Valentine’s Day and Selfish Ass Men
All over the Internet men are whining about the “fake holiday” that is Valentine’s Day. Even small children understand that this is a day set aside to show someone that you care and that they are special to you! What is it about that concept that grown ass men don’t get?
Why do so many men resent Valentine’s Day and spend hours bitching and moaning on websites, blogs and to anyone that will listen about why women don’t deserve to be honored on Valentine’s Day?
I’ll tell you why! Because those men are spoiled, selfish assholes!
These fellas want everything their way, they want women to believe what they believe, and they want women to fall in line and not demand much of anything from them. These men want to receive the benefits of a woman’s time, attention, affection, loyalty, cooking, cleaning and body 365 days a year without spending even 60 seconds on the one day set aside to make one’s lover feel special.
A blog post by Marc Rudov advocated “No-Mance Day” instead of Valentine’s Day. A quote from his page:
I gladly do sweet things for women, including buying them flowers, when I choose to do so — not when radio and TV spots instruct me, not when women expect or demand it, and not if these women wouldn’t reciprocate or initiate the same gestures.
I don’t pay for sex, and I never will.
Check out that last line ladies. He like every other man that cosigned onto his proposal equates a woman’s sole value with sex. That’s it. It’s okay for him to expect or demand sex, but it’s somehow wrong for a woman to expect him to spend time or energy showing — on just ONE DAY now — that his woman, his relationship and the sex you two have is important and special to him.
Wow.
Some of the men griped that a woman shouldn’t expect them to “go broke” on Valentine’s Day, as if doing anything at all costs an arm and a leg. That was their excuse not to do anything – it costs too much. Really? But the $59.99 you spent ON YOURSELF for an X-Box Madden game, well hey, that was a life-saving, absolutely necessary purchase! I get it.
Look guys, giving someone a card that you made costs nothing. Adding one red rose costs a few bucks. Writing your woman a poem or a love letter and giving it to her on Valentine’s Day is free. Cooking her favorite meal and setting the table with candles costs what.. an extra $5 for the candles?
Selfish men go to great extremes and come up with the most creatively bullshit excuses not to do anything for a woman on that one day. You stubbornly insist that since it’s “expected” you won’t do it, and you “don’t pay for sex” either.
The guys with this selfish hoarding mentality are always single. The mentality that they don’t have to go out of their way to occasionally please a woman guarantees that they will remain single for many, many years. Even if they are lucky enough to get a woman to date them for awhile, when she realizes how self centered he is, she will leave him anyway.
Another interesting fact that surprised me was how many Black women defended these emotional and financial cheapsters. These women claimed that it’s a nothing day anyway, and that men should not be on the hook or “forced” to show a woman any special attention on Valentine’s Day.
Personally, I think those statements are being made by women that don’t want to get their hopes up about men. Not anymore. They’ve been repeatedly disappointed by men in the romance department, and in response have lowered their expectations of men to ground level. That way they don’t get their feelings hurt when the guy in their life doesn’t do anything for them or treat them like they are special. They aren’t upset because they never expected him to do anything for them anyway.
I say that with confidence, because even as young children in Kindergarten, females love Valentine’s Day! Women love romance and passion and for men to show that they care in many small ways on a daily basis. Sure guys might do things YOU want to do for her when YOU want to do them over the course of a year. But to women, Valentine’s Day is a day set aside to show extra love. Why refuse to do it?
Every woman likes to be thought of as special to her man and it started with Little Reggie Smith that brought her a penny Valentine and a lollypop in first grade. He didn’t expect sex – he just wanted to show how much he liked her.
Wise women also know that when a man really loves a woman with his full heart, he jumps at the chance to celebrate Valentine’s Day and is not grudgeful about it either. A man that loves his woman is proud to bring joy to his woman’s heart and put a delighted smile on her face on Valentine’s Day.
Few woman would verbally check her man about him not doing anything for Valentine’s Day. But the fact that your woman doesn’t SAY anything to you does not mean she doesn’t FEEL negatively about your behavior. You can bet that inside she feels unappreciated and neglected and her feelings are hurt. She wonders why you don’t think she is important enough to show a little extra attention to her — just to make her feel good.
Your stubborn refusal to give her attention on Valentine’s Day puts your relationship on the fast track to disaster.
Your woman sees that you are a man that cares only about himself and what YOU think. Your woman sees that you are a man that gives only when YOU think she should have something, not when she needs or wants it. Inside she knows you are a man that will resent female expectations of performance, unless YOU want to meet them, and it has to be at YOUR convenience. She now knows that you are a man that will leave her starving for romance – just because YOU don’t think its important.
