Single Black Men Insist on Open Marriages?
A suggestion came in from the Skribit box, asking me to explain the reasons why so many young, single Black men are insisting that their prospective bride agree to an open marriage – or no wedding.
I had not heard of this phenomenon, so I did a bit of research and some investigation. Sure enough, dozens of young Black men expressed the desire to have the freedom to sleep around if they were attracted to another woman, and would prefer to do it without having to lie to their wife about it.
Shocked, I asked each of them what the point was of even getting married then… why not just stay single and sleep around. “Well, I love her and that’s what she said she wanted” they replied.
Why would a woman want to marry a man that had no intention of providing her with true commitment I wondered. When a woman says she wants to get married, is that the marriage she envisions having? I made a mental note to look into that a bit deeper.
But not one to let some whippersnapper get the best of me, I was quick to retort: “Well if a guy proposed marriage to me and said we’d get married only if I agreed to an open marriage, I’d be thrilled!”
Now it was THEIR turn to be shocked.
I followed that up with “yeah, you have to realize that women’s sexuality has been hidden by rules, men and religion for generations. It’s nice to see a man that isn’t trying to keep the coochie in lockdown! I think that’s a GREAT idea and I’m just so relieved you brought it up first. I was wondering how it would be to be married and never get any other dyck the rest of my life but YOURS.”
Amazing how people stumbled and stuttered when they realized that sleeping around shit could go two ways. The light came on in their eyes when they realized that THEY might be the one sitting at home alone while their woman was in some other man’s bed while he was screaming her name.
Listen to my response in the following video. Enjoy!
Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Category: Women's Issues
lol; open marriage?? and i thought open relationships were too crazy…; only reason is see is lower tax
monogamy is a new western concept that doesn’t work. hence the billion dollar prostitution and porn industries, and high divorce rate etc
winner: “monogamy is a new western concept that doesn’t work”
Polyandry is actually an ancient practice (that because of Christian religion) is largely no longer practiced. The Maasai people of Africa practice it. Of course there is not much ‘talk’ about it. Media only focuses on polygamy (one man with multiple wives), they don’t like to expose that polyandry one woman with multiple husband has been and is in practice (albeit in a small number) but this is such an occurrence that’s happened in Asia, India and Tibet.
Monogamy works fine for some people who are committed to putting the time/energy/work into keeping their marriage ‘alive’ and healthy. A marriage is a living ‘breathing’ unit that takes nurturing.
As long as that goes both ways and both parties want it, then like I said, its not a problem.
I wonder are there any stats in place that show it actually going ‘both ways’ and working out successfully for both parties.
This is non-sense and just a way for people to have their cake and eat it too without any accountability for their actions. If you want to be able to go out there and do your thing with other people why not just stay single? That’s what single means…. unattached, free, ready to mingle.
I would immediately know that they aren’t for me if they suggested something like this. I’d have to throw up the deuces and go on about my business.
Im so tired of people trying to redefine this sacared covenant.How is that a man/women would think they are not good enough for their spouse?
Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES would I ever agree to this nonsense.Were more than enough for each other & if my spouse can’t see that during courtship,he ain’t the one…
Marriage is not supposed to be ‘open.’ This was the original lie created by a selfish, ignorant, egocentric man. People followed and believed the lie because they are also selfish. Now we live in a dysfunctional world. Nice.