Why Black Women Put Professional Black Men on ‘NIGNORE’
Men write me frequently to get my take on why Black women complain that they “can’t find a good Black man” or “can’t find a Black man on my level” when they are surrounded by educated, professional Black men. It made me wonder too. Why a guy, with all the outward appearances of a highly desirable catch (college educated, established, an “on point” Black man) would be passed over by women for romance and marriage. Well, I have some answers.
Them men I’ve come across the past couple of years are frustrated and angry at women for rejecting them. Why? Because the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow they thought would be there isn’t. The reward they believed they would get at the completion of their struggles to achieve financial stability, own their own home, become college educated, be a good guy and not dog out women, and establish a viable and legitimate career has not happened.
They made themselves into the man that was the opposite of what women complained about. But somehow they still get rejected by women, even while doing everything they are “supposed to do.” Therefore, the problem must be that women don’t know how to pick a man or recognize the man that is what women claimed to want.
In my latest video (a two part series entitled “Why Black Women Put Professional Black Men on ‘Nignore’), I explain exactly what it is that women are looking for in a romantic, committed relationship. Listening to this video series will provide you with answers and why many of these educated, professional Black women would rather have a less accomplished, undereducated man by their side than you all.
Part 1
Part 2
Deborrah
Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Author of hundreds of articles on American and black culture, gender issues, singles, dating and relationships. Author of "Sucka Free Love!" , "The 24 Types of Suckas to Avoid," "The Black Church - Where Women Pray and Men Pray," and "Why Vegan is the New Black" all available on Amazon.Com. Her unique voice and insightful commentary have delighted fans and riled haters for 20 years. Read her stuff on SurvivingDating.Com and AskHeartBeat.Com.
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Category: Men's Issues
@cp3 Very well said!!!!
Shrug.
“Stay alone then.”
I know I’m not the only black man to watch a black woman come across a professional Black man and immediately start competing with him to prove who’s diploma is bigger. Same with black women being vocal as far as how much his education may be worth,.. or having the nerve to tell the man how to handle his career when they have no schooling in what he does.
These women seem to want the black man to be humble when they themselves are not. They seem to think that their having a degree makes them immensely attractive to professional men.
Since most men are NOT wired that way, they find themselves left out in the cold.
All stereotypes with large lumps of truth.
Instead of taking this opportunity to have convo on this topic, I’m reading a sneering rendition of “I don’t need a black man who won’t kiss my ass because I gots an education.”
TSK.
JHoward002
You show me a “successful” single Black woman, I’ll shine light on her and show you that she is more trouble betterment of a man’s physically health, mentally health, and financially health. They gravitate to the thugs, low-life, and users, because these men do not place realistic expectations on to them.
Women and men view “success” differently, because their wants and desires are different. Men are required to be able to take care of his family in the way of being a provider, women are required to show their ability to be good caretakers. When a “successful” women is asked what her idea of a “successful” man is, they list all the qualities of that of a man who will be able to provide for her, then you ask that of a man he will list all the qualities of that of a woman who will be able to what he is able to provide, nurture it, and use it as a means of taking care of herself and their offsprings.
I posed this question to a group of ladies during a Black male and female dating summit.
“You have two men, one is 39 years of age, single, who recently graduated from law school and has been in the profession for about 2 years. You have another male who is 39 years of age and has been with the City of ________(fill in the city as you please) for 14 years and has been a member of the Army National Guards since the age of 18. Which one do you feels is “successful”?
Out of a room of about 50 females, over 75% felt that the attorney was more successful in their eyes.
That alone sets the stage as to why “Successful” black men get put on ignore.
This is all nonsense. It really is.
Some Black women are confused and upset because they
Do not know how to choose. I don’t buy any of it. It is a silly mindset that some of us have. It is 2015…..time to grow up. The “I’d rather be by myself logic” or the “I’d rather pick a criminal logic” is plain silly. It just screams that one is unfledged and self hating. Why would you not want a man who is educated and set up? Why live a mediocre life and not have much? It is THIS ???? type of thinking as to why the Black men don’t go to school or church. This is why most of us as a people are second class. Black women have got to stop bashing their men.
I don’t know about you, but the brothers I meet with these accomplishments generally don’t want a black woman unless she has pinkish-yellow skin, long wavy hair and green eyes, or at a minimum, light skin. I also find they have NO interest in professional black women. They want light women who either have no better than a college degree in macrame, or who have a career they’re willing to put on a shelf in order to have the free time to worship that man. There, they face stiff competition, because they have to understand that sadly, 90 percent of black men prefer light-skinned women, and these women are being pursued by dozens of men at a time. I had one light-colored friend who was no better than average looking (okay, on the low-side of average). We’d walk down the street together and brothers were walking into oncoming traffic staring at her, asking for her number, you name it. None of my white male friends found her remotely attractive, but brothers? Insane in the membrane.
A lot of these pforessional brothers guys have deep-seated racist feelings toward black people. The whole concept that they’re worth more than other black men is inherently racist. It’s just a matter of time before they’re looking at you thinking, “Umhumm. She got braids in her hair today. I’m not going to be seen in public with THAT.” Black women sense that. If you’re black, you can smell racism a mile away, even if it IS coming from another black person.
You’ll notice these men have NO PROBLEM marrying white women who have very little going for themselves, though.
This long straight hair thing is especially problematic for African American women with the studies that have been released recently showing a possible causal relationship between early puberty, fibroid tumors, and the chemicals in hair relaxers. So many black women have painful fibroid tumors which require surgical removal to prevent hemorraging, and sometimes removal of the entire uterus, rendering the woman sterile. Is it worth all that to have straight hair? I think these studies would require follow up studies but the fact that the high percentage of women using relaxers also have fibroids is too scary to dismiss.
Study Causes Hair Scare About Tumors
New Studies Link Relaxers to Fibroids and Early Puberty in Black Females
COONERY AT ITS FINEST!!
Yes PLH you are a BUFFOON and full of COONERY, SHUFFLING, AND JIVING which is why your dumb butt is put on NIGNORE!
I just wanted to add that I personally do not come across women that say “A good man is hard to find.” I believe that to be a cliche and a scapegoat that single men frequently say. Where are all of you hearing that other than blogs, movies, and television? I find good candidates for partners but when it’s all said and done people make choices to be with a person based on what their individual needs and likes and dislikes are and when you try to put everyone in a box they never all fit. Not even on a miniscule basis. Introspection is definately key!
These are interesting posts. My mind was made up before I came to this site about how I feel about the topic but nonetheless, its nice to see that I am not the only one who has come across such pompous, arrogant, self-centered, professional men that think they are gods gift. I know one who has it tatood on his back! He told me that women need to recognize that it’s hard to find good men becuase men that are good catches have the pick of the litter and are playing around because they can. I did mention to hin that if they are playing around then they don’t qualify as a good catch. I think? he heard me? I’m not sure. By the way, he and I were not talking about relationships. I don’t know why he felt the need to tell me in the first place. Judge me if you ant to but he happens to be a great adult play partner for me and was really shocked he thought he was such a great catch. Poor little cheater. Oh well. Men, I personally don’t like arrogant men who don’t treat me like a queen and not because they think they should, because they think of me as a queen. You can’t learn that in school.
You know, Miss Cooper… a lot of men say that having a career doesn’t necessarily mean that a woman will make a great (or even good) wife and lifetime partner. Particularly this happens to be the viewpoint of more than a few professional Black men, and I’m inclined to agree with that.
But, women are more than likely thinking the same thing when it comes to finding a man or future husband. They’re just looking for someone to enjoy, we all are.