In video #18 of “The Manipulative Things Black Men Say to Make Black Women Jump Through Hoops!” series, veteran relationship advice columnist and author Deborrah Cooper breaks down the goals of the “lemme tell you what folks said about you” game of emotional abuse.
What is emotional abuse? I define it as any words or behaviors that are designed to make you see yourself as incapable, unattractive, worthless and unloved. When your man comes and tells you that his momma, sister, brother, cousin, uncle, ex-wife, coworker, etc. said critical of you, he is using that statement as a weapon to try to change you – without putting himself on the firing line (since you think HE didn’t say it…someone else did).
When your man doesn’t fight for you and allows others to put you down and humiliate you, get clear on the fact that this man is an abuser whose chief goal is to cause you to experience painful emotions and feel weak and confused. By making you feel weak, he gets to feel powerful and in charge.
In reality, the man you love and who you think loves you back is completely jealous of you. He wants to rock your confidence and bring you down to his level, where your self-esteem is as low or lower than his.
Category: Women's Issues