Street Dudes Thugs and Players Are Not Relationship Material for Single Black Women

| 02/28/2012 | Comments (10)

Our discussion group on Facebook is an interesting place to hang out during the day… always lots of interesting discussions going on about dating, relationships, politics, gender, and black culture. One of today’s discussions was why young Black women get involved with ‘thugs’ . I explained that the reasons vary widely and range from low self esteem (a belief that is the only type of man you deserve to have), to slumming and curiosity about the thug lifestyle by the sheltered middle-class Jack & Jill raised bougie chick.

MR. TG: I could never figure out why women love thugs so much, but I guess low self esteem does contribute…I also wonder why they wait until they have their babies before they vilify them….at that point it’s a little late….life has begun

He’s right, life has begun and these girls messed up. Big time. Their mess ups were 100% avoidable though, if they only had an older female player schooling them on how the game is properly played.


Messing With Thugs – The Five Golden Rules

There are two rules to getting your swerve on with what some people call ‘thugs’ (I call them street dudes because their culture is street-based not academic, not professional, and certainly not religious).  The reality is that most young girls will at some time or another succumb to their sexual attraction, the blood pumping excitement, the allure of the hypermasculine street dude.  Why? Because the street dudes know how to talk to women in a smooth, sexy way that is mentally engaging, fun and physically exciting.

Men must remember that when women are young, most aren’t looking to settle down and be a diaper changing, floor scrubbing, bill paying Mrs. Somebody Or Other. When young, females are looking for the man that makes their heart pound and their imagination soar – not stability and a mundane existence in the suburbs with their husband.

The young women that come from more sheltered backgrounds are especially vulnerable to the players and street dudes because they have not been prepared mentally to deal with these types of guys. Their parents do them a disservice by sending them to school, music lessons and summer camp while never telling them the real deal about the other half of Black culture.

With her limited (if any) experience with the opposite sex, she goes off to college excited to break free of the chains that have bound her behavior and choices for the past 18 years. A dame that knows the ropes isn’t likely to get tied up! -Mae West She finds out, like thousands of other young Black women before her, that street dudes don’t go to school to get an education, they are learning much more practical skills – how to get women and how to fuck. These fellas can throw down in bed and make a woman feel ecstasy and see Jeezus. They are usually cut up, lean and fine as hell at least in the body, if not body and face. That’s real talk.

But there are certain rules a girl must follow if she is going to satisfy her freak with a street dude. The rules are:

#1 Always protect your body – from disease and from pregnancy. You do not have babies by broke ass, or drug dealing, or boosting, or jailbird street dudes. Let me repeat that in case you didn’t get it – you do not get pregnant or have a baby by a street dude. If you should accidentally get pregnant, you immediately head to the nearest drug store for Plan B, or you hit up the nearest abortion clinic. You are not here to breed the genes of someone that you and the child have no future with. You don’t want lifelong drama from what is supposed to be a good time. You fuck the dude, and then you leave him where you found him.

#2 You do not commingle your street dude with your bougie friends, your employers, and certainly not with your family. If you are used to going to four star restaurants on your dates with Roderick Hewitt Smith-Rossiter III, you will now be going to Red Lobster, Fat Freddy’s Fried Chicken and Fish, or Big Burgers with your street dude.. if you go anywhere in public at all. Really not recommended (better to lay in supplies at the crib and fix him a sandwich or burger right quick, but you might get hungry one night when you forgot to go shopping).

#3 You do not try, hold, transport or even touch anything illegal like guns or drugs. Don’t sit around having fantasies of yourself as Bonnie & Clyde or some such dumb shit. You are there for the dick – that’s it and that’s all. You are not his partner – in crime or in any other way.

#4 Don’t do romantic things with thugs, players or  street dude. That means no lingering glances, no hand holding, no walking with your arms wrapped around each other, no romantic kisses sneaked in while waiting for your fried chicken order. You are not a couple, remember? Don’t let your mind wander into relationship fantasy land. Stay focused. You are there for wild, off the chain dick, and then you will leave him where you found him.

#5 You do not fall in love with or marry a thug street dude. You dilly dally and play with them for a minute or two then you move on. They will teach you things you need to know about life and how to handle yourself. You will actually learn a lot about yourself as a woman, what you like and don’t like in bed, how to express yourself freely and without judgment. They encourage you to be who and what you wanna be in bed and will try anything. When you are done with him, you will be a much wiser, more sensuous, more in touch sexually woman. But remember, you fuck them and then you leave them where you found them.


You Don’t Confuse Sex with Love

The problem is that young Black girls confuse a good time in bed with thugs and players… some serious get down slap yo momma lust, with love. Then you all wanna try to make a relationship out of sex! When young girls fall in love, they idolize the man they love and create expectations of happily ever after because that is of course how young girls are socialized. I’m here to tell you that there is a time and a place for those dreams, but in the arms and bed of a street dude is not the place nor the time.

You must keep in the front of your mind that sex and love are not synonymous. If you cannot separate the two acts, then you must remain a virgin or damn near one until you get older and meet a man with some sense.  If you know you will fall in love and “want more”, that means you do not have the personal fortitude or the mentality to handle dealing with a street dude. They are full of tricks, games and manipulative half truths.  If you don’t have tricks, games and ability to mind fuck folks yourself, you will end up a road kill baby momma with a broken heart and possibly a case.

Neither is a good look.



Click to order

The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid is advice columnist Deborrah Cooper’s latest release. Women – learn how to fine tune your dating strategy and stop dating the wrong men! Men – if you want to improve your ability to interact with women, you can read this book and learn what NOT to do! The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid contains the tools every single woman tired of short-term relationships with losers needs to know.

