Why Are Parents Afraid of Their Teens?

. 12/27/2010 . 4 Comments

I have a 10 year old daughter and teen boys, 14 and newly 16. Now I’m an old fashioned parent. I raise my kids the way I was raised and I turned out fine. I own my own business and make a fair amount of money. So I’m not some hick or criminal.

I and my wife control our house, our kids do not! If we say no then no it is. Now my wife handles all discipline of our daughter (over the knee with hand), I have never spanked her, she a girl and she prefers her mom to do it, so we respect her wishes. I’m in charge of the boys.

Now we don’t use spanking as a first resort, it’s used only after talking to them, grounding, and privileges taken away, ect. Just last week I grounded my boys for curfew violations and their mom caught them sneaking back in the house threw a window at 1am. When she woke me up, I got my belt and tore their butts up (their too old for over the knee crap, I could still physically do that but I’m not out to embarrass them). They were crying their eyes out though and promising to behave better next time. Now I don’t beat them or anything. It always over pants and I don’t leave welts or bruises on them. So I’m within the guidelines of our area laws of “reasonable force without injury”.

One of my friends said he thought my boys were too old for spanking, but my way of thinking is when it is no longer effective then I’ll stop. My dad stopped whipping my butt when I was 17 when it didn’t hurt anymore (though at that age a spanking was very rare, by then I had learned to behave). Both of my boys still actually cry, so I think it’s still an attention getter when talking doesn’t work.

And for all you “violence causes violence” people, that’s bull. I’m not violent first off and second I never went up against my father, I was to scared and too much respect to do that. And my boys say “yes sir” to me so I doubt they would ever go up against me. I love my boys (I tell them that every single day), but they know they’d get their butts handed to them if they ever hit me and then I’d kick them out on their butts.

From what I have read, you are kind of a hard-ass yourself lady.  What do you think of my child-rearing program?

Signed,
Curious Dad

Dear Curious Dad:

I think there is no one answer for how to handle children. Parents have to know their own kids.

My three brothers were hard heads like your sons. Me though… all my father had to do was tell me he expected better from me and I would bawl like a baby. So if your sons push you to the limit, sneaking around and acting a fool and they already know what is coming, then to me it means that is what they wanted! An ass whuppin! And you politely obliged them, being the loving father that you are. 🙂

One thing I hate is that our nation is full of spoiled, whiny brats that are passing as adult males. It is just shameful that these boys are being coddled and spoiled by the mothers and not made to stand on their own and be responsible for being men of their word like real men should.

I think you are doing the right thing and I wish more fathers were as actively involved in raising their sons into males worthy of being called MEN.

Great job!

Deborrah

Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.

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