Women smart enough to recognize these facts will break up with a guy when he doesn’t do anything for her on Valentine’s Day. You guys want to attribute the break up to unrealistic expectations about “one stupid day.” In reality, your refusal to participate in a lover’s day celebration shows that you think of her as nothing but a convenience… she feels like nothing to you but a booty call. The realization that you feel so little about her happiness motivates her to dump you on the spot.
Sometimes I wonder if men are really as clueless as they come across. I’m serious! I look at all the ways they slight and injure women they claim to love – the controlling behaviors, resentful attitudes, the selfishness – and I shake my head.
Men have the power to save their relationships by getting smart about how they treat the woman in their life, and it begins with adjusting their attitude about Valentine’s Day.
It takes you guys as little as 15 minutes to “celebrate” Valentine’s Day, but your woman loves the extra attention for days. The card you made or carefully chose, the poem or song you wrote, or the love letter you penned will be cherished forever.
Why is that such a problem?
And why is it that so many Black women don’t feel deserving of that kind of adoration?
What do you say readers?
Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Category: Women's Issues
Do feminists like you have nothing but insults? How much money do you spend on your partner on Valentines Day? Silly me, why am I asking? It’ll be the typical female amount of “fuck all”
Typical selfish woman. I notice that women like you can never rely on anything but insults. Women don’t have any obligation to be ‘romantic’ on Valentines Day and expect men to lavish gifts on them so they can brag to their equally vacuous friends. Funny how feminists suddenly throw it to the side when they think it will get them one big advantage. Maybe if selfish women like you actually did something on Valentines Day for a change us men might treat this grubby little day more seriously.
@Razzy @daddySoulpoll Typical response from the typical self entitled narcissistic modern woman. You have no argument so rely on insults. If your first sentence was in any way remotely true then men and women would spend equal amounts on Valentines Day but they don’t. It’s men paying twice as much, it’s women like you that are the reason men are rejecting marriage in droves. What man what want to be with a self centred woman like you?
@Chris4267 @Razzy @daddySoulpoll
Oh pluueeze, men who whine about doing something to show they love their woman on valetine’s day don’t deserve to have one. We all know that most times in most relationships, women do much of the work 99% of the time. Women give far more to men 365 days of the year than they receive. So a man can set aside a few days a year to show her she is special. A woman isn’t being self centered and entitled to realize that and expect it.
@Razzy @Chris4267 @daddySoulpoll you’re an idiot. Me and my girlfriend share the chores and we both work. One day she was feeling down so I took her out to cheer her up, I don’t need to be coerced into spending a ridiculous amount of money on one particular day to be romantic. Relationships should be a partnership not one sided. Your comment about women doing more is bullshit. Self entitled bitches like you don’t deserve a relationship because you think it’s all about you. Have fun dying alone with your cats.
Most of the men I see whining about VD are single. Like, you won’t be spending anything anyway so why the fuck do you care? Why do you need to whine and complain, rant on the internet about something that doesn’t even effect you? That is what baffles me the most. Women will go to hell and back to show their man how much they mean to them but women will NEVER get that in return. I don’t even bother w/relationships because most of the ‘men’ are bottle of the barrel assholes. I just fuck them and show their sorry asses the door. Really it is the only way to deal w/them. No stress, no drama to deal with.
Sorry, but just like men aren’t entitled to sex from women, women aren’t entitled to romance from guys.
Any woman who DEMANDS romance instead of INSPIRING it has a few screws loose.
I hope you get your issues sorted out.
Much love,
Anonymous
@bogobo “Any woman who DEMANDS romance instead of INSPIRING it has a few screws loose’
Interesting… what “inspires” you to show romance to a woman?
Any man who whines about buying a 1.99 flower for a woman he claims to love, saying he’ll never “pay for sex”, (as if one can even buy a desperate crack ho for that little), will end up paying MUCH more for sex, when he finds himself old…and very much alone.
The reason men get CHEAP etc. on Valentines Day, is that WOMEN ALLOW THEM TO. Ladies, YOU DONT SLEEP WITH A GUY UNLESS HE’S YOUR HUSBAND..If you go on laughyourway.com, with Mark Gungor, you can find out why (check out his youtube vids too). He says the most special thing a woman gives a man is her BODY and the most special thing a man gives a woman is his FREEDOM..he also has a radio show markgungorshow.com–Ladies do stuff for men too on V’Day but sex shouldnt be one of them
@zipporah sorry not everybody’s going to follow your advice because they may not harbor your beliefs. Nor should you perpetuate the idea that a women’s value is sex and nothing else.
LOL OMG A FEMINIST!!!! moaning about men (and only men) not pulling their weight on Valentines day, the irony 😉
That’s right. You got a problem with stepping up and doing something on Valentine’s Day for your woman when she did for you 364 days of the year then you are a selfish ass like I said and don’t deserve a woman. Get a blow up doll that won’t ever make demands on you and will be there ready and willing for sex with you, since that’s all you think a woman is there for.