Change what you seek in a partner and how you look for it, quickly eliminating those will do nothing but waste your time in yet another dead-end relationship. Available in paperback and downloadable Ebook formats for Nook, Kindle, iPad, and Android tablets as well.



In case you missed the live broadcast, listen to the show audio files. Catch us live every other Tuesday at 11:00 a.m. PST.  To listen, log onto Inner Light Radio.  Participate in the discussion with your questions or comments by calling 310-928-7733 or SKYPE to “inner_light_radio”.

Dating Thugs, Players and Street Dudes – Part 1


Dating Thugs, Players and Street Dudes – Part 2


Dating Thugs, Players and Street Dudes – Part 3


Dating Thugs, Players and Street Dudes – Part 4


Dating Thugs, Players and Street Dudes – Part 5


Dating Thugs, Players and Street Dudes – Part 6


Dating Thugs, Players and Street Dudes – Part 7

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Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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Comments (10)

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  1. 3rdeye says:

    @Deborrah  @appintelwata 
    definitions of bitterness is: Difficult or distasteful to accept, admit or bear. One of the hardness things for us to accept is that we cause our own pain. We need to start looking in the woman in the mirror because  the man is NOT ALWAYS at fault.

  2. 3rdeye says:

    I dont see the value of sex, is that’s all a woman has to offer. Dont believe the hype that thugs are on campus taking all the women. I’ve seen thug chicks get smashed by so-called nerds. Remember nerds are very calculating and have fore-sight, unlike some of the women in question.

    Old thugs are a sad sight to see, along with the women who choose to him, but a old nerd wins in the end, cause he is smart and know the best things in life are earned. Got given because of sex.

  3. DanaStanley says:

    This post is a must read for young girls and college age women.  A lot of them have no clue that life will just be drama, stress, and heartbreak when you decide to try to make a life with a guy whose only ambition is to pimp, play, and hurt people.  There is nothing appealing about the street guy in the long run.

  4. Razzy says:

    Street thugs come in all walks of life.  Plenty of college, and professional men with thuggish mentality when it comes to how they relate to women.  Plenty of so called ‘good men’ have knocked up women, have baby mamas too.  However I do get that a lot of young girls are fascinated with the ‘thug’ on the street and they go for that.  These are wise tips that they can take with them if they choose to go for that type of man before settling down.

  5. JulianGumbs says:

    I have reviewed your site and have come to the realization, you are an EGGHEAD. Period, you are an EGGHEAD. Point 1, you state “Some women confuse Sex with Love?” You are a statistical woman, what percentage of woman are single women in America. My point exactly, Sex may not be Love, but a child is what, an unintended event of a SEX GAME. I get it, it all makes sense, but you are So way off base, it’s ridiculous. Would you like to know, how and why society has existed for Thousands of years before either you or me, because information was selectively shared. With the Internet, Those Days are Gone! Welcome, to the Devil’s depiction of people. You and the devil are ONE. If this is not the case, go to the abortion clinic (another of your FAMOUS blogs) and sit beside the woman, child, girl who became so amazed by her sexually capable Street Savvy guy (street dudes are not culturally transferable, what is street in America, is trash in most the rest of the world, they would not last 30 seconds any where else, I promise you that) and counsel her with your mistake, Is that not what women do?

    • Deborrah says:

       @appintelwata First of all, only idiots blame human behavior on an imaginary figure called “the Devil.” What are you, five? There is no such thing. There is only human nature and decision making – some wise and smart, some dumb and silly. Secondly, having sex is not love, and having sex does not mean a child has to be the result. So your basic premise is wrong. You are so off base, it’s ridiculous. Have you not heard of vasectomies, tubal ligation, birth control pills, contraceptive foam and condoms, and abortions?Abortions are the best thing since sliced bread. I LOVE abortions. I wish more black women would get them and stop having all these dumb fools babies. Go to school instead. Have graduation parties instead of baby showers. That would thrill me to no end.

  6. RonJ says:

    I accept your argument that nerdy brathas don’t have the street edge needed to get the girls. I’ll even except your premise that many of them are bitter and can be just as abusive as thugs. However, wouldn’t the black community be better served if you teach women on how to select the good, nice guys who are also exciting and have that edge that so many women seem to like?
    When black people stop acknowledging the thug culture and start accepting the “square” culture, many of the problems in the black community will slowly dissipate. Are we such an underclass, mentally disturbed group, that we need to teach women how to date thugs correctly? Public commentary such as the one you are presenting, while maybe void of ill intentions, will only hurt the black community, not help. 

    • Razzy says:

       @RonJ “However, wouldn’;t the black community be better served if you teach women on how to select the good, nice guys who are also exciting and have that edge that so many women seem to like?”
      Why can’t black men take on this role?  They need to teach these so called good guys to stop sitting back expecting their ‘goodness to shine through on their foreheads like a placard and step up and approach these women.  That’s the main reason these so called good guys get left behind.  They sit back and expect a woman to notice their goodness’. Your goodness does not get you intro into a date.  If you are so exciting and have an edge then you should have no problem attracting and approaching a woman.  A lot of these so called good men aren’t really all ‘good’ they are thugs hiding behind ‘good men clothing’.  Given the chance, their thuggish attitude and ways will come shining through.  Plenty of so called ‘good men’ in colleges at frat parties being thuggish.  But the more important question is, why can’t men teach men how to be better towards women.

  7. MaryAliceMiller says:

    This is REAL, Deborrah. All my life I have followed the rules. In recent years, I have added another: Never add street thug to your social networking. No Facebook, twitter, email. Nothing. This is the best way to keep them out of your personal business and keep from getting too involved in their mess. When they are gone, they disappear, like a ghost. Your public life never knows the difference. Holla!

  8. Razzy says:

    The story of Afrika Owes comes to mind after reading this article.

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