To Ride or Not to Ride My Baby’s Momma?

| 02/25/2012 | Comments (0)


Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
My son’s mother needs a ride to his parent teacher conference. There is no funny business at all between us. I am currently engaged and I told my fiance’ about the situation. She is okay with it, but not thrilled. Regardless of what she says should I just say I can’t offer my son’s mom a ride?

Car Pool or Fool

Dear Car Pool:
This is the deal: you are going to be around that woman socially and for things that involve your son for the rest of your life. If your fiancee can’t handle that, she should not be dating or engaged to a man that has a child with another woman!!! You and your son are a package deal – she cannot get one without the other. And getting you and your son means she is going to have to, at some point, develop a relationship with your son’s mother. That’s the real deal about these types of situations.

No matter how you feel about your Baby Momma, you are the parents of your son. Stop thinking about what is easiest on you, and stop thinking about how to placate your new booty. Instead, think about your child and what that little boy needs from you. That should be your only concern. Children need both of their parents to pay attention to them, to be on the same page with their discipline and education, and to at least be cordial and friendly to each other so that the child doesn’t feel caught in the middle.

Too many adults put themselves first in blended family situations instead of thinking about what is best for the child involved. Don’t do that to your son. He is the innocent party here and needs to see that he is not being replaced in our affections by your new woman, and that you are going to be there for him just as much as ever.

So pick the woman up and take her to the conference. Ask good questions about your son’s performance, goals and where he may need help. Talk with his Mom about what the plan is when the kid is with you for studying and homework, then drop her off at home. Give your baby a hug and a kiss and tell him how proud you are of how he is doing in school. Reiterate at every opportunity how important it is for him to get his education and make something of himself.

That’s how you handle it.

Once your fiancee sees that you are handling your fatherly responsibilities with a strict focus on your child, she will calm down and there won’t be any problems in the future like at graduations, proms, birthday parties, weddings and the hospital at the birth of your grandchildren.  You should start thinking about how you are going to handle weekend visits and come to some sort of agreement about parenting when your son comes over for weekends once you are married. The more you communicate about these issues and iron them out in advance, the easier it will be on all concerned.

Good luck!

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Dating expert and advice columnist since 1993, writing as Ms. HeartBeat. Author of the hilarious street smart dating guide "Sucka Free Love - How to Avoid Dating The Dumb, The Deceitful, The Dastardly, The Dysfunctional & The Deranged."

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