder. At least they were rich.
I tell my daughter this all the time because that SMF gene is strong!
When i was pregnant with her, the father was steeped in and raised on SMF -ish! I realized after waking from a dream thinking if he treats me bad, he’ll treat the baby just the same. That was the moment I walked away from that relationship. He did try a come back but i was wearing my SMF reflector suit.
Now I can spot a SMF from 50 yards out and can dodge any shots fired. Low tolerance for SMF’s, period!
However, I’ve noticed SMF syndrome in the child and marvel at the meltdowns she exhibits and know they’re a direct result of the SMF gene inherited from the sperm donor. I feel bad for her at times because when she has these episodes it even perplexes her on why she is the way she is.
We’ve had counseling, testing and family intervention which allows her to express her negative emotions in order to purge them and find healthier alternatives. When non-violent alternatives don’t work, well I get to pulling out my own SMF attitude and then the climate changes— nobody can act more SMF than me when it comes to raising a child that needs to know it’s place.
Low tolerance for SMF, for real!
OMG!! This was the most hilarious post I’ve read in a long time. I gotta get my daughter to create a graphic of a woman wearing a SMF reflector suit!! As for your daughter – get her! She cannot be growing up without understanding the origin of the SMF type behavior and how to control it as she goes out into the world.
Laughing! Deb, I’m scared for the girl, I really am! Have your daughter create the graphic and I’ll wear it on a tee shirt proudly! Charge any amount of money and I will wear it!!!
Deborrah,
I AGREE WITH YOU. I’ve been thinking along similar lines, myself, as of late. As black people, we are discouraged from thinking this way (IMO), lest we be viewed as “snobbish”, “siddity”, or having a “superiority complex”. But, I think it’s VERY IMPORTANT to be selective about who you breed with. Not only because it has an impact on whether or not you/your child will be supported, but also because you will be giving your child the genetic composition of the person you select (or at least a portion of it).
Furthermore, I believe that irresponsible people (who do not care enough about their own offspring to provide for or protect them) do not deserve to have their line propelled forward into the future. They should be cut off, and their line should end with themselves.
It is not right for the resources of responsible and caring individuals to be diverted to propagating and enriching the lines of people who would not care for their own. Women (black women IN PARTICULAR) need to start thinking this way. Our choices not only impact the lives we live, but also the lives and realities of our children.
If we are capable of enriching another, we deserve someone who is capable of enriching us in kind. “Breeding” isn’t just an act, IT’S A RESPONSIBILITY. And, we need to start thinking of it as such. Thanks for telling the truth about this matter.
One of my chosen big sisters told me once, “Never fuck a stupid man, because you’ll end up with a house full of dumbass kids!”
While personality is inherited to a large extent, its a far more complicated thing than you’re making it. There is no one “stupid muthafucka gene,” or any gene for that matter that can be held responsible for an entire trait like being a “violent thug.” Personality is polygenic, which means that exhibiting things like “non-dynamic, escapist behaviors” are expressed on a bunch of different genes, that are not all themselves expressed in the parent that contributes their genes.
Also, you need two sets of genes. With these genes being polygenic, they are mixed up between us between both of our parents. Its not as cut and dry as saying, “his daddy’s a thug? well dang, we better take him down to the precinct now to get him in the system.” That’s not how it works.
Ultimately, just as important as genetics is environment. Someone might be more susceptible to certain things but his/her environment is the thing that brings it all out.
Mike, in 20 years when you Princeton brainiacs realize that you are behind the times in understanding how genetics work outside of a laboratory, you will reflect on this piece and realize how brilliant I am and that I should have been awarded an honorary doctorate.
I personally agree that the Mothafucka Syndrome exists and it certainly seems to be hereditary. I’m a woman with 3 brothers, and all of them are respectful, faithful, decent men, masculine and will hold a door for a lady, do not hit women etc – obviously due to having decent (in no way perfect) parents – in fact my parents weren’t strict and didn’t teach them much in an obvious way, so it must have just rubbed off on them. I’ve seen plenty of people who have a screw loose and invariably when you look at their parents it explains it – there’s always some dumb, self-centered, ill-tempered a-hole ancestor and the poor offspring was doomed from the get-go.
Re #1:
My medicine closet has Effexor, before that it was Prozac. I have Bipolar – Type II, which means I am a depressive with occasional light mania, and I am successfully medicated. There are similar meds in many relatives’ medicine closets. This is why I decided long ago not to have any genetically related children.
I also decided, by the equally-yoked theory, that I should stick to successfully treated women with a history of emotional illness.
It doesn’t make me a scrub, but it does deserve a good hard look by any potential LTRs. I don’t resent that
Wishing you all progress.
This is also very amusing. I laughed out loud while reading this. We have all come in contact with people described in the different scenarios. I have to pass this along.