Although i understand your “feelings” you should recognize the fact that this day is merely just another day. This day is designed to create a wedge between the sexes,especially if the little girl fantasies haven’t disappeared. It is time to truly become adults. Please do some research on the origins of this day. Valentine’s Day is based on the death of an individual, which in turn has propagated a commercial hoax to force sheeple to spend energy and money . It is unfair to say men are selfish when he knows this so called “lovers day” is almost always one sided. The very few lucky ones get the love reciprocated. I guess you forgot about the 6 or 7 other big event days that go on in the year like Birthdays, Vacations, Mothers Day, anniversary, the day you met…. etc. I agree with you 100% that men should make a total effort to show appreciation to the woman he loves on special event days however the key word is love.To suggest people break up over, as you put it “one stupid day” sounds like someone who is not interested in helping people stay together. To break up or be angry with someone who has come to the adult realization that love is not something you base on one day is criminal as well as immature.
So if you want to break up with us over one non-holy day that’s fine because now we know the other 350 plus days you were only pretending to be in love with us. -Daddy Soul
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I don’t care about the “origin” of Valentine’s Day. You men sure don’t complain about the “origins” of Father’s Day, or Super Bowl Sunday, now do you? Nor do you complain about the “origins” of Christmas, though everyone in the world knows that Christ was not born in December at all. Nope, you only bitch and complain when its the one day of the year that focuses on women more than it does you – single or married women, not mothers, just women. You come and write a whole paragraph bitching. But you know what? Your selfishness does not make the coochie wet.
A man that insists he is not going to do anything for his woman on Valentine’s Day should be left. She should abandon him with a quickness not because of Valentine’s Day, but because it means he is selfish and refuses to be giving, or to go out of his way to please his woman. It doesn’t HURT him to get her a card and flowers. It doesn’t HURT him in any way and instead would bring her pleasure and thus him some smiles and hugs and kisses. Him giving just to make her happy makes the coochie wet.
But that isn’t what you want, you want to be RIGHT! You want to have CONTROL! You want to deny a woman what she wants, and stubbornly refuse to make your woman happy just because you can. Then you want to get mad when she turns her back to you in bed and doesn’t want you to touch her with your cold hearted hands. That’s because your selfishness doesn’t make the coochie wet.
And for those guys that think like you, I say having a woman is not what you deserve. You don’t qualify for anything but the most desperate baby having uneducated gum popping hoochie with no standards or pride in herself. That is the type of woman you deserve, and the only type you should ever get.
@daddySoulpoll
This day is created to show your love for your significant other whether that be a man or a woman. A fool like you that would attribute a negative connotation on Valentine’s Day is an idiot that is probably not getting anything and if you are,she must be a desperate woman.
THAT INDIVIDUAL was marrying ROMAN SOLDIERS who were CHRISTIANS. at that time ROME didnt want their soldiers to MARRY but could have all the free sex at their temples. The shape of the heart, if you look closely, is two people sharing their wedding kiss. Maybe Valentine didnt invent the term’you may kiss the bride’ but this shows a little of it. the romans had to figure out a way to show where Valentine was, so they made the ‘kiss’ or heart symbol (its not a butt guys…LOL)Maybe this selfishness could be why women Years ago, didnt ‘give it up’..and liked guys who were crooners…it’s this c/Rap and c/Rock culture that RUINED IT
i love this article! so sad and yet so true!…i agree that its not only the men that should show affection ..sure the women should too! absolutely!…yes its a two way street…and to all the fellas that have been burned by the kind of women only wanting a ‘gift’ or bragging rites etc…all i can say is sure those kind of women are out there too!..youve run up on the wrong kind of woman!…there are truly sweet hot women out there that would appreciate it!~…so dont give up your chilvary just yet okay?…but from most of the post im reading?…the woman did/does buy the guy something…her only worry is that he wont and she will feel ‘hurt’ etc…think about it…
i totally agree with you Deborah…and im not a man hater either as some called you…i dont want to hear the crap about it just being ‘another day’ blah blah…no its not…sure its what happens the other days that matter most but Valentines is a day set aside to show love especially…and it dont have to ‘cost’ nothing!…a phone call a text a simple ‘Happy Valentines’…warms the heart…so what is the harm?…even if someone doesnt traditionally celebrate holidays…? that is no excuse!…perhaps a girl dieting may not of really wanted the guy’s well meaning box of chocolates..but it was the thought…and she will always know he tried and he did ‘something’!…not doing or saying Anything?…sucks beyond measure…and yes i think it does expecially for a woman because women are just geared that way…they look at it as…while the ‘world is celebrating love’ and all the love songs playing on the radio..their ‘man’ got them NOTHING? …how much worse can it honestly get?…to have someone and still feel SINGLE…! at least if your single the object of your desire may not do as you might have hoped…but at least you know not to expect anything…but to be coupled up and he do NOTHING…oh my God…come on men…you can do much better than that for your lady or even your lady ‘friends’…at least show some love…especially if they do you…hell me and my ‘only just friends’ did as much for each other…if you are a man and you have a lady? …and you did nothing…you should hang your head in shame…you are foolish and you WILL loose her eventually…dont say you werent told…smdh
what about just a simple ‘Happy Valentines Day Sweety’….would that cost him ANYTHING!…no i dont think so and sometimes that is ALL that is wanted or needed…just a simple acknowledgement…i am greatful for this article because you are 100% right about the ‘motivations’ for ‘NOT” doing anything..or even so much as acknowledging it!…they wont do it because its expected..and so they act like bafoons and wonder why thier woman leaves them for someone that isnt too ‘proud’ to show they care..may not happen THAT day or even the day after…but you can best believe that it is NEVER forgotten!…deep down they feel you dont really care enuf about them to acknowledge them at all !…and if continually repeated?…Guess what?..she wont Want you to do a damn thing to show you care…she wont want ANYTHING from you…you will be history…! Believe it or not?…but im telling you…women remember and love sentiments…not too many maybe..but come on…Valentines Day?…you men had better do ‘something’…and yes…women should also do something for their man as well…but that is not usually a problem normally because women thrive on displays of emotion love and sentiments…they welcome recieving them and they love giving them…so yes if a woman doesnt do that?…she either dont really give a crap about you?..or either she is just already is cold to your chill and she is not wasting her emotions or expectations on you anymore…and trust me…that is even worse….you are already ‘history’ she is only waiting for someone else to catch her eye her heart and her emotions…deep down she already knows that YOU totally SUCK!…sorry…but its the truth..but hey?…you still got your ‘pride’?…and you didnt give into…’conventialism’ and/or her expectations and hopes…you must feel so proud right about now..huh?..lol
Hey, a $1.50 rose is a good present along with a card; I bet these dudes wouldnt be this way if he had to EARN HER…..
It’s amazing that this feminista writer focused on the line of a qoute dealing with sex! The most important line of that quote should have been:”…not if these women wouldn’t reciprocate or initiate the same gestures.”.There are also women(more than you think) that wont take the same 60 seconds on that same one day to make their lover feel special as well because they too have been fooled into thinking it’s their day! It has become an internal competition amongst women for bragging rights to whose man is willing to do or spend more. And further more, if you really believe that Valentine’s Day is the one day set aside for making each other feel special (with the focus being the woman), you’re truly fucked. If you’re truly handling your business the other 364 days, then it truly is just another day! Quick question. What should men expect on Valentine’s Day?…….who’s the selfish ass now?!
@supreemhustle Hilarious she’s a feminist( ooh bad word lol) when she talks about a man putting effort into romancing a woman.It’s also funny you think women do nothing for their man on Valentine’s day. You know, like buying special lingerie, cooking a special meal, or a washing his feet. We do things for a man on that day and FYI if you actually read the article you’d realize she said you don’t have to spend a ton of money. just do something special.
I guess I have the advantage of dating a feminist. She thinks Valentine’s Day is pretty offensive. Men shouldn’t have special privileges just because of their gender, but conversely the idea that men should be saddled with such a one-sided obligation purely because they are men is silly to her.
Think about it: you never hear men talk about what they expect from their girlfriends on Valentine’s Day, nor do you ever hear women talk about what they plan to do for Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day is primarily a male responsibility.
So we decided that we would only celebrate it if we could do so in an egalitarian way. So it’s not about what I’m going to do, it’s about what we’re going to do. Most years we plan a special dinner and cook it together.
Neither of us ever complains about Valentine’s Day.
@Doogan I guess if many women expected their man to do something they would plan for Valentine’s day. I know if I did get surprised with a gift, I would reciprocate some way.
TRULY A great article and such a shame too… Im sadly looking at all these states converting over to making gay marraiges legal and like i said this is not good at all not if you follow what “GOD SAID”….COME’ON Men and Women why can’t we “Make it Last”!!! 50-60% divorce rates, breakups aft 10,20,30yrs…cheating, games, stupidity and nonsense…(all this lots of times because of LUST) VALENTINE’s Day is a fun day but it all comes down to what’s in the “heart”…..what’s in your heart…and ladies this is a 2-Way street as well…..MEN it is about ROMANCE(not the sheets all the time); WOMEN show appreciation…let him know you’re my HERO!
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Consider this….there’s plenty of freedom in NY, Calif, New Hampsh, Viermont